I was thinking today. Yes. I do occasionally think. A lot of people use the day of their blog as their title. It got me wondering. What day am I? Well, I went back from my first post and figured out today is day 135. At first I was bummed by the fact I haven't lost more weight. But then I did the math.
135 days is approximately 19 weeks. Subtract 8 weeks for being sick and then surgery recovering and 1 week for vacation. That leaves 10 weeks. In that time I've lost 21 pounds. Avg loss 2.1 pounds a week. Not bad really. My total loss is now 41 pounds. I still have a long way to go. But, I am proud. This is the most weight I've ever lost at one time.
Well. It happened.
What you ask? I have read on blogs about people being sabotaged by well meaning people telling them they don't need to lose more weight. Well. Yesterday one of my drug reps who is also sort of a friend told me how great I looked. She said I was the "incredible shrinking woman". She asked how much I'd lost. Then she asked how much more I want to lose. I told her 60-70 pounds. Which is true. At 5'1" at BMI of 25 is just under 130 pounds. She looked at me like I was crazy. She said, "There is NO WAY you need to lose that much more weight. NO WAY. You'll be tiny."
Now this is from a petite woman, about my height, who used a body bug to lose the 30 pounds she gained with her pregnancy. She can't be bigger than a size six, but I'm betting a 4. I am big. Is it because they are used to me being big? Even my BFF was surprised by the fact that I was 250 in March. I've been higher than that. My highest weight I remember was 264. That was the weight I was the day I found out I was pregnant with daughter #1. That's why I remember it. Is it because for her 30 pounds was a lot. So to imagine someone needing to loose over a hundred pounds is outside her realm of understanding? Or is it because she thinks I look fine the way I am and can't imagine me losing that much weight? I mean, essentially I'll be her size. Huh.
Either way I wasn't sure how to react to it. I thanked her for being concerned, but assured her that I do have that much weight on me to get to normal BMI. I told her I wasn't exactly sure yet of my goal weight because I still have a lot to lose and I'll know more when I get there. But, I know what I need to be for that magic BMI number. I don't think she meant any harm in her comments. She ended the conversation telling me I was doing great and that she was in awe of how well I'm doing. But, part of me got pissed.
I mean, I got suspicious. Is she blowing smoke up my ass? I mean, anyone can look at me and tell I'm still very fat. After all, she is essentially a salesperson trying to sell me something. Or is she trying to be nice and not agree with me about how overly obese I actually am? Maybe it has more to do with me and how I feel, but 209lbs on 5'1" is easy to see you need to lose weight.
I'm not sure why this annoyed me. Maybe because I don't like talking about this subject, especially to people who've always been thin. No offense to anyone reading this who was actually thin at one point, but you don't know how your body image suffers as a fat kid growing up, being fat forever. It's different than people who were at some point in their life "normal" weight. You feel like an outsider looking in. All. The. Time. A failure at being well.."normal". There is a hopelessness that you feel when you try and fail and try and fail and fail and fail and fail. Anyway, I certainly did not expect to run into this subject so soon.
Have any of you had this happen? How did you feel? How did you handle it?
Today was super great food wise. I came home and had lobster ravioli for dinner with salad, green beans and 2 small pieces of bruschetta. Total for dinner was 681. The ravioli had only 240cal for 5 pieces. The package said 1 cup. How the hell do you measure a cup of ravioli when they won't fit in the damn cup? Label makes make me want to stab them. Luckily it had a weight also, 100gram, so I used my handy scale. 5 pieces. Plenty of yummy and I'm stuffed. Total calories for today=1295 Total water 128oz. Total trips to the BR 9,547 or somewhere in that vicinity. Allan has me so in suspense about PHASE TWO of his challenge. I can hardly weight. Hope I can sleep tonight.
Oh my God...Almost the exact same thing happened to me. I told my best friend I want to be 130 and she goes "Are you sure you want to be 130? You'd be waaaay too thin" I didn't say anything. But, really? 5'7" and 130 lbs is right in the middle of the normal category. If I'm happy with the way I look before 130, I will stop. I'm not going to force myself to lose an extra 10 or even 20 pounds if I look and feel good. But what if I want to be 130? How is that going to make HER life any worse? Because she won't be the 'thin' friend? (She's tiny and I and our other mutual friends vary from a little overweight to very overweight) I don't think she said it meaning to hurt my feelings, but it kind of did, you know?
ReplyDeleteNot to be down on myself, but I've got to admit I've wondered the same thing. When I last weighed my goal of 170, I was an athletic year-round swimmer. Now that I don't have all that muscle weight, what will 170 look like on me when I finally get there?
ReplyDeleteI've actually never had someone tell me this type of thing - I tend to be very tight lipped about my goals and weight loss in general. I'm like you and was overweight as a child, and I think that this has led to me to not ever wanting to discuss my weight with others. Blogging is one thing, but discussing it with people face to face make me very uncomfortable. I too feel like they can't relate or understand. Growing up fat is incredibly painful. It just feels never ending. I also understand where you're coming from with not trusting coversations about weight loss with people who've always been thin. But it's very possible that it just seems outside the realm of possibility to her - over 100 extra pounds on someone sounds like so much, and maybe you just never looked that way to her.
ReplyDeleteGreat questions and thanks for sharing this story!
I rarely tell people my goal weight for that reason. When they ask I just say I want to have a healthy BMI or that I want to be and feel healthy. The numbers can be shocking and overwhelming, hard to grasp. And really? None of their business! Their job is simply to tell me how awesome I am, feed my ego, and encourage me further. No math involved!
