I don't WANNA! But I'm glad I did!!!

I made myself go to the gym today. I didn't want to. At. All. I did all kinds of self bargaining and whining to get out of it. Didn't work. I even wore a dress today. I have a meeting tonight. Generally, that means I won't be working out. BUT, I didn't get up and work out this morning. I had some work to do instead.  The deal was that I would workout either in the morning or at lunch. And I kept the deal with myself.

I didn't like it. In fact, I was downright grumpy as I marched into the gym today at lunch. Still thinking of a hundred reasons why I should do something else. In fact as I pulled into the parking lot I seriously considered driving right through and turning around. "That's so dumb."  I told myself. I'm already here. So I thought I'd go in and do just 30 min of cardio. That's not bad. And it got me out of my car.

I went in, changed into my work out clothes. As I walked up the stairs, guess who I saw? My trainer. Shit. And he says, "Going to lift some weights after your cardio today?" Dang it. NO. I wasn't going to. I was going to have a short workout and get the hell outta here because I DON'T want to be here. But there he was with his grinning face. I said, "Maybe." He smiled and said, "I'll be watching you." Dang it.

I hopped onto the elliptical. The only consolation is that I get to read my book. I did my 5 min warm up and then cranked it to level 20 and went to town. I was pissed and I took it out on the machine. Usually I crank it up and then turn it down a level every few minutes. Every time I turn it down I crank up the speed. It's a good workout. I did 30 minutes. As I finished I realized my mood was better and I had a few minutes.  So I decided to do some weights and core work. I did some weighted crunches, planks, chest presses, triceps presses. My abs are so super de duper sore. But I did some weighted v-ups also even though they suck. I even did those crappy ab roll out thingys I hate so much with the little rolling scooter thing.(I'm sure it has a technical fitness word, but I am still new in this world and haven't mastered all the lingo yet.)

After I was tired and sore. But, glad I'd finished and proud that I can say I did do weights next time my trainer asks. My deal for going to the gym today included a trip to the yogurt place for lunch. Sugar free, low fat strawberry frozen yogurt with fresh berries and a little almonds was my lunch and MAN it tasted good and was great in this heat. Made my day.

Sometimes I feel bad because I'm not always "gung-ho" like some people I read in blog land. I don't always look forward to workouts. I don't always feel great afterward. I don't always push myself as hard as I can. I don't always enjoy working out. I can't run 5 miles a day. I can't bike 20 miles a day. I'm not ready for marathons or tris or even half-marathons for that matter.   I don't have hours to attend classes and I can't spend lots of time learning new exercises or trying out new DVDs.

But, I'm good at being regular with exercise for the first time in my life. It's no longer a question of IF I'll exercise, it's WHEN. That's a HUGE accomplishment for me. It's a regular part of my life now. Whether I have to squeeze in a workout in the morning or at lunch or in the evening, I WILL be exercising regularly. In fact, most days. One way or another it will happen.

And even though there are days like today where I REALLY don't want to, I do it anyway because I like the way I feel when I exercise regularly. I hate the sluggish feeling I get when I don't work out for a few days. My body craves movement now and that's AWESOME.   I've discovered some new exercise goals, especially with my Tae Kwon Do. I'll be testing for another belt in a couple of weeks. I know I can't keep going if I don't workout on my off days. I have to keep my cardio going and get stronger so I can do the ever increasingly harder things they are teaching me.

I haven't always been this way. It was HARD at first to squeeze into my busy day. With 3 kids and a husband and a career and a house and laundry and cooking and all the other crap that is my life, I really had to sit down and schedule an appointment for exercise at first. And there was a lot of, "Oops can't do that meeting that day I have another appointment." That person needn't know that appointment is with a treadmill.

My husband has been supportive. Not perfect, mind you, but overall supportive. We've added my exercise schedule to our daily "what's happening" conversations. This used to revolve around the kids and work meetings now it includes exercise talk. Might go like this:

Him: So what have we got going today?
Me: I work until 5:30.  Kids have TKD, boy has horn lesson.  I'll have to go to evening TKD today since I have that office staff meeting at noon and I'll miss my regular class. Can you watch the girls while I go? I'll bring home the boy as his class is just after mine.

Him: No problem. But, I've got work to do tonight so after you get home I'll have to disappear for a while.

It's just part of our regular conversations now. Is it easy? No! Is it a ton of juggling? YES. Would it be easy for me to think, "Boy I'm tired after working all day. The last thing I want to do is drive across town, change clothes and get all sweaty and more tired." Of course. But nobody said this would be EASY.   Making a change in habits is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But it can be done and it does get easier.

If you find yourself saying you "just don't have time" or "are just too busy" or "there aren't enough hours in the day", I say to you WHAT IS WORTH MORE TO YOU? There are plenty of hours in the day if you're honest with yourself, it's just a matter of how you choose to spend them. If you let yourself buy into the idea that your life is too busy, guess what......you'll find it very hard to get in your exercise.

If you have the attitude that exercise is just as important as anything else in your schedule, suddenly it becomes easier to squeeze out 30 min or an hour here or there. If you think about it, it's not really THAT big of a commitment. I mean most people make more of a commitment to their favorite TV show.  You know that one you just CAN'T miss. Guess what? You can! You just don't want to.

