This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


I had a great weekend. Busy, but great. I did get a little much needed rest. I spent some time with family and that was wonderful. I even got in some exercise. Now I'm back at work and with end of month, blech.

Friday we spent the evening at my youngest daughter's pre-K graduation. It was very cute with songs they sang and tiny caps and gowns. She was so proud and we were proud of her. Then we had a movie on the lawn in the neighborhood. So we packed up some drinks and sandwiches for the kiddos and watched Toy Story 3 outside with the neighbors. Kids had a great time watching the movie and chasing lightning bugs. It was a perfect night for it with mild temps and a nice breeze.

Saturday morning, son went to the historic cemetery in town with his boy scout troop to place flags on all the veterans graves. The girls and I headed to Target to buy gifts for the 2 bday parties they were to attend. I got the gifts and then the girls dropped off at their respective shin digs. What to do with 1.5 hours of free time? To the gym of course!  I headed over to the gym only to regret it. THE CROWDS. Unknown to me, there was an open house and pool party going on. BOO! I had planned to do elliptical and then swim some laps, but I ended up doing double the time on the machine. TOO busy to do much else.

Then I picked up the girls and home we went. I had bought an art project (decorate your own flip flops) for the girls and while they spent an hour doing that, I chilled out reading my book on the sofa. Son was with his troop making coleslaw and pies for the big picnic on Monday.

Saturday evening, the kids hopped in the pool as the temp is finally warm enough. I was very glad to see pool season start. I love the evenings in the pool playing with the kids under the stars. However, Saturday my fatigue got the best of me and I went to bed early, like 8pm. I slept until 11am Sunday! I left out the part where I think I was hit by a 24 hour bug. I had diarrhea all day. Boo!

Sunday I crawled out of bed late, still feeling a bit bad. I ate some breakfast and then laid around until the afternoon. I had to get a new fridge for the office and it was tax free energy star weekend. So off to Sears I went. After Sears,  I took the girls to see Kung Fu Panda 2 and we enjoyed it immensely. Once we got home, I felt better and got in the pool for a bit although it didn't take much and I was tired. Son spent the whole night with the troop up all night cooking brisket for the picnic.

Every year, there is a Memorial Day picnic, community wide and free, prepared by my son's troop. They've been doing this for like 27 years. There's a ceremony to honor veterans and then they serve free lunch. The troop supplies brisket and the boy scouts cook beans and coleslaw, cobblers and pies.  Monday morning early, we picked son up, brought him home for a shower, finished his beans, cooked his cobbler and then back to the cemetery we went for the ceremony.

Son was picked for the honor guard for the boy scouts which was very cool and an honor. I was proud of him and proud to be spending the day honoring those who've died for our freedom. We spent Memorial Day this year doing what we're supposed to do on this holiday. It's not just about picnics and BBQ, although we had that to. But, we had some great conversation with our kids about what the day REALLY means.

I weighed in and did not lose any weight. Well, I lost .6 pounds. I figure I was retaining fluid from the GI bug and all the sleep the day before. I'm hoping to see under 190 after this week. I weighed 192, so I'm very close.

Work work work today as it is end of month and I am behind, but such is my life. Tonight is the Mavs game and I'll be up late watching. I hate Miami so much. I'm hoping the Mavs can seek revenge for 5 years ago. I want them to win sooooo badly.

I hope you all had a good weekend. I'm here trying to catch up on my reading and commenting.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Yawn! and DUH!

Today I've been thinking a lot about why I'm so tired this week and why the scale isn't moving this week. I realized that these two things are likely connected. I've not been sleeping well. I've been up late watching NBA games and even on nights when I'm in bed, my sleep has not been as good.

This has led me to feel more tired during the day and less likely to feel like working out. I realized today that for several reasons I haven't been working out much. I worked out on Monday, but a lighter workout than usual. I missed TKD class Tuesday at noon due to running late at work. That evening was a band event for my son and Tornado night so I missed class that evening and didn't get to workout. Wednesday I had a meeting a lunch and I overslept so no workout. Yesterday morning, same story and again I ran too late to make it to TKD at noon!

So there I was trying to motivate myself and wondering why I'm so tired. Earlier I was wondering why the scale isn't moving. DUH! No sleep and No exercise. No wonder the scale isn't moving. Even after all this time of eating right, exercising and healthy living, I still have to remind myself not to fall into old patterns.

In the past I was always too tired to workout. I have realized over the last year that without exercise, I will be consumed by fatigue. These are things I tell my patients all the time, but sometimes I have to mentally slap myself as a reminder.  When you exercise, you raise levels of serotonin in the brain. This improves your mood, and improves your sleep. Without proper sleep, your brain craves more carbs, and your appetite increases. Without exercise, and sleep, AND proper food, my chances for success are much less. It takes all the pieces to that puzzle for me to function well and lose weight. Why do I keep forgetting this?

It goes to show you that you have to be on guard. Monitor yourself. Pay attention to your body. It's awfully easy to fall back in to old behavior patterns.  So last night I left work to meet the kids at TKD. My daughter and I are the same belt rank now which means we can attend the same class. She thinks it's hilarious for mommy to be in her group. I had a great sweaty workout and a good night's sleep. I woke up this morning feeling still tired, but definitely improved.

Today I have lots going on. My little one is graduating from pre-school and she is quite excited. My middle one has her end of year celebration and program today. She'll be a second grader next year. And the big one? Well......he's 13 and 1/2 and that says it all. He'll be a big shot 8th grader next year. They grow up so fast.
It will be hard for me to get in any exercise today, but I'm going to try to squeeze something in, even if it is a short walk with the kids.

I hope you are all staying on your guard and listening to your body. Are you someone who needs a lot of sleep or a non-sleeper like my husband? He needs WAY less sleep than me to be happy. Is there something your body is telling you lately? Are you listening?

AND....GO MAVS! So excited for the finals!!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hodge podge for Tuesday and a few pics....

