I've Come a Long Way, Baby!

Hello All! I'm still battling this headache and I am about ready to just chop it off. Bet I'd lose a few pounds that way, Ha ha!  My BFF and her kids arrived last night and the kids were so excited. We are having a great visit. I am at work today, but off the rest of the week, so we'll have some time to visit.

Today my weight still shows that 3 pound gain. I'll just accept it. I think it is hormone time again and whether the math adds up or not, my body holds on to fluid for no apparent reason during that. But, I am wearing my first ever size large shirt today, so I'll take it. I know I'm on the right track and I'm so far from where I was a year ago this time. I can't believe I am wearing this shirt. I actually bought a size large on accident. This is the first time I've worn the shirt. I went to put it on and saw it was a large. I thought, what the heck, I'll try it. I did and it fits. It matches my new shoes and I really like it. It's nothing special,but it's a size large!!

This morning I had a breakfast sandwich and banana with my water and coffee. I had 4 almonds for lunch w/ 8 oz of coke. Not healthy at all, but I was really nauseated with this headache. I tried to drink water and felt like I was gonna lose it, so I gave up and tried the coke. I counted the calories and I think it helped a little anyway.  Exercise is on the agenda for this evening and we're making our own pizzas for dinner. I'll be having very thin crust and veggies with very little cheese. And water, of course. That is assuming my nausea lets up.

I've been reading a lot of posts about year end wrap ups and goals for the next year and I'll get to mine sometime. But, I need some time to really think about it.. I know every year for as long as I can remember my resolution was to lose weight and exercise. While that is on the agenda for the next year, I'm not making it a resolution. It is just going to be business as usual for me. So I'll do some soul searching and think about my next goals and what I want out of the next year.

All I know is I've come a long way.

Christmas 2009

Christmas 2010

Tuesday and A Big Bowl of Nothing.

Well, I weighed this morning and scale says I'm up 3 pounds from Sunday. I do not think this is possible based on what I've been eating. But, I know I haven't gotten in all my water and that I am puffy. To top it off I think I'm getting a sinus infection. I've had a headache for several days, congestion and such. I went home at lunch and took a nap. After work I was home by a little after 5 and I went to bed. Was in bed most of the night with chills and maybe fever.  I really don't have time to be sick and my BFF will be here this afternoon. I'm going to be pissed if I'm sick and it ruins our visit.

I hate taking antibiotics. I avoid it whenever possible. I have been using saline rinse in my sinuses and it helps a lot. Plus my usual allergy meds. I do feel a little better so far today, so we'll see. In laws leave today as the BFF arrives. The revolving door continues. But, it has been a lot of fun having a house full of people for the holidays. Tomorrow I work and then off the rest of the week to spend some time with the BFF. I'm hoping to take her for a grown up lunch out tomorrow since we'll have childcare with Nanny. Maybe we'll get to squeeze in a movie on Thursday together.

I didn't track calories yesterday because I felt like crap.  I entered them this morning and I was in my range. I am tracking this am. Had my breakfast. I doubt they'll be much exercise today as I am planning another nap today for lunch.  Hopefully that gain will be washed away as I push the water back to pre-holiday levels. Mind you I've gotten all my fluids in everyday, but water is best.

And now some sports talk

So last night I watched the kind of football game I like to see. A battle. Defensive plays taking the charge. Sheer will of the quarterback forcing their team to pull through. The Saints battled the Falcons. I like both teams, don't hate either and it was just enjoyable to watch, what I saw of it anyway.  I remember when the Boys used to play like that, but it's been quite some time. And tonight I get to see my 2nd team, the Vikes, probably get pummeled by the hated Eagles. I'm really just hating on all things Philly right now.  But, NFL 4 days in a row is something I could get used to.

I did watch a little of the bowl game yesterday. Air Force did what they do. They are a good team and I was glad they won. Actually after their game in Norman this year we went out to eat at a hibachi grill. At the table with us was one of their players. I happened to glance up and see him on the side line. I was happy for him that they won. Today is the Champs Sports Bowl and the Insight Bowl. Seriously? I'm supposed to rush home to see West Virginia play NC State? And THEN I'm supposed to stay up late to see Mizzou play Iowa with a 9pm kick off? This bowl crap is getting ridiculous.

I am looking forward to the Alamo bowl. OSU will play Arizona. I have connection to both teams, being an Okie and Mike Stoops coaching the Wildcats.  I might watch the Sun Bowl. Two teams you love to hate-Notre Dame and Miami.  The Chick-Fil-A Bowl (I kid you not, that's the name of the bowl) might be good with the Game Cocks playing Florida State. I just like yelling, "Go Cocks!"  But I also like Spurrier who has always been fair to my Sooners. And speaking of my Sooners. We get to play U.Conn. yep. I know. Hard to get too excited by a complete yawn of a bowl match up. If we win, so what. If we don't, there will be hell to pay.

But, even with the lack luster plethora of mediocre teams playing in bowls this year I take comfort in the fact that there are a few more glorious days of college football. And the BEST part?? Texas is watching from home. Hee hee hee hee ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, my side hurts.

Have a great day all.  Any of you out there watching any of the bowl games?

The Morning After

Here I am on Monday with absolutely no motivation to be at work. I'm still tired from all the fun over the weekend and I wish I could go home for a nap. It didn't help that I dropped my coffee getting in the car this morning so my driveway got the caffeine I was supposed to have. And it was Jamaican Blue Mountain so I'm pretty pissed.

Diet wise and weight wise I ended OK. I was 203 yesterday am, up a pound from mid week, but still a loss of a pound for the week. I am back on track this morning. I had a glass of wine, maybe 2 at dinner on Saturday and I can tell you without fail I gain a pound anytime I drink any amount of alcohol. I don't know if it's water retention or what. Plus I know I haven't been getting all my water in. When my routine is different sometimes I'm not good about getting it all in. I'm drinking fluids, but I do better when I drink the water.  I have to admit I didn't track my calories on Saturday. I have a pretty good idea of how many I had and it wasn't 1200. More like 1600, which is still not horrible for Christmas Day.

My in-inlaws will be leaving tomorrow and my BFF and her kids will arrive. I am looking forward to that visit. We always spend New Year together and we do our Christmas with them on New Year's Day.  It is less pressure. No big meal to cook. No tons of people in and out. Just hanging out and some fun.

I had a great Christmas. The kids were all very pleased with their gifts. in fact, I hardly heard a peep from any of them the last couple of days. We played their new games and they were happy.  I got a neat alarm clock for my iphone a few new OU clothes that fit, Biggest Loser for the new Xbox Kinect which I haven't tried yet, mainly because my son is too busy playing the thing.  I got a lot of great gifts, but mostly I got a great Christmas with friends and family and that's all I really wanted anyway.

Right now, I just want to get through this day. So...back to work. Yawn.  Maybe I better find some coffee. Have a great day, All!

Christmas Eve Hot 100 Update and a Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas to all my blog friends!

I am up nice and early this morning. I just couldn't sleep thinking of all the things I need to get done today. I will begin cooking today. I have pies to make and salads to prepare. I'll have 13 people at my house tomorrow for dinner and it should be a lot of fun. 

Don't worry though, I have everything planned. I am doing my sugar free fruit pies. It's an OLD WW recipe and I can eat it without guilt. Also I'll do apple pie, cherry pie and pecan pie. I will be making my cranberry salad which is healthy and also sugar free. We'll have veggies and salad and lean turkey. Roasted sweet potatoes instead of the sweet potato sugar fest with cream I usually make. There will be plenty of choices to keep my calories down. For breakfast I'm doing the casserole and using egg whites instead of real eggs, turkey bacon and low fat cheese.

Yesterday I was doing the last of my grocery shopping and of course when I got home I remembered I forgot some stuff. So I'm running to the store early this morning in hopes I avoid the crowds. Then I'll have the luxury of staying home in a warm, dry house and listening to Christmas music while I cook. I love to cook. It relaxes me and I enjoy it a lot. I used to spend a lot of time munching. One of the reasons I liked to cook is because I could sneak food without people realizing how much I'd eaten. No more my friends. I have figured out how to cook without tasting, at least VERY little.

Last night I made my cranberry-pear and goat cheese stuffed pork tenderloin with cranberry-onion compote sauce. It was delicious.  We had fresh green beans and roasted potatoes. I had skipped lunch again and that means I finished the day well under the 1200 calories. I didn't get in as much water as I'd like, although I got in enough for the challenge. But, I woke up this morning and I was very thirsty so I know I need to drink more today.

Here's my Hot 100 update:
1. Weigh 199 pounds: Well, I am on my way. I have only 3 more pounds to go. I refuse to gain in the next 2 days. REFUSE YOU HEAR ME. I weigh 202 pounds. SOOOOO close and the lowest I've weighed in......ever.

2. Exercise 5 days (my new goal from last week): I didn't get this goal done unless you count the vigorous house work I've done the last few days. Nanny's been off and with a house full of guests, there's plenty to do. I worked out 2 days w/ real workouts. Today I plan a little TKD practice as I don't want to forget it all. Plus, it is relaxing in a sweaty get your anger out kinda way. Did I mention the house full of guests? Ha ha.

