This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Weekend Wrap Up

We had a great weekend in San Antonio. It was a quick trip, but fun.  First I'll end any angst and say I did lose weight. I am very proud of how well I managed my temptations and challenges to my plan this weekend.

I woke up early on Saturday morning, partially because I was having trouble sleeping and partially because I had a lot to do. I got busy and finished all my left over work for the weekend. Packed bags and cooked breakfast. I had egg substitute, a slice of bacon and 2 pieces of reduced cal bread. I packed a snack bag with cheese sticks, fruit and drinks.

We left at 10am and luckily traffic wasn't too bad. We stopped near Austin at one of the famous BBQ joints. This was my husband's idea and I agreed because he was really gung ho. I was concerned that there wouldn't be any option for me to eat. When we arrived I realized that this place didn't serve chicken or turkey.  They didn't have salads or even veggies unless you count potato salad or baked beans, which I do not. As I stood there looking up calorie counts and trying to decide what to get my husband grew irritated.  He was really not happy when I pointed out that I didn't want to get prime rib as he planned because it was like 1600 cal per pound. The meat is smoked with a dry rub, no sauce, but STILL.

Let me stop here to say that he is very supportive. VERY. But, he is not really "with the program" yet.

His switch hasn't flipped. He hasn't had the realizations I have. He said to me, "It's not like you come here every day.  It's not like we'll be back here again next week,  if ever."  He had a point. But, as you and I know that thinking can lead to major binges and slip ups. I smiled and just said, "Oh yeah. You're right. This is going to be sooo good."  When we arrived at the meat counter I decided to order pork chop. I asked for 3oz and my husband looked at me like I was insane. Instead I got a 1/4pound(4oz) and cut off a bit.  They had tomatoes as a side so I ordered 1/2 pound which was like 2 whole tomatoes or so. I ate those w/ the pork chop. It was very good.  I ate one very small bite of his prime when he asked so I could taste it and not offend him.

After that stop we drove in to San Antonio and got changed for the wedding. I wore my size 18 black dress which I was proud of and which is nearly too big already.  The wedding was a small affair and I really didn't know anyone there as it was for a coworker of my husband. I'm happy to report I had no appetizers. I did drink one small rum and diet coke (it was an open bar after all).  I ate the salad and two bites of the chicken along with the asparagus on the plate. I did not eat bread or butter or cupcake.

We danced some and had a good time. After the wedding, midnight, we met the happy couple and some friends at a wine bar where we closed the pace at 2am. I will say that I am too old to be up until 2am. But, it was fun. I didn't drink anything there, only water. After we walked back to the hotel. My calories were around 1400 for the day.

Can you believe we totally forgot to take a picture of me in my new dress? Me neither. Luckily I took this one in the BR on my iphone. It's crappy, but the only one I've got.

We got up yesterday morning, packed our bag and drove north to the huge outlet malls south of Austin. On the way, we stopped at Denny's for breakfast. This is dangerous for me as I LOVE waffles and pancakes. But, I did the right thing and had egg white, dry wheat toast and fruit. I also had chicken sausage which I'd never tried. At 55 calories, it was really good. Breakfast was 320cal.  After breakfast, I decided to do some jumping jacks and stretches before getting back into the car. I did 100 jumping jacks. You really forget how good they are for cardio until you do them.

We shopped all day and did a ton of walking. We got some great bargains, mainly on shoes for my husband, but everyone in the family had something in the car before we were done. We skipped lunch as we were busy. I drank water, but when we got back in the car I was starved and tired. Luckily I had my snacks.  Husband wanted to stop at a different BBQ place, but luckily for me they were closed. Instead we hit Subway on the way home. Calories yesterday were 1217.

I weighed this morning. My weight was 201. This is the lowest yet and very close to the 199 I am shooting for. I realized that for a while there I was so focused on 199 that I forgot that THAT IS NOT MY GOAL WEIGHT. It's just my next goal and I can't put in effort as if I'm only a few pounds from goal because I still have a long way to go. 

So I'm pushing ahead. I have a lot going on this week, but that's my status quo. I will not give up and I will keep my focus on my REAL goal of being a healthy weight.  Hope you all had great weekends and stay focus this week as well!

PS:  Someone gave me an award about 1 week ago. I can't remember who it was and I can't find it in my inbox. If it was you, please let me know so I can post about it. Thanks! AND I'm sorry I didn't get to it before now.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Orange Belt! And Weekend pitfalls coming!

Today was something of a day. But, first let's recap yesterday because I meant to post earlier today, but the day spun out of control before I knew it!