Such a busy day yesterday and such a busy day today. I'm super tired, but can't quit. Wish I could take a nap.  Finding it hard on focusing on a post today, so I'll just muddle through best I can.

The weekend was good. You've already figured out that the rapture was a bust. I did however get to avoid Chuck E Cheese so I was nearly as happy as if it had happened. I ended up at the gym for a workout and while I was tired about 40 on the elliptical I felt great. It was easy after that workout to pass on the cupcake that was offered when I picked up the girls.

Sunday we took the kids to Scarborough Faire which is a Medieval festival for the Dallas area every April and May. This is the first year we've made it. For 12 years since moving here we've had intentions of going there, but never actually been able to for one reason or another. It was a lot of fun. Think Medieval Times on Steroids. The place is HUGE with rides (all of which are built with ropes and wood, no mechanical rides. Pretty cool actually.) We watched the Fire whip show and knife throwing and Jesters and Jousting. The kids had a blast. There was one ride that was basically a giant bungee and trampoline where you could jump way high in the air. I wanted to do it, but the weight limit is 180 pounds and they weighed you first. So now I have a goal for next year. By then I should be well under that limit. We did a ton of walking and that was good exercise! But it was hot and I think I did not drink enough water. Still catching up.
My daughter on the fun jumping ride thingy. Yes, you jumped WAY high in the air

Yesterday I went to my daughter's field day in the morning. WHY they have to do it on a Monday I do not understand. But, after the guilt, "But, Mommy, you went to all of brother's field days and you didn't come to mine last year and that means you've never ever been to MY field day." Great. So how do you explain that Mommy's office is busy on Monday and last year was the first year they did it on a stupid Monday? You don't. You bite the bullet and just take off so that's what I did. 

She had a great time and enjoyed getting wet in the water games and playing all morning with her friends. Poor teachers. I have no idea how they got through the rest of the day with those kids all hopped up on fun from the morning. I am glad I went. I spent the morning manning a station with Spooners which is not the weirdo thing that popped in my head, but actually a curved board that looks like a surf board and is used on grass to slide around and balance on. I actually enjoyed it a lot and it was good exercise, good core work. I spent about 2 hours on the things showing kids how and such. I really need to get one for our house. It would be a blast on our hill in the back yard!

I weighed in for Allan's challenge yesterday and I was 192. That's 2 pounds down last week. That's a total loss of 82 pounds from my highest weight and 58 since starting this blog. I am enjoying the challenge, but have to keep reminding myself that the challenge is to stay on the plan. The challenge isn't just to lose weight. It is to stay on the plan.  Of course the plan is designed to be a balanced and healthy weight loss diet. Who am I to tinker or question it? I'll admit it is easier now that the menu is more varied to be tempted to substitute here or there or think about eating additional food here and there. I think the temptations have been greater for me now than in that first very restrictive time. Granted I am on plan, but I'm finding it harder in some ways now. I also found my water intake slipping a bit, so I've been watching that the last few days. That helps a ton with cravings.

My husband asked me why I find it necessary to eat what I'm told when I could eat whatever I want if it's equally nutritious. My answer was that I joined this challenge and I want to try to follow the rules. But, also it's about denying my cravings and teaching me that food should not be my focus. I should be thinking less about food and my options and more about more important things in my life.  It's about showing myself that I don't really need to eat as much as I once thought and to prove to myself that I can keep structure with my diet.

Friday I wore a new outfit and I have to say that I felt looked pretty good. Size 14 pants and size large shirt and I could almost wear the size 12 pants.

Been up late still watching the NBA games. HOLY COW the Mavs came back last night from the biggest deficit ever to win in OT in game 4 of their playoffs with OKC. SO glad I didn't go to sleep when they were so far down with 4min in regulation play as I was tempted to do. I missed TKD class today, ran late at lunch. I have a band thing for my son tonight, so likely no exercise today unless you count running from the Tornadoes everyone is predicting for tonight. We're on the southern edge of those buggers, but my Oklahoma friends and family are buckling down. Hopefully everyone will be safe. We'll keep a sharp eye on the sky tonight!

Alright, that's enough randomness for one day and just about gets you all caught up on what's up with me. Keep on working toward your goals. Never give up!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Thank goodness it's Saturday.

Yesterday sucked. Sorry, but there's no other word for it. I got to work early hoping to get some work done, but I didn't get enough done. Then my Mom got sick and had to go home early (see works for me). Poor thing. I think she got food poisoning.

I was very busy in the office. I had complicated patients and difficult patients. Then I had to run to the bank at lunch. Then I had to run home. Then I had to drive to our satellite office. The office was packed. The weather was horrible. Thunderstorms, rain, hail, wind. That means our internet was an issue which means we spent much of the afternoon with no computers. Can I just say how much that sucks? Now that we have all our charts in the computer we're virtually paralyzed without them. I was triple booked and that means I was behind anyway. AH!

I was supposed to have a meeting at lunch with my Mom/office manager and insurance person, but with Mom sick, that got canceled.  Which is fine except I didn't pack my workout bag (the one time I forget!) so I couldn't go to the gym. Ugh.  Instead I worked through lunch and then went to the bank.

On top of all that, I had a migraine from the storm fronts moving in and by the time I got home I was miserable. We watched a little TIVO and then to bed. I've been tired from these late night NBA games. I needed the rest. But, it also means I had work to this morning when I got up.

I'm eating on plan and so far it's going ok. Am I hungry? Yes. Am I ignoring it? Yes. Drink more water.

Today the girls have a bday party to attend at the HELL that is Chuck E Cheese's. I hope that the rapture occurs before then, but if not I intend to drop them off and go to the gym for an hour. Much rather be pumping iron and sweating than listening to that racket. Plus I need to workout which I didn't do this morning since I had to catch up work from yesterday.

Tonight is the Mavs game. Go Mavs! So that's the sum total for plans for me today. Short and sweet and I'm just glad the weekend is finally here.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

A MAVelous day and.....KNIFE!

