This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Wednesday Weigh In and my first trip to TWO OHHHH!!!

Another week gone and another weigh in? Where do they go? I feel like all I do is run from place to place and fall into bed, wake up too soon and do it all again! Yesterday I didn't post although I wanted to. I even half-assed thought of something to get going on, but literally there was no time.

I woke up, got kids to school and me to work. Breakfast was cheerios eaten standing up at the kitchen counter while waiting on the microwave and my kid's oatmeal. Work was super busy. Flu season is coming. Seeing lots of Strep throat, colds, allergies and even a case of Mono. Get your flu shots people. It's coming.

I had Tae Kwon Do yesterday, I think this is my 4th class. It was HARD. We did crunches-75, push ups 25, leg lifts-25 with the last 5 held for 10 sec 1/2 way down and super hard stretches. That was just the warm up. We did kicking drills which is basically just kicking as hard and fast as you can in 1 minute as many times as you can. Also, we practiced our holds and forms and more kicking. I was soaked in sweat! But, I did everything. Still working on my side kicks as I need more strength and flexibility in my hip flexors. I LOVE IT! I never though I could love exercise this much! All I want to do is practice and learn the stuff more. I'm exercising, but it doesn't even feel like it. It is AWESOME!!

Lunch was a frozen Lean Cuisine Ravioli and some grapes. I went straight from work to my son's football game. It was to be his first "real" for school game, but it got rained out. This is the second one and poor kid was crushed. He was so excited. Dang it. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or proud that he really wanted to "hit someone". His words. He plays D-line and he really likes it. But, we'll have to wait another week to try again.

I went straight from the rained out game, ran through the flooding parking lot to my car and got soaked, and drove to my meeting at the hospital. Sitting in a meeting soaked is not fun. Luckily I had a granola bar in my pocket, so that was snack. Several doctors there hadn't seen me in months and they made quite a fuss about my weight loss. It was flattering and embarrassing. I'm just not used to the attention, but it did feel good that they noticed. Sometimes I don't see the difference in the mirror yet.

Got home at 8:30pm and it was time for bed for the girls. By the time we brushed teeth and jammies and read books, it was after nine and that's a little later than I like, but whatta ya gonna do? By then I was STARVING. Like stomach growling I could eat the pillow starving. So, I fixed a wrap with turkey pastrami and mustard and had a bowl of watermelon. When you figure I burned around 800 calories at lunch, it's no wonder I was hungry! My total calories were 994 yesterday and with the exercise net was only 243 calories but, I wasn't hungry and it was enough.

This morning I hopped out of bed energetic and ready to go. OK....so I dragged my tired ass out kicking and screaming and made myself get on the treadmill. I did C25K week 8 day 3, that's a 28 minute run. I can now run 1.5 miles without walking. I feel like that's good progress. My speed is still bad. I did 2miles today in the 38 min, 10 of that was walking. The last 6 minutes was hell as my legs woke up I guess and said, "What the HELL! After all that shit we did yesterday you have the nerve to try and make us run??" Well, I apologized to them and told them if they'd just get done, they could rest. I haven't explained that we have an appointment with the trainer at 5pm. Shhhh!

Today at lunch I have a staff meeting for my office. After work, I head to the gym for my session with the trainer. I had to squeeze it in as it was planned for Monday noon and after the KFC horror which shall never be discussed again, I had to reschedule. I'm praying he has upper body planned as my legs are about shot now. I went to get gas this morning, dropped my credit card on the ground and when I bent over to pick it up, well....I said a naughty word. OK...it was several. THEN after the session with the trainer I have a hospital board meeting which will probably last until 10pm. I packed food to eat and I have soup here at work if I need it.

And now the exciting news.....

Today I weighed 209.4!!

That's right people I have entered the land of the TWO OHHHs! I am only 10 pounds from my next goal of 199 and it feels absolutely doable. A year ago it felt impossible, a dream that would never happen, better chance of winning the lottery. But here I am DOING IT! Actually doing it. And all I had to do was what I ALREADY KNEW HOW TO DO!

Can you believe it took me 40 years to figure this shit out? Eat less, move more. Unbelievable. I can do trigonometry. I can tell you the pathophysiology of any disease. I can recite for you the pharmacology behind Viagra. But until March 22nd, 2010 I didn't get the simple equation calories in -calories burned=weight loss.

