This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Ouch! TWENTY-NINE!! And a lot of cursing.

Warning. I enjoy cursing. I'm sorry, but I do. It's a vice and it costs me absolutely no calories and I don't have to spend any time on the elliptical to pay for it so I don't see any motivation to make myself stop. I only use the nasties in appropriate situations and frankly, there are times when no other words will do. If you have tender ears or is it eyeballs?  Hell, I don't know. But, if you don't like foul language, you might not want to read this.

I can only tackle one  addiction at a time.  My Mom who is also my office manager (did you guys know this?)  threatened to bring back the cursing jar a few weeks ago where we had to put in a quarter every time we used a bad word. I told her , "Fine with me. I'll just put a fifty in and pre-pay for the next month."

It's like alcoholics who refuse to quit smoking. Only I'm pretty sure there's no associated cancer risk AND there's no second-hand cursing rash or infection or cancer to those around me.  In fact, some people might argue that holding my anger and curses inside might put me at risk for bad stuff such as heart attack and cancer from repressing. So actually, saying Fuck a few times a day, might in fact result in reduction of long term morbidity and mortality. Maybe I should design a double blinded placebo controlled study on that.  I could call it

Finding Unexpressed Cursing Kills: The Healthy Attitudes Trial or F.U.C.K. T.H.A.T

Everyone knows to find funding you have to have a snazzy title.

Now you know why George Carlin was my idol, may he rest in peace, or better yet, I hope he's not resting anywhere and that he's just rotting since that's what he believed and all that. Whatever works for you I always say.

Apparently King Allan is in charge of who gets to use the f-word. So I'm hopping permission is granted because Fuck! It hurts. And if not, too fucking bad.  It is exactly the pain I've been having for the last month only 1000 times worse. Thank the Vicodin Gods as it is keeping me sane. It doesn't take the pain away, but it helps. I've been reading some blogs and trying to keep my mind off shit.

No really. I'm trying not to think about the fact that I'm going to have to at some point take a crap and get rid of all the shit I ate last night. Thanks for that little reminder, Allan. I'm dreading that little trip to the BR because just number 1 is bad enough. And to top it off, Allan refused to Fed Ex me one of his big ass special New York Bagels. Selfish Bastard.

(I'm kidding of course. I love Allan. I get him. I think it's sad that I have to explain that I'm joking, but I'm pretty sure if i don't I'll find this posted on some chick's blog as proof for what an asshole he is.I am not referring to anyone in particular. Don't get me pissed and can't we all be adults?)

And to add insult to injury....

Apparently I gained 4 pounds in surgery. That's freakin bullshit man.  I think that whatever twisted bastard put my genes together got me and the Amazon Tree Sloth mixed up. Let me get this straight, you remove a fucking organ and I gain weight. Of course they pumped me full of  2 liters of Saline and what feels like enough air to fill all the tires on my fucking van. Plus the whole, I don't wanna pee or poo could be playing a role.  I'm blaming the surgeon dammit. I'm totally suing his ass. Maybe I'll get some free liposuction and flab removal outta the deal. This is highly unfair. I CLEARLY told him to take any extra shit he saw in there and get it out.

TWENTY-NINE!!!!!! Are you fucking kidding me? I had twenty nine gallstones. I SHIT YOU NOT. At least it is validation for me on why I couldn't eat anything decent or exercise for the last few weeks.  I think that me having to endure 29 fucking gallstones should automatically buy me a prize in that damned Hot 100 challenge shit since CLEARLY I'm behind all ya'll now.  And none of you people have any excuse now for why you aren't kicking more ass.
Holy Gallstone,BatMan!!
Me in recovery already getting my water back in.   What's your excuse?

I better not see any more posts about, "Well, I didn't do too well on my goals this week." or "oops, I slipped up and ate those M&Ms."  BULLSHIT!  If I can have 29 stones removed from my belly and still eat only one fucking cookie, you healthy people can put the damn M&Ms down and go for a walk!  Next time you reach for that shit food, you can ask yourself,

"Do I want this as BAD as that Dr. Fatty bitch hurt with those gallstones?"  

I guaran-damned-tee you YOU DON'T. Throw that shit out. In fact. Why the hell is it in your house anyway? Don't make me go all Tae Kwon Do on your asses, cause I will. I'm not afraid of you people.

Tonight I'm enjoying authentic Italian food  thanks to my wonderful Nanny, Sweet potato risotto, focaccia bread, bruschcetta, but none of the caesar salad. I don't want to puke out my stitches.  My husband is waiting on me and dishing up the drugs as need be. I'm sipping on Sprite. I'm not counting calories.  As if I could add with all these drugs in my system. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Roses from my wonderful hubby.

