This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Son of a.....

Booty-head. As my 5 year old might say.

Well, after all my tough talk about exercise I had a.....mishap? Yesterday in TKD I was sparring. I kicked and went down on my foot weird. Felt a HUGE pop in my calf. I thought it was a cramp at first, but then I KNEW it was bad because I couldn't stand or walk very well. DAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNN!

So pissed because I was supposed to test for my green belt tomorrow morning and now there's no way it'll happen. Now I have to wait 8 weeks and I already know all the material. I was supposed to do 2 classes yesterday and one today. Not happening.  Ugh.

That's OK. There's always room for improvement. I refuse to quit. I don't care. I don't care if yesterday was a total, "I feel fat and awkward moment" when I got hurt and had to leave class early. I'm going back just as quick as I can. I even did a few kicks today. Just can't get up on my toes yet. At least it's better today and I've been able to get through the day at work without too much trouble.

The leg was totally swollen and my weight is still up. I'm dreading the official weigh in on Sunday. I emailed Allan and told him I was thinking I should quit the challenge since my weight is up and I'm going to mess up the overall numbers and frankly I just feel like a loser, not in a good way. He says I'm not allowed out and that I should forget the numbers. OK. Fine. He's right, I know this. I'm just bummed today.

It's been a week since my cousin's funeral. I am amazed how I can go for a day or two and be fine. Perfectly fine. Then this morning I noticed that the flowers I had from the service are dying and that it's been a week. I cried in the shower this morning. The pain in my leg, the pain in my gut when I saw the scale and then the pain in my heart and......boo hoos happen.

I'm better now. I'm trying to stay focused on the things I am grateful for. I'm trying to think of good thoughts and stay focused on work. I'm trying to do all this without resorting to food as comfort. It is not easy. Old habits die hard, my friends.

When I walked in limping from class yesterday, I came home to fresh baked cookies. Nanny had cooked them for the girls. It's a rare thing in our house, but it happens and it was report card day. So....cookies on the counter. My immediate response was to grab one and chow down. Problem is, I can't only eat one. No cookie for me. But I want one now and I remember how they smell. Good thing I'm not at home and I have carrots in my snack bag.

At least it's Friday and although I'll be bummed when I'm not at TKD in the morning, I'll get through it. I have 60 bags of mulch coming this weekend. They'll be plenty to do. Mulching, planting and another bed to build. 

How do you handle those, "poor me moments" like I had this morning?  I woke up sad and frustrated from the weight gain and feeling like my efforts were being de-railed yet again. What do you do?


  1. You can still lose weight and miss TKD. The belt will be there when you get to it. The sun will still come up tomorrow. It is easy to focus on something that messes up the plans. It's not all or nothing. Things will work out I promise.

  2. What do I do? Cry. Scream. Go outside and throw rocks. Cuss like a sailor (when no offspring or husband ears can hear). Sometimes I'll give in to the urge to eat chocolate, but not often. Mope around for a day or two.

    Then I pick up and carry on. Because my stupid body will eventually realize that I exercise every flipping day and that I keep a tight rein on the calories going in, and it WILL cooperate. Eventually.

    Carry On, Doc, Carry On.

  3. So sorry about your injury, but you need to make sure you heal properly--right, Doc? Life's ups and downs are tough to deal with, but you're not a quitter-not by any means. I know you will take some time and then get back on your horse (so to speak).

    Cut yourself some slack about the weight gain--it happened. Your circumstances have been difficult recently. Move forward without beating yourself up--that's what naturally thin people do--I have observed them. They put a day or a few days of overeating behind them and move forward back into their usual routine. Those of us who have had lifelong weight struggles usually panic in such situations, and we start to sink. Don't let that happen to you. Forget it and put it behind you very quickly!

  4. Okay, this may sound nuts to you, but as a lurker (mostly, I commented a few times), I notice you keep getting injured in TKD. I know that when an activity/goal is valuable and loved, we don't mind things like injuries. BUT...is it time to re-evaluate if this is the right exercise system for you? I mean, how many injuries in the last year? And how does it damage your progress?

    Oh, well. That might seem like a presumptuous comment and I don't mean it that way. I mean it like, "Dang, girl, you're gonna really get hurt! Ow!"

    So, yeah...

  5. Sorry to hear about the injury. I don't always handle the disappointment that well. Last year during softball went well - I pulled my hamstring and needed a rehab game where I could only hit and was pinch run for at first. But I got my hacks in and actually helped the team. So I guess I'm saying do whatever you can until you can do it all.

  6. I can so so so relate to this.
    the injury
    the frustrattion
    all of it.
    DO WHAT YOU CAN WHEN YOU CAN is my best tip.
    and Im totally stealing the SON OF A BOOTY.
    I need that today :)



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