This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Friday, September 17, 2010

You are all TOO kind!

Lanie over at Healthy Schmealthy was nice enough to present me with this lovely pink award. Thanks Lanie! Rules say I have to pass this on to 6 other bloggers :

1.Phil, at Couch Potato to 10K. A recent discovery, newbie to all this and doing great!
2. Alan, at Pounds Off Playoff. Fellow sports addict
3. My buddy, Shane, at Losing it For the Family.
4. Glenn, at Fifty Five and Fat
5.Crazy fat girl
6. Loosing Harry, has been gone but is back! Yeah!

and answer the following question:

"If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?"

WOW. That's a really hard question. I've been thinking about this since I started seeing this award circulating. I don't know the answer. I just don't. I considered the big ones:

Would I be a doctor? Yes. I don't really see me doing anything else. It is my calling.

Would I get married? In a heart beat. From the first date, he was the one. We've had rocky times and it is by no means easy, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Would I have kids? Absolutely. I love being a Mom. Again it is demanding and draining and frustrating. But, when they wrap their arms around you and say, "I love you Mommy. You're the best Mommy in the whole world." It's all worth it. OR EVEN, "Hey Mom. You're cool" Which is what my nearly 13 yr old son told me this morning.

Would I have started my own practice, gone solo? This is the only one where, maybe the answer is no. I have a partner now and a Nurse Practitioner. I am in a call group. The medicine side is peachy, nice really. But, the business side is hard. Really hard. Especially right now. I don't know that I would do this again, especially in this economic climate. I might just go to work for some mega-group and let them write me a paycheck. On the other hand, if I want the morning off to go to my kid's school, I take it. I I want a week in Boston or whatever, I take it. I don't need permission to take a long lunch. I don't need big meetings to decide whether to buy a new copier. I guess the end result is that I'm pretty happy with my career.

Soooo....What about the little things? Sure there are things or instances where I could've done things better. I could have gotten this health thing figured out in college or better yet, high school. But, who would I be now? Would I still be me? I don't know. And I like me. I like my grumpy yet sarcastic and snarky sense of humor. I like my compassion for others and people that are different that being an outcast brought me. I like that I understand what being poor is since I was raised by a single mom and an absent dad. I like that I don't get embarrassed easily since I have the goofiest BFF EVER and if I want to dance or laugh or giggle or say something silly, I do it. I like that I try to see the best in people, even when I shouldn't. I even like that I'm not overly trusting. It means I have a small and very tight circle of amazingly supportive friends and family.

I guess this question has made me realize just how much I've accepted my past, even the really bad stuff that has happened to me. I guess it has made me understand that all of that got me here, the good, the bad and the ugly. I like here. And it has made me see that I really have turned my gaze to the NOW and the future. I don't frett about the past or things that have happened to me. I can't change it. I can only change today and tomorrow. That's what I'm working on. So, I guess the answer is NO. I wouldn't change anything in my life.

There's only thing I would consider and, of course, it would change everything else and so many people's lives, my whole family and many, many others. I would make 2 phone calls the Evening of April 18th, 1995. I would call my "uncle" Steve and "uncle" Jerry ( both cousins really, but so much older than me that they were more like uncles). I would tell them not to go to work the next day. They worked in the federal building in Oklahoma City. They were killed in the bombing with so many others that day.

Steve was father figure to me. Dad of my favorite girl cousin, Jenni that I played with constantly, sleep overs and Barbie dolls. He was funny and playful, and serious and sweet. And, Jerry a quiet guy who was the silent prankster of the family. I had Easter dinner with him and his family the Sunday before the bombing, 3days later he was gone.

Of course, neither of them would have listened. They were deeply religious and wouldn't have let others get hurt while they stood by. And, what of all the 166 other victims and their families? It is an event that changed so many things from politics to the way we view terrorism. So if I could, would I stop that bombing from happening? Yes. But........of course I can't.

And that is why, my friends, that we must not try to re-think or re-live our past. We must accept ourselves, our choices, our family, our circumstances. We may not understand them, but we must learn to live the best life we can with what we have. Spend our time enjoying today, being thankful for what we have, and trying to make our future as bright as we can.


  1. Congratulations on your award. Great post with a great perspective about life and regrets.

  2. Oh yeah, look at that award, looking so cool on you!

    I was in OK CIty a couple of years ago and visited the memorial facilities there; quite moving to say the least. Very moving.

    Enjoy your weekend.

  3. Your posts keep getting better and better. You are in a great spot with your life and what you are doing with it. I agree, the good, the bad and the indifferent of our past is what makes us who we are. I am glad for all of us that you are invested in this blogging thing. Reading your posts is like having a conversation with someone who is smart, funny, passionate, insightful, considerate, honest,compassionate unabashed and seemingly fearless (that would be you, of course). Have a great weekend! Michele

  4. Thanks for the award. I'm not sure how I'd respond to the prompt. Recently, one of the cable networks showed all 3 Back to the Future movies and I watched them with my sons (10 and 7). Your response embodies a major theme - that you just can't change the past, because it would change the future. Too dangerous. People are who they are supposed to be. I'm still not sure I believe that, though. Couldn't I be myself and have started eating healthy ten years ago? But I guess when it comes right down do it, it's not at all productive to think about.

  5. Thanks for thinking of me with the award. That's nice of you.

  6. I just found your blog, and I wanted to say that I can really relate to this post. As a person with a very painful past (all too common) I have often told myself that the best way to overcome old hurts is to live life to the fullest right now. I don't always achieve this, but it is someting to aspire to.



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