3.  Size 14:  Well, this one I have done AND I have big news:  I WORE THE SIZE 12 PANTS TO DINNER THE OTHER NIGHT.  I was so proud for a couple of reasons. FIRST. I WORE A size 12!!!! Which I have never done. the smallest I've worn is a size 13 and that was like 1990.  Second, I got new knee high boots. That's right, I've lost so much weight that my old ones I ordered from a plus size catalog in wide calf size are too big and slip down all the time. So I ordered new ones on clearance from Kohl's for $35. Score on the price!  They are very cute and fit great.  I wanted to wear them to dinner, but my size 14 pants were too baggy in the boots so I thought, what the heck, why not just try on those 12s. And they fit. They were snug, but they button and zip and they are skinny leg pants so with my long sweater they looked great.  A side benefit was that I couldn't eat as much at the restaurant so, double score.

4.Get my Yellow belt: You know I've done it.
5: Do a 5K: Again I did one, but couldn't run the whole way. This is on my major must do for the new year.

And so, I must go shower and get ready for the quick trip to the store. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday. Remember not to get caught up in the idea of "perfect" holidays. The perfect day is one where you are comfortable, happy, healthy and with those you love. That's all that matters.  Stay the course. Don't fall into the "It's ONLY one day trap!"  I'll see you on the other side of the holiday.

Merry Christmas, All! I'll leave you with a couple of pics of my decorated and quiet house from this morning.

Christmas Eve Eve.

Glad to be off work today as I have a lot of things left to do, although the list is MUCH shorter. Nearly all the presents are wrapped now.   I have a gift to buy, but I don't need it until New Year when we do our Christmas with my BFF and kids.  Today I have a party for my little ones pre-K and a trip to the grocery store to get the last few things I need to start cooking tomorrow. Tonight I'll me making a pork tenderloin with cranberry-pear compote for dinner. Yummy!

I am doing super great on the diet front. I can't believe how great. I weighed yesterday and I was 202!! That's just 3 pounds from my Hot 100 goal of 199. AND. AND! I WORE THOSE SIZE 12 PANTS TO DINNER LAST NIGHT! Ha ha ha! I'm very proud of myself.

Yesterday was busy as usual. I worked in the morning and left about 1pm with my work done. I'm of the rest of the week. I then ran a few errands and then went home to do wrapping and such. I wasn't hungry all day yesterday. I didn't eat breakfast until around 10:00am because of it. It's a good thing I wasn't hungry look at the crap that's been streaming in to the office for the last 2 weeks.

I used to take all this crap home. Almost all of it is candy, cookies and other crap.  For the last 3 years, we've been drawing names and letting the employees pick one to take home.  It took 4 things. Three of which I am re-gifting. The other was a box of pistachio nuts and mixed nuts from Dean and Deluca which I brought home for my husband and I to share.


Luckily yesterday someone finally brought something I COULD enjoy.

 FRUIT TRAYS and BERRIES for ME!  Not the pastries, of course!

I didn't eat lunch yesterday again as I was busy and not hungry. I drank my fluids of course and this helped. I had planned to eat a light lunch anyway as we took the in-laws out for Mexican food last night. They don't get great Mexican in Nebraska so we also go out when they are here. I had only had 300 calories by the time we got to the restaurant, but I stuck to my plan of the veggie fajitas. They are so good. I ate a few chips, I ate corn tortillas and I had a small margarita. I ate a small amount of guacamole. I was full and I ended the day less than 1000cals.

There's been some talk about calories burned with activity and I just have to say one thing. While it is true that moving burns more calories than sitting still, you should not count activities such as sewing or cooking as exercise. Exercise should be counted as an activity where you raise your heart rate. For cardiovascular health you should exercise 3-4 times a week for at least 30 minutes in the target heart rate range for your age.  Being active is a good idea. If you are going to pick between nothing and knitting, I guess knitting is better, but just barely.  And while it is true that your body burns calories even when you are breathing, the amount is variable for each person and very hard to estimate. Please don't fool yourself into thinking that you can eat more if you do very basic things. I don't count any housework as exercise unless it is vigorous.

And exercise for weight loss or cardiovascular health should be something above your normal activity level.  I have patients tell me all the time that they can't figure out why they aren't losing weight because they are "very active at work." They tell me they walk, do stairs and such. All of this is good, but your body adjusts to a level of activity so that your heart rate won't go up with the same level it's used to. A heart rate monitor is a great tool for monitoring your activity and estimating the calories you burn. I've worn mine for a day at the office just to get an idea of how many calories I'm burning in a usual day. The one I have uses a weight based formula with my heart rate data to estimate the amount I've burned.   Some of these monitors are quite inexpensive. Think about getting one if you don't already have one.

No matter how many calories you burn with exercise, you have to monitor your diet and track your calories. You have to maintain a calorie deficit to lose weight. Remember that all calories are not equal for your body. Filling it with hamburgers and fries is not the nutritional equivalent of equal calories of lean beef and roasted potatoes. Just ask my lap band patients who continue to eat things like snickers bars and fries and wonder why they don't lose. Well, they don't exercise and they don't feed their bodies with nutritious food and they don't watch their calorie intake. It doesn't take much of a very calorie dense food to make you gain weight.

What you eat does matter. There are multiple studies showing that high fiber diets reduce colon cancer. Women who eat diets low in fat and high in fruits and veggies have less breast cancer. I could go on and on. But, the point is that if your goal is to be healthy and fit, what you put in your body and how you move your body matters. 

 Finally, I am answering the questions from Suzi's blog yesterday. Sometimes I do, sometimes no.

Spunky Suzi's Question Day
1. Do you already have a new calendar? What's the theme? Do you usually buy yours or wait for a freebie?
Yes. I made new ones for the grandparents with a collage of the kids pics on it from last year. Of course mommy needed one to. Thus the reason for going to Walgreen's and NOT just to browse the gift aisle as Allan has implied. He loves to give me shit.

2. Do you have any Christmas eve traditions??
We usually watch a Christmas movie, sing some carols, eat some food and just be together. Of course read the Night Before Christmas and put out cookies for Santa and food for the reindeer.

3. How many fruits/veggies do you try to eat a day?? Or do you try??
I love veggies. I need my 4-5 servings a day and because I do love them, it comes pretty easily for me.
4.What is your favorite nut? ALMONDS!

5. What are you going to be changing to make sure 2011 will be your healthiest? This is a fabulous question. Fabulous. Of course there is the usual, more exercise and eat less, track my calories. All that. But what I really plan is to prove to myself that this is a lifetime change. Continue to work on my mental game which is really the big struggle. I am changing every day. I am learning more every day. I can't wait to see where I'll be a year from now.

And now I'm off to get my stuff done so I can spend some time hanging out with the kids tonight. Have a great day all! And eat healthy food!

Still busy, Ramblings and Sports Talk

Well here I am posting at nearly midnight. Why? Because I've been busy since I got home and I am just now sitting down to get ready to wind down. I got home tonight and finished up dinner that Nanny started. It was tasty. We had grilled chicken with a sweet potato risotto, peas, carrots and salad. It was really good and healthy. Of course I ate only a tiny amount of the risotto. I love that stuff, but it is high calorie.Luckily I had room in the budget for it because I skipped lunch. Not on purpose, but again with the busy thing.

I got up this morning early to catch up on yet more work. Got dressed for work, breakfast was my frozen light Jimmy dean. No time to cook these days. Out the door and off to Wal-Mart to pick up a few small things for the kids stockings. I also got a copy of Salt on Blue Ray. It's a good movie. Also, The Town is out now and I loved it, but they didn't have it out yet, at least I couldn't find it. Pretty sure Santa is putting that in my stocking.  

Work was busy as it often is this time of year. Lots of people calling in for refills since they are going out of town. of course they didn't notice that the bottle only had 7 pills last week so they could call to get it taken care of. A lot of people are mad when they find out the reason it has not been refilled is because they are past due for an appointment. People don't realize that chronic health problems must be monitored. The medications must be monitored. I've never understood these doctors that give a year of refills and then wonder why patients don't comeback in.

It really has nothing to with making money, although a patient accused me of making her come in because I wanted the copay. Yeah, that $20 is my priority. Look lady could it be that you are diabetic with a history of heart problems who hasn't been in the office for 7months?These people are the ones whose family will sue me when Mom drops dead of a heart attack and accuse me of not making sure she knew that diabetes could kill her.  For some reason I just can't accept, "my sugars are fine" as a complete assessment.

The other problem I ran into was with an elderly couple of mine that are just having too many health problmes to be alone. They don't have family that can care for them. I've ordered home care, but they only do so much. I actually received 2 calls from the Adult Protective Services in the last 3mo on these two. Considering they've been in an out of the ER and hospital repeatedly lately, I felt it important that we discuss placement and options for care. Believe it or not, but these kinds of poor outcomes and frequent hospitalizations will someday soon affect whether I get paid for my services. Whether it is my fault or not.

