Things I Can't WAIT to Miss About Being Fat

There are things I'm noticing now about my being fat that I'd never put much thought into before now. Things that I guess either I didn't want to think about or hadn't noticed. But, now that I feel like I'm on the right path to conquering this weight business for good, I've started to compile a list of things I can't wait to miss.

1) Higher insurance premiums: I have life insurance, disability insurance and business overhead insurance all of which cost me a FORTUNE in premiums mostly due to my size. Apparently being fat is a risk of dying or getting sick. Who knew? Can't wait to call the agent and take a new physical and use the money I'll save for a trip to a beach where I can wear my new hot pink bikini.

2)Sweating: Now I'm not talking about the working out feel good kind of sweat or even the man it's hot out here sweat. I'm talking about the I get overheated very easily and sweat profusely even without much activity sweat that comes from being fat. So embarrassing. Especially at events where pictures might be taken.

3)Speaking of pictures: I can't wait to miss avoiding pictures. Hiding behind my children or other person or tree or table or anything that will hide my body.

4)Loud thigh rubbing noises: You know the one where when you walk down the hall in jeans or on the rare occasion, pantyhose and hear the swish, swish, swish of my thighs rubbing together. Not to mention the discomfort that can result from said rubbing.

5)People trying to squeeze by me in crowded restaurants: I hate it when I'm in a restaurant that is busy and crowded and jammed packed with tables. I know I'm going to be stuck in the outside chair where the skinny mini waitress has to grimace and squeeze past my chair every time she walks by while I try to shove more of myself into and under the table to get out of the way.

6)Speaking of restaurants: I can't wait to go to eat out with business associates and not feel like they are judging me for whatever I choose and then worrying they'll think I'm a pig even if I pick something healthy and I don't eat it all. I really almost hate eating in these situations.


7)Back fat: That's right. The roll that shows up on top of your bra strap and you can see through thin material and GOD FORBID a low backed dress or outfit. Ugh.

8)The way my heart skips if someone asks me how much I weigh: I hate this. It doesn't happen often as people can tell by looking at me it's too much, but occasionally for medical reasons someone asks. There's always that dead pause as I try to say something that sounds reasonable to the person asking, yet is less than the horrible truth.

9) Butt rolls: You know, that extra hanging off butt fat that hangs off when I sit on a small, usually hard and uncomfortable chair. Usually this is the worst at meetings where I have to sit in said chair for hours on end. Especially chairs that are attached to the chair next to it so the butt roll hangs over onto the chair next to me. Lord forbid it's a standing room only meeting.

10)Being the fattest mom on the field trip: There are many times when I'm the fattest in the room, or at least have been for a long time. None is worse than the field trip which is usually populated with cute little stay at home moms in tight yoga outfits or cute little capri pants talking about how busy they are and how they only had time to spend an hour at the gym today. (Sorry to generalize, but I am so tired and I guess jealous of these people)

11) My old friend the double chin: I know. We've had a long relationship, but it's time to cut the cord. Can't wait not to worry about what exact angle I can hold my head to minimize Mr. Extra Chin in social situations and pictures. Again with the pictures.

12) Standing in my closet trying to decide what outfit will make me look the least fat: I swear it takes me twice as long to get dressed when I have to stand there thinking "Do these fit or are these the pants that won't stay zipped when I sit down?"

This is still a work in progress. Any additional things you either can't wait to miss OR don't miss about being fat?