So yesterday I had a great and busy day. For food I had Egg white on english muffin with turkey sausage for breakfast, 260 calories, with my coffee. At lunch I had 1 cup of beef stew, home made and tasty! I had some celery and cucumber slices on the side. Lunch was 332 calories. Dinner was a turkey sandwich on the run and then I had a snack later which I'll explain in a minute. My total calories were over by 100 cals yesterday.

Here's why:  So yesterday I went to Tae Kwon Do class at noon. It was quite a workout! We did all the usual stuff plus extra since the test was to be the next day. I happily got my invitation to test for my orange belt. Knowing that I had to test today, I arranged with my husband to watch kids so I could attend an extra class to be sure I knew the material. That's right peoples I did TWO classes in ONE day.  This means that I did a total of 150 crunches, 40 push ups and a WHOLE lot of other cardio and work.  I burned over 1600 calories. So needless to say when I got home from class I was pooped and hungry. I ate a banana and some peanut butter with crackers.  That's what shoved me over the 100 cal.

Fluid wise I drank a TON yesterday, but I woke up WAY dry, so not enough. I had 176 oz of water, 16oz coffee, 12oz diet dp. It just amazes me how much better you feel when you drink the water like you should.

So.......on to today. WHAT a busy one! Woke up early and did some work and got busy with the morning. Breakfast was egg white sandwich on wheat toast. I mixed salsa and canadian bacon into them this time before cooking it and it was really good. Like a quicko omelet. My son thought it was way awesome.  That with my coffee and breakfast was 220 calories. At lunch I had to run home and switch cars with husband so he could pick up kids from school.  I had a turkey sandwich on wheat and a banana. Lunch was 363 calories.

Work was CRAZY. Flu is definitely here, bad. Lots of sickness out there people. Beware. Cover your cough and WASH wash wash your hands!  Rushed home and changed clothes for the TKD belt test. It is amazing how incredibly nervous you can get for these things.   I had planned time at lunch to practice, but work did not allow that.  Luckily I got home in time to review the few things I wanted to. But, time was short so I ate another sandwich. Luckily I had reduced cal bread. Dinner was 229 calories. I planned a snack for after the test. My total calories were 1110. I drank 1.5 gallons of water alone today and I'm not done. I'll need a little more before bed.

My mistake was not eating a little more before the test because I came home and I was shaky. Had a total nose dive on the blood sugar I suppose, which isn't a problem for me usually. I ate some grapes and an apple and I feel better now.

So the test went well. I got my orange belt!
Axe Kick!

Me Trying to break a REALLY thick board.

Orange Belt!

I'm very proud of myself for sticking with this and being brave enough to follow through. There were only 2 adults in our group. There were TONS of little kids. That means the place was packed with parents and siblings and grandparents. GREAT!  I am not really too pleased with being watched as I sweat like a pig and work out. The test took 2 hours. I figure I burned about 1300 calories tonight!

My only regret is I didn't manage to break the board. It isn't a requirement, but I really wanted to do it. Not everyone did so I wasn't alone. Of course they gave me this HUGE board. That's OK. I'll get another chance when I get my green belt because I'm not giving up and I'm not quitting. This is WAY too much fun and such a great work out!

So the plan for the weekend includes a trip to San Antonio for a wedding. My husband and I are driving there and back, just staying tomorrow night. This would worry me except that I don't know these people, they are friends of my husband so no one wants to look like a pig in front of strangers, Ha ha.  I'll tank up on water before and eat a snack. I plan to walk in the morning and we'll do walking there.  I see a loss coming on the scale, at least I hope so I do NOT want to screw it up.

Good night all I am POOPED!  Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What stage are you?

I had a great day today, despite being super sore. My arms are killing me, especially my triceps. But, on the bright side, the touch of tendinitis I still have in my elbow is hardly noticeable in comparison. Today was good overall. I didn't exercise today except to practice my TKD as I do plan to test again on Friday. The kids are pysched up to see Mom break her first board.

 I ate well today. For breakfast I had egg white on toast sandwich and a pear. For lunch I had a chicken breast with green beans. For dinner I had a small bowl of beef stew Nanny made and fresh veggies on the side-carrots, celery, bell pepers, grape tomatoes.  Sometimes I just don't want an actual "salad".  My calories are 1203. I drank 96 oz of water, my coffee and a diet DP. So plenty of fluids.