That aside, I worry about these two with failing memories and bodies. They have a home care nurse during the day but were refusing care at night. I simply reminded the patient that I have to be sure they are safe and I needed him to cooperate or I'll have to call APS and have them placed. I've seen this pair for years and I've had to threaten to fire them several times for being rude to my staff, not following my advice or just not showing up to appointments. For some reason they keep coming in and say they think I'm the best doctor ever. I think I am the only tender-hearted one who has been willing to put up with their shit this long.

As physicians we have to take care of our patients, all of them. No matter how likable or unlikable  they happen to be. Truth is I rarely run into patients that I don't care for. Mainly because I love my job and I take it seriously. It truly is a calling. There are simpler ways to make a living.

Sorry for the tangent. Anyway. At lunch I ate only a pear on the run and drank a bunch of water. I ran to Target and to Kohl's. You'll be proud to know I am pretty much done shopping.  After dinner tonight I got busy and wrapped up all the candy in bags for the office. Most of it will be out the door tomorrow. I ate a tiny piece of the fudge, I even weighed it so I could count the calories. I wanted to make sure it tasted OK. Didn't want to give gifts that taste crappy. It was good and that tiny piece fit in my calorie budget. I am at 986 calories for the day and I'm full.

After that I got busy with wrapping presents. Had plenty of help from my little elves and now I'm pooped, but a little wired so I'll try to wind down. I spent the evening watching a documentary on Vince Lombardi on HBO while I wrapped. Yep. I love my sports. It was interesting and a good film. Well done.

(Warning, sports talk ahead)
Of course down here in Dallas all the talk is the Cowboys sucking and the Rangers not getting any good off season free agents. AND the Mavs who are playing great, but don't they always this time of year? It's the home stretch and the playoffs that really matter.  Let's not blow it all too early. But, anyway. Big Dirk surpassed Larry Bird's record tonight in their win against The King James (not of bible fame).  And what happened to hockey? I thought we had a team, but no one seems to care anymore which is sad since they are now in first place in the division.

For some reason I couldn't get excited about the Beef Noodle bowl tonight. Geez how many bowls do we need anyway? And we can't have a playoff. Such bullshit.

In other news, I'm excited to hear that Mike Leach may be getting back to coaching and I hope it isn't Miami because he could do some real damage there to the BCS and our hopes. He is an excellent coach and I think he got screwed. Maryland is looking at him, reportedly and that's great for him and far away from my Sooners, so.... Go Leach.

And did anyone watch that mess last night? I know my friend Michelle did. VIKES. Favre. Peterson. All a disaster and yet people were mad there wasn't more exciting weather and mess? And the Bears winning the division. PUH-lease. I am not a Bears hater as they have historically have quite a few Sooners, but I am by no means a Bears believer.  I just don't see it. I do think Cutler is a better quarterback than people give him credit for and it is yet another big middle finger to the floundering Broncos who have completely screwed themselves from being a competitor, which is ok with me and I'm sure it's great for him, too. But, Favre looked like a beaten old man on the sidelines last night and I just find that a little bit sad. Pride goeth before the fall my man.

Tomorrow's bowl-The Vegas cash in some chips and spend money bowl, should be good unless Boise wins. Go Utes. Still bitter from that bowl game a few years ago? Absolutely.  This is peak college football time here so don't be surprised if you see more sports talk. I have to enjoy it because football will be gone too soon. Sniff sniff. But there's still NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl here in Dallas. Everyone is talking about renting their houses out for thousands of dollars. It's big money folks.

OK. I suppose I've done quite enough babbling for tonight.  Perseverance is the key. I found this quote and I kinda like it.  You?

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.  I don't believe in circumstances.  The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.  ~G.B. Shaw, Mrs. Warren's Profession, 1893

The Chaos Continues and WHERE have they gone?

Today is another day on the hamster wheel that is my life. I wok up around 6 am and got to work on the computer stuff I couldn't get done last night.  After that, I spent about 40 min getting packages ready to ship out today. The last of it. I got all my Christmas cards done last night.  I got ready for work and out the door late, but I was very happy I didn't have to deliver 3 kids to school today. For breakfast I grabbed a jimmy dean lite sandwich and a banana with my coffee and water.

The office was hopping. Lots of people are sick. COVER YOUR COUGH and WASH YOUR HANDS. Goodness I'm seeing lots of illness. Stamping out disease. That's me. More water. Pear for snack. Out the door at lunch to mail the packages and cards.  Another thing on my list done. Yeah!  Then to the gym. I was glad to get there a little early. I didn't get the workout in this morning so I made it up with 30 min of elliptical. OH Elliptical, how I've missed you. How I've needed you. How I've longed for you to make me sweat.

Just walking in the place made me smile. I've missed you gym, my friend. After the elliptical, I had a session with my trainer. It was heavy on core and light on knee and elbow since my right elbow is starting to act up a little again. Hope I don't need another shot as that hurt.  Anyway, we did all sorts of stuff, I burned like 600 cal with him. The best part was....HE said, "You've LOST more weight?  I was worried you'd been gone so long. I was worried you would have gained."  HA HA. Showed you. He was really nice and really proud. I haven't trained with him since like before my surgery

I made it through the work out, even the planks and hamstring roll outs and back extensions w/ weights and reverse flys and sit ups with weights and biceps curls on one leg and all the other. I did better than I was afraid I would, but I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow.  Lunch was a turkey subway sandwich I ate in the car on the way back to the office. Ever tried to eat one of those while driving? Messy. What I managed to get in my mouth tasted good. More water, of course.

Tonight it's home to finish my candy making, more wrapping and...well isn't that enough already? The kiddie karaoke machine I ordered for the girls came today and I've been loading their favorite songs on it. I can't wait to see them play with this thing. They will love it.

I spent a while this morning going through my blog roll. I didn't remove anyone, but I may have to . I did send out some comments to people I haven't heard from in a while. I was sad to see a couple of them are just gone from blogger completely. So sad. Where'd they go? Did they get sick? Did they give up? Did they just get tired of it all?  Here's a request: If you decide to stop blogging, let us know.

We really do miss hearing from you when you're gone. We worry about you when you don't post for weeks. And not just because we're worried you'll gain weight. Because we get to know you. The Blog you anyway and we like you.  We want to know you are ok, fat or thin. Successful or not. We won't judge you if you fall off the wagon. We've all been there. Come back. I mean it. Not blogging doesn't solve any problems. In fact it might make them worse.  If you need us, we'll be here. Just post and you'll remember how nice it is to have these friends out here that care about you.

And DON'T do that, "well it's already Christmas, I'll start back after the New Year."  You know that bullshit got you where you are right now. So, get back to it. Even if you don't feel like you're in the place where you can really make efforts at diet. Just come back. Start to blog again. It will help you get motivated. And if it doesn't for a while, at least you won't be facing being miserable alone. Stop it. Right now. Stop thinking we don't really know you and that if we did we wouldn't really care. Stop thinking you aren't worth it. Stop thinking that you can't do this, even though you want to and KNOW you need to. Stop thinking you are just too busy.  Just stop. Take the first step. When you are done reading this, POST something. Anything.

We're waiting for you.

I'm so TIRED! and HOLY Crap!

This weekend was exhausting. On Saturday I woke up and did some work left from last week. Why does it seem like work is never caught up, never done?  After that I fixed breakfast, cleaned house and got started on the Christmas cooking. I made chocolate dipped pretzels and Reese's cups.  Then I ran to the store with my chocolate crazed children. Not fun.

Returned home annoyed and sick of my children.  Got them lunch and then kicked them outside in the sunshine. One of the great things about Texas is pretty days, even in December.  Then I got to work on the food for the Tae Kwon Do Christmas party.  Then, we went to the party. I did great on food yesterday.  I ate breakfast and a small lunch. I ate very little at the party, mainly veggies with dip and no desserts.  Calories yesterday ended at 1152. I drank at least 120 oz as I quit counting around there.

After we got home from the party, I got the kids to bed.  Then I  got busy wrapping presents. I was up until midnight and I'm about 1/2 done. Christmas is exhausting. Fun, but exhausting.   The good news is I think I have it all bought. The bad news is I have to wrap it all. For some reason children seem to expect this.

This morning I woke up early to children running and giggling upstairs. After wrangling them into quieting down, I explained that Nana really wants a pretty picture as one of her presents. The girls got to work and colored most of the morning. Yeah!  I cleaned and cleaned. Then breakfast, cleaned up after. Then I got busy on more Christmas goodies.  I have to say that I ate one 1/2 of a candy today. About 50 calories.  Other than that I haven't eaten any of the sweets. The kids have had so much fun helping me with it all. I still have fudge to do and then I can package it all up and take it to the office for the people there. Then most of it will be out of the house.

For breakfast I had egg substitute with toast. I didn't eat any lunch as I was too busy. I did drink my fluids as usual.  Tonight I made lasagna. My in-laws arrived from Nebraska today. They were very pleased to see the sun.   For dinner I had a very small piece of lasagna and a huge salad. I made salad with romaine, yellow tomatoes, red peppers, walnuts and cranberry stilton cheese. It was FAB!  That with my low fat Red Wine Vinegrette was great.  I passed on the cheese bread I made for the kiddos.  Total calories today are  1182.