It seems soooo simple to me now. So un-freakin-believably simple. I want to shout it from the tree tops. I want to go up to obese people on the side walk and shake them and say, "Why aren't you doing it? Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting your family. All you have to do is move and eat less." It's sooo doable.

Is it easy? NO! Are there times I want to binge? YES! Do I? NO! Because I know I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! And binging won't get me where I want to go. Do I want that bagel, cupcake, twinkie, snickers? Not as much as you'd think. It's amazing how the longer you don't eat that crap, the less you care anything about it at all.

That's why sometimes I worry about the "just eat a little bit" mentality. Maybe that's OK for some people. I am NOT judging anyone. I have had a time or two where I really wanted a cookie and I've had one. But here's the rub...if I eat one, I want another. OR I want a coke. OR I want a candy, just one little kiss won't hurt, right? And it won't hurt if I just have a FEW Doritos. I mean, after all I'm not going to go my whole life without these things, right?

And then I say to myself WHY NOT??!!?? Why do you NEED any of that crap? You know it does nothing for you nutritionally. You know it makes you crave more crap. WHY do I feel like I should DESERVE to eat that garbage? Because it is emotional. I don't like the feeling of some of my greatest comfort foods gone from me. What will happen if I want them and can't have them? How will I feel?

Well.....I'll feel however I FEEL. And it will have NOTHING to do with what food I am eating or craving. It will just be a feeling and like ALL feelings, they will pass, they will change. How liberating to know, I don't have to face the temptation of just one cookie or one little piece of cake or a "few chips". I don't have to get on that slippery slope if I don't want to. Because for me, just a little moderation leads to binging. So for me, I will avoid those bad for me foods because they are BAD for me and because I don't want to face the cravings for a week after a little moderation. That's what I've discovered for ME.

Like an alcoholic who just can't have one drink, I can't have one cookie. Because 1 cookie leads to 2 cookies and then the salty kicks in, OK french fries, and what goes with fries....COKE. And if you're going to have fries and a coke, might as well have the hamburger. I NEED the protein anyway right? And if I've already eaten all that, what's a shake. That's at least got milk in it, right? And pretty soon I'm back on the FOOD merry-go-round and I'm nauseated and sick physically and emotionally.

Are you ready to let go of your emotional attachment to foods? Are you ready to finally be free? Are you ready to take control and get on the road to your goals? Stop the side trips already! Let's do this thing!!

Let me know what you've learned about controlling food OR are you still struggling to show it who's boss?


  1. I still struggle. Monday was a difficult day...I found myself eating 4 Kit Kat bars while blogging. When I do that, I immediately feel as though I gained 30 lbs.

  2. First off, congratulations on reaching an "0" number. That's really powerful reinforcement for what you're doing. I understand intellectually that food itself is a trigger for more food. Intellectual understanding is helpful, more helpful still will be when it's a natural, visceral, ingrained body deep knowledge for me, like not drinking from a too hot cup.

  3. "I want to go up to obese people on the side walk and shake them and say, "Why aren't you doing it? Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting your family. All you have to do is move and eat less."" - amen sister! I saw an obese lady in walmart the other day eating a cheeseburger from the McDonalds (located conveniently inside walmart). She also had a plastic bag on her arm that I'm guessing contained yet another cheeseburger or something equally craptastic. I just wanted to walk up to her and smack it right out of her hand. Tell her she didn't have to live like that, to quit filling her body with worthless crap, eat something healthy and get her ass moving.

    On that same note.. there is a lady that works out with a trainer up at the track I go to. I've only seen her there a few times. She won't do anything without anyone standing over her.. she waits a VERY long time for her trainers to show up. Sometimes she will trot 1/8 of a lap or so and then back. I just want to go up to her and say "quit wasting your time, get your ass on the track, run as long as you can. When you're tired, walk as long as you can. Quit eating crap! Now give me $50 and run bitch run!!!" Ya, I know, I'm like one of those obnoxious ex-smokers.

    Yes, I've been called the Diet Natzi in my own home lol. I don't mind. I used to be that fat (fat!!) lady.. regularly consuming 2 cheeseburgers and a shake for lunch. I've been there, I've done it, I'm over it, and I'm 1,000 times better now than I have been in my entire life.

