Wednesday Weigh In and my first trip to TWO OHHHH!!!

Another week gone and another weigh in? Where do they go? I feel like all I do is run from place to place and fall into bed, wake up too soon and do it all again! Yesterday I didn't post although I wanted to. I even half-assed thought of something to get going on, but literally there was no time.

I woke up, got kids to school and me to work. Breakfast was cheerios eaten standing up at the kitchen counter while waiting on the microwave and my kid's oatmeal. Work was super busy. Flu season is coming. Seeing lots of Strep throat, colds, allergies and even a case of Mono. Get your flu shots people. It's coming.

I had Tae Kwon Do yesterday, I think this is my 4th class. It was HARD. We did crunches-75, push ups 25, leg lifts-25 with the last 5 held for 10 sec 1/2 way down and super hard stretches. That was just the warm up. We did kicking drills which is basically just kicking as hard and fast as you can in 1 minute as many times as you can. Also, we practiced our holds and forms and more kicking. I was soaked in sweat! But, I did everything. Still working on my side kicks as I need more strength and flexibility in my hip flexors. I LOVE IT! I never though I could love exercise this much! All I want to do is practice and learn the stuff more. I'm exercising, but it doesn't even feel like it. It is AWESOME!!

Lunch was a frozen Lean Cuisine Ravioli and some grapes. I went straight from work to my son's football game. It was to be his first "real" for school game, but it got rained out. This is the second one and poor kid was crushed. He was so excited. Dang it. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or proud that he really wanted to "hit someone". His words. He plays D-line and he really likes it. But, we'll have to wait another week to try again.

I went straight from the rained out game, ran through the flooding parking lot to my car and got soaked, and drove to my meeting at the hospital. Sitting in a meeting soaked is not fun. Luckily I had a granola bar in my pocket, so that was snack. Several doctors there hadn't seen me in months and they made quite a fuss about my weight loss. It was flattering and embarrassing. I'm just not used to the attention, but it did feel good that they noticed. Sometimes I don't see the difference in the mirror yet.

Got home at 8:30pm and it was time for bed for the girls. By the time we brushed teeth and jammies and read books, it was after nine and that's a little later than I like, but whatta ya gonna do? By then I was STARVING. Like stomach growling I could eat the pillow starving. So, I fixed a wrap with turkey pastrami and mustard and had a bowl of watermelon. When you figure I burned around 800 calories at lunch, it's no wonder I was hungry! My total calories were 994 yesterday and with the exercise net was only 243 calories but, I wasn't hungry and it was enough.

This morning I hopped out of bed energetic and ready to go. OK....so I dragged my tired ass out kicking and screaming and made myself get on the treadmill. I did C25K week 8 day 3, that's a 28 minute run. I can now run 1.5 miles without walking. I feel like that's good progress. My speed is still bad. I did 2miles today in the 38 min, 10 of that was walking. The last 6 minutes was hell as my legs woke up I guess and said, "What the HELL! After all that shit we did yesterday you have the nerve to try and make us run??" Well, I apologized to them and told them if they'd just get done, they could rest. I haven't explained that we have an appointment with the trainer at 5pm. Shhhh!

Today at lunch I have a staff meeting for my office. After work, I head to the gym for my session with the trainer. I had to squeeze it in as it was planned for Monday noon and after the KFC horror which shall never be discussed again, I had to reschedule. I'm praying he has upper body planned as my legs are about shot now. I went to get gas this morning, dropped my credit card on the ground and when I bent over to pick it up, well....I said a naughty word. OK...it was several. THEN after the session with the trainer I have a hospital board meeting which will probably last until 10pm. I packed food to eat and I have soup here at work if I need it.

And now the exciting news.....

Today I weighed 209.4!!

That's right people I have entered the land of the TWO OHHHs! I am only 10 pounds from my next goal of 199 and it feels absolutely doable. A year ago it felt impossible, a dream that would never happen, better chance of winning the lottery. But here I am DOING IT! Actually doing it. And all I had to do was what I ALREADY KNEW HOW TO DO!

Can you believe it took me 40 years to figure this shit out? Eat less, move more. Unbelievable. I can do trigonometry. I can tell you the pathophysiology of any disease. I can recite for you the pharmacology behind Viagra. But until March 22nd, 2010 I didn't get the simple equation calories in -calories burned=weight loss.

It seems soooo simple to me now. So un-freakin-believably simple. I want to shout it from the tree tops. I want to go up to obese people on the side walk and shake them and say, "Why aren't you doing it? Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting your family. All you have to do is move and eat less." It's sooo doable.

Is it easy? NO! Are there times I want to binge? YES! Do I? NO! Because I know I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! And binging won't get me where I want to go. Do I want that bagel, cupcake, twinkie, snickers? Not as much as you'd think. It's amazing how the longer you don't eat that crap, the less you care anything about it at all.

That's why sometimes I worry about the "just eat a little bit" mentality. Maybe that's OK for some people. I am NOT judging anyone. I have had a time or two where I really wanted a cookie and I've had one. But here's the rub...if I eat one, I want another. OR I want a coke. OR I want a candy, just one little kiss won't hurt, right? And it won't hurt if I just have a FEW Doritos. I mean, after all I'm not going to go my whole life without these things, right?

And then I say to myself WHY NOT??!!?? Why do you NEED any of that crap? You know it does nothing for you nutritionally. You know it makes you crave more crap. WHY do I feel like I should DESERVE to eat that garbage? Because it is emotional. I don't like the feeling of some of my greatest comfort foods gone from me. What will happen if I want them and can't have them? How will I feel?

Well.....I'll feel however I FEEL. And it will have NOTHING to do with what food I am eating or craving. It will just be a feeling and like ALL feelings, they will pass, they will change. How liberating to know, I don't have to face the temptation of just one cookie or one little piece of cake or a "few chips". I don't have to get on that slippery slope if I don't want to. Because for me, just a little moderation leads to binging. So for me, I will avoid those bad for me foods because they are BAD for me and because I don't want to face the cravings for a week after a little moderation. That's what I've discovered for ME.

Like an alcoholic who just can't have one drink, I can't have one cookie. Because 1 cookie leads to 2 cookies and then the salty kicks in, OK french fries, and what goes with fries....COKE. And if you're going to have fries and a coke, might as well have the hamburger. I NEED the protein anyway right? And if I've already eaten all that, what's a shake. That's at least got milk in it, right? And pretty soon I'm back on the FOOD merry-go-round and I'm nauseated and sick physically and emotionally.

Are you ready to let go of your emotional attachment to foods? Are you ready to finally be free? Are you ready to take control and get on the road to your goals? Stop the side trips already! Let's do this thing!!

Let me know what you've learned about controlling food OR are you still struggling to show it who's boss?