 Lately I've run into a lot of patients in the office wanting to make lifestyle changes.  New Year and all that. And then there are those that just aren't ready. These people are smokers, bad eaters, overweight, drinkers, but aren't going to quit anytime soon.  Believe it or not there is a label for this. PRE-contemplation.  These people don't bother me. Some doctors get irritated when the Smoker of 20 years says he's not quitting or when the morbidly obese patient says they hate exercise and they aren't doing it. Not me. I just smile. I remind the patient that it's my job to tell them they could die if they don't, document that I said that and move on.

The next stage of change is Contemplation. These are the people that know they need to change, but aren't ready to commit.  They know smoking causes cancer and it isn't good. They know they need to lose weight and exercise, but they aren't really serious about it. These are the people that are more frustrating for me. It's like I tell them they are standing in a fire and their pants are starting to burn, but they just are so happy being warm, they don't want to move yet. I don't get that.

But people who are constantly stuck in the preparation stage are the saddest ones. These are the people that know they need to lose weight. They make plans about it. Buy a cookbook. Join a gym. Get the newest DVD.  They've tried before. Each time they join a new program or method, but they never REALLY do what they intend to. This was me for a long time.  I joined a gym in college. I joined a gym about 5years ago. I went, like twice and quit. Payed for it though. Lots. I've got cookbooks, DVDs, equipment. And it sat there for years gathering dust.  These people think they are making a change. They think they are doing something, but really they aren't. They're spinning wheels. All talk and planning and lists, no actually doing it.

The really exciting thing as a physician is to see someone make the shift from preparation to action. Sometimes patients DO listen!  When you counsel them to quit smoking, how to do it and next thing you know, they've done it. That's really one of the best parts of my job. Seeing someone succeed in making their health better.  I am so glad to be in the ACTION stage. It doesn't mean I'm perfect. It doesn't mean I don't slip up, but it DOES mean that I am REALLY doing something. I am heading toward my goal which is the final stage- maintenance.

We all think of maintenance as the time when you are in this state of bliss and goal weight heaven. But, the definition of this stage is a time when you work to prevent relapse. In maintenance, you are solidifying the habits you developed in the action stage. You are constantly looking for ways to continue the healthy habits. People in this stage remind themselves on how far they've come, but they know they could relapse into bad habits. They are able to anticipate situations where they might be tempted back to it and make adjustments to avoid their old behaviors.

Wow. Just typing that made me realize how much work maintenance is. It isn't a time when all your problems are "done", but a time that while you are happy with what you've done, you realize you have to be on guard for falling back into your old habits.  So really, it's never over. And talking to people in maintenance I know it to be true. I also know that the longer you do healthy things, the easier it gets. The easier it is to maintain. So while it is discouraging at times to think about always having to be on guard about my weight, it is exciting to know that practice makes perfect. The more I practice my healthy lifestyle, the more natural it will feel to me.

So which stage are you in? Are you in ACTION or are you spinning wheels? Have you reached maintenance?  No matter which stage you're in, what lessons have you learned lately that are helping you?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I am amazing.

There are so many times that I'm down on myself. I have an incredible talent with locating fault in myself. I can be encouraging, uplifting and empathetic to my family, friends and patients. But, me....that's a whole different story. That negative self talk is not productive. I've discussed it many times on this blog and it is a constant theme on many of your blogs. We all know it is damaging, but how do we stop doing it?

The truth is I don't really know. I'm learning. As far as I can tell through research, there is no one right way to fix it. What everyone says is that learning to talk positively to yourself is a skill that has to be practiced. So that's what I'm trying to do.

Today I woke up early. I had work left over from yesterday. Damn laptop battery died about a week ago and that has hampered my ability to get work done.  I usually do my charting while in the room with patients and between patients. That's a lot harder to do when you are running back and forth to a laptop tethered to it's damn plug.  I worked for about an hour and then the morning merry-go-round went round and round and 3 kids were off to 3 different schools. I was at work. All was fabulous.

Well....if you discount the fact that I could barely move this morning. There was no hair fixing today. My triceps hurt so badly I really couldn't lift my arms. I mentioned I met with my trainer yesterday. Here's the run down of what we did.
Chest presses-40 pounds 2 sets of 20
Skull crushers (I KNOW that's the real freaking name) with double chest press in between 30 pounds-2x20
One leg bicep curls-20 each leg
Ab roll outs: Ok so you get down on all fours with your forearms resting on this little rolly cart and you push out with your arms until your upper thighs almost touch the ground. It's as bad as it sounds 20x2
Back extensions w/ kettle bell 10 pounds
Back extension on side for obliques
Sit ups
reverse flys w/ cable weights
and other crap I can't remember.