I'm so super tired today. These NBA playoffs are killing me. Of course last night I was at a meeting until 10pm. Then I got home and watched highlights from the game and then I got to bed. Tonight there's a Mavs game and I'm wondering how in the world I'll be able to stay awake. I see coffee in my future because I'm not missing it. Yes. I'm that big of a sports nut.

Speaking of sports. One of our OU players died today. So very sad. Really thinking of their family today. Such a huge loss and he was so young.

Yesterday would have been my cousin's 40th birthday. I guess it bothered me more than I realized. I didn't really talk about it all day, but it was weighing heavily on me. I had planned a gift and funny card for him. We were always teasing each other about our age. There were 4 months of the year I was 2 years older than him and he was ALWAYS teasing me about it. Still so hard to believe he's gone.

I went to TKD today although I was very tired. I also woke up with a headache which didn't help.  After class I felt better, but still tired. At least we didn't have to do push ups today. I'm still sore from earlier in the week.  We worked on kicking drills and forms. Then we did our form with our eyes closed. Interesting.  Really helps your balance. At least I didn't fall down.

I'm eating on plan and I'm on track for a decent loss. It is hard,not impossible. It certainly seems to be working so far so I'll stick with it. Excited that chicken is on the menu tonight.  You know you've lost weight when your little old lady with memory loss realizes you've lost weight. It must really show. Either that or she remembers me fatter than I was. Ha ha.

I went to Kohl's and bought a few new clothes a while back. Gonna have to be sure and try them on from now on and wear them pretty quickly. The dress I bought about a month ago fits still, but barely. It's getting pretty loose. What's really cool is being able to go in, pick something out and buy it without trying it on, knowing it will fit.  This week I went and bought capri jeans and a couple of shirts without trying them on. They fit great, size 14. I'm getting close to being able to wear some 12s. I even have a couple of shirts that are size Large. Which is great considering my um........bra size. :)

Warning. Female talk ahead........

And speaking of bra size,(this is wear the guys might want to skip down.) I'm getting ready to have to buy new sports bras again and they are expensive. So worth it, but expensive. I wear the ones from Moving Comfort. I have a couple of Enell and I like those also, but they are harder to get on and show with lower cut shirts, like my TKD uniform. Plus their bras seem to squish the girls together and sometimes they spill out the top, especially with the jumping and bending and squatting we do at TKD.  I'm happy to have the size come down though, so I won't complain.

(ok guys. You can read again)

Anyway. I'm headed home soon and after dinner I'll be getting kids to bed as early as possible. The game starts at 8pm and I'll TIVO it. By the time I get done with the kids we'll be far enough ahead to skip commercials, at least for a bit.  I'm a little frustrated our games are on ESPN. I prefer to TNT guys. That way you get King Charles Barkley who is hilarious and generally right on with his commentary. AND he's predicted the Mavs will win, so he gets my affection. Mainly I love him because you never know what he's going to say and the other guys on the broadcast always get this look on their faces when he starts to go off on one of his tangents that cracks me the hell up.

I wish I had something inspiring to write about today, but same old stuff mostly. OH!......I learned 2 of my knife defenses today. So now if someone attacks me with a knife I'll have hope of fighting them off.  I love learning that stuff. Anger issues? Paranoia? Either way, it's fun.

OK I suppose that's enough rambling for today. Stay strong and never give up!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I'm HUNGRY! and NO I'm not giving in

Just a quick post today.

I'M HUNGRY!  I don't know if it's eating real food or what, but I'm hungry today. Didn't help that lunch was baked potatoes and mac and cheese and salads and cute little mini bundt cakes brought into the office. NONE of which I ate, but ALL of which looked awesome. I ended up going home for a while and eating on plan but I'm still hungry and trying not to think about it. Just drank some more water.

I'm not exercising today. I'm so freaking sore from my two rigorous workouts on Monday and Tuesday so today I'm resting. I have a board meeting tonight and I had to dress like a "real person", ie no scrubs. There's just something that irritates me about dressing in nice clothes, getting undressed to exercise, and having to shower and get dressed again. I should have worked out this morning, but AGAIN with the so freaking sore thingy.

There's no shame in a day of rest,right?

I wonder if no exercise is why I'm hungry today or if it's just my body adjusting to real food again? Anyway, I'm fighting it and ignoring it, but it makes me crabby. So this is what Allan's always talking about, eh?


I've been reading and commenting some today and as usual it helps. I wish I had something profound to write about today, but I don't. Only thing I can say is, some days you breeze through and others you struggle more. Today I've been faced with a bunch of temptation. I've had to remind myself why I'm doing this. I've had to argue with myself about why "just one taste" DOES hurt.  So you see we all go through this. Even now after 80 pounds lost, I struggle. Sigh......

That's ok though. There's no shame in the struggling. There's only shame in the quitting which I will NEVER do.

For me ONE TASTE can set of a binge of biblical proportions. ONE cookie-not a good idea. ONE dinner roll. ONE piece of pie. ONE scoop of ice cream. ONE sip of Coke.  All of which sound like it should be ok, but it's the cravings that come AFTER that I hate. You see I always want more. Always. And even if I watch it and eat good healthy food sometimes it's hard for me to maintain control. So for me I reserve these "just one" episodes for very very very very very very rare things. Like pretty much never. Don't fool yourself. Just "one bite" does a LOT of damage. I can't tell you how many pounds I've gained from that!

I read Tami's blog as I always do and she has this FAB recipe for jambalaya today which has me drooling and not helping my cravings. BUT, knowing I can have shrimp helps.  She has the best recipes on there!

Well, I'm off to my meeting now. (boo!) But at least I won't be home and tempted with food. That's all for today except........GO MAVS!!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A good day and BLOG LOVE.

As far as Tuesdays go, today has been a good one so far. I screwed my hubbie out of coffee when I reset the time to pm on accident. Sorry! But, I noticed in time to get my coffee brewed and I reset the clock to the right time so all was not lost.