I weighed and I lost a pound last week. The math says it should be more, but it's less so I'll take it.   I sat down at the computer to do yet more work left over from last week and I forgot that the server at the office is backing up starting at 8pm on Sundays. It backs up and then reboots. Damn. I guess I won't get all that stuff done.  Instead I decided to go ahead and post here and get the blogs read. This way I won't have as many in my in-box in the morning.

Now the in-laws are playing a card game with my kiddos and I am trying to keep my eyes open. I'm thinking Mamaw and Papaw get to put the girls to bed and I get get a head start on my sleep. That or wrap yet MORE presents. Sigh. At least I have extra hands and eyes to watch kids this week.

OH! I almost forgot!  Friday at lunch I ran to Kohl's to get a couple of shirts. I have very few shirts that fit right now and my Mom gave me a free $20 coupon that had to be used by Saturday and she said no way in hell she was gong near ANY store this weekend. (Mom is a pretty smart chick).  ANYHOO... I was looking around the store. I got some cute long sleeved t shirts, size XL for $6.99.  I decided to take a look for some pants. Just to satisfy my curiosity I took a pair of 12 pants into the dressing room. THEY ALMOST FIT!  Holy crap holy crap holy crap!  All these years I thought if I could just be a size 12 I would be "normal" and and that would be so amazing. It is, but I have so much farther to go. It makes me wonder what size I'll be at goal. It blows my mind.

So I bought them, of course, even though they are too tight. They fit great on my legs. They are tight in the hips and are about 1 inch from buttoning. I figure 5-7 pounds and they'll look good. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I can't. I've never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever been able to get size 12s on before. I wouldn't have been able to get them past my knees a few months ago. It was so amazing.   I have to revise my goals, that's for sure. I always thought a 12 was small. Now those pants are hanging in my closet in plain sight to remind me I am so close to being down another size. I can't get distracted, especially now with the holidays here.

And that's all. Hope you all had a great weekend. Hope you are all drinking and peeing and eating right and working out and all the important stuff. Do NOT let your guard down. Not even one minute. We must stay vigilant. It's us against the desserts. Do NOT let them defeat you!

Twilight Zone and Hot 100 update

Good Morning ALL!

Well, yesterday was a great day. Any day where you only work 1/2 is a great day, right?  So we had our Christmas Party for work and gift exchange. It was a night lunch. I had a fabulous greek salad, mostly veggies with 4 olives and very little dressing. Along with that I had a chicken shish-k-bob which had veggies and 3 small chunks of chicken and 1/2 a pita.  I drank a vanilla vodka w/ diet coke and my calories at lunch were 459.  As a surprise we let the employees have the rest of the day off early so they could shop since it was payday.

I left work and went to the mall. Three hours of shopping, just me and 5 million others. But, since I'm almost done with Christmas it was a leisurely stroll and by stroll I mean a LOT of walking.  Shoulda worn different shoes. I had my cute boots with the heels on and ouch my feet and legs were cramping by the time I got home.  I had a great time. Picked up a few things for myself.  Two pairs of too cute shoes. I'll take pics and share for my fellow Shoe connoisseurs. I KNOW you're out there.

Here's where the weird part happened.

So I go to Nordstrom's because I have a gift certificate left from last year. Thought I'd by a few new clothes. I go in and head to the Woman's department where I've always shopped. I look at the sales rack. There are litterally no clothes that will fit me except 1 pair of size 14 jeans in a weird purple color. That's a NO. I look at the non-sale racks.  That's cute-2x.  Oh I like that sweater-3x. Then- 2x, 1x, 3x, 24, 22, 20....I realize I probably shouldn't even be in this section anymore. Then I realize I have absolutely NO idea where I'm supposed to shop. I mean, where are the clothes for normal people?

And by normal I mean, size 14 for 40yr old women, not the 16 yr old teenies. So I wander around and this sales lady comes up to me and she's like, "Can I help you find something, you look lost."  And I say, "I think I am." I explained my issue and she directed me to an area where there were some cute things. I looked and shopped and literally everything seemed too small to me, even though they were my size. I tried some stuff on I liked ok, but I felt so weird I gave up. I did find a cute leather jacket in a 0X. WTF is a 0X? But it fits and it was less than 50 bucks.

Then I went to look at shoes. Shoes should be safe, right? So the sales guy, luckily a very styled gay dude (because they ALWAYS help you find the best shoes), comes up and asks if I need help. I tell him I'm looking for some cute black heels or just something funky and fun. He asks my size, I tell him, "a 8 1/2-9".  He says, "Oh Honey, you're tiny. That's way too big." WTF? Tiny? WTF? So he brings out these 8s and 7 and 1/2s. WTF? They fit, but as it turned out I didn't like them on me. Maybe it was my being completely freaked out by not knowing myself anymore.  I did end up with 2 pair of shoes at Dillard's, one is an 8, one an 8 and 1/2, but sales chick said those run small. (???)

The entire experience has me weired out and happy at the same time. THEN this morning I opened a pakage from Lane Bryant and I had ordered these cute gray cargo pants from them on clearance in a size 14. I put them on and thought, "Huh. I like them a lot, but are they too big?" The more the day wears on I realize they ARE too big, even for baggy cargo pants.  Don't get me wrong. It's awesome. But it is also disconcerting to FEEL like I am fatter than I actually am. To be WEARING a SIZE 14 that seems REALLY small compared to what I'm used to and THEY ARE TOO BIG. (I was going to post a pic, but it was icky.)

Does anyone else understand what I'm saying? I mean it is super exciting and I am really proud and happy. But, I feel so strange. I have no idea where to go buy clothes now. I need to re-measure. It's been about a month. I cannot believe it since I haven't lost that many more pounds.(which is an entirely different subject I'll bitch about later.)

ANYWAY:
SSDDDYYSSDDS or whatever the hell Allan's challenge is now is going fine although the I did go over by 171 cals yesterday. Thank you vodka. But, for the week I'm ok. Tonight I am getting a datenight with hubbie for our anniversary. That means SALAD and very little cals for lunch today so I can save up for tonight. Fluids are A-OK and on target. Scale says I'm down 1 pound.  I was shocked to see in black and white on his blog yesterday that I can reach my goal by May. That's only 5 months away and even if it takes DOUBLE that, I'll be at goal by this time next year. Gasp. Grin.

Hot 100:
Last week people told me I need to set new goals since I've pretty much done them all except the weight. So I'm adding the goal of a morning cardio session 5 days a week from now till the end of the challenge. I'm still working on the weight goal of 199 and I am still what feels like a lot, but is only 5 pounds away.

So, I hope everyone enjoys their weekend and BE GOOD! I mean it! And, let me know if your new size freaks anyone else out or am I just in need of "help"?

Danger: Christmas Party Ahead and Remembering...

So here I am nearly through another week. I can't believe how far I've come. I was looking through pictures last night as I was ordering some from Walgreen's for gifts.  I really look different. At least I think I do. Then, sometimes I look at pics and I think I look just as fat. Why is that?

I guess I am still fat, less, but still fat. I get really frustrated with that fact. Sometimes all the, "You look so great." Goes to my head and I think I am farther along and then I get slapped in the face with the reality of how far I have to go.

Of course seeing the date Allan calculated for when I'll meet goal helped, but also made me  worry. You know my Type A self starts to worry that I won't make it by then. Then I start to worry if I'll ever make it. Then I worry about what people will think if I fail again. That leads to a spiral of self doubt which I am trying to avoid.

The scale is moving downward although not as fast as the math says it should. F-ing scale. I am doing very well this week over all. Alas, I have a Christmas party at the office today and one Saturday for Tae Kwon Do. I have to really monitor the overly happy feelings I get this time of year. It leads to me believing that I deserve that candy or dessert which is TOTAL Bullshit. 

No one deserves to kill themselves slowly with candy and cakes and pies.  NOT even me who has worked hard, exercised and lost 46 pounds this year. That attitude got me fat and kept me there. I have to remind myself that I have already maxed out my calorie credit cards over my adult life. I just kept spending and spending and spending calories I couldn't really afford. NOW, I'm having to make the payments by stopping myself from further overages.  Maybe if I envision Guido, the big harry Italian mobster who'll come to break my legs if I don't square up my debts it'll keep me from the treats.

At any rate, I have done well at least this week. I can put Guido off another week anyway. Yesterday's food totaled 1208 calories. I had 128oz water, my coffee, diet lemonade and another coffee last night at the boring board meeting. Yeah fluids. Boo caffeine late at night which resulted in me up until 1am last night. But, I was productive. I ordered most of the remaining gifts I need.

Today I am remembering. Looking back. Today is my anniversary, 15 years.  I was thinking this morning about how great and hard and wonderful and taxing and fabulous a good marriage is.  We've been together 20 years and I am amazed that I still can't wait to get home to see him nearly every day.(I've been married long enough to know there are days....) I was a size 24 when I got married. Today I'm a size 14. I wanted to get the dress out and put it on just for fun. If I have time to do that, I'll post the pic.  We'll go out tomorrow night although we enjoy quiet nights at home watching TiVo as much as anything. YEAH, we're old now. Old, but happy. Boring to some, but exactly what I want from my life.