ReplyDeleteI have had a couple of people ask me about my current weight and my goal weight and question if I really had that much I needed to lose, but it was an in passing thing, not a drawn out conversation. I even myself look at me and think about the number I want to lose and wonder if I really have 45 more pounds to lose. It would have me at 197 and in reality I should be in the 170 to 180 range. 197 is just a goal for now, a point in the horizon to shoot for. I will get to at least that weight, but beyond that I plan on going as far as needed, but not to push too hard and get anorexic! Right, like i could have that problem!
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is intentional sabotage. I think it is a) how you carry your weight can make you look thinner. My weight is spread out so I don't look like I weigh quite as much as I do, b) people get used to you the way you are, and don't really think of you as "that fat" and c) unfortunately our society has such an obesity problem fat is the new normal, even to thin people
ReplyDeleteWhen I told my friend I used to weigh 80 lb less, she said "were you emaciated?" No I wasn't. I was 5-7, 135 lbs, a little lower than average for my healthy weight range. But 80 lb sounds like a hell of a lot. Because it is.
Lanie, love your comment!
ReplyDeleteLet me get this straight. The drug rep that wants you to push her pills gave you a compliment ? Did ya think she was going to call you a fat ass as she gave you the samples to write scripts for ? Hmm, is it Texas, or the water, or ?? I lost weight, I am still fat, who care what anyone else says. Do this for you, enjoy the journey, and listen to your self.
ReplyDeleteI've not had that happen. Boo. But then again, I'm an amazon woman. At nearly 5'9", I tower over nearly all of my friends, so tiny isn't a word associated with me, lol. But I think you're on to something with maybe they've always seen you that way, so they don't think of you as "fat". It's weird the things we run into while losing weight, huh?
ReplyDeleteApologies for playing devil's advocate here. But how do you know that anyone else has always been thing? Or doesn't struggle with an eating disorder despite being small? Just saying. That said, I have never been obese and have been thin as much as I have been "not thin" in my yo-yo years. I try to avoid all talk of dieting and how much I may have lost or plan to lose. I think most people, myself included, are well intended but just don't know what to say. I'd say - feel great that you have made so much progress that others notice and don't worry about the rest of it.
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ReplyDeletelol - gotta agree with allan on this one - if the lady was just a friend shooting the shit with you over a coffee and said what she did then i think it would be genuine but (and maybe this is just my own "fat-guy paranoia" talking here) i would be inclined to think that she is doing what slick sales-people do best, i.e. talking up something positive and personal in "the mark's"/your life and making more of it than she actually thinks.
ReplyDeleteOf course, i have no other info. about this lady other than what you have written here, so i could be talking out my arse!
I haven't had this happen, but after i lost 3 stones i ran into someone who i hadn't seen in a while and, despite being in a jacket that i couldn't button up 3 months ago but now looks like a tent on me, she didn't notice the loss....that pissed me off for a minute but i remembered that this weight-loss is for me and me alone, and not just for looks (although the "brad pitt in fight club" body would definitely be a huge plus! lol) but for long-term health...and i brushed it off.
I very rarely talk to anyone about weight-loss/getting fit (except in blogland), i cook my own meals and when i don't partake in alcohol or party snacks and someone asks me why not, i am straight with them but don't dwell on the topic. I find that the fewer people who know in my everyday life, the less hassle it is.
That type of thing happens to me all the time. I like to think that the person is well-meaning and really just didn't grasp just how big I was (you are) and therefore doesn't grasp how much weight I needed to lose (you need to lose). But then the other part of me always thought, "Jesus, are you BLIND? Clearly I'm not a skinny person--CLEARLY I have a lot to lose. What kind of games are you trying to play here?" So yeah, I totally get it.
ReplyDeleteI have had it happen to me a couple of times recently. I've lost 79 lbs over the last year. Just this week, someone close to me said, "Well if you got down to 150 you'd look good. But you wouldn't want to get any smaller than that". I'm only 5'2" and I have a small frame, the ideal weight range that I have seen is 103-131 lbs. I don't want to get down to 103, somewhere in between would be fine with me. I weighed 150 lbs when I graduated from high school & I was fat. I wore a size 16, and that was pre-vanity sizes.
ReplyDeleteI do think that people get used to seeing you a certain way and they can't imagine you looking different from that mental picture. And sometimes I think others don't want you to be smaller than they are, because then they might have to admit they need to do something about their own weight problem.
Yes, she was a saleswoman, but you do start getting that kind of stuff. I think it's from people just being shocked and from being a little uncomfortable at your different appearance. I had friends tell me I could stop losing weight when I weighed 200 pounds (I'm 5'6"). They would back off when I'd say I still weighed 200 pounds. I've been maintaining for about a year now, and I don't get the comments anymore that I did when I was losing regularly. Trust me, it'll stop once you've stabilized. I'm a Size 8 or Medium and my BMI is technically still "overweight."
ReplyDeleteMy mom said to me "Well, you aren't going to just keep loosing weight are you?"... I didn't even know what to say. I should have said "hell yes, I hope so!"
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think people that are thin say those things because they are envious that now you may it have it ALL. Don't you think?
ReplyDeleteWorking in a large doctor's office, I've run into the same thing almost weekly. It started because we have lunch catered daily, and I very rarely partake since it's rarely healthy. (You'd think a medical office would be a little more interested in health, but apparently not.) It does bug me sometimes, but I don't think it's intentional on their part. They've always known us to be a certain size and probably just can't imagine us smaller until WE make it so. And honestly, sometimes it's hard for me to even picture losing another 80lbs! Think about how many bags of potatoes that is, oy!
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