  4. Oh I am so the same. Tomorrow I am doing my first guest post on another blog and it is about moderation. I find, like you, that some foods I just cannot handle in moderation. And that the longer I go without them the less I want them.

  5. Wow, sounds cool, I might give this calorie counting stuff a try..

  6. I'm totally still struggling to show it who is boss, even after 90 pounds lost and years and YEARS going down this road. You're so lucky that you've got it all figured out after 6 months. Fortunately, as 90 pounds loss tells me, I'm doing MOSTLY good, and MOST days I've got this eating thing beat, but not all of them, no.

  7. Ah. A kindred spirit :) Just found you through Patricks place and love your writing. Keep up the hard work!

    Oh and atleast you got this shit at 40 not 52 like moi :)
    Best on the quest!

  8. I don't struggle as much as i used to but there are certain foods that i find a lot harder to stay away from than others!
    Congratulations on getting to the big "0"

  9. Two Oh land for you, what a great feeling that decade must be.

    Are you ready to let go of your emotional attachment to foods? I am, I think I have, I bet I have to commit to letting go every day.

    Are you ready to finally be free? Freedom!

    Are you ready to take control and get on the road to your goals? I am so sick of not being in controlm so sick that being out of control actuallu made me sick. I want control, ultimate unconditional control!

    As you say... "Stop the side trips already! Let's do this thing!!"

    Doing it I am, forward I go now; chug chug (no not beer).

  10. I definitely still struggle, and sometimes wonder if, even if i get to my target weight, i will still feel the same way...i hope and think that over many months of healthy eating the urges will diminish. Oh God i hope so! ;o)

    Brilliant idea, taking up Tae Kwon Do - i would love to take up a martial art....i really like the idea of getting fit being a fringe benefit of an activity rather than the whole focus of it. It just makes exercise seem so much less tedious that way. I want to finish C25K before anything else, but then i might follow your lead.

    Congrats on week 8 of C25K btw, that is impressive - the end of week 5 is where it really seems to crank up the gears according to the plan at coolrunning - i am still a few weeks off that thankfully and i'm still puffing and panting my way around the local countryside.

  11. Congrats to you on hitting the two-ohhhs!!!

    We've had lunacy over here, so my current goal is to just hang on and enjoy the ride as much as I'm able, LOL.

  12. Wow, 2-0 land!! Wow, just wow. Doc, I am coming down there and have you train me! I once again feel like a loser compared to you! Super duper congrats! I read you everyday so that my competitive juices stay flowing and this post got them going! Kathy,plug in the treadmill, I am going!!

  13. I have learned that I grab food-graze-without even thinking about it. Literally, I walk by the fridge, and sometimes I find myself reaching in and grabbing something-now it is healthy stuff like grape tomatoes, but if I hadn't stocked my fridge with all healthy food I'm be up the creek. Thank goodness i got rid of all the real cheese and pretzels in my fridge.

    I find that if I make healthy items and dinners more accessible-like planning it the night before and doing the prep then-than I am more likely to stick to plan.

    Congrats on 2-0 land-I hope to see you there soon! Keep it up, sounds like the running is coming along great!

    Polar's Mom

  14. Congratulations on your weight loss! Keep up the good work. I'm in that same boat - smart, educated, and totally dumb ass when it comes to food. We need crutches (calorie counting, etc.) to compensate. I actually think being smart and problem solving oriented is a drawback - I've always "outsmarted" myself (rationalized) when it comes to food.

  15. Oh, the energy that you contain in your writing is contagious to all of us. Congratulations on your weight loss and the NSV at the doctor's meeting. I am with you, back in June, I never THOUGHT I could do what I am doing. Problem was, I NEVER really committed like I have now. It is a life style change, I have done it and am doing it. I love the fact, too, (because it encourages me) that you can run (even slow) a full 1.5 miles). Thanks for a passionate and upbeat post.

  16. I look at and record my weight thinking of years. Like eighteen twenty two, what I weighed this morning. If you look at it that way, you're turning back the calendar and have already made yourself two years younger--Two thousand eight! I'm happy for you! Of course you totally deserve it--it's definitely not happening by itself. Your good eating, exercise and vigilant eye to keeping out those unwanted calories are making it happen.

  17. Brilliant, as always. Good job getting to the two-ohs! Feels so far away for me now, next stop - One-derland fo ryou!

  18. Thanks for the excellent words of support on my blog today; much appreciated!


Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!