I am so discouraged. I am frustrated and I don't feel good. I am tired of feeling this way. At least I have only a week until the surgery and I can get on with my life. I ate well yesterday. I was under budget. I gained a pound. It is soooo frustrating for me. Maybe my body is holding on to all the calories since I am sick? I don't know but I'm frustrated.
For me right now the mental game is hard to play. There is that nagging voice in me that is screaming that there is no use and I should just eat what I want. I should just put this whole thing on hold for a while until I feel better. But, I don't want to gain any more weight. I worked so hard to get where I am. With every pound I think, another week farther from my goal. And with every thought like that, the seeds of doubt are planted that I'll never make it to goal anyway.
I want to run. There is a part of me that feels like there is an alien in me. It is so foreign to have these thoughts. I want to run. I want to lift weights. I want my elliptical. WHAT? A few months ago this never even entered my mind. I've never pined for exercise. In fact I've done everything I could to avoid it. But, here I am wishing for it. Wanting it. Craving it. More than a pizza. More than ice cream. More than chocolate. More than peanut butter cookies hot from the oven with an ice cold glass of milk which is my absolute favorite thing in the whole wide world. Or at least it used to be.
Huh.
So. I guess that change your brain crap I've been preaching is real. I guess I've found my NSV for today. I needed one. Badly.
Today I will move forward and past the disappointment on the scale. I have a lunch meeting and a meeting after work. I will focus on my work and drink my water. I will go home and deal with kids and homework and dishes and all the other Mommy stuff. I will eat when I should and choose the right things. And that will be enough for me for today. It has to be.
Doc, I linked to you on my blog today and said a few kind words. Check it out!
ReplyDeleteI do hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteYou will be running before you know it.
Keep hanging in there. You're managing during adversity and that speaks to your level of commitment. I expect you'll recover quickly post surgery and be back into exercising in no time.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Doc, like you said, surgery is just around the corner.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon.
yeah, I'm there too - with this hurt back and not doing anything for 2 weeks - it's depressing. told my b/f just a few minutes ago I want to go and play some light tennis even though I want to cry because of my back. what's the recovery time again after the surgery? when can you go back to your regular routine?
ReplyDeleteAs we all know especially the older we get life is about challenges and how we choose to deal with them.. Sounds like you have your game face on Doc.. you know the surgery is coming up.. you know your body is not that happy right now but your mind is getting the idea that after you recover freedom will be yours.. that you will make time to exercise.. You know now that by eating right you help your body.. I know it is hard what with a career, a family and everything pulling at you.. everything pulling at us.. but in the long run .. those things that pull at us.. makes all this worthwhile.. lifestyle changes .. getting strong.. its all good..so very good..by the way i had a stoned gallbladder .. had just completed nutri system and my body apparently rebelled.. had the stones and the gallbladder removed.. had to make a lot of eating adjustments I could eat no fruit or raw veggies or lettuces for about 6 months.. apples were my worst enemy and god forbid I should eat anything containing any type of fat.. the bathroom was my best friend for a long time.. I had the easier laproscopic surgery back in 1993... I am sure you know just be mindful of what you eat.. ( I saved my stones for about 6 months a friend wanted to see them lol) ... to think my body created those jagged little crystaly things..uk.. the best thing about my surgery was that I knew most of the nurses because I worked in the childcare facility at the hospital at that time... so it made a scary thing ( first medically necessary surgery) a lot easier..
ReplyDeleteI think you're dealing remarkably well with not being able to do as you please and having to put your exercise goals on hold...but try and remember that it's a loooong road we're all on, and a few weeks isn't even a blip on the map. Besides which, the gain or loss of just 1 lb is said to be part of everyday normal body activity depending on time of day...so don't sweat it, doc.
ReplyDeleteYou shall run again, oh yes!
OK, bring your scientific brain to the table, so to speak. Remember the scale is a crappy (technical terms here) indicator of fat loss prone to fluctuations that have zilch to do with how you are doing with your healthy plan. Reflect back on all those inches you have lost. (Also screw the BMI - also not a sensitive indicator of body fat).
ReplyDeleteFocus on preparing you (and your family) for upcoming surgery and recovery. Post frequently, even through your Vicodin haze. We will be here for you, especially those of us who have gone through the same procedure.
You are just preparing for weight maintenance while your body takes a detour to heal itself from the damage about to be inflicted by the surgeon. ;)
All joking aside, I am here rooting you on!
Jan
All most all of this whole weight loss thing is the mental game. And you are winning that game!
ReplyDeleteYour body is focusing its energy on being sick, on the pain you are feeling, on trying to overcome the stones that have intruded upon your organs. It's not thinking about weight loss -- your body has other stuff on its mind today. Be patient with it -- in a week you will be back on track and feeling loads better.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Doc. You will get it back, not the wight, but the ability to pound it out on your elliptical and run. You know yourself this is only temporary. It is your "sick" self talk talking. Slay that dragon voice, doc. You will get past this. Michele
ReplyDeleteWe always want what we can't have, as they say! I know this is really difficult for you, but it will be over in a few weeks. Hang in there, you'll get through it. It's only a temporary setback.
ReplyDeleteHi! New here, but enjoying catching up on your posts. Looking forward to following along. You've made some wonderful progress already! I'm just starting out - with weight loss and with blogging. Hope you'll stop by for a visit to me too, because I need all the support I can get. Thanks for putting it all out there!
ReplyDeletewww.fathairday.blogspot.com
You know Doc, if it wasn't you, I would be worried about this set back for you. But honestly, as bad assed and attitude laden as you are, I am not the least bit worried. Not even a little. So, don't fret. The best Doc is yet to come!!!!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, girl. You know you're sick. You've eaten under your calories, but not your regular fare. You're not feeling good and you're sick. Give it some time. You've come sooo far and will pick it up again, I promise. Congrats on your NSV!
ReplyDeleteHang in there Doc. I know it's frustrating right now but isn't it great that you're craving exercising instead of junk? As so many have said, so much of this is mental. And when you change your attitude towards food and exercise, the weight will come off easier. Once you've recovered from surgery, you'll get back on track. Just stay focussed in the meantime and don't give up.
ReplyDelete