So I arrived at work wincing and thankful I wouldn't have to carry that damn laptop around today. Work was crazy and I ran late. MAN was I pissed when I missed my TKD class. There's a test on Friday and I really planned on getting my orange belt. I get to break a board! I'm sooo pumped about it. Anyway, I missed last week due to the trip and then the GI illness so I'm behind classes. I worked through lunch instead. My wonderful husband offered to watch kids and get them to bed so I could go tonight to class. YOU HEARD ME. 

I worked all day, even through lunch. Left work. Picked up kids from their TKD class. Got them home, fed and in jammies. Left my house for class which started at 8:10pm and THEN did an HOUR of TKD.  Am I in pain? yes. Am I proud? HELL yeah!  I'm home now and after I finish this blog thingy, I'm going to bed. I'm super tired.

As far as eating goes I'm golden for today. I had egg whites and wheat english muffin and blackberries for breakfast. I had soup and salad for lunch. I had chicken breast, broccoli and 1/2 cup whole wheat orzo for dinner. When I arrived home from class, I realized I had calories left for the day, but my stomach said WTH I'm full. I do NOT need to eat. Drink your water and get in bed. OK. So that's the plan. Total calories today were 1061 and I'm full.

So you see...I am amazing.

It would have been so easy to blow off exercise for today. I got home and really I did NOT want to go to class and if there weren't a test soon I might not have. But, I did. I did it anyway. And it was great. I had a good workout and learned some things. Yes I was one of only 2 adults there. Yes, there were parents and people watching me as I jogged and stretched and kicked and punched. BUT I did it anyway.

I also learned that I can do more than I think I can. I've learned that when you ask for help those that really love you will help you. I've learned that being super sore is a badge of honor. It reminds me that I'm working hard and getting closer to my goals. I have learned that food is just food. It isn't my friend. It isn't my savior. It isn't ANYTHING but FUEL. If your tank is full, why keep filling it?

So I ask you? What have you done lately to prove to yourself how amazing YOU are? How are you doing with your self talk? Any tricks or tools that have helped you?

Monday, January 24, 2011

New Monday

I will avoid the usual, "I hate Mondays" mantra. You all know it's true and how I feel about them. Instead I choose to focus on the positive, as difficult as this is for me.  I spent most of the weekend in bed. Literally in bed. Like I put jammies on when I arrived home on Friday evening, was asleep by 9pm and was still wearing the same jammies yesterday afternoon. I just still felt weak and tired.

Prior to the football games, I decided I'd better make myself bathe and move around. I got up and showered and I felt a little better. This morning I work up feeling pretty darned good, for a Monday.  The kids were their usual grumpy selves this morning despite going to bed early. Some days are just that way. I wasn't hungry this morning so I decided to wait until I got to the office to eat. I did drink my coffee and my water.

I had an appointment with my trainer this morning so after I finished with patients I ran to the gym. I changed clothes and got on the elliptical. Hello, stranger. 35min later and I was feeling good, a little tired maybe, but good. It's funny how your body misses moving even when our brain may not.

So Trainer shows up and we get started. About 2/3 in, I hit a wall like I've never hit. He's like, "Come on, 5 more, what's up with you?" I said I wasn't sure, maybe it was just being sick all last week. I chugged a bunch more water. I was dizzy and shaky, but sometimes that happens when I haven't worked out that hard in a while. Truth is, we didn't work out THAT hard. Although my triceps may argue that right now. Afterward, I showered and rushed out to the car. Then it hit me. Holy CRAP. I didn't eat. Anything. At all. No wonder I feel so weak.

Luckily I had more water and almonds in the car. I was going to run to Subway, but I realized I apparently forgot my purse at home. Great. No license. Please don't let something happen. So I chugged more water and ate some almonds. Luckily I have yogurt and some frozen food at the office. They had pizza and bread sticks for lunch, but I didn't partake. Instead I had yogurt, a cheese stick and a breakfast sandwich. I feel so much better now.

I can't believe that I skipped breakfast on accident. And my snack I usually eat on the way to the gym. My feelings about food have definitely changed. Before I was all about eating all the time. Now, not as much.  I have made progress. 

So what have I learned today?  I've learned I can get through a Monday without a foul mood. I can get through a day without eating. AND working out hard at the gym without food is bad. My brain is still kinda fuzzy. Just how you want your doctor to be, fuzzy brained. Ha ha. Shhh! Don't tell my patients. I'm better now, don't worry. Good thing I'm not a heart surgeon. Ha ha. Medical humor. We're weird.

What have you learned this Monday?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Shitty Week.