Home Made Bruschetta, from my Nanny, my FAVORITE!

Homemade Foccia bread, also from my Nanny
Flowers from the office   


  1. Great to see you made it through just fine. The pain will go and at least it's only temporary.
    I have a confession to make ... I have a bad poddy mouth myself.
    Looking forward to seeing your progress ...and I will think of you when I start to waiver and know that you would kick my ass if you could.

  2. What the fuck is up with the damn foul language? Glad they didn't take your sense of humor!

  3. You are awesome. Officially.

    I totally needed that, and to see what YOU are putting up with this week. I'm buying a bag of carrots. Seriously.


  4. Holy fucking shit, I come on here and listen to all this fucking cussing, I don't fucking believe this. You assholes are un-fucking-believable. Dammit!

    Glad to see you back Doc. Still gonna kick the shit out of you in this challenge, but happy to see you back.

  5. I can see by your picture that YOU'RE BAAACK! I suppose you really are going to TRY to kick my butt in the Challenge like you promised. I'm ready for ya!

    I'm amazed that you're eating already and probably home. Things have really changed in the 35 years since I had my gall bladder surgery--and it's a good thing. Don't worry--I'm not going to play the game of "my operation's worse than yours." I'm very glad all went well.

  6. Holy shit balls! That's allota stones. I know what that pain feels like, my friend. I had my gallbladder taken out at the ripe old age of 21. That was the worst fucking pain ever.

    Oh and hey! Yay for cursing!!

  7. Glad you are back to your old spit and vinegar, as my grandmother used to call it. Holy moly, that is a lot of gall stones! Take full advantage of being waited on for as long as possible - god knows that doesn't happen very often!

  8. I'm not much for cursing, but I'm very much a fan of YOU. I'm glad you're rid of the 29 unfriendly stones and are on the mend. Go get 'em girl! You're back in the game.

  9. Speedy recovery! Oh, and I think cursing is good for the soul!

  10. I think you just officially become my favorite:-) I'm a secret potty mouther too. Maybe we should start a support blog...ha!

    Glad you're doing well and what the hell was the first thing you did after you woke up was get on the fucking scale? Unbelievable...lol

    And, I don't know who's challenge stuff you're reading cause I'm doing the damn thing! :-)

  11. 29 of those fuckers? I can't fucking believe it. My hubby had some but fuck, not that many.LOL

    I love swearing especially when people hate it so much, it makes it more fun. So get the Fuck better soon :)

  12. **whispers**
    I think I love you.

    holy CRAPBALLS thats a lot stones!


  13. I'm sorry but I'm laughing my ass off.

    My stones were WAY prettier than yours.

    I hope you pee and poop before you explode. I mean, all that time and effort went into your surgery..it's kind of selfish to explode. Ya know?

    I was so happy to see you posted and that things went OK. I'm wishing you a speedy recovery. Oh wait, I'm sorry...a fucking speedy recovery!

  14. Love the salty language!
    Love the tough love!
    You're awesome!

  15. lol...i happen to think swearing is therapeutic too. That's a lot of stones my friend, but i'm happy to see the surgeon didn't remove that unbreakable attitude we've come to admire too.

    Here's hoping the pain is fleeting and that water now doesn't taste like rusting metal anymore.

    Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker...a fave piece of swearing of mine from the inimitable mr. willis.

  16. OMG, I can stop trying to figure out why I am fat now. I do NOT cuss!! That's it!!! I eat because I hold in my cusses!! Now I can put down this damn boring book that's supposed to make me figure myself out. Thank you Doc!!!

    SHIT! Ahhh, I feel full already.


    So glad your surgery went well.

  17. Don't hold back or anything doc. Tell it like it really is.

    i am glad you are on your way to recovery.

  18. You totally rule, I'm just saying. Thanks for the Saline tip, I am going to find some today and see if it works out. I'm glad you came through the surgury with your sense of humor intact, hubs was not so graceful.

  19. OMG|!! Someone gave me a link to your blog..I'm going thru this right now! Just met the surgeon yesterday and my surgery is set for next tuesday! And the funny thing is, he said 'most ppl have a few stones...you have MANY MANY MANY!!! he said with that many,it's not a matter of "IF" one should get into the pancreas tube, but "WHEN". (I'm afraid to move right now lol) I'm hoping with that many stones, they will still be able to remove it with the laparoscopic way.....I just can't wait till the acid reflux stops and I stop belching like a drunk sailor all day!!!!
    Your post was so refreshing! If it offends anyone..to bad lol.
    Hope you are feeling better!