Can I just say how much I've enjoyed the actual food for breakfast these last 2 days? I had egg substitute and wheat english muffin. Tasty yummy. Of course I drank tons of water and my coffee. At lunch I went to TKD. It was one of those days where I was struggling to get through class. I think it's because of the hard workout yesterday. My back and chest are sore and my legs are tired from the weight lifting. I pushed my way through class, but I was much less powerful with my punches or kicks. I also had a harder time with coordination so I kept screwing up the combinations. 

It didn't help that the instructor had us doing push ups and after the 40 with a twist I did yesterday, it was rough to get through. He had us doing push up then move to the side, then push up and move back and push up again. Don't remember the techinical word for these kinds of pushups, but I can think of a few and none of them are nice words. And after the 30 situps yesterday, the 25 leg lifts and then long hold leg lifts were pretty awful. But, I made it through and after class I felt good that I'd finished and pushed through.

Tonight I have a dinner meeting. I know, "Danger, danger". But I've already checked the menu and there will be grilled salmon and veggies, so I'll be on plan. Of course they'll also be dessert and bread, but I won't be having any of that. I'll save my evening snack for when I get home and I've had my water today as usual, although I'm feeling a bit dry after my hard workout at lunch.  The scale keeps moving downward and I'm super excited to see what the next weigh in brings.

Have I told you lately how much your comments mean to me? There have been so many times that one of you left a comment just when I needed it most. So please keep commenting and I'll keep reading and commenting on your blogs as well. If I don't already follow you, leave a comment. I love finding new blogs to follow!

I really enjoyed all the comments yesterday. Hearing from some old friends like Tish, Alan, Michelle, Christine and Karen was fabulous.  Stop by Tish's blog if you don't already follow her. She's back from a hiatus and been through a lot lately. Lend her some support. AND I always enjoy hearing from new bloggers.  Check out these guys who have recently just gotten started. They could use your support. Meghan at I'm On My Way and Letters to Absolem from Cupcakes to Crunches. BTW Meghan, I tried to comment on your blog, but couldn't. In answer to your question, I wear my fitbit in my bra and haven't had any problems and believe me I sweat a TON at TKD.  Also Treading Lightly has been around about a month and I've recently discovered his blog so check it out.

Finally, while I'm spreading the blog love, Head over to SJB's blog at This isn't Cute Anymore. She's back with us after an absence and needs our support to get back in the grove. We've all been there. Those times where we were not eating right, not exercising. It's like you wake up from a bad dream and realize somehow you've wound up somewhere you don't recognize. The weight back on and feeling defeated. The key is to pick up and move forward.  Don't lie to yourself. Realize that you have the control. Only you can chose to be healthy, to LIVE or not. And that choice is one we all make every day.

I've learned so much here in blog land. I've come so far and I really believe that blogging has been an invaluable tool in my healthy lifestyle.  How do you get back on track when you've had slip ups? What are some gems you can leave for our new blog friends?

Have a great evening!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Weekend Wrap Up and Monday Weigh In

Hello all. I've been trying all day to get a few minutes to post, but to no avail. Busy Monday as usual and I'm still not done with my work, but I put it on hold to get this done.

Saturday was a very long day. I went with my son's band to Six Flags. It was a LOT of walking (over 16,000 steps) and some fun. It was a huge challenge to find a way to eat there. Did you know there is no where you can buy milk there? And did you know that they check your bag and make you throw out any food? So my plan for eating didn't work out as planned. I did work around it and I ended the day basically on plan.

Can I say how good it felt not to even worry I might not fit? I'm under 200 now. There are LOTS of people that weigh more than me and are able to ride these rides. I didn't have to even THINK about not fitting in the seat. Did you also know that now along with the warning about heart disease and pregnant women they've added a disclaimer that if you DON'T fit securely in the restraint that you'll be asked to leave the ride? Like they have to tell you that if the seat belt won't fit, you can't ride. Who wants to?  I found that somewhat sad. And it reminded me of a time when I might have had to push to get that little bar down securely over my belly.  The ride home on the bus with an entire busload of kids hopped up on sugar and a long day of fun was miserable and I had a massive migraine by the time I got home. I ate and went to bed.

Sunday I was tired and I ate breakfast and ended up napping most of the morning on the sofa. In the afternoon I got busy with some housework beginning with helping my husband remove 2 birds which had gotten stuck in the exhaust fan in our kitchen. Apparently they had built a nest in the vent and managed to crawl back in the duct and slide down the vertical tube and get stuck. We got them out, but they were dead by that time and we felt terrible. They were infant birds, I guess abandoned by their parents. One of them made it and flew away. I hope he's OK.

After that trauma for everyone, we spent the rest of the day planting some flowers and mulching (about 12 bags) the flower beds. That's a nice workout! I ate on plan yesterday and I was pleased with my weekend eating for the most part. I stayed on plan and that is a victory for me. Weekends are really, really hard usually.

I woke this morning excited about weighing in. I weighed 194 today, yesterday it was 193, but I'll take 194. That's a five pound loss for the week! I feel so committed and renewed.  I feel like the last week as hard as it has re-dedicated me to my mission.  Also this puts me at 80 pounds lost from my highest weight. VERY HAPPY!  I was excited to see how well all the other challengers did as well.

I was tired today and in no mood to exercise, but I kept my appointment with my trainer as I had planned. For one thing I couldn't think of an excuse that wouldn't sound like an excuse. For another, I'd postponed already due to other schedule problems. I forced myself to the gym as planned.  I did 25 minutes on the elliptical. Man! You really forget how hard that is when you've been off it a while. 

After that I got started with my trainer. We did back and legs today and core work as well. That included 40 push ups on the bosu. 30 sit ups and numerous other things including weights and squats and bands that I can't recount now. There are days when you feel like you've KILLED a workout. And others when you feel like the workout KILLED you. And finally there are days where you did it even when you didn't want to, and when it's over you're just relieved to put it behind you. That was my workout today. It didn't kill me, but it wasn't a breeze and I didn't feel victorious afterward. The victory I'll take is that I went despite my desire to avoid it.