Enough sappy talk.  Today I have shopping on the agenda. Wrapping is the next big task and I HAVE to get those Christmas cards finished tonight. In-laws arrive on Sunday so we have to get the house ready. At least school is done Friday and I won't have 3 kids to deliver to 3 different schools for 2 whole weeks. YEAH!

So....are you people keeping Guido at bay? Or do I need to send him your way?

Thanks! And...I'm freezing and....Screw you Martha Stewart.

Thanks to everyone on the appetizer suggestions. I may actually make a couple of the different ideas. Tonight I have to go home and get the shopping list together. I also need to get my Christmas baking done. My employees have asked when they are getting their candy. I guess I won't get out of making at least some after all. So I'll do turtles and fudge. I also love the peanut clusters as those are done in the crock pot and are super easy. The Reese cups are a pain in the ass, but my son really wants these. Do not fear. Last year I made all this stuff and ate very little. I won't say I ate none, but I did end up throwing away a bunch of it, so this year, I'll make less. Also, I really liked the look of the pretzel thingies on Tami's site, you can see it here. I may have to try that.

OMG. I am so sorry to all the skinny bitches I thought were weird when they whined about being cold all the time. Holy crap I am always freezing now. I have to sleep in 2 shirts and flannel or fleece jammies and I have flannel sheets! If I'm sitting around watching TV I have to have thick socks and be under a blanket. And our house isn't that cold. My kids run around in short sleeved shirts!  And I even have to have a small heater under my desk at work! Now I'm wondering if I'll need a parka at home next year when I'm at goal weight.  That's a price I'm willing to pay, mind you. There are surely some very stylish parkas. And when I'm thinner maybe I can find footy jammies in my size.   How are you guys handling the cold?  And I live in Texas for cripes sake. Imagine if I still lived in Omaha with the -57 wind chill? Geez!

And....Screw you Martha Stewart and all you other overly perfect Mommies out there making the rest of us look bad with your home made gifts in your home made wrapping paper and your home made cards and your perfect food gifts and all that other crap.  I'm tired of feeling like there is an impossible standard that I can never achieve. Tired of it. I'm tired of the "Mommy Wars" and the resentment on both sides of the stay at home and the working moms.  Let me tell you this:  I'm not less of a Mommy because I work. YOU are not less because you don't. We all need to get along and stop causing each other stress.  This time of year it just gets worse.

Yes, I almost forgot about my daughter being Star of the Month and the school assembly for all the "stars".Yes I forgot the damn camera and I had to call my husband to bring it to me and take my son to school because I forgot and didn't make him ride the bus. YES I haven't had time to get the teacher a gift. NO I haven't mailed my damn cards yet. NO the presents aren't all wrapped with perfectly formed bows. BUT, my kids are happy and I am making sure they have everything they need.  News Flash: I'm not perfect. Why can't I get that through my head? Does anyone else have these problems? Does anyone else constantly feel like the are never going to catch up? Or live up to some impossible Super Mommy or Daddy image?
End of Rant...

So yesterday was good food wise.
Breakfast: Egg substitute on an everything bagel thin (these are good!) with canadian bacon, coffee=246cal
snack: 15 whole almonds, raw=100cal
lunch: healthy choice Salisbury steak dinner, low cal wheat bread w/ the sugar free peach preserve gifted to me by one of my fav patients=446 cal
snack: 10 almonds=70cal
dinner: home made beef stew=350 cal
total: 1218 cals
Fluids: water 120 oz, diet mt dew 12oz, coffee 16oz

I ate a bigger lunch yesterday as I was starving after TKD. We did some massive amounts of kicking drills and I was pooped and starved. It was a great class and I'm glad I went. I unfortunately can't go tomorrow because it is our office party and gift exchange. 

I haven't slept great the last few days. I've had some weird ass dreams. Last night I dreamed that I was getting married to this guy I didn't know and I was wearing a white dress with pink lace and I was freaking out because I didn't know where I was and I hated the dress. WEIRD. I know.  I liked the one the night before where I won a trip to Hawaii much better! Have you had any weird dreams lately?

That's all for now! I'm off to do yet more shopping. Sigh. Have a great day!

Calling All Cooks...I need help!

So I went home last night and crashed. I felt like crap. I had sprite and toast for dinner, but I didn't puke and I didn't exceed my calories. I feel tons better today, although I still have a little headache. My knee is much better, thank goodness. So, I'll attempt TKD today at lunch.

Yesterday Food:
breakfast: bagel thin, 1 tbs cream cheese, 1 tbs strawberry jelly sugar free, coffee, water=252cal
snack: pomegranate applesauce= 50cal
lunch: reduced sodium chicken noodle soup, saltines, laughing cow cheese, grapefruit=332 cal
snack: almonds=104 cal
dinner: sprite, toast, saltines=430cal
total=1167 cal
total fluids= 64 oz water, 20 oz coffee, 12 oz sprite

I didn't get all my water in because I just couldn't drink it all with the nausea. Today I'm back on track and hoping to get in the max fluids as I have been doing.  I was looking at Allan's projections for my weight and I sure do wish I can lose that much. I am trying. I feel like I'm not getting as much weight loss as I should and I will do everything I can to make my goal of 199 by Jan 1.  That includes increase in my exercise as I had planned and if my body will cooperate, I will.

I had an amazing dream that I won a trip to Hawaii and I was there with my family and best friend last night. I sure hope dreams come true.  It was a great dream. One of those where you are dissapointed when you wake up.

And now for my call for help....

We have a Christmas party at Tae Kwon Do this weekend. I've signed up to bring an appetizer. I'd like to bring something healthy and tasty and easy. Something impressive, but not too hard to do and something I won't mind bringing home if there are left overs. Thus the appetizer and not dessert option.  I need ideas ASAP. I know there are so many of you who also love to cook and have something great you can suggest.  Tami, Biz, everyone...help a busy Mommy out, will you?

Thanks in advance. I know my blog friends would never let me down. Have a super day and I'll check in again later! 

PS:  I ignored cake, cupcakes, candy, caramel popcorn and cookies yesterday. WHY can't people bring a nice veggie tray??? Follow my lead and STEP AWAY from all that crap.  I MEAN IT!

Monday. Blech

Well, I've had a weird couple of days. I've had a lot of trouble with migraine headaches. Yesterday I got a bad one after dinner. I lost it all and then drank a little sprite and ate some saltines to calm it down.  I went over my calories by 200.   It was better when I woke up this morning and then this afternoon it seems to be back. I have trouble getting all my water in when I'm feeling queasy. I'm trying.

I am also having trouble with my left knee. I went to my son's boy scout dinner the other night which was actually at a nearby camp.  Walking to the car I twisted my knee a little in a hole. It was fine until I got up yesterday and I really could barely walk most of the day.  I didn't do much yesterday in light of these issues. It's better today, but I still feel it and I'm limping a little. This means I ended up canceling with my trainer again. GRRRR. And I don't know if I'll be able to do TKD tomorrow. I don't deal very well with this shit.

Other than that, I'm doing A-OK.

I'm nearly done with my shopping. I haven't wrapped a thing. Sigh. I was thinking I'd go home and try to do some of that while the boy is at his boy scout meeting. The girls love to "help" with it.  I used to love wrapping and getting my packages "just so."  Now, I just want to get it done and the girls enjoy helping, so who cares if they are perfect, right? Anyway, in light of my feeling so blechy, I doubt I get anything done.

Today I've had a bagel thin for breakfast and chicken noodle soup for lunch. I am still really nauseated and I think it is my migraine as it is back. I hope I'm not getting the GI bug going around. I don't have time to get sick. I am not hungry at all and I doubt I eat much tonight for dinner. I'll just try to make myself get down the rest of my minimum fluids.

I'm very boring today. Sorry. Hope everyone survived their Monday.

That Just 'Aint White

Had a great Saturday. I ate just under 1200 calories today.  I drank all my water and fluids.  This was great considering that tonight we attended my son's troop Christmas feast.  There was all kinds of food there, but luckily some good options. I had some turkey breast, green beans and a lot of salad with very little dressing. I passed up cornbread, dressing, hot rolls and desert. I think I did pretty well, considering.  I am looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow. The scale is showing a loss and although it may not be a huge one, a loss it is. 

Tonight I'm channeling  one of my bloggy idols... Mr. Jack Sh*t. I wrote this little ditty-a new take on a holiday classic which will stick in my head like glue as a reminder of what I REALLY want for Christmas and the New Year. I feel almost wrong to desecrate such a time honored song, but it's been rumbling around in my head all week and I had to go ahead and share it.  No reason I should be the only one to suffer. Ha ha! Enjoy!

I'm dreaming of a THIN Christmas.

Just like the ones I wish I'd known.

Where my jeans will button

and I'm no glutton

who eats until I start to groan.

I'm dreaming of a THIN Christmas

With every calorie I log.

