There sure seems to be a lot of people out here in blogland that are constantly talking about commitment or lack thereof. I think sometimes we use this term very loosely. There are challenges and promises and commitments all of which are taken seriously sometimes and sometimes not. All this talk about commitment and the fact that my anniversary is coming up soon got me thinking about REAL commitment.
I think that this journey is very much like falling in love..........
At first, you are excited. Everything is new. It's all you can think about. You are dreaming about it. You are learning all about your new healthy change. You just can't get enough. You wake up each day and just KNOW you are going to be great. You buy new clothes, those cute little yoga pants with matching top. You want to look your best. You start to feel really good about your new relationship with health. You realize this may be the ONE. The time you finally get to goal.
You make all these lists of things you are going to do. Setting goals. And the rewards for each one. You start to really believe. You start to day dream about it. About a time when you are thin and all your dreams will come true. What your future together will be like. How you will look. How you will feel. You are so happy to finally be on your way. You make a commitment to never go back. You want to spend the rest of your life just like this.... happy and healthy.
As time goes on you start to notice all the things that get on your nerves. You start to wonder if you've made the right choice. You remember the days before when you could do whatever you wanted. Eat, sleep, drink, lay around, have fun. Just do your own thing. NOW you have to think first. You have to always be on guard. You have RULES to follow.
At some point you get mad. You are sick of the shit. Sick of putting up with those little annoyances. Tired of missing the way your life used to be. You put some distance between you and your new way of life. You start looking around at others. See them just happy with who they are. Not worrying about every little calorie. Not getting up at the ass crack of dawn to put themselves through sweating and grunting and working and feeling like you might die, only to wake up sore as hell and have to start it all over again.
It seems like it's not as easy as it was before. You start to resent the whole thing. You don't see WHY you have to deal with this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. The rest of your life starts to seem like a VERY long time. You're stuck with it. You'll never live any other way. The same old thing. Eat right, exercise. Eat right exercise. Eat right, blah blah blah blah. You start to think about BEFORE. How things were. Was it really that bad?
You are faced with temptation.
Your old friend junk food. You've always had feelings for it. ALWAYS had a good time together, as far as you remember anyway. You remember how it feels. How it tastes. How it looks. How GOOD it made you feel. It's SO sexy. And it's been a LONG time. Soooooooo long. And why DID you break it off anyway? I mean, was it really THAT bad for you? Just ONE time won't hurt. Will it? Just one teeny tiny itsy bitsy taste? I mean, you don't have to go ALL the way. Is just ONE tiny slip up cheating?
You start visiting with it again. Stopping on the cookie aisle at the grocery store, just looking longingly at the Oreo package. Lingering near the bakery for just a few seconds longer than you needed to find that low carb pita. It makes itself VERY clear. It's there. ANYTIME. ANYPLACE. All you have to do is say the word. It still wants you. It still needs you. It still knows how to make you feel GOOD.
And now you have a choice to make.
You can dive right in with junk food where you left off. Say to hell with it. I DESERVE to be happy. I have NEEDS. And you know how it will go. You'll start slow. A few cookies here, a mini candy bar there. Then it's the holidays and OH the choices. AND, it's not like you eat that stuff all the time. I mean, hell, you can't even get those Little Debbies Christmas Trees except NOW. ONE time a year won't hurt. And then you need more and more. And before you know it you're driving thru McDs ordering 2 combo meals and desserts just so the acne faced kid at the window doesn't know ALL that stuff is for you.
You wake up one day and you're sick of it. You decide you'll cut down. And there's JUNK, calling you, following you, always around. You have to start making excuses. "I have an upset stomach, I can't eat fries tonight". But Junk won't stop. It's relentless and...
You're back where you started.
AND what would that do to your healthy self, huh? You've worked so hard to maintain that relationship. You've been through SO much and come so FAR together. Losing everything you've built together would suck. You remember, you really do like your new life. In fact you love it very much. You have planned a future together. A plan that will keep you alive and healthy and happy for a long, long time.
And you realize you aren't ready to throw all that away. Not for JUNK food. And you know how that ALWAYS ends. With you not fitting in your clothes, crying in the bathroom, depressed and rejected.
You tell junk food goodbye. For GOOD this time. And as you stare lovingly at your new self in the mirror you realize that this commitment you've made is for life. YOUR LIFE. It may not be EVERYTHING you dreamed of, but it's as close as you need. You realize your dreams were just that, DREAMS, and the reality is so much BETTER. Because THIS life will be here for you. It won't always be easy. They'll be rocky times. BUT, at the end of the day, THIS life is what LIFE is all about.
This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.