I'm asked all the time how I keep it up. How I keep myself going to the gym? The best advice I can give you is this:
1. You have to want it.  That's the truth. You have to want it. You have to find your own motivation. Mine is that I want to be around for my kids and grand-kids.  And I want to be able to move and be active for a long time.  I don't want to die young and I don't want to be unable to enjoy my life.  Fat will kill you and squeeze joy from your life. Why are you letting it?
2.  Just do it. Silly I know but so true. You won't like it at first. It will be hard. There will be days like mine today where you don't want to. But, over time it will be a habit. A part of your life and you will LOVE how you feel.  And keep doing it. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and.......
3.  Find something you really like and do it.  Try new and different things. You know better than anyone else what kinds of exercise you might enjoy. I never ever ever would have thought that I could do martial arts or love it as much as I do. I had the guts to try it and not only is it a great workout, I love it. I look forward to it and now it spurs me on to do more exercise to stay fit for my favorite thing. 

The thing about this health and fitness journey is no one can do it for you. You have to figure it out for yourself. Find your own way. Doing exactly the food plan or exactly the exercise plan that worked for your friend or another blogger or Second Cousin will not necessarily be the right thing for you.  You are not alone though. We're all here helping you along and you in turn help me.

What excuses have you used to avoid exercise lately? How do you handle fitting in exercise when your life is really out of control and stressful? Do you have days where you just don't ant to exercise? How do you handle them?

I hear weird people.....

Today was a pretty good day. For a Monday. I woke up later than I wanted and in no mood to exercise. None. Zero. Nada. Zip. Well, you get the idea. So, I didn't. Nice, right? I was in a great mood. I had a smile on my face. I was tired, but not overly. I think I had a little rebellious moment where I was like, "I don't have to. You can't make me." I swear there's a four year old living in my brain!

I went to work with the idea that I would work out at lunch. Go to the gym. You know, the whole nine yards. Didn't happen. Why? Well...I could say it was because I ran late in clinic, 'cause I did. I could say it was because I had a migraine, 'cause I did. But, Really I think the 4 year old struck again. I swear I heard, "Nanny nanny boo boo!" in my brain about 1:30pm when it was clear there was no time for the gym.

We had some storm systems move through this afternoon. Of course we got no rain and no relief from the hideous heat. I also have a barometer in my brain. I knew at least 1 hour prior to the grunting of the National Weather Service notice on the radio that storms were in the area. I had a migraine. Big one. Which gave me an excuse not to exercise this evening. Can't swim if there are storms in the area, right?

While I didn't succeed on the exercise front, I did pretty well for food. Look at the crapola that made it's way into the office:






That's right. Birthday Cake. Two kinds of cupcakes. Fruit pizza cookie thing. Brownies. I didn't even take a picture of the enchiladas and fajitas and tortilla chips and dips that came in at lunch. Unbelievable. But, what's more unbelievable is that I DIDN'T WANT ANY OF IT. None. Wasn't even tempted. Didn't take one bite. Ha! Take that bratty 4 year old in my head.

At 1:30pm when I realized I wasn't making it to the gym, seeing as how I see my first afternoon patient at 2:15pm, I decided to run to Wal Mart for that 1 thing I didn't get at Target for back to school on Sunday.(Grrr! Stupid school supply lists) I drank a large glass of water in the car on the way. I ate my yogurt for snack about 12, but I was starting to get hungry. What to do? I decided that it was hot. No I mean REALLY hot. Freakin 17th day in a ROW OVER A HUNDRED DEGREES, BTW.... it is ridiculous and I really need to find out exactly where to file my complaint. I mean COME ON!!! Our pool is like 93 degrees. I can't even cool off. I can't WAIT to see the electric bill for this month. Stupid weather guy has it stupid over 100 stupid degrees for the next stupid 7 days and he THINKS WE'LL break a RECORD before the end of the summer. He says with a stupid grin on his stupid face. Ahhhhhhhh! Holy Crap!

Sorry....deep breaths....sigh...count to 10...remind myself the weather guy doesn't control the weather.....let it go....anger management....Well, He doesn't have to be so Damned HAPPY about it.......

Fine. I'm fine now.

Anyway. So I was a little warm after my trek to Wal-Mart and I realized that my fav frozen yogurt shop is just down the block. Cue light bulb over my head. I went in and had my sugar-free, fat-free, strawberry-banana with fresh berries on top-243 calories and happy cooled off me. Smile.

Late afternoon I ate my oatmeal muffin for snack, 112 calories. Then by the end of the day, migraine returns. Cue nausea. Thanks, cause I don't need to be pigging out and I don't plan on exercising now. Day's over, right? So a small bowl of soup and small salad=362 calories, with grapes for dessert=60 calories. Wraps up my day at 1,115 calories. 96 ounces of water. No exercise.

"Guess what football fanatic? It's TWO A DAY season! AND that bratty kid in your head just bought you one for tomorrow. Now go to bed so I can beat the heck outta you in the am." Says the evil screaming, scary coach in my brain. Somewhere there's a place where a normal combo of the two live. I hope. Sure is crowded in there. Oh well.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who hears voices like this in their head. Please. Seriously.....you hear it too, right?