This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Friday, October 15, 2010

F&*^% .....Friday...Hot 100.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

It's a long one. Sorry.
First let's talk about yesterday. Woke up, felt good. On time, kids ready, and out the door. Smiling even. I was a little sore, not too bad. I ate egg beaters, a piece of toast and a plum for breakfast, 288cal. At lunch, I was ready to workout. No gym bag. No prob, home I went. Did a program on the bike, 7miles and hills. Sweaty and felt good. But, 24 hours after the push ups I was pretty sore.

Lunch was a turkey pastrami wrap with mustard and lettuce and some grapes and a plum 36o cal.  And then it hit-PAIN. BAD.  I was hurting all afternoon and by the end of the day even sitting up hurt. Great.

So I finally made it through work.  On the way home from work, I got a migraine. Luckily Nanny had cooked, bless her soul. Roast and veggies and a salad. I had to lay down for a while and took a pain pill.  Ate a little and then back in bed. Trouble sleeping due to pain and HA. Took meds which led to...

Apparently I turned my alarm off in my sleep this morning 'cause I woke up late. BAD news since I felt bad last night, no lunch packed for kids, no books ready for "mystery reader" time in the morning, no check written for band shit, no clothes picked out for the girls. Got Son to football practice 5 min late, but made it. Back home, mad Dash, everybody ready. Out to car and.....dead battery. Apparently I didn't get my door shut in my rush and so lights were on for the last hour. AHH!

Called Mom. She came, jumped battery. Daughter tardy. First Grade, so fuck it.  Took car to Wal Mart. Battery fine. Sigh. Things looking better. Had 4 yr old with me and she was hungry. Went to McDs and got coffee and her a cinnamon roll (yeah, I know, I know.  Healthy right? But at this point...On the bright side kid didn't even know there was a McDs in there and we go to that WalMart all the time, so that made me smile)  NO CASH so $4.32 on the Amex later.....

Dropped little one at pre-K, off to work. LATE.  Saw patients in mad dash because had to be at Middle girl's school for Mystery reader by 11:30am. Mad dash to said school. Read books, cute kids blah blah. Restrained myself from yelling at the little shit in the front row who kept saying, "I can't see the picture" and then proceeding to pick his nose. (HOW do teachers deal with that shit without killing a kid at least twice a day). GOOD Mommy vibes and I brought the middle kiddo a little Debbie cake for snack. YEAH, but she already KNEW the little one had the cinnamon roll PLUS I had thought that her lunch was AFTER reading time and I told her I'd bring her lunch and THEN her lunch was BEFORE and I couldn't get there in time due to work so YES! I bought the damned Little Debbie Strawberry shortcake roll. I didn't buy the oatmeal things I love or the Swiss rolls that I love or the zebra cakes that I love but I did buy the trash food that I shouldn't give my kids let alone ply them with food to love me, BUT I DID this one time. Damn!

Wait...I'm not done.

So then I leave the school finally feeling like things will calm down. I take the van to get the oil changed because YES we're driving to Oklahoma tomorrow for the OU game and NO I haven't had time to do it or felt good enough to notice. AHhhh! (And no I haven't packed yet!) So I get there and the nice man who always does it asks, "Um...would you like me to do your inspection also while you are here?"  What? Why? Huh? OH...because APPARENTLY it was expired in JULY and I have been driving around like one of those AIRHEAD idiots I loathe for THREE MONTHS. And then I hear, "And mam, Your registration expired then also. Did you know that?" FUCK! 

So the very nice man did the work and I headed home thinking where the HELL did I put the damn registration sticker and I'm F-ING HUNGRY! I walk in the door and pull out the salad that I planned for lunch, take a step toward getting a fork and MY DAMN SHOE BREAKS.  The little cute black ballet shoes I LOVE. Do you see where this might be headed?

I growled and then giggled and then ate my salad. Then I ate the small piece of roast beef and carrots left from dinner and then I ate some watermelon. Meanwhile...I'm looking for the sticker and I can't find it and NOW I can't remember where I put it and did I get it paid?  I know I had it somewhere and then.... I snapped. I don't know why but at that moment I was hungry and I wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich BAD.

I marched into the pantry, took the peanut butter. Got my 45 cal wheat bread, measured the grape jelly and peanut butter and ate myself a 350 calorie fucking wonderful PBJ.  Here's the deal.  My husband went to Sam's on Monday and bought stuff. We needed jelly. He got WELCH's grape. People. This is my fav jelly for the PBJ. We haven't had this shit in the house for MONTHs. I make PBJ 3 times a week for lunches and NEVER do I need one. I don't even lick the SPOON!  NEVER! And when I saw that jelly come in the house, my mouth watered and I wanted it. I pushed it aside until today. Now I have to go home and explain to Husband why we have to throw away brand new jelly. THE GIANT GD SAM'S SQUEEZY ONE!

