This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Only the Genuine.

There's a lot I've learned in life. As a physician, I see a side of people that very few see. People tell me things. I've learned a lot about people in general in my job. I can read people. It's a gift and a curse.  I was watching that show, "Lie to Me" last night. I found it entertaining. There is truth to it. There are things I was taught in medical school by a very wise psychiatrist about non-verbal behaviors. And there are more things I've learned over the last 14 years of my career.

One of the most important things I've learned is to surround yourself with only genuine people. I don't mean only the nicest. I don't mean only the most caring, although those traits are nice. But, with genuine people you get what they say you get. They are what they are. Sometimes that means they are nice and caring. Sometimes it means they are tough and selfish. But, you always know what you'll get with them. They don't play games. They don't pretend one thing and turn around and do another.

These sorts of genuine people are rare. Unfortunately, most of us learn to play games at an early age. We learn to lie and pretend. Say one thing, do another.  Say one thing while thinking another. Not that there aren't times when a "little white lie" isn't acceptable. Like when I tell my daughter the messy painting is beautiful and I can TOTALLY tell that big brown smudge is the tree. Genuine people tell you the truth. Genuine people who tell you the truth and care about you are rare gems. When you find them, don't let them go.

I've lost friends I thought were genuine. Maybe they thought the same from me. I don't have a lot of close friends that I trust with all of me. I think that is just smart. As a fat girl who never felt liked, I tried hard, sometimes too hard to be liked. I cooked. I cleaned. I volunteered. I loaned money.  I laughed at jokes I didn't get. I was the brunt of a lot of jokes I did get and didn't like.

But now. Things are different. I've discovered me. Genuine me. I like me. I'm smart. I'm caring. I'm talented.  I'm powerful. I'm liked. I'm disliked. I'm jealous. People are jealous of me. I don't have everything, but I have everything important.

I don't miss those people I've lost. I appreciate what they were for me at the time. We served a purpose for each other on this journey of life. And now, I've moved on. I doubt they miss me either. Once you have kids, everything else seems silly. The purpose of your life is to teach these little people how to be genuine. And how do you do that?

By being genuine.

And it's OK to leave things or people behind that are keeping you from being your genuine self.  It's OK, in fact it is absolutely necessary that you make mistakes. The genuine you is not the perfect idea of you in your head. It's the real you. The only one that really matters.

There is a difference between being selfish and being genuine. Being selfish means doing what you want whether it is genuine or not. Being genuine means sometimes you have to be self-less. Sometimes selfish.

Live your life to be genuine. Whatever that is for you. Only you can answer that question. Only you can discover that truth. There is no book or person or job or goal weight or thing that can fulfill your destiny of  being genuine. You can do whatever you dream. Just make sure your dream is genuine and puts you closer to the genuine you. You, my friend, are enough for you.

Have you realized it yet?


  1. Any genuine philosophy leads to action and from action back again to wonder, to the enduring fact of mystery.
    Henry Miller

  2. Still deflecting us from that pre-surgery binge aren't ya...You mean that you are just realizing that bullshit is not for you.. So happy that you know now what I like about you...

  3. my b/f is this, genuine (even though I have never used that word to describe him!). Honest, straight forward, doesn't care if you don't like what he has to say. He does not waiver. He does not hold back. He is him, he has never tried to be anything but.

    This drives me crazy - but in the down and out times (which are frequent) I can rely on him and what he says and what he'll do. Such a difference from my ex who would say one thing and do another. I never felt secure, I felt scared and I was ridiculed constantly.

    Now I feel loved, even though I have had to ask him a billion times to confirm it.

    I am still not genuine - I am working on it.

  4. Here! here! I totally agree, lets cut the bullshit out and be who we are. Great message!

  5. Loved this post--so much truth to it. I don't like my relationships "saccharine" or fake either. Trying to navigate them can really keep a person "off-balance." When I feel like I'm constantly doing a dance around someone, it's time to let it go. It can be much too exhausting.

    I'm happy to say that you sound like you're feeing better.

  6. I was always the awkward nerdy one (I'd probably be diagnosed with Asperger's if I were a kid today) and learned long ago to at least be able to kind of ape the social game.

    The genuine me is more than a bit of a recluse... but to function, I have to push that aside.