And dinner was..........wonderful! Actual food. Sooooo good. I had the grilled shrimp and veggies and I was so full! I was thrilled to have food and I enjoyed every single bite. I just had my evening snack/dessert of jello and frozen treat, both sugar free of course.

I'm finding myself looking ahead again to where I'll be 10 pounds, 20, 50 pounds from now. That's not something I've done in a while. I think I've been in a slump. My weight loss showed it. And now I see myself moving forward again and that's motivating. I love that I've been able to stick to this very restrictive plan, but I love that I see the end to that someday.

This has gotten me thinking about goals and "goal weight" and what that means. I'm still not sure. I know where I need to be to be "NORMAL" as far as the charts go. I have no concept of a weight that low, BUT it's not outside the range of possibility now. I need to lose about 60 more pounds to have a normal BMI. Sixty sounds like a LOT,but it means that I have less weight to lose now than I have already lost. I'm more than 1/2 way there. That's really exciting. Scary, but exciting. 

For now, my goals are simple. Stay on plan and move. I've found that if I do those 2 things, I lose weight and I feel good. Of course not all my goals have to do with the scale. I'd like to be able to run more. I'd like to be able to continue up in rank in TKD.  I'd like to look in the mirror and see ME as I imagine myself. I like to look in the mirror and see "normal". I don't yet know what that means, but I'm starting to believe that I can and will someday.

And now, I can no longer avoid my work. So, I'll sign off for now.  Have you set goals? Do you have a goal weight?  How is your progress toward your goals? Is it where you want it to be? If not what changes are you planning to get it back on track?

Friday, May 13, 2011

Oh yeah, Baby!

Day 5 of phase 6 nearly done and I'm going strong. But, that's not the news. The news is:


I'm very proud of myself for several reasons:

1) I passed the dang test.
2) I had the courage to start this in the first place. Exercising in public is a fear. I mean, being the fattest girl in the room with all that fat giggling and sweating in front of lots of people is scary, at least to me. But I wanted to try it and I did. And NOW I love it.  For me COURAGE has been a key factor in the success I've had this far. The courage to try. The courage to keep trying. The courage to believe in myself as I have never done before. My friend Patrick posted today on courage. If you haven't read it, you should. You can find it here.
3) Not quitting.  Through my gallbladder surgery and several injuries I've had several road blocks. If I had allowed myself the option of quitting, I probably would have. It's proof to me that my mindset has changed and that this is for life.
4) I broke my board!  In the last test, I didn't break my board and I was bummed. Like really bummed. But today I broke that thing first try with a step behind side kick.

5) I did it on my own! Alone! I was on display. I was the only person testing. This was a special make up test for me since I was injured 2 days before the last test and so bummed back then. That means I was the only one on display, sweating and such.

Here's me from my yellow test last November.
I think there's a difference.

Today I'm doing well. I'm super hungry today, but I'm fighting it. Had to ignore fresh bagels with the honey walnut cream cheese AND homemade lemon cream cookies this morning in the office. Not only were there bagels, but the employees kept TOASTING them as each one got one so I was SMELLING them all morning. I love bagels. No really. I LOVE BAGELS. A lot. Like a really lot. I can ignore donuts all day, but bagels are really hard for me. But, I did it and so far I am on plan exactly.

I got up this morning and I was sore. But, I wanted to workout. Oh, I forgot. I had planned on C25K on Wednesday, but the breaker in my exercise room kept flipping so no power=no treadmill. See. I told you it's like there is a secret force trying to keep me from completing that thing. That means the plan was to do it again today which obviously didn't happen. We have the electrician coming on Monday.  So today, I pulled out one of my old Biggest Loser DVDs for some cardio. My legs were tired and I'd forgotten how many god-forsaken lunges are in that thing. But, it was a good workout and I was glad that I didn't allow myself to wimp out. 

Tomorrow is the trip to Six Flags with my son's band. The good news is that it's not supposed to be too hot. I've figured out how to stay on plan and I know it'll be OK with the walking and drinking. I'm still using my fitbit. MAN! It's hard to get 10,000steps in! That's a lot lot lot. I'm still trying. I had about 9,700 yesterday and that was the most I've done except the day at the Zoo last weekend. Bet I get them in tomorrow. I'm still learning how to get more steps in my day.

Hope everyone has a fab weekend!  What's in your fitness and food plan this weekend? I know weekends are the absolute worst for me to stay on track. How do you handle it? 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

All THAT over a BURGER???

Hello all! It's Wednesday already! This week is flying by. Thank goodness since this first week of the challenge is......well.......a challenge. Several people asked what challenge I'm talking about. And for those who don't know you can find out here and here.  It is very restrictive and radical at first, but morphs into a pretty decent healthy diet. It is basically a diet that someone who will have or has had gastric bypass surgery will follow.

I joined the challenge because I had frankly been floundering with my diet. And by floundering I mean eating flounder and beef and chicken and cookies and potatoes and veggies and just too much. This is a way of re-committing and getting my mind off food. It's not for everyone. To be honest I didn't think it was for me. But, 3 days in and I am doing well and already seeing results. (Official weigh in later).  It has greatly simplified my life in that food is not an option for me at all. And again I say I really think I needed this. Of course by next week, I may change my mind. But, right now, I'm doing fine. I'm peeing A LOT. More than usual and the other bathroom issue is....not an issue.

So today  In-and-Out-Burger opened a few miles from here. The ENTIRE Dallas area is all buzzing about this. There were people waiting in line for like 6 hours today. FOR. A. BURGER. What's wrong with this country? I wouldn't wait in line for 6 hours for free lobster, let alone a burger. Even the best burger on the planet is not worth this kind of buzz. I just kept thinking that if all these people would get THAT excited about working out, we might not have an obesity crisis in America. I remember when Krispy Kreme came here and it was the same thing. It's a sad commentary on what we value. There were parents who took their kids out of school and stood in that line to feed them burgers and fries. A pile of fat and cholesterol. Basically they had their kids miss school and stand in line to feed them food that can kill them.  They just taught their children that THIS kind of food is more important than ANYTHING. What a bad bad bad lesson.