I am angry at being so sore, not from the exercise but the surgery. I KNOW maybe it's unrealistic to be back so fast. But I WANT to be. I am so tired of not being able to do what I WANT. You think someone might be trying to teach me about not NEGLECTING the ability to workout when I can? Well, I GET IT already! I'm sorry I didn't work out all those many stupid stupid years and I will NEVER take for granted my body again. I didn't work out today. I had planned my long awaited return to the gym. Not for weights, but my beloved elliptical. Alas, we will have to let our love affair wait a little longer. 

Hot 100 Update:
1) Get to size 12 jeans: Well, I'm in the 14s, but today I'm wearing the 16 because the 14 rubs my incision just the wrong way, so I didn't get to wear them in public yet. And with not working out....
2) Get to 199 pounds: At least this one is headed back in the right direction with the losses this week. I saw 210 on the scale today. One more pound and back to where I was, pre-surgery.
3) Do the 100 push ups and 200 sit ups 3 times a week: I tried, but still too sore. Not yet
4) Run a 5K: Well, this is the only one I'm getting closer to. This weekend I'll register for the 5K for my high school's PTA on November 14th. I SERIOUSLY doubt, in fact, I know I won't be running it. But I'm doing it even if I have to walk the whole damn thing. I haven't ran in a month. How depressing. I may have to start the C25K over and that makes me feel like a major fail. Sigh.
5) Get my yellow belt in TKD: Not even close. No classes for 3 weeks and I may not be able to go back next week if I'm not doing better as I had planned yesterday.

Now I feel like a giant loser after how happy I was and the post from yesterday and I was all ready to go.  I feel like I'm not going to accomplish those challenge goals in time and that makes me feel like a loser. I ate the damn PBJ in a fit of emotional hunger pangs. The only bright side is that I stopped to measure the damn PBJ. So if I had the sense to do that, why OH why did I go ahead and eat that shit? Sigh. I fed my kids shit and bribed them with food. Sigh.  After the 580 calorie lunch I had, I have like 400 cal left to eat today and we were supposed to order pizza. NO WAY I'm letting that crap in the house now when I feel like this. Sigh.

On the bright side, OU homecoming weekend and Iowa State is toast. Nebraska will kick TX ASS which always make me smile.  My Cowboys and my Vikings are matching up this Sunday and they are both in the toilet, we'll see which one gets flushed. Money's on the Boys going down in a blaze of poo, but Hey, sometimes they surprise me. Either way, they both are SUCKING. BUT, the Rangers meet the Yanks tonight and for ONCE I am interested in a baseball game. Go RANGERS!

That's it. Good lord that's enough. Haven't had time to read a single blog yet. Maybe later while the game is on. TTFN....


  1. Oh Baby! I would have been throwing things after the registration thingie...

    5K? No sweat. You can walk it! Seriously. You'll pass all the little kids, and still make it to the finish line in a respectable amount of time, like less than 40 minutes. Want me to come walk with you? I can get you across the line in 39 minutes or less.

    I recommend sending the Welches to work with the Husband. Or flushing it. I'm like that with peanut butter. I make the family hide it. Honestly. I know that there is peanut butter in my house somewhere because kids are eating it on bagels and such, but I don't know where it is. On purpose.

    GO RANGERS! (Some folks here in my office actually scored tickets! They're there in person!)

  2. Wow! That was some day you had! Last Friday I had a bad day and I ate a heck of a lot more than one pb and j sandwich so I applaud you for not going on a huge binge like I did! Little Debbies... oh I want some now.

  3. Oh holy crap, I can so relate. And the damned shoe thing! Last freaking straw.

    On the spiffier side of things: you *will* recover from this surgery. You can still walk the 5K, and eventually you will run one. You can re-start C25K.

    It just takes time.

    Enjoy your weekend!!!

  4. Okay, just so you know. I called Nolan (we go way back, I lived close to him as a kid) and told him that you had a really shitty day and if he could fix it so the Rangers win tonight that'd be really cool. He said he'd see what he could do ;)

    Musta worked, they're up 3/zip in the 4th.

    And remember, its not what you do ALL the time (food, exercise, etc etc) it's what you do MOST of the time.

    Hang in toots, you're doing muy bueno!

  5. Wow! What a lousy day you had, Dr. F. I think you need to rest this weekend, because you haven't been out of surgery for very long, and your body needs to recover. (I sound like a bossy mom right now, don't I?) I don't know how you're doing it all! But considering everything, you didn't blow your diet--in my opinion.