  20. I JUST LAUGHED MY ASS OFF ( that should be good for a pound or two) .. uhmm so Allan is in charge of the word FUCK.. will have to discuss this in detail with him.. FUCK is my favorite word.. okay one of them.. FUCKTARD.. thats one of the best actually .. FUCK is so versatile it can be happy .. as in FUCKIN YEAH!!! .. it can be angry .. as in FUCK YOU... it can be used as a way to say oops ( FUCK ME) .. and it can be added to many words.. like salt to soup... as in FUCKINFANTASTIC !! lol... hope you are feeling better each day.. and you beat me by 28 stones.. I had one big one.. and mine was all crystally .. well my friend .. keep getting stronger and better each day .. have a healing weekend and just say FUCK YOU to the pain baby!!

  21. your stones look like candy popcorn LOL ....

  22. I just love it when our favorite doctor gets on some good fuckin' drugs!!

    Glad the surgery is over and ready to have you back with us kickin some ass!

  23. OMG!!! Can I say that I *LOVE* cursing Doctor F!? You're a riot!!! Please continue cursing up a fucking storm!

    OMG!!! 29 gallstones?! Jesusandmarychain for cripe's sake! 29?! No wonder you hurt!

    OMG!! Weight gain! You know that's not real weight gain, right? It's just your body holding onto all that surgery shit, and with enough water you'll lose it all quite quickly. Do not despair! That's not REAL weight gain, lady!

    Get well soon!!!

    (By the way, I'd send you a New York bagel, but I'm not sure that Upstate NY bagels are the same as NYC bagels...)

  24. Excuse me...Potty mouth...Geez... Did ya get a weight on them stones... A loss is a loss...

  25. what the fuck, I curse all the time but he gets the credt.

    fuck all of you.

    uhhh can I have some of that vicodin?

    Glad you survived the surgery :)

  26. I'm glad you are recovering well from your surgery and can I say "OMG" I'm glad I found your blog - you are a HOOT!
    I've got to share that acronym with my co-workers - they will LOVE IT!

  27. So glad that the surgery is over! Now just lie back and be waited upon, enjoy the drugs, don't be surprised if it takes longer to feel better than you expected and make note of every bathroom on your driving route. (Personal experience - the GI tract just takes a bit to adapt...)

  28. holy cow!!!
    I am so glad you are better now! I can't believe you had 29 of those things. You could have started your own quarry! Rest up and feel better soon, you are such a trooper!!

  29. Doc on Vicodin rocks! Rocks like those evicted gallstones! So you've made a very valid point - No excuses for me (at least not this week). If you can be all puny and hospitalized and still chug your water bottle and hobble over to the scale, then I can get my big ass in gear too! But really, I do hope you're feeling better soon.

  30. Thank goodness you are okay! Okay I admit it, I had to skip over a lot of what you wrote. I just am not into swearing and you do have a "potty" mouth!

    Wishing you well as you heal and continue to regain your strength.

  31. I too am a big potty mouth, but I got "in trouble" once in my college English class for describing a certain nurse manager as "a real ball busting bitch" and I totally meant in the best way possible..lol. Really, I thought it was her best quality. However, since then I have such a hard time writing, typing, whatever, cuss words.
    I am glad everything went good with surgery. 29 stones..wow!! I only had one, of course he said the whole gallbladder was 100% (and then some) filled with 1 very large stone. His words were "I have been doing these surgeries for 30 years, and that was the largest stone I have ever removed from someone." I didn't get to see it, but too late I guess cuz it was gone.

  32. This. Post.

    Hehehehehehehe!!!! Damn, girl, I think I love you.

    And, healthy horse that I am, I've been on point for almost three weeks. Closing in on perfect.

    I shit you not.

    Speaking of... hoping everything is moving along in that regard!

    Recover quickly -- I'm so glad the surgery is done. This is the first time since I passed 30 that I've seen 29 and thought "I'm glad I'm not her!"

  33. Holy Hell! I just found your blog and this was the first one I read & I am totally in love with you! :)

    I am the worlds worst when it comes to fucking cussing and all that shit... (see the disclaimer on my latest post! LOL)

    I use to hide my passion of cussing but fuck that and everyone who thinks less of me just cause I express myself verbally. :)

    Your luck of having an organ removed and gaining weight seems to be like my mine.....

    I am off to read more of your blog and bookmarking it as well...

    Look forward to seeing your progress (after you take a dump!) :)


Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!