Sorry to go off on a rant, but it's just that kind of thinking that got me where I was a year ago. That food is worth whatever cost. That the only way I can REALLY be happy and live and enjoy life is by eating that crap. It was a lesson taught to me by my family. To place that kind of emotional importance on our food is DANGEROUS. It's killing us. Diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cancer.....the list goes on an on. It's just plain sad and infuriating and I WISH someone had discussed this stuff with me when I was a kid.  Better yet, I wish someone in my life had been living a good example for me, showing me there's another way.

Not that you shouldn't be able to have a burger now and then. Like..... MORE THEN THAN NOW.  The problem is that eating that way is common place now. And a lot of people eat that way even when they cook at home, if they do. I know patients that think cooking a frozen pizza is COOKING. Sigh......  We just have to STOP making such a big deal out of really unhealthy foods. The media doesn't help. It's been all over the news and radio and they make it look like THE place to be and THE food to eat.  Truth is NO ONE no matter what their weight or how "healthy" should eat that kind of food on a regular basis.

AND why can't we invent a healthy drive through? Like with veggies and grilled fish or something? I have 3 kids and I know some days cooking is not an option. Some times your schedule is crazy. Sometimes you just don't WANT to deal with it and you want something easy. But there really is no HEALTH food drive through. WHY NOT?

Anyway, it will be a long long time before I go to In-and-Out. For one thing the challenge won't be over until July 31st. And for another thing......THE CROWDS! I've never had one of their burgers. I just find it hard to believe that they live up to the hype. And you know what's really great?  I don't even care about finding out. NOW tell me my thinking on food hasn't changed. Take THAT fat-girl me.

 Rant over....

 And now question day from Suzi:
1. How many pillows do you use?? One, sometimes none.

2. Do you own a bike? Yes, but I haven't ridden in a while. Having little kids that can't keep up has limited us. One project for the summer is to get the girls riding big girl bikes. Then, we can take family rides.
3. Would you describe yourself as active? Somewhat active? Not really active at all?? I think I'm active now. I just realized that I can say that without any hesitation whatsoever. Yeah me!

4. Do you eat certain foods in moderation or do you need to stay away from them altogether? There are things I should just not do. Like potato chips. Crackers, especially gold fish. And cereal.

5. What are you having for dinner tonight? I'm having liquids on the challenge food. But, I do get some watermelon and jello later. Yummy!

So what do you think? Would you stand in line 6 hours for a burger? Have you had one of these AWESOME burgers? Do you think they are REALLY that awesome? Do you think the hype and importance we place on food plays a role for you? How do we change it?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Phase 6 Day 1.5 and Doing well.

Here I am a day into the challenge and I'm making it. It's not nearly as hard as I thought. In fact knowing that food is not an option is helping I think. Last night my son was like, "That's all you're having for dinner?" "Yep." I said. I really wasn't hungry. I was shocked, but I drank lots, more than the plan requires and that helps a lot.

Yesterday I did not workout. I was still suffering from a bit of a headache which is nearly gone today, thank goodness. I had to go to my middle girl's school for her birthday celebration. Her birthday is in the summer so we celebrated yesterday with her class early. You know that means cupcakes. Yep. I bought them. I took them. I didn't want them. Not even tempted. Did not even lick the icing off my fingers. Just not an option. I even brought the left overs home and the kids had them, I did not.  I definitely have changed.

Today I attended TKD class. I'll admit I was worried that I'd get light headed or have problems due to the low calorie plan we're on, but it wasn't bad. I drank double water and I was fine. I was really needing something by the end of class, but not faint.  I'll tell you when you are eating this little, you really do it slowly. That was the best yogurt ever. But, again I'm surprised by how not hungry I am. Sure hope it lasts and it's only day 2. But I get watermelon tonight so there's something to look forward to.

I am facing a challenge this weekend. I am going to chaperon my son's band trip to Six Flags. I'm a little worried about how to handle the plan, but I've talked to Allan and I think I've got it figured out. I cannot take food in, but I'll deal with it. This is life, right? I won't miss hot dogs or burgers. Amusement park food is usually nasty anyway. It's going to be hot, so I'll drink LOTs of water and I'll do fine.

This plan is clearly the most restrictive diet I've ever been on, at least this first part is.  I think it is really good for me to take a step back and not think about food so much. I'm not worried or obsessing about what to eat. The only thing I'm thinking about is drinking water all day. That's not new to me. It's really taken food out of the equation for now though. I'm kind of interested in how I'll feel a week from now.

I'm looking at this as an experiment. In one way it's a huge challenge for me to trust the plan and follow it. Let someone else dictate what I'll consume. Let go of the idea that I WANT food. In another way it's great for me to experience this gastric bypass type diet. After all, if I would recommend a patient have the surgery, it's good for me to know what it feels like. And finally, it is proving to me that I don't NEED nearly as much food as I thought. I feel fine and I'm eating less than 1/2 the calories I'm used to. VERY enlightening. Maybe this will finally convince me that the stuff I thought I knew about nutrition and food is probably not all accurate and intertwined with emotional baggage.  In the old days when I was in med-school, we'd put people in the hospital to do this kind of diet. Just plain new territory for me.

How is your week? Have you been faced with a challenge lately that you'll have to work around? How's the workouts this week?

Monday, May 9, 2011

Weekend Wrap Up

I had a great weekend. Busy, but great. I did well, not perfect, but well on my diet.  I think I handled the challenges of the weekend and I got in quite a bit of exercise.

Friday morning I got up early and went for a walk/run. I started C25K over. Again. That's right. Again. I am determined to get all the way through that thing and to improve my running. It seems like every time I start something happens to get in the way like injury or illness, but I'm not giving up.  I really want to do this thing. I thought about not even mentioning it here. I've started and re-started this program several times. But then I realized there is no shame in starting again.

