This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Twilight Zone and Hot 100 update

Good Morning ALL!

Well, yesterday was a great day. Any day where you only work 1/2 is a great day, right?  So we had our Christmas Party for work and gift exchange. It was a night lunch. I had a fabulous greek salad, mostly veggies with 4 olives and very little dressing. Along with that I had a chicken shish-k-bob which had veggies and 3 small chunks of chicken and 1/2 a pita.  I drank a vanilla vodka w/ diet coke and my calories at lunch were 459.  As a surprise we let the employees have the rest of the day off early so they could shop since it was payday.

I left work and went to the mall. Three hours of shopping, just me and 5 million others. But, since I'm almost done with Christmas it was a leisurely stroll and by stroll I mean a LOT of walking.  Shoulda worn different shoes. I had my cute boots with the heels on and ouch my feet and legs were cramping by the time I got home.  I had a great time. Picked up a few things for myself.  Two pairs of too cute shoes. I'll take pics and share for my fellow Shoe connoisseurs. I KNOW you're out there.

Here's where the weird part happened.

So I go to Nordstrom's because I have a gift certificate left from last year. Thought I'd by a few new clothes. I go in and head to the Woman's department where I've always shopped. I look at the sales rack. There are litterally no clothes that will fit me except 1 pair of size 14 jeans in a weird purple color. That's a NO. I look at the non-sale racks.  That's cute-2x.  Oh I like that sweater-3x. Then- 2x, 1x, 3x, 24, 22, 20....I realize I probably shouldn't even be in this section anymore. Then I realize I have absolutely NO idea where I'm supposed to shop. I mean, where are the clothes for normal people?

And by normal I mean, size 14 for 40yr old women, not the 16 yr old teenies. So I wander around and this sales lady comes up to me and she's like, "Can I help you find something, you look lost."  And I say, "I think I am." I explained my issue and she directed me to an area where there were some cute things. I looked and shopped and literally everything seemed too small to me, even though they were my size. I tried some stuff on I liked ok, but I felt so weird I gave up. I did find a cute leather jacket in a 0X. WTF is a 0X? But it fits and it was less than 50 bucks.

Then I went to look at shoes. Shoes should be safe, right? So the sales guy, luckily a very styled gay dude (because they ALWAYS help you find the best shoes), comes up and asks if I need help. I tell him I'm looking for some cute black heels or just something funky and fun. He asks my size, I tell him, "a 8 1/2-9".  He says, "Oh Honey, you're tiny. That's way too big." WTF? Tiny? WTF? So he brings out these 8s and 7 and 1/2s. WTF? They fit, but as it turned out I didn't like them on me. Maybe it was my being completely freaked out by not knowing myself anymore.  I did end up with 2 pair of shoes at Dillard's, one is an 8, one an 8 and 1/2, but sales chick said those run small. (???)

The entire experience has me weired out and happy at the same time. THEN this morning I opened a pakage from Lane Bryant and I had ordered these cute gray cargo pants from them on clearance in a size 14. I put them on and thought, "Huh. I like them a lot, but are they too big?" The more the day wears on I realize they ARE too big, even for baggy cargo pants.  Don't get me wrong. It's awesome. But it is also disconcerting to FEEL like I am fatter than I actually am. To be WEARING a SIZE 14 that seems REALLY small compared to what I'm used to and THEY ARE TOO BIG. (I was going to post a pic, but it was icky.)

Does anyone else understand what I'm saying? I mean it is super exciting and I am really proud and happy. But, I feel so strange. I have no idea where to go buy clothes now. I need to re-measure. It's been about a month. I cannot believe it since I haven't lost that many more pounds.(which is an entirely different subject I'll bitch about later.)

SSDDDYYSSDDS or whatever the hell Allan's challenge is now is going fine although the I did go over by 171 cals yesterday. Thank you vodka. But, for the week I'm ok. Tonight I am getting a datenight with hubbie for our anniversary. That means SALAD and very little cals for lunch today so I can save up for tonight. Fluids are A-OK and on target. Scale says I'm down 1 pound.  I was shocked to see in black and white on his blog yesterday that I can reach my goal by May. That's only 5 months away and even if it takes DOUBLE that, I'll be at goal by this time next year. Gasp. Grin.

Hot 100:
Last week people told me I need to set new goals since I've pretty much done them all except the weight. So I'm adding the goal of a morning cardio session 5 days a week from now till the end of the challenge. I'm still working on the weight goal of 199 and I am still what feels like a lot, but is only 5 pounds away.

So, I hope everyone enjoys their weekend and BE GOOD! I mean it! And, let me know if your new size freaks anyone else out or am I just in need of "help"?


  1. Whatever Allan calls it, well it works..Come get your badge for Phase 4.. No charge for the awesome..

  2. You should feel so proud that you have to add goals since you met the others already!!!

  3. I'm new to your blog. I like your style, I gotta say, you sound a lot like me.
    I just read your earlier posts, I love the idea of "the jungle" at the gym.
    I will keep reading!

