Booty-head. As my 5 year old might say.
Well, after all my tough talk about exercise I had a.....mishap? Yesterday in TKD I was sparring. I kicked and went down on my foot weird. Felt a HUGE pop in my calf. I thought it was a cramp at first, but then I KNEW it was bad because I couldn't stand or walk very well. DAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNN!
So pissed because I was supposed to test for my green belt tomorrow morning and now there's no way it'll happen. Now I have to wait 8 weeks and I already know all the material. I was supposed to do 2 classes yesterday and one today. Not happening. Ugh.
That's OK. There's always room for improvement. I refuse to quit. I don't care. I don't care if yesterday was a total, "I feel fat and awkward moment" when I got hurt and had to leave class early. I'm going back just as quick as I can. I even did a few kicks today. Just can't get up on my toes yet. At least it's better today and I've been able to get through the day at work without too much trouble.
The leg was totally swollen and my weight is still up. I'm dreading the official weigh in on Sunday. I emailed Allan and told him I was thinking I should quit the challenge since my weight is up and I'm going to mess up the overall numbers and frankly I just feel like a loser, not in a good way. He says I'm not allowed out and that I should forget the numbers. OK. Fine. He's right, I know this. I'm just bummed today.
It's been a week since my cousin's funeral. I am amazed how I can go for a day or two and be fine. Perfectly fine. Then this morning I noticed that the flowers I had from the service are dying and that it's been a week. I cried in the shower this morning. The pain in my leg, the pain in my gut when I saw the scale and then the pain in my heart and......boo hoos happen.
I'm better now. I'm trying to stay focused on the things I am grateful for. I'm trying to think of good thoughts and stay focused on work. I'm trying to do all this without resorting to food as comfort. It is not easy. Old habits die hard, my friends.
When I walked in limping from class yesterday, I came home to fresh baked cookies. Nanny had cooked them for the girls. It's a rare thing in our house, but it happens and it was report card day. So....cookies on the counter. My immediate response was to grab one and chow down. Problem is, I can't only eat one. No cookie for me. But I want one now and I remember how they smell. Good thing I'm not at home and I have carrots in my snack bag.
At least it's Friday and although I'll be bummed when I'm not at TKD in the morning, I'll get through it. I have 60 bags of mulch coming this weekend. They'll be plenty to do. Mulching, planting and another bed to build.
How do you handle those, "poor me moments" like I had this morning? I woke up sad and frustrated from the weight gain and feeling like my efforts were being de-railed yet again. What do you do?
This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.