I say this to my patients all the time. Especially to those trying to make lifestyle changes. "The more times you try, the higher the probability that you will succeed."  Studies have shown this. Most people who quit smoking or make some other lifestyle change have tried several times. There is no shame in starting over. I used to get so down on myself when I would try and fail at weight loss. I would get so down on myself that I gave up trying. Well, I'm done with that. There is only shame in giving up. Quitting. Not trying. So I'll keep starting over as many times as I have to.

After my exercise, I attended my reuinion medical conference. There were several lectures, some interesting, others not so much. The lunch was kinda yucky so I didn't eat much of it. I was starving by the time we were done with the meeting. I had a snack before dinner and drank a TON of water. The dinner and reception was fun. There were not many of my class there, but we had a good visit. The food was OK. There was salmon and filet, asparagus and mashed potatoes. I ate the salad, salmon and asparagus and left the potatoes and nearly all of the beef. I had one cocktail and the rest just water. I didn't eat the dessert which was a chocolate volcano cake which I understand was pretty good.

Saturday morning we got the kids up early and headed to the zoo for the annual ostrich egg breakfast. The kids had a blast because there were donuts and waffles and chocolate milk and such. Plus there were clowns and fun activities.  I passed on the bad stuff and had a small omelet, no Krispy Kremes for me. After the breakfast we did a lot of walking and saw most of the zoo. It was hot and by mid afternoon the kids were done and so were we. We headed home to basketball games and the air conditioner.

I slept terribly Saturday night and woke with a migraine which stuck with me all day yesterday. We drove home yesterday and when we arrived I got right to bed. I was able to watch the Mavs game (YEAH FOR THE SWEEP OF THE LAKER EVIL HOARD!) But after I went back to bed. Woke this morning with still a bit of headache, but it's better so far (fingers crossed).

Hubbie fixed dinner last night, steak on the grill, which was nice and the girls made me cards and pictures which were sweet. Mother's Day was low key and quiet, but that's ok. I HATE eating out for Mother's Day as the crowds are usually awful.

Phase 6 begins today and so far not so bad. I'm not hungry and I'm guzzling the fluids. The challenge is to stay on the plan exactly and that's what I intend to do. Hopefully the scale will reward me. It was weird this morning. I got on and off and on and off and it finally "woke up" and then proceeded to give me several different weights. I think I need new batteries. I'll replace that tonight, but I'm planning on no weight until next week for the plan. I need to stay off that thing for a bit.

I have had no time over the weekend to read blogs or comment. My  reader is really full. I'm trying to catch up today, so if you haven't heard from me in the last few days, know that I'm still around and trying to catch up. Have a great Monday!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Home Again and Where's the Doctor?

Hello everyone! Busy week has left me not getting posts up as much as I'd like. I'm tired from last night and staying up late watching my Mavs win (yeah!) against the Lakers (boo)  AGAIN (YEAH!).  Can. Not. Believe. It. But we'll take it. And a couple more please. I'd love to sweep 'em.

I've done great on my eating this week. I have stayed on plan and eaten well. I haven't seen a loss on the scale yet. I'm waiting. Patiently.  I'm writing now because I'm hungry or I think I am and it's way to late to eat. I arrived in Oklahoma this evening and I'm sitting on the sofa at my Aunt's house. I'm wanting to go explore and get food, but I will not. Instead, I am here blogging because I didn't have any other time to do it and because if I'm thinking about this blog I'm not thinking of food.

Tomorrow I'll attend my medical school reunion. Thanks to all of you who left helpful comments and those of support regarding my request for tips on how to handle the temptation. I have a plan. There is a luncheon tomorrow and I've planned to stop on the way to the meeting to get healthy snacks for my purse. That way if the food is unacceptable, I'll have something to eat. I plan to eat  some fruit and drink a lot of water before the reception and dinner tomorrow. I've also vowed to avoid alcohol. I don't need the calories or the bloat. Water water water is on the agenda. I've come to rely on that and I'm amazed at how often I crave the stuff.

I found out that next week I'll take a early make up test for TKD and get my green belt. I'm most excited as I was so bummed when I was injured and unable to take the test last time. I know all the material and the instructor doesn't want me to be bored for another month until the scheduled test. I'll just have to go in and do the sparring portion of the test on test day.

I went to class today at noon and I'm sore, especially after driving for 3 hours. But I did a little stretching after and that helped. I was amazed at everything I did in class today. We did a ton of extra kicking drills and punching. I got a pair of gloves for my hands. They're martial arts gloves, not big boxing ones. I was glad because I didn't have them on Tuesday and after sparring my hands were kinda sore.  I have to say I felt pretty bad ass all decked out in my gloves and stuff, punching the bags and kicking and ducking. I am still using the fitbit and I'll tell you that I'm enjoying it immensely. I know that every calorie is being tracked and that really motivates me to stay on track. Today I walked 8, 942 steps. I'm just a few days in but I haven't done the 10,000 yet. I'm getting closer. I'm sure I can get to 9,000 before I'm done tonight.

I saw several paitents today that hadn't seen me in a while. Two of them didn't recognize me and thought I was a new Nurse Practitioner. One of them was quite upset that her appointment was changed to see the NP instead of me. I was a little amused at that.  I had to assure them that I was, in fact, the doctor and I guess after they heard my voice they realized I'm still in here. These were patients I see for just physicals once a year so they hadn't seen me in quite a while. That was weird. And I am surprised when this happens because I still feel so fat sometimes and I have so far to go.

One of my employees asked if I was at my lowest weight. I told her I was almost the lowest I've been in my adult life. She said I was looking amazing and I was so strong and she admired all the exercise I do. I tried to encourage her to workout. She and another employee are going to start doing zumba on DVD at lunch next week and I told them I'd join them on days I'm not in TKD. That should be fun.  These two employees also were shocked when I told them I had about 65 pounds left to lose. They literally said they couldn't imagine me 60 pounds lighter. I laughed and said, "me neither." But, I told them to be "normal" that's how much I have left. It was nice to have this conversation without finally feeling weird or irritable or annoyed. They didn't seem to be judging me and that helped a lot. They also didn't offer unsolicited advice which was fabulous.

