There are things I'm noticing now about my being fat that I'd never put much thought into before now. Things that I guess either I didn't want to think about or hadn't noticed. But, now that I feel like I'm on the right path to conquering this weight business for good, I've started to compile a list of things I can't wait to miss.
1) Higher insurance premiums: I have life insurance, disability insurance and business overhead insurance all of which cost me a FORTUNE in premiums mostly due to my size. Apparently being fat is a risk of dying or getting sick. Who knew? Can't wait to call the agent and take a new physical and use the money I'll save for a trip to a beach where I can wear my new hot pink bikini.
2)Sweating: Now I'm not talking about the working out feel good kind of sweat or even the man it's hot out here sweat. I'm talking about the I get overheated very easily and sweat profusely even without much activity sweat that comes from being fat. So embarrassing. Especially at events where pictures might be taken.
3)Speaking of pictures: I can't wait to miss avoiding pictures. Hiding behind my children or other person or tree or table or anything that will hide my body.
4)Loud thigh rubbing noises: You know the one where when you walk down the hall in jeans or on the rare occasion, pantyhose and hear the swish, swish, swish of my thighs rubbing together. Not to mention the discomfort that can result from said rubbing.
5)People trying to squeeze by me in crowded restaurants: I hate it when I'm in a restaurant that is busy and crowded and jammed packed with tables. I know I'm going to be stuck in the outside chair where the skinny mini waitress has to grimace and squeeze past my chair every time she walks by while I try to shove more of myself into and under the table to get out of the way.
6)Speaking of restaurants: I can't wait to go to eat out with business associates and not feel like they are judging me for whatever I choose and then worrying they'll think I'm a pig even if I pick something healthy and I don't eat it all. I really almost hate eating in these situations.
7)Back fat: That's right. The roll that shows up on top of your bra strap and you can see through thin material and GOD FORBID a low backed dress or outfit. Ugh.
8)The way my heart skips if someone asks me how much I weigh: I hate this. It doesn't happen often as people can tell by looking at me it's too much, but occasionally for medical reasons someone asks. There's always that dead pause as I try to say something that sounds reasonable to the person asking, yet is less than the horrible truth.
9) Butt rolls: You know, that extra hanging off butt fat that hangs off when I sit on a small, usually hard and uncomfortable chair. Usually this is the worst at meetings where I have to sit in said chair for hours on end. Especially chairs that are attached to the chair next to it so the butt roll hangs over onto the chair next to me. Lord forbid it's a standing room only meeting.
10)Being the fattest mom on the field trip: There are many times when I'm the fattest in the room, or at least have been for a long time. None is worse than the field trip which is usually populated with cute little stay at home moms in tight yoga outfits or cute little capri pants talking about how busy they are and how they only had time to spend an hour at the gym today. (Sorry to generalize, but I am so tired and I guess jealous of these people)
11) My old friend the double chin: I know. We've had a long relationship, but it's time to cut the cord. Can't wait not to worry about what exact angle I can hold my head to minimize Mr. Extra Chin in social situations and pictures. Again with the pictures.
12) Standing in my closet trying to decide what outfit will make me look the least fat: I swear it takes me twice as long to get dressed when I have to stand there thinking "Do these fit or are these the pants that won't stay zipped when I sit down?"
This is still a work in progress. Any additional things you either can't wait to miss OR don't miss about being fat?
number one still still still kinda pisses this misfit off.
ReplyDeleteI love this list! And I see alot of me in it. Like the positioning to alleviate the double chin, the pants adventure, the scooting your belly into and under the table. I feel dumb but I loved to find a table that was tall enough to slide my belly completely under it and look skinny for a bit... dork. I think my favorite thing will definitely be not having to worry about amusement park rides for sure. I love going on rides and it has gotten less and less fun when I have to think about whether I will fit in the ride the whole wait in line. Great post Doc.
ReplyDeleteExcellent list. I also hate the restaurant squeeze-by. How humiliating! I usually try to choose the chair where that's least likely to happen.
ReplyDeleteYour list is spot on! I would also like to add, flying on an airplane without using my seat belt extender!! I love to travel, but it is so humiliating to have to use that thing! I absolutely will not miss it....at all!
ReplyDeleteGreat list - I can totally identify. Also I can't wait to miss dreading getting dressed in the morning for fear all my clothes will feel tight and my rolls will evidence themselves around said tightness!
ReplyDeleteYES! Great list. I'd add theatre, concert, and airplane seating where the entire row has to get up and move to let you go by. And having to do contortionist tricks to get your running shoes tied without cutting off your breathing. You're getting there!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to:
ReplyDelete* Not having to actually pick up and adjust my rolls of fat when I shift position, for example, when I roll from my back to my stomach in bed and needing to physically lift my boobs or tummy fat to roll in the correct direction.
* Not having my ass fly around in all directions when jogging on the treadmill.
* Not having my fat spill out of the top of sexy thigh-high stockings. And I mean SPILL.
* Not have to worry about double-corseting myself. For instance, when I wear tummy-flattening underwear, it then pushes all the fat up into a donut at my midrift. I then have to find a stomach-tucking corset to smooth out THAT fat. It's an endless struggle.
Things that I love SO FAR about losing weight:
* Not having to wear shorts under my skirts to prevent against chaffing.
* Collarbones!
* ONE CHIN!
* Looking forward to clothing shopping for the first time in my life. And....evaluating the clothes for its own shape, cut, style, color instead evaluating every piece of clothing for which "hides my fat the best?"
* Steering wheel gap! (I like to drive with my left foot perched on the seat. I now have ample room to sit in this funny position.)
* Sitting cross-legged in my office chair at work.
Christine
www.phoenixrevolution.net
Great list - I have experienced many of the things listed. Now we get to make a new list...
ReplyDelete1.) Frustrated because you can't find a size 5.
2.) Your kids friends think you are "hot"!
3.) You have more than 1 bra in your drawer...I have 2 now and I'm so excited!
4.) You get to take the skinny seat!
The list will go on and on!! I can't wait!!
Hugs!
If I could only pick one from your list as the one I can't wait to see never occur again, here it is; People trying to squeeze by me in crowded restaurants
ReplyDeleteJust not fun being the cause of the squeeze.
I definitely relate to number 12! That's pretty much my every morning.
ReplyDeleteGreat list! I have to say, I can relate to ALL of these (except I'm not a mom, but have often been the fattest person in the room). My biggest one is that I am afraid of weighing so much the airline will charge me for 2 seats! It's great to list these so we remember what we want to get away from!
ReplyDeleteBeing able to cross my legs like a lady!
ReplyDeleteand
Being able to wrap a bath towel around me and have it cover all the pertinent areas. (bath sheets not counted)
Love this list!! I will happily miss:
ReplyDelete1. Going into a meeting and the only available seat is the one with no room for a fatty to squeeze into, so everyone else has to move so the fatty get get seated.
2. Wondering if the airline seat belt will fit or you will have to ask for an extension.
3. Watching someone else put on your life vest and immediately noticing that they HAVE to cinch all the straps several inches to make it fit their slim bodies.
4. Wondering if I sit in a chair if it will break, especially those fold up chairs at meetings.
5. Wearing your pants out only in the place where your thunder thighs rub.
I was ALWAYS the fattest mom on the field trip. I was the fattest mom in the school. In the whole town in fact.
ReplyDeleteI won't miss the fat slap either...when I run in my nightie...my thighs flap together....
The butt fat...amen. I won't miss those bulges that poof out.
Nope, lots of things I won't miss either.