May you make good changes within

and May all your Christmases be Thin.

I'm dreaming of a THIN New Year

just like the ones I've never had

Where I can go swimming

Without kids screaming

And finally make my doctor glad.

I'm dreaming of a THIN New Year

With every snack and taste and bite

May you exercise and always eat right.

and May all your New Years be LIGHT.

Hot 100 Update

Here we are. Another Friday. Geez. Where does all the time go? I remember my grandmother telling me when I was little that time went faster and faster the older you got. I always thought she was nutso. I'm sorry Grandma. You were totally right!

Goals:
1) Be 199 pounds:  So far this week I haven't seen the scale move. I don't get that. But then my exercise hasn't been there. So I'm still 5 pounds from this goal. I'm not giving up. I'm still in Allan's challenge and still doing just fine with it.
2) Be a size 14: See my post from yesterday!

3) Get my yellow belt: Done. See this post if you didn't see it the first time.

4) Run a 5K:  With the illness and all I didn't get to run it, but I did walk/jog one last month. I am restarting the C25K and plan on trying again after the holidays.  You can see this post to read about it.

So that's about it for the update. I have a busy day and weekend ahead. I'll try to check in and post when I can. I hope you all have a super Friday. Drink your water! Sorry for all the links in this post, but I know not everyone has time to read everyday. These were highlights in the last month that I am very proud of.  Sometimes you gotta brag.

Do you brag when you should? Do you celebrate your accomplishments? Do you feel comfortable succeeding? I know for a long time I didn't. I'm learning!

It's Official. Another Goal Done!

I'm so super happy today!  Yesterday I was at Kohl's and I saw these jeans on sale. Nothing special. Just regular jeans. EXCEPT they are a size 14. A REAL 14. Like in the regular woman's section, not the plus size section.  I bought them thinking if they don't fit I'll be able to wear them sometime soon.

Well, I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale. No change yet. But, I thought I'd just give it a go with these new jeans. I'll be damned if they didn't fit. REALLY fit. I mean they aren't too tight. I can zip them and button them comfortably.  They sit just below my waist. I still have a lot of flabby skin there, but it's not a nasty horrible muffin top. I really didn't think they'd fit. They looked so small to me this morning.  The last time I was a real size 14, was when I was a freshman in college. That would be 1988-89. Holy shit!

So today I am wearing size 14 jeans. Jeans I DID NOT BUY at Lane Bryant. I am in shock and awe. I am also wearing a size 14 top with a 2X sweater because I have very few clothes that fit.  I am actually liking the fact that everything in my closet fits or is too big.   I've gotten rid of so much stuff and I'm enjoying not having to dig through clothes to find something to wear. I'm letting this seep into other areas of the house where I'm trying to down size. Next up is kid's playroom. Geez that place is a mess.

Today is on track food wise. For breakfast I had a little warmed up cranberry-apple crisp from last night. This was a recipe from Tami's blog that I made with splenda brown sugar. I didn't eat any last night because I was full from the copious fluids.  So I saved it for this morning. It was super tasty warmed up. I also had 1 piece of light wheat toast, a turkey sausage and 1/4 cup egg substitute. Total was 298 calories.

Lunch was on the go since I had to get my hair done. I drove through Wendy's and got a small Chili and garden salad with light dressing. Calories were 305.  Dinner was baked salmon, 1/2 cup rice and green peas with a fabulous salad.   Spring Mix greens, yellow tomatoes, red bell peppers, cranberry orange goat cheese and a couple of pecans. Topped with red wine vinaigrette. YUMMY!  Total calories were 1201.   I've had 4-32oz glasses of water, my 16 oz coffee and 32 oz of diet lemonade.

I guess there are a lot of people struggling with the 1200 calorie thing. Let me tell you it does get better. I've been eating around this amount of calories for a while now.  My weight loss got slowed down with the surgery 8 weeks ago and then there were times where I just ate too much and the wrong things. But, this works and it is doable.  Since March 22 of this year I've lost 46 pounds. I've never ever ever ever ever ever lost that much weight before in my life. Ever.  Here I am doing it every day.  That's around 1.5 pounds a week average. Including the 4 weeks before surgery and the 8 weeks since.

I'm not taking any pills. I'm not buying special food. I'm not getting acupuncture. No hypnotism. No surgery. No laxatives. No program. Just me tracking my calories and exercising. And the water. Lots of that too.  Here's the secret.....just stop eating crap. There you go. There it is. And I'd better get used to it. Crap food is over for me. That is clear. If I eat crap, I gain weight. If I eat healthy, I lose or maintain. I will never be able to eat like I did before. That's the bad news. You, if you are like me and been overweight your whole life, can NEVER eat the way you used to.

The truth is that I used to think that when I was thin I could eat what I wanted. If I would just lose the weight it would be great. I could go out to eat. Eat like my naturally thin friends. Truth was, if I had eaten like my naturally thin friends ate, I wouldn't have gotten so fat. Even thin people don't eat all that shit. Don't fool yourself. If they did, they'd be fat. Let go of the attachment to your old way of eating. It is standing in your way. Let go of "a little won't hurt."  It does. IT REALLY DOES.  Why? Because a little of this leads to a little of that leads to a touch of this and then before you know it you've had 1000calories. Those of us in the challenge know just how quickly calories add up. It amazes me to think I ate 2000calories a day or more at times. And those were the "good days".   I always fooled myself into thinking I didn't eat that badly.

You know I ate veggies and fruit and healthy meats. I couldn't figure it out, why I never lost weight. Well, NOW I KNOW. I was eating all that healthy stuff and the bagel on the side or the hamburger or the pizza or the one cookie that tempted me.  I guess I was big boned or had a thyroid problem or something. Or genetically my body just was storing more fat than others. I've told myself ALL those lies.

Now here's the good news.....I CAN BE THIN. I CAN.  I CAN lose weight.  I CAN do push ups and Tae Kwon Do and jog and jumping jacks and lift weights. I can shop in a regular store. I CAN be healthy. It isn't hopeless. It IS worth it. It is possible. And I never knew it before now. I never really believed it. But then I never REALLY tried either. Not really.

And you can too. You Can be thin. You CAN achieve your goals. You CAN be healthy. And all we have to do is eat healthy foods and move. Track your calories and move. And drink water. And I'm not hungry that much. I'm not. I eat great food and I stay full. And if I need a snack, I EAT ONE. And I count the calories. If I'm NOT hungry, I DON'T EAT. Even if I haven't had all my calories that day. I EAT WHEN I NEED TO NOT WHEN I WANT TO.

Sweet lord, if I ate every time I wanted to I'd weigh 500 pounds. And after a few months of doing this, I've found I want food less. It is just less of my life now. It isn't my priority. I used to wake up wondering what I'd eat for breakfast. Before I had put down the spoon from my 2 or 3 bowls of cereal, I was wondering what to eat for lunch. And I had already thought about dinner tonight, let alone tomorrow. I was never hungry. NEVER. Why? Because I was always eating. There were days where I guarantee you I had something to eat every 30 minutes. That's CRAZY. Absolutely nuts. No wonder I could never figure out what I wanted or was hungry for. I was NEVER really hungry.

Now I listen to my body and it tells me when to eat and drink. Now I err on the side of thirsty. I've learned when I am starting to feel hungry, I probably need to chug some water. Sure enough most of the time I'm not hungry for a long time after. Sometimes, I am hungry after and then I know it's time to snack. If I get hungry too soon after a meal, I think about what I just had. I analyze and try to learn from my mistakes. I've made plenty.

But, I love where I am now. Love it and I can't WAIT to see where I'll be next.

Me Feb 2010 in size 24s

 January 1, 2010 Size WOW!

 

Me Today in Size 14s!

Without the Too big Sweater

Unbelievable Temptation

So I was reading Allan's blog today and he was talking about the temptation he deals with every day. I am in the same bag. It is amazing to me the amount of crap that comes streaming into the office this time of year. So far this week I've dealt with cupcakes, pies, pastries, and brownies twice.  Today is just Wednesday. It just amazes me.  I don't eat that stuff. Don't even let myself taste it because I know one taste isn't enough for me.

I have done so great this week on my eating and water. I've got to get my exercise back to the level it was.  That starts in the morning no matter how much I whine and try to get out of it. I am getting back to daily morning workouts and I'll continue my twice weekly TKD.  The days I don't do TKD I will be running errands to finish shopping and what not until Christmas. Except on Monday when I'll meet with my trainer. Can I just say that I dread that?  I do. I know I love to go and I love to work out hard. I also know he's going to kick my ass. Don't get me wrong, it needs kicking.

I've slipped into the mode of making excuses and that is over. I am just going to make myself get back to where I was. I have to prove to myself that I can be consistent with exercise. I haven't stopped this whole time, even with the surgery I did some amount. But, since the surgery it has been less. Yesterday marked 8 weeks. There really is no reason why I don't ramp it up again. The only reason is that I have to get my self out of the way.  Tomorrow morning I am restarting the C25K. I am determined. DETERMINED to finish it and achieve my goal of running the whole 5K.