What is it about being "home" that makes me crave bad stuff? Is it knowing that there is likely a bag of Oreos somewhere in the kitchen? Or is it an emotional response to the memories I have as food for comfort? I don't know but I'm ready for bed because if I don't I could be in trouble.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Data, data, numbers.......cool.

Here I am on this Tuesday and I am doing pretty well. I am proud to say that I am keeping my positive attitude.  Doesn't mean everything is perfect, but it does mean that I'm trying to find the positive side in everything. It's amazing how much better your mood is when you do this.

Today I have a lot of positive things to be grateful for. First, I woke up after a decent night's sleep. Good sleep is so important to my overall well being. I hate being too tired. I sleep last night with my fitbit for the first time. It reported that I slept 7 hr and 22min, that I woke up at 4am, 5am and then obviously as my alarm started to go off and I attempted to snooze starting at 5:30am. It says I fell asleep in 8 minutes and that I had a 99% sleep efficiency. Man. I have no idea how accurate this thing is, but it's great for my ego to see that SOMETHING I did was 99% efficient. Ha ha.

You can tell from that data that I did not stay up for the Mavs game last night against the Lakers. I was just too tired. I'm kinda mad at myself because it was a great game AND we won. But, the sleep was nice. I love playoff basketball.

I didn't want to get up this morning, but I did it anyway of course. I didn't work out this morning. I wanted to, but....damn if I didn't set the alarm for the wrong time. Subconscious telling me to sleep? I don't know. But, the kids got up without any fights. Got dressed and.....dare I say for fear of upsetting the gods.......were polite to each other and got ready with no problems. Shhhhhh! Don't tell anyone.

I looked up my menu for the day and ate the breakfast. It was tasty. There was no snack on the plan for today in the morning and I was worried about getting hungry before TKD, but I was fine. I drank some extra water. I ran a little late in clinic, but made it to TKD on time. It was a freaking nightmare of a class. We did a lot of sparring and speed work. It's basically hitting, punching, kicking as hard as you can while trying to run across the room at the same time.  I was very proud of myself for keeping up, despite the wheezing and sweating and all of that.

After class I had a meeting with my youngest daughter's teacher. She said she's doing great and it felt good to see how well she's doing.  As the afternoon wore on, my right foot began to ache. Seems I must have twisted it in class or something. It's not bad and I've just iced it. Hopefully it won't be too sore to work out tomorrow.  Tonight my son had his spring band concert and it went well. I'm so proud of him. First chair French horn. He's worked hard and loves to play.

The rest of the day's food was right on plan. I burned nearly 700 calories at TKD and I walked 8102 steps today. I'm going to have to really make effort to get to 10,000. I'll say this fitbit thing is making me think about taking those extra steps. Not, consolidating trips. Going the long way around. That stuff really adds up. I am enjoying my new gadget. Knowing that even those few extra steps will count drives me to do better. Knowing that all my movements are tracked helps me be motivated to eat less.

I am looking forward to the weekend. I'll be heading to Oklahoma to my med school reunion. Good news is I look way better than I did when I graduated. Bad news is I'll be faced with foods and situations that will be stressful. Last time I was in OK I had a major binge and it didn't end well. I can't say as I'm not worried. BUT, I am determined to learn to deal with these situations in a healthy way.  Let me know what tips you might have for situations where you cannot control the food and you might be stressed.

Good night, All!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Monday Madness

I'm back. I've been crazy busy the last few days with hardly any time to post or read blogs. Friday was crazy with work and a board meeting at lunch. AND it was end of month which always means I had extra work to get done. The girls had their first sleep over Friday night and they were soooo excited. So was I since it was their first sleep over at someone else's house.  We ended up renting Inception which we hadn't seen yet and I loved it. The effects were really cool. I know I'm way behind the eight ball on this one, but it was worth the wait.

Saturday was a great day. We went to a car show- Shelby and Cobra mainly. It was a good time, nice day. They had free BBQ and drinks as it was sponsored by the bank. I didn't eat any of the free food, not even the ice cream. I did do some walking and took 2 water bottles instead of the soda they had. Then we went shopping for furniture at a place here going out of business and came away with new living room furniture. Yeah! It was about time.  Son went to help out with another scout's Eagle project where he was helping kids at the local homeless shelter make Mother's day gifts. I thought it was a really nice one and he enjoyed helping out.

Sunday, I spent the day cleaning the house and getting ready for delivery of the new furniture which will come on Thursday. I'm most excited because I've been wanting new furniture for a long time, but we'd been waiting for the girls to get a little older. Even so we got the fabric guarantee on the leather. Kids can really destroy things.

I've done well with exercise, but I must admit I have not been perfect on eating. I've eaten a little too much here and there. It showed on my weigh in as I was up a pound. I was frustrated and then realized that I am the one in control. The only one to be frustrated with is me. So this morning I hopped back on the plan, exactly. I walked on the treadmill at lunch and ran some errands.

I did receive my fitbit and today was my first day using it. Wow. 10,000steps is a lot of steps.  I'm still figuring out how to use the thing. I'll tell you already I don't care for the food entry on their website. It is slow and cumbersome. I am so used to my LoseIt program that I am reluctant to start over with a new program. Of course, I did read today that there is an interface in the works. How awesome! So far I'm at 6200 steps. And I haven't even gotten home yet. There's plenty of activity for me in the evening usually. We'll see. I'll sleep with it tonight for the first time and I'm dying to see how that works. I'll keep you updated.

Hope you all had a good Monday.  It has been a very interesting day, what with all the news and such. I'm off to get home and deal with dinner and kids and all the rest. See ya tomorrow!

Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!