    I try to just be me. Years of having to put forward another face (you know, one that actually doesn't hate leaving the house and stuff) can make everything seem forced at times, I'm sure.

    I'm glad to run into folks who are what they seem. It makes it so I don't have to try to read through layers. And it's appreciated.

    So I'll continue being as me as possible without turning into a complete shut-in, LOL.

  7. GREAT POST! It really spoke to me in a lot of ways. Such an important lesson to learn. Being genuine is a form of trust, I've found. You are trusting the other person to accept that you mean no more and no less than you are saying. I've found that since I increased my genuine responses in life -- no more doing things I secretly resent b/c I don't want someone to be mad at me, or I feel like I "should" do it -- my friendships have simplified and, in many cases, strengthened. And some have faded away. It's very very true that not everyone can take a genuine person, but those who can, and see it as a trust and kindness, are rare and lovely indeed.

  8. Lovely post. Working toward that state of being genuine, for me, as become easier as I've gotten older. The self confidence to be myself is such a relief. It really is draining otherwise I think.

  9. I left you an award on my blog.

  10. I so agree. I have pretty much lived my whole life genuine. I didn't have a lot of really close friends because of it. I would be the only one in the crowd who would want to speak up and just say it like it is. Especially with fake people. However, there is a difference between genuine and mean. I was not mean. I broke off a friendship of 15 years about 3 years ago. I let that go as long as I did, because we worked together. I was so tired of seeing her be one person with me and another person with everybody else. I don't even miss her, it was such a relief. I am who I am and people will accept me or not. And that's the way I feel about other people. If I don't like who they are, I stay away. Great topic.

  11. This is a great post! I completely understand what you are saying.

  12. This post is like chocolate and peanut butter. Perfect and completely essential, is what I'm saying.

    Once you get that you have a license to be yourself, without apologies, life can only get better. Delicious.

  13. you are my last blog before laundry duty... ( or doodie ) take your pick) .. why I shared this with you.. well its because I can be a genuine silly person... seriously.. a beautifully and well thought out post.. which I so enjoyed and which spoke volumes to each of us.. you my dear.. are very genuine.. and a totally wonderful surprising read every time I click on you.. have a healing great day today! do hear that?? its the laundry bin thunking its way out of the closet toward the washing machine in the laundry room.. my clue to go help... :-)

  14. One of the most intellectually stimulating posts I've seen, it's in my keeper list, thanks!!!

  15. Brilliant.

    You summed up what i bet a lot of us working-on-being-former-chubsters have experienced in life. I always felt worthless and that i had to bend to other people's whims if they were to like me...and subsequently i made a good share of toxic "friends" over the years who simply served to reinforce that self-image. It's difficult to find the real you when you've spent so long playing different roles for others...but i'm currently seeking out who i really am by testing, poking and prodding and stretching my limits, mental and physical.

    Part of losing weight / taking control of your body is concerned with revealing who you "really are - it's not the whole thing, of course, but it is a physical manifestation of the change occurring within, for me at least.

  16. Come on over for your award !!!

  17. Sorry that was not me! I have not discussed my hot rack yet, well online anyway....

  18. You are such a wise woman! I have been lurking behind the scenes by reading weight loss blogs for a long time. You have inspired me to be "genuine"--and make comments, which will allow others to read my intermittent blog. I am optimistic that any comments I may get will help me succeed in my quest. I knew from the first of your words that I read that you were a genuine person! Thank you so much for providing the start that I needed to get more real!
    A couple of weeks ago(right before your surgery) I wrote quite a long comment to you, but I got stymied when it came to actually identifying myself. I have issues. I had a minor surgical procedure (D&C with hysteroscopy) and I gained SEVEN pounds that day! I did not panic, I knew it was the procedure, not drinking water, no exercise, etc.--but still 7 pounds. It is back off now, but it is amazing what a body can do. I thank you deeply for the compassion I can feel from you words and opinions. You are a treasure to many.

  19. I just found you through Allan's blog! I'm following you now! :D

    I'm sooooooooooooo glad I found you today! I absolutely love this post!!! Thank you so much for sharing and you couldn't have been more right or genuine! :)

  20. Absolutely one of the best posts ever. I could ditto so many of the other comments, too. I want to be better at this. There are some things I do not waiver on, but the lack of boundaries I have are certainly keeping me from being the complete package.

    Thanks for this post!


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