This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I hear weird people.....

Today was a pretty good day. For a Monday. I woke up later than I wanted and in no mood to exercise. None. Zero. Nada. Zip. Well, you get the idea. So, I didn't. Nice, right? I was in a great mood. I had a smile on my face. I was tired, but not overly. I think I had a little rebellious moment where I was like, "I don't have to. You can't make me." I swear there's a four year old living in my brain!

I went to work with the idea that I would work out at lunch. Go to the gym. You know, the whole nine yards. Didn't happen. Why? Well...I could say it was because I ran late in clinic, 'cause I did. I could say it was because I had a migraine, 'cause I did. But, Really I think the 4 year old struck again. I swear I heard, "Nanny nanny boo boo!" in my brain about 1:30pm when it was clear there was no time for the gym.

We had some storm systems move through this afternoon. Of course we got no rain and no relief from the hideous heat. I also have a barometer in my brain. I knew at least 1 hour prior to the grunting of the National Weather Service notice on the radio that storms were in the area. I had a migraine. Big one. Which gave me an excuse not to exercise this evening. Can't swim if there are storms in the area, right?

While I didn't succeed on the exercise front, I did pretty well for food. Look at the crapola that made it's way into the office:

That's right. Birthday Cake. Two kinds of cupcakes. Fruit pizza cookie thing. Brownies. I didn't even take a picture of the enchiladas and fajitas and tortilla chips and dips that came in at lunch. Unbelievable. But, what's more unbelievable is that I DIDN'T WANT ANY OF IT. None. Wasn't even tempted. Didn't take one bite. Ha! Take that bratty 4 year old in my head.

At 1:30pm when I realized I wasn't making it to the gym, seeing as how I see my first afternoon patient at 2:15pm, I decided to run to Wal Mart for that 1 thing I didn't get at Target for back to school on Sunday.(Grrr! Stupid school supply lists) I drank a large glass of water in the car on the way. I ate my yogurt for snack about 12, but I was starting to get hungry. What to do? I decided that it was hot. No I mean REALLY hot. Freakin 17th day in a ROW OVER A HUNDRED DEGREES, BTW.... it is ridiculous and I really need to find out exactly where to file my complaint. I mean COME ON!!! Our pool is like 93 degrees. I can't even cool off. I can't WAIT to see the electric bill for this month. Stupid weather guy has it stupid over 100 stupid degrees for the next stupid 7 days and he THINKS WE'LL break a RECORD before the end of the summer. He says with a stupid grin on his stupid face. Ahhhhhhhh! Holy Crap!

Sorry....deep breaths....sigh...count to 10...remind myself the weather guy doesn't control the weather.....let it go....anger management....Well, He doesn't have to be so Damned HAPPY about it.......

Fine. I'm fine now.

Anyway. So I was a little warm after my trek to Wal-Mart and I realized that my fav frozen yogurt shop is just down the block. Cue light bulb over my head. I went in and had my sugar-free, fat-free, strawberry-banana with fresh berries on top-243 calories and happy cooled off me. Smile.

Late afternoon I ate my oatmeal muffin for snack, 112 calories. Then by the end of the day, migraine returns. Cue nausea. Thanks, cause I don't need to be pigging out and I don't plan on exercising now. Day's over, right? So a small bowl of soup and small salad=362 calories, with grapes for dessert=60 calories. Wraps up my day at 1,115 calories. 96 ounces of water. No exercise.

"Guess what football fanatic? It's TWO A DAY season! AND that bratty kid in your head just bought you one for tomorrow. Now go to bed so I can beat the heck outta you in the am." Says the evil screaming, scary coach in my brain. Somewhere there's a place where a normal combo of the two live. I hope. Sure is crowded in there. Oh well.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who hears voices like this in their head. Please. Seriously.....you hear it too, right?


  1. My voices need a serious time-out right now. And I'm totally never letting them play with your voices, who are obviously a bad influence!

  2. Found your blog through some comments you made on a friends blog ( Lean, Healthy, Fit ) Darn those bad voices, get rid of them!

    Look at the positive, not the negative, you've made a concious effort to live a healthier lifestyle and in doing so, you easily avoided all those sweet temptations at work. Regardless of not doing a workout.

    Small victories ;)

  3. You seriously need to find the MUTE button. Those voices in there are not your friends! In the meantime, maybe you can find the control for the weather map, too and color over that deep red that's covering Texas with something cool and blueish. Kidding aside, you're doing fine. It's okay to a day off from exercise once in a while and you did a great job on avoiding the calorie extravaganza at work and opting for much smarter treats later. Hope the migraine and the evil weather both go away.

  4. Two things I see here. First, those voices, not your friends! I say flip them the bird, go on with doing what you know is right and it usually works itself out.

    Second, to acknowledge and talk about those voices, it is a good step. I gives you the power. It makes you the boss. If you hide from them and do what they say, well then they win. Round 1 goes to the Doc!

  5. I have a 4-year old also (inside me), but we have finally learned to peacefully co-exist. I find the more I take care of myself, the quieter the voice. Trying ignoring her (no, I'm not DID) is like saying "don't think about a white elephant." So just be kind to yourself, go through with your health plan/diet/physical activity and reward both of you for being good.

    p.s. - enjoying reading the blog of another primary care doc!

  6. Ah yes, the voices. Usually I win those battles.

    Great job on resisting the office goodies. They contributed to my gain of 30 pounds for sure. So now...I wouldn't put a bite of them in my month for anything! Never.

  7. Thanks everyone for your advice and uplifting comments. Those voices in my head are mainly amusing to me and luckily don't control me. But, it's good to be aware of that inner dialog we all have.
    Lanie-if your voices want to play, I can bring out the calm and happy 8 year old. We'd have fun. Or maybe the wild and silly 16 year old?

    Josh-thanks for dropping by. Now I've found your blog!

    Shane- You're right. I'm totally the boss. So all you voices shut the hell up. Except you, healthy happy fitness oriented woman. You, speak up. Ha!

  8. Not only do I hear my inner voice, I hear other's as well!

  9. Ha - had to smile at Shelley's comment! Yep, the voices are loud and clear in my head - I just try not to listen to the one that suggests to ordering a pepperoni pizza! :D

  10. LOL ~ I've never thought how old my voices are. I'm going to think about that. All I know is I've been wanting to throw myself on the ground for a good cry. Could be the terrible 2's!!


  11. I hear jillian...when I first started and walking was painful I would hear her scream "Faint, puke or die...but keep walking'
    Now I hear her voice when I am not giving my workout 100 percent...
    It's a quote from biggest loser about a girl who doesn't give 100 percent
    'She is always giggling and flipping her hair, phoning it in..there's no intensity'.
    I don't know why, but it always gets me going...always.
    Voices in the head are normal....no really.

  12. Our lounge used to look just like your office on a daily basis. Sweets everywhere! LOL. You are really doing great on your weight loss. Very inspiring. Thanks for stopping by my blog and following.


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