    I hope my Vikings can start climbing out of the toilet this weekend--but it's probably doubtful. For one thing, I think B.F. has too many things on his mind right now--other than throwing the ball! Take care of yourself, Doc.

  6. I'm sure you know you are supposed to give your body time to heal, so I won't say that! ;)

    I looked back at your older posts to see what kind of surgery you had, and I saw your gallstones! They looked so different from mine! Mine were tiny, like sand almost, and there were at least 100 of them, the little buggers had blocked my bile duct and caused me to get pancreatitits (sp?), I waited too long to see a doctor, and so my liver was also beginning to shut down, as were my kidneys, and my skin was yellow and itchy and my eyes were yellow.
    I was in the hospital a week before I was well enough to operate on, and then was six weeks in recovery before I could go back to work.
    Moral for me, don't wait so long to go to the doctor when you're sick!
    Looks like you are doing as well as can be expected on your goals, considering your surgery. Keep trying, but don't overdo it!

  7. and tomorrow is a new day...Thank God.
    Enjoy your game. It's all you can do.

  8. Read the post again. You took care of your family, your patients, and yourself. Seems not so bad to me.. Smile, it was a sandwich, nothing more. You are great.

  9. Wow....my head is still spinning after reading that post. I'm guessing you were typing it at somewhere close to 100 words per minute as it just reads soooo frantically. Sounds like one of those days when you just cannot get caught up with yourself doc.

    And hey, there are still 11 weeks left in the Hot 100 challenge, so that's only 1lb per week you need to lose and that is infinitely do-able so, to quote john lennon "...turn off your mind, relax and float downstream..." - Having said that, he didn't have 3 kids, an important ball game at the weekend...and was off his nut on LSD, so maybe i should just say relax and leave the mind-floating to the hippies. ;o)

    Have a good one.

  10. You were operating in survival mode, I think. And we all know PBJ is the perfect survival food. What a day, though!

  11. Dios Mio! That's one heckuva post, Doc! Listen, if you got hit with that on top of physical discomfort too, then my hat is off to you for ONLY eating a PB&J, and a measured one at that. Kudos!!! Seriously. You did well, you also sounded like you were HUNGRY when you at that sandwich, and while I can clearly feel the frustration over the whole thing, I think that making yourself something to eat in the middle of a maelstrom day like that when you were hungry was probably a good survival decision. The day could have ended with a massive pizza binge, after all. Or a Little Debbie extravaganza. Maybe at that point you needed to eat something, for a variety of reasons, and a controlled sandwich with PB is a far far better choice than other things you could have made. Maybe that decision staved off what could have been a major screw up later in the day? There's a fine line between caring for ourselves and indulding ourselves and our fear of crossing it can sometimes block out rational perspectives -- especially when we aren't quite in our right minds. I think you did very, very well. Turn that sandwich into a positive and pat yourself on the back for getting through a very trying day without eating everything in the house (as I have been known to do).

  12. I was so bummed seeing the Rangers blow that lead in the 8th last night. I honestly thought they were going to the World Series, about to be up 1-0 with Cliff Lee in the cue for games 3 and 7. I'll bet Nolan though he could have done better than some of those relievers in the 8th.

    We're going to UW vs. Or. St. Me and the boys. We share some season tickets to the Mariners, but this is the first time for my 7 year old. I hope they don't stink up the joint.

    Yes, the changing seasons and ramped up work challenges lately mean I need to retool my routine. Am looking at my exercise bike. Probably time to admit there won't be much more outdoor riding. (Hope to get out tomorrow, though)

  13. What a day!

    I had a psychological plateau at the 200-lb. mark. I think it's a challenging place to get past.

    I'm running a half marathon on Nov. 14 (and I'm not particularly well-trained). You'll be fine on the 5K. Walking is perfectly fine!

    Also, I might be moving to your general area. Would love tips on a good Realtor, if you have one.

  14. *deep breath*

    Wow...that was stressful just reading about it. I can only imagine how you were feeling all day long. On days that like, I just want to get to bed and start over! LOL

  15. You're doing great, as much as if not more than to be expected. :) Lots of energy! You'll get back to full steam ahead before you know it!

  16. Just came across your blog and have been reading from the beginning. Just an observation, but you have gotten a lot meaner and judgemental since you've lost weight. Just sayin'.

  17. Super-Woman! Welch's grape is the best for sure. I eat Soy "nut" butter and jelly as a treat sometimes too. It's like cake or ice cream to me.

  18. Wow, some days it is just one thing after another, isn't it?! Take a deep breath - hope you were able to have a relaxing weekend!

  19. Okay I have a need to know: You went out tailgating. How did you do eating-wise and alcohol-wise? Were you a good girl and watch your consumption? I hope that you had a super good time and that you were able to enjoy yourself pain-free!


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