I have to measure in a few days. It's been a month. I think I'm still losing inches, but much slower with less workouts. This should be great motivation.  I bought a pair of "real" size 14 jeans today. I haven't tried them on yet. I just haven't had time as I bought them in a hurry at lunch. I can't wait to see if they'll fit. I'll keep you posted.

Yesterday's food:
breakfast:  egg substitute, bagel thin and canadian bacon.  Coffee and 4 oz orange juice=301 cal
snack: apple=95 cal
lunch:  Roasted tomato and red pepper soup, carrots and dressing=323 cal
dinner: Chicken breast and quinoa 1 cup (yummy!)=411 cal
snack: small apple=70 cal
Total calories= 1200cal

I drank 144oz of water yesterday. I did 1 hour of exercise in TKD where I burned about 800 cal.

Today's Food was good.  Total Calories was 1146.  Breakfast= Jimmy Dean D'lite English muffin and coffee. Lunch= Chicken breast from dinner last night on 2 pieces of light wheat bread. Dinner=roasted red pepper and tomato soup, and bruschetta. I had one apple for snack. I drank 128 oz of water, 12oz diet mountain dew, 16 oz of coffee.

Now I am exhausted so I am headed to bed. BTW, my baby girl got her green belt tonight. She broke a board with an axe kick. She was so proud.  My son brought home his tuxedo shirt for his band concert next week. He did not care for wearing a collar. Wait until he adds the bow tie. Ha ha. Welcome to manhood little dude. Middle chickie read and read tonight. She's reading above her grade level.  They really are my "happy thought". 

How's your week so far? Have you battled temptation? Who won? You or the cookies?  What is your happy thought?

Tuesday and Holiday stress kicking in BIG TIME.

Here we are on the first official day of the SSDDDYC, although I started yesterday.  I think it's great what Allan has taken on and I got the packet. I couldn't believe all the detail and work he's put into this. People pay tons of money to get counseling and help like this. I hope you are appropriately appreciative.

Yesterday was a good day for the most part. Of course I had to cancel with my trainer because I was so super wheezy. I feel a lot better today. So, I'll be at TKD class today.  Yesterday food went well. Here's the breakdown:
breakfast: egg substitute, 1 piece canadian bacon, bagel thin, coffee w/ light powder creamer=226 cal
lunch: Lean cuisine pizza=340 cal
dinner:  spaghetti w/ tomato sauce, salad with low cal vinegrette=497 cal
snacks= 1 cup strawberries (46cal), 1 orange (70)=116 cal
Total=1189 calories.

I drank 4-32oz waters=128oz, coffee 16oz, diet mountain dew 12oz

Well.....I'm officially stressed out. I woke up to realize that there are only 18 days until Christmas and I have almost no shopping done. Sigh. None wrapped. None shipped. No cards done. Yesterday I freaked out because I was trying to figure out when the HELL I was going to get portraits done and the girls to Santa. I was staring at the calendar and realized that the kids get out early from school on Friday, so I took off work and we'll do it then.

The next few weeks will be a complete blur of meetings, activities, parties, concerts and other associated crap. I now plead forgiveness for every single time I gave my Mom shit about being in a bad mood this time of year. And of course the kids are goofy. ABSOLUTELY goofy because there is so much excitement and things outside the norm in our schedule. And the cold weather makes it worse. They can't go out and run when we get home because it's dark and cold. Sigh.

I am in surprisingly good spirits in spite of all that.  We've been listening to Christmas music and the house is decorated inside and out. I'm trying to let the kids enthusiasm seep into my brain.  The best part of this time of year is the, "SANTA IS WATCHING YOU!" threat that I utter absolutely constantly.  I even had a long conversation with Santa on the phone when the girls were jumping on the sofa and tossing cards from the board game they were supposed to be playing while I cooked dinner the other night. Isn't it kind of Santa to take time out of his busy schedule to talk to me? I told him I was REALLY worried that the girls wouldn't make it onto the NICE list and asked if he would please watch them carefully the next few days. 
Worked like a CHARM I tell you. Evil? Maybe. Necessary? Freaking yeah! Guilt? NONE.

And of course ALL of this jolly good cheer crap takes place during the busiest time of the year in the office. I don't know why I am surprised about any of it. It happens every year. Every year I say, "this year I'm shopping early" or "this year I won't wait until the last minute" and it's always the same.  And you know what? I HATE all those perfect family by the fireplace with the perfect tree and the perfect gifts commercials. Screw them. No one's house looks like that. No kids sit quietly while mom opens her perfect diamond gift from dad.  No kids say, "Oh THANK YOU" when they open that sweater from grandma.  No one can have that picture perfect Christmas. WHY? WHY OH WHY? Do we fool ourselves into thinking we can?I don't know. I certainly never had it in my family. 

And WHO wants that Christmas anyway?  I want the Christmas where my kids giggle and are excited. I want the one where their hands are all sticky and glitter is everywhere from the card they colored for Nana. I want the one where we eat when it's ready and sleep when we're tired. We open presents when we feel like it and not when you're "supposed" to.  I want the one where the kitchen is even messier because my kids INSIST upon helping me cook and get flour ALL over the floor and themselves and me. I want the Christmas where the packages are all wrinkled and not tied up with perfect bows because the kids wrapped the presents. 

I've come to realize that what I really want from the holidays is fun and love. That's all. Not the food. Not the gifts. Just making memories for my kids. I want them to talk in reverence and joy to their kids about what Christmas was like when they were little. Because that's what I do for them. No, I never had a perfect Christmas. There were times when I didn't always get everything I wanted. But, what I remember was being with my family. Laughing, playing games, eating, presents, silliness and messes.

So I'm working really hard to just relax. Let go of the expectation of what I think Christmas should be and just let Christmas and the holidays happen. Enjoy the moments. After all, when it's all over, isn't that what we remember anyway?

I still have a lot to do...............gotta go!

I'm still ALIVE, but barely

This weekend was action packed and a lot of fun.  But not altogether successful on the diet front. I lived through the party with the boys. They were actually really great. My BFF arrived Friday night and we stayed up late talking. Got up Saturday am. I made the boys pancakes and bacon for breakfast. (which I didn't eat.) Then the boys got picked up and I proceeded to clean up the mess.

My husband's BFF flew in Saturday am so I had to get the other guest room ready for him. Then we went out and got our outside lights done. Which included trimming the hedges out front. After that we went to eat lunch. I split a veggie pizza with my BFF and had a house salad.  We got home in time to rest a few minutes and change for the game.

Left the house at 4pm. Drove to the game. Luckily the route my brilliant husband chose was not too bad traffic wise. We hung out in the parking lot with the other tailgaters and took pics and had a couple of drinks. I had Mike's hard lemonade, light. When we got into the game I had a bottle of water. Then I had a rum and diet coke and then more water. I had a catfish sandwich, without the bread and cup of frozen yogurt. And finished up with a bunch of water. Over all I did ok, not great, but ok. We yelled, we screamed, we jumped up and down. It was an amazing and exciting game and we WON, so it was super awesome.

We didn't get home until nearly 1am Saturday and we hit the sack. I was so tired and had very little voice left.  I had to get up early on Sunday for little girl's party. Cleaned house. Cooked breakfast, egg white omelet.  And that's where the day headed south. I have to say that yesterday was the first day in well......I can't remember when that I didn't count my calories and I ate WAY too much shit I shouldn't have.

I was very frustrated because I weighed and I was still up 1.5 pounds. This set me off and I guess I was so tired from everything going on. There's really no excuse whatsoever for the crap I ate yesterday. None.   Partly it happened because I was busy, so busy.  After I cooked breakfast and cleaned the house. I left for the store to get the last minute things for the party. By the time I got home and finished decorating and cleaning, it was time for the party which meant no lunch.

If I know one thing it is I can't skip meals.  Getting too hungry leads to bad choices. So I skipped lunch. Well, I guess I had cake for lunch. Oh, and ice cream.  Very healthy and nutritious. Then my hubbie and bff wanted wings for dinner. Yep. I ate them. I made a big salad and had that so I didn't eat many wings, but it was enough. Enough that I got sicko. I just can't eat like that anymore.  This is the first time since the hazy days post-op that I have no idea how many calories I ate. None. I still feel sick this morning. Sick from the food and sick about my behavior.

And I woke up with the nasty asthma.  No voice and my right leg is bruised all the way down my right thigh to my knee from the game on Saturday when I was jumping up and down and....well it ended badly. So I'm hobbling around and I can barely breathe.  But, I'm in a super mood. Why?

The Sooners won the game. The Cowboys won their game. My kids had super birthday parties. My BFF and husband's FINALLY got to meet in person. I had so much fun this weekend. I wish I'd made some better choices, but I have to move on from that. And I'll tell you this, even with the nasty food I chose, I ate less. Much less that I used to eat. I see this as a victory. In the past I would have eaten non-stop. I wouldn't have skipped meals I would have eaten meals and the extra crapola. And I still use smaller plates and eat smaller portions.  I see this as real evidence that I am changing.

