I was thinking today. Yes. I do occasionally think. A lot of people use the day of their blog as their title. It got me wondering. What day am I? Well, I went back from my first post and figured out today is day 135. At first I was bummed by the fact I haven't lost more weight. But then I did the math.
135 days is approximately 19 weeks. Subtract 8 weeks for being sick and then surgery recovering and 1 week for vacation. That leaves 10 weeks. In that time I've lost 21 pounds. Avg loss 2.1 pounds a week. Not bad really. My total loss is now 41 pounds. I still have a long way to go. But, I am proud. This is the most weight I've ever lost at one time.
Well. It happened.
What you ask? I have read on blogs about people being sabotaged by well meaning people telling them they don't need to lose more weight. Well. Yesterday one of my drug reps who is also sort of a friend told me how great I looked. She said I was the "incredible shrinking woman". She asked how much I'd lost. Then she asked how much more I want to lose. I told her 60-70 pounds. Which is true. At 5'1" at BMI of 25 is just under 130 pounds. She looked at me like I was crazy. She said, "There is NO WAY you need to lose that much more weight. NO WAY. You'll be tiny."
Now this is from a petite woman, about my height, who used a body bug to lose the 30 pounds she gained with her pregnancy. She can't be bigger than a size six, but I'm betting a 4. I am big. Is it because they are used to me being big? Even my BFF was surprised by the fact that I was 250 in March. I've been higher than that. My highest weight I remember was 264. That was the weight I was the day I found out I was pregnant with daughter #1. That's why I remember it. Is it because for her 30 pounds was a lot. So to imagine someone needing to loose over a hundred pounds is outside her realm of understanding? Or is it because she thinks I look fine the way I am and can't imagine me losing that much weight? I mean, essentially I'll be her size. Huh.
Either way I wasn't sure how to react to it. I thanked her for being concerned, but assured her that I do have that much weight on me to get to normal BMI. I told her I wasn't exactly sure yet of my goal weight because I still have a lot to lose and I'll know more when I get there. But, I know what I need to be for that magic BMI number. I don't think she meant any harm in her comments. She ended the conversation telling me I was doing great and that she was in awe of how well I'm doing. But, part of me got pissed.
I mean, I got suspicious. Is she blowing smoke up my ass? I mean, anyone can look at me and tell I'm still very fat. After all, she is essentially a salesperson trying to sell me something. Or is she trying to be nice and not agree with me about how overly obese I actually am? Maybe it has more to do with me and how I feel, but 209lbs on 5'1" is easy to see you need to lose weight.
I'm not sure why this annoyed me. Maybe because I don't like talking about this subject, especially to people who've always been thin. No offense to anyone reading this who was actually thin at one point, but you don't know how your body image suffers as a fat kid growing up, being fat forever. It's different than people who were at some point in their life "normal" weight. You feel like an outsider looking in. All. The. Time. A failure at being well.."normal". There is a hopelessness that you feel when you try and fail and try and fail and fail and fail and fail. Anyway, I certainly did not expect to run into this subject so soon.
Have any of you had this happen? How did you feel? How did you handle it?
Today was super great food wise. I came home and had lobster ravioli for dinner with salad, green beans and 2 small pieces of bruschetta. Total for dinner was 681. The ravioli had only 240cal for 5 pieces. The package said 1 cup. How the hell do you measure a cup of ravioli when they won't fit in the damn cup? Label makes make me want to stab them. Luckily it had a weight also, 100gram, so I used my handy scale. 5 pieces. Plenty of yummy and I'm stuffed. Total calories for today=1295 Total water 128oz. Total trips to the BR 9,547 or somewhere in that vicinity. Allan has me so in suspense about PHASE TWO of his challenge. I can hardly weight. Hope I can sleep tonight.