  4. Oh lordy yes - I know exacty what you mean. When I slipped down to medium shirts, I thought my head would explode. I would go in a store, pull a medium off the rack and think "I'll never fit in that!" and put it back. I kept buying XL tops only to come home and find that they looked like tents, then take them back to exchange for a medium. Same for dress pants. To put on a size 10 and have it be just right freaks me out.

    In my head I'm still fat.

  5. Dr. F, I totally know what you mean. I don't think that I see myself as my true size anymore now than I did when I was 145 pounds heavier, then I didn't see myself as big as I was. People look at me crazy when I say I have about 30 more pounds to lose...I know that's because they don't see me outta my clothes but I've been realizing that I am a lot closer than I can see. It's very weird.

    But, I gotta tell you, I left the "Women's" section as soon as I could! lol

    Great job on meeting and making new goals and on your success. Stop looking at that scale, evidence of your success is all around you!

  6. What an amazing day of self-discovery you had, Dr. F. It feels so great to get out of the women's sizes. Have a nice anniversary date tonight. Our anniversary is in two days, but I'm not going to tell you how many years, because you would all think I'm too old to be blogging! (Actually I was a 'child bride' [lol]) Have a great weekend!

  7. I had the clothes shocker about a week ago. In my mind I'm still a big girl. I took 4 pairs of pants into the dressing room, and only 1 of them fit. Also, this week I shopped for tops. I bought mediums! Yikes! I am one who never tries on clothes, because I know what fits me. No more, sister. I can't get my brain around the fact that I'm, well, normal. High end of normal, but still normal. Like you, I love it, but can't quite grasp it yet.

  8. @ Jane: NOT old, my dear, WISE. You're WISE. Besides don't you know that 60 is the new 40??

  9. I hope you're right, Dr. F. Also, regarding finding clothes--Talbot's women's petites have sizes that go down to 12WP. They're cut a bit smaller than regular 1X or __W sizes. etc. and work well for us shorter gals. They worked well when I was between the larger women's sizes and the regular women's sizes. They are in their Women's Petite stores, catalogs, and online. I'm happy for your great progress!

  10. Happy Anniversary Dr. F. Sure sounds like a nice delimma to me, one I won't encounter for some time. I try to avoid the malls this time of year, but for your experience I would run there. How awesome! Keep up the good work, May and October will be here before you know it.

  11. You've entered the Twilight Zone of clothing sizes - it's beyond strange to have a size that you would have given your left arm to fit into only six months ago be too big. Does.not.compute. I completely understand why your shopping trip was so weird. It will take time getting accustomed to the idea that you - yes, YOU!- wear normal-sized clothing. Just keep trying things on every week or so...it will get more normal, and pretty soon you'll figure out what looks good on you and start buying clothes again. Wish I lived closer - I'd love to go shopping with you!

  12. WTF is a 0x? I'm still shaking my head.

    Happy Anniversary to you and hubs. Hope you have a fun date night.

    I can't really relate to the size 14's but I feel like I'm in a weird clothes phase. My current size is way to big (like falling off my ass), but if I go down then it doesn't fit (like I'm cramming my fat rolls and praying to the gods that it will zip). I'm buying a freaking belt and moving on. :)

  13. No idea what an ox is. I have NO idea what size I am. I'm not going shopping until spring. Sizing doesn't actually make sense. Sorta glad you couldn't fit in your cargo pants. Annoying that you have to return them but nice that you get to buy a 10 or 12!

  14. That new goal may help you meet your weight loss goal quicker, great choice!

  15. I totally get it. This has happened to me, not only this time that I've lost weight, but other times as well. It can definitely be very weirdly disconcerting.
    The antidote: more shopping/ and more shopping with a plan.
    Go in to stores, look for the "Missy" section-- that's the one with the 'normal' sizes for women who are not teens, and work on either finding new pants, new skirts or new shirts. Doing all at once is really too much for your brain which is accommodating to a new you!
    Most important-- even though it is thrilling, don't get too hung up on the sizes, try 14's, 16's, 8's and 10's-- just get the size that fits well, as that will feel good, look good and motivate you to continue.
    The worst thing to do with weight loss is bury yourself under clothing that is too baggy.

    AND; post some pictures of your new stuff-- congratulations on your inspirational success...

  16. oh god yes u bet I do.. I have panic attacks now when I shop unless I plan things out carefully.. I am between sizes Large XL and OX 1X .. its crazy.. and it freaks me out to shop... I mostly buy tops now in large and XL.. I do okay there but I just can not do pants yet..

  17. Oh hell yes my size freaks me out big time. But as for you...perhaps you need to think about looking at Size 12s? And...look at the Missy and Petites departments in department stores. Those departments have clothing ranging up to a size 14 or sometimes 16, so you should be good there.

  18. I'm larger than you, but yesterday this same thing happened to me about the picking clothes that were the size I thought I was and they were swimming. It does feel weird to be out of sync size-wise. :D But I'd love to have your problem of being too small for LB and Big Lady depts. Oh yes. I'm gonna get there.


Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!