I of course didn't weigh today. That would be a recipe for disaster. I DID however eat my usual breakfast and drink my giant glass of water. Back on the horse this morning and now that the phase 3 of Allan's challenge is on I am on for the rest of the year. There are no days off for me.

Even yesterday, it's not like I said, "I don't care. I'm gonna eat what I want today because I deserve it."  I was faced with some temptation and I did the wrong thing. I also see this as a change because in the past I would've been, "I'll worry about it on Monday."  Instead of an entire weekend where I put the diet aside, I had one day, really 1/2 a day where I made some bad choices and over ate.

I had an NSV this weekend. So, we're at the game. I had gone to get my son  a burger. I'm walking down the stairs when this good looking man comes up behind me leans in close and says, something like, "That ice cream looks good."  I say, " Hey, that's my ice cream, back off Husker." (joking) He says, "We're all friends here. We can meet half way in Kansas." He's grinning this huge grin.  I say, " Toto says we aren't in Kansas anymore." And laughed.   He said something about not being that way and I walked off. So my son who was walking in front of me says, "Mom, that man was TOTALLY looking at you."  Yep. That's right. I got hit on at the game in front of my teenage son. Whom I told NOT to tell his dad and of course that's the first thing he said to his dad when we walked back into the suite.  And speaking of the suite. How cool was that!  Great seats! 3 huge flat screen TVs a fridge and OUR OWN bathroom. no lines. NONE. So cool!

This morning I had some real irritation, but I am in such a great mood, nobody got hurt. I dropped my daughter off at school. I get back in the car and back out. This woman backs right into the side of my car. She didn't even look. I shit you not. AND I was honking. LAID out on my horn. Luckily she was barley moving so she just bumped me and no damage was done to my car. Can't believe I held my temper.   Then, this dumb bitch says, "Oh I didn't see you with the sun in my face." Her van has a rear camera AND I was honking. I said, "Did you not hear me either?"  She was very apologetic. I just rolled my eyes and got back in the car.  I just used it as a teaching moment for my now teenage son who'll be driving in a few years.

Alright. Now I'm off to do my work and try to find some time to read blogs if I can get focused after all the inhalers I've used so far. That stuff makes me so jittery. But, I can breathe. Kinda anyway. Have a great Monday!

I'm so pooped and Hot 100 update

Well, I was off work today, but worked harder than I would have if I had gone in. Day started with me on the computer by 6am doing catchup work from yesterday. Then, got the kids up and off to school. Came home put some stuff out for donation, mostly clothes from my closet which is now getting pretty bare and I love it.

After that, went to the office to deliver poinsettias.  Then to Chick-fil-A to pick up lunch for my daughter. I didn't eat any. Then to her school. Had lunch with a bunch of first graders then read to the class. Then, helped the kids edit their stories they've been writing. Then ran home, finished up the decorating and back to the school for my daughter's Christmas Party.

After that, I rushed over to pick up my son's cake and then to pick up him and his friends after school. Came home to finish up the prep for dinner. Son decided he wanted to make individual pizzas. Luckily, Nanny had time to get the dough and sauce ready for me so all I had to do was chop the ingredients and roll the dough out. I plan a veggie pizza for me and I deserve it because I am starved. I haven't had all my water yet, but I'll have some at the movie.

Yep. Not done yet. I'll be taking the kids to the movie at 8pm. Then back here and I'll likely crash while 5 silly pre-teen and teen boys stay up all night and play video games and such.  So no official work out today, but I've done MAJOR house work and I am pooped already.

Speaking of poop. Problem solved. Things are much better and I'm back down one of the pounds I had gained. I wish someone would explain to me why the math Allan is always talking about sometimes doesn't work out for me. Oh well.

I've had 540 calories so far today. I do not plan anything to eat at the theater, only a drink, likely just water. It's a dinner theater so they have food there. Really good food. They have a great house salad so if I decide to eat something I can have that, dressing on the side of course.

My Hot 100 goals:
1) Be 199 pounds-getting closer, at least I was prior to the mystery gain. I was 204.5 on Sunday.  That's 5.5 pounds and I think I can do it.
2)Be a size 14: I wore my lane bryant size 14 jeans yesterday, they have room. Now, I need to try somewhere else.
3) Get my yellow belt- done!
4) Run a 5K- well, I did walk/jog one a couple of weeks ago. I am still working on being able to run the whole thing.

Over all, things are going well and I am in the midst of a crazy wild busy weekend. I plan to post tomorrow and let you know I survived the sleep over. If you don't hear from me by Monday, call the FBI I may have been slaughtered by 13 year olds.  Hope you all have a FAB weekend!

OH MY GOD! I'M SOOOOO HAPPY!

Got a phone call yesterday from my uncle who's boss has a suite at Cowboy Stadium. Apparently they are not OU fans and not using their suite for the Big 12 Championship Game on Saturday. He wanted to know if I wanted to pitch in with him and get the tickets. There are 12 and they are GET THIS $132 a piece. My answer: HELL YEAH!  So now me, my husband, my BFF, his BFF, my son, my good friend from work, her son, and my uncle's family have a FREAKING SUITE for the game! OMG OMG OMG OMG!

I'm so happy. We weren't going to go because we have the 2 kids b days and all and the tickets are expensive and we couldn't get very good tickets and we'd need a baby sitter for the night and all that. BUT, NOW.....my Mom said she'd babysit and I get to GO! 

This is like CHRISTMAS came early for me baby. This is the last time OU plays Nebraska in who knows when since they are changing conferences next year.  I feel like the chick in the front row and Elvis just threw me his sweaty scarf! I feel like I just found the golden ticket in the Willy Wonka Bar. I feel like I just came downstairs on Christmas morning to find that big pink Huffy bike with the puffy seat and the pink tassels hanging from the handle bars.  I feel like I just won the lottery. OK. Maybe not that great. But still pretty damn great!

I feel awesome in spite of the fact that I still haven't had a great poop and the scale still says I'm up a few pounds. Whatever. Considering I am sticking to the plan and drinking like Tommy on Rescue Me ONLY I'm drinking water instead of Irish Whiskey, I know it will all come out in the wash. OR, the TOILET as the case may be.

Yesterday finished strong with total calories at 930 calories. I was so busy. I rushed home and finished the decorating inside, except the banisters on the stairs. I'll do that tonight. Then I put all the boxes away. Now, I just have to finish the outside. I have the porch done. Then, I've got to get the house in order for the parties this weekend and NOW our out of town guests.

Today, I'll be off to TKD in a bit at lunch. Office is hopping today. Then tonight after work I have to pick up and deliver the poinsettias my son sold for band. Then, home to do some of the work I have to get done. Then tomorrow is an action packed day. I'm off and I have a whole bunch of activities with the kids, but I'll fill you in on that later.

Right now I just can NOT STOP SMILING! Gotta work. Damn you mortgage!

Damn you, Axe Kick!

Oh Boy am I tired today. Also, I am constipated. That's right I said it. I spend all day talking about mucous and pee and vomit and poop so, It doesn't really bother me. I also weighed this am and I was up 2.5 pounds. Seriously? That's what happens when I snack on cheese a couple of times. Damn you yummy laughing cow.

And oh MY, my legs are sore today. Damn you axe kick. I learned that new kick and it is a straight leg kick. You kick up an out, swinging your leg back down and striking the target with the bottom of your heel. This means to do the kick properly you have to fully extend  or dorsiflex your foot.(I have to flaunt that 150 grand in education sometime) This means that  I am using my gastroch and especially hip flexors and extensors as the hip has to do all the rotation. Hip flexors are one of my weak areas, so that made it super sore.  I'll have to post a pic or video, assuming I have time to figure that shit out. I must have done 50 each leg of just this kick, plus the other stuff and.... ouch.

And, no workout yet today. Again. Ugh. Apparently son forgot money for the order for more of the crap his football team sold, so I had to run that up to the school. That blew working out at lunch as I had only 30 min left and that's not enough to workout and shower and get dressed again. So, I ran a quick trip to Wal-Mart to get toys and stuff to donate to the kids' schools as each is collecting stuff for various charities. Tonight I'll be finishing the indoor decorations and hauling boxes back upstairs for storage, so that'll help.

If I get lucky maybe I'll ride the bike or do the Just dance Wii. Have you done this? It's so much fun and a good cardio work out. Just dancing. When I try to exercise in the evening I have super bad Mommy guilt so I try to find things to do with the kids.  Outdoor stuff is not that reasonable now with the allergies and asthma and cold.

So far I'm at 3-32oz glasses of water and a diet Mountain dew for lunch. Also, my coffee. Lord bless you coffee inventor man. I had egg whites and whole wheat lo cal toast for breakfast and a healthy choice fish meal at lunch. I had a yogurt and an apple for snacks so I'm at 652 calories. Plenty of room for my dinner of salad and veggies and some sort of protein.

Well....I have work, work, work to do. So busy this week with 2 kids birthday parties and Christmas and work and all the other stuff. This time of year is nuts. It's is a shocker I'm not a total Scrooge. I used to wonder why my Mom hated Christmas so much. As a single mom working 2 jobs, NOW I sure know why.

Have a fabulous evening!