Couldn't help it. I know. It's silly, but I'm tired and frankly I'm getting punchy.  I'm feeling better now, but I've had nothing but saltines and sprite and jello for several days. Now my hunger drive is kicking in. Thanks carbs.  I'm looking forward to the weekend as this week has sucked in so many ways.

I have a family member going through a tough time. Someone I'm close to and do not know how to help. I would not discuss the issues here for obvious reasons. Let's just leave it with the fact that sometimes you cannot make someone want to be better. No matter how much you tell them, beg them, pray for them, they have to WANT to be better. And now I'm left with dealing with that helpless feeling. As a physician I am all too familiar with this issue, but it's harder when it's close to home.

On top of that, the office has been chaos. Busy is not the word and while that is a good thing as bills get paid and payroll gets made, it makes my stress crazy. I came back to a CRAP load of work despite leaving explicit instructions to be sure that things were covered. They weren't. Temper was lost. It better not happen again. THEN, other turmoil. Being an employer is not all it's cracked up to  be. I'll leave it at that.

Plus, stupid science fair projects. Who's idea is this, really? Do kids really learn from this or do they just learn how to jump through hoops? I guess even that lesson is valuable. But, what my ADD pubertal male child learned is how to procrastinate and get Mom and Dad to swoop in to save him. Damn it. That pisses me off. But, then I feel guilty because genetically he is doomed as I am scatterbrained, (at least I am now. Thanks a lot pregnancy brain that never goes away.) and his Dad is king of putting it off. He was the guy in college that wrote term papers all in one night to turn in the next morning. Me, I was the make sure it's done 2 days ahead and turn it in early. Or I used to be. Now I'm the overwhelmed full time doctor and business owner Mommy who barely remembers to put her deodorant on in the morning. (sniff. sniff.) At least I did today anyway.

PLUS, my body picked this week to get my period. I know, people get tired of this talk, but it is a fact of life and can make life less than fun. Sigh.

And, we're approaching the saddest time of year. The sports dead zone. The time between football and basketball play offs. Sniff sniff. It is a sad, sad time. BUT until then there are things happening in the sports world.
Warning...sports talk...Come on. You saw this coming.

So the big conference play off games this weekend.  I don't really have a horse in this race, but it's more fun to pick sides so....I have to go Bears. I don't have Green Bay hatred or anything, but there are and have been many Sooners on the Bears and so, da Bears it is. Although I'm not convinced Cutler has what it takes, I have been a defender of his when it wasn't cool and I think giving the Broncos the big finger is kinda fun.

As far as the Jets and Steelers I am voting for a meteor. Neither of these teams is fun. I cannot nor will I ever be a Steelers person although you gotta admit that Palomalo( no idea how to spell that) has fantastic hair. Ha ha. Sanchez is a frat boy and annoying as hell, USC and all that crap. But, I gotta say that Rex Ryan cracks me the hell up and I am kinda partial to people with potty mouths as I am one of that club.

The Mavs beat the Lakers. Smile. Hee hee. Hoping we can get another player in here and maybe we'll have a shot. Blah blah. This is what we Mavs fans do every year. Rangers are wheeling and dealing and we'll see if anything good comes out. On another note former Sooner Blake Griffin is AWESOME. Clippers in the news every night, now THAT is an accomplishment. He rocks.

And..that's it. You all probably think that I am a Sports addict. You'd be right and there are no calories in that, so I don't plan to stop. Looking forward to the weekend hanging out with my kiddos and hopefully practicing some TKD since I think there is a test next week and I have no idea if I'll be ready. I missed class this week due to the trip and the GI nightmare of 2011.  Now I'm going home to eat something that is NOT a saltine cracker. I got in all my water today. Yeah!

Have a good weekend all!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I'm back!

We returned from our trip late Monday, or should I say, early Tuesday?  We got home around 1am. Needless to say this week is rough. Returning to work after a trip is never pleasant. Add to that the fact that I was tired and I think I picked up a GI bug, maybe a bad ham sandwich?, and this week kinda sucks. That's why I didn't get a chance to post until now.

We had a great time. We saw so many things. We walked and walked and walked.  We ate very good food, but I stayed on plan for nearly all meals, eating very healthy food. Yes I drank some alcohol, but I also chugged the water like crazy. This morning I weighed 203 which is down a pound from the day we left. I'm pretty happy with that number. In the past I could've gained 10 pounds in a weekend. Maybe I really am learning something?  I never visited the gym at the hotels because we walked about 5 miles each day. I figure that was sufficient.

Key West was lovely. We'd never been there. It's like New Orleans with the beach and beach bum attitude. There are all sorts of interesting people to watch. The scenery was beautiful and the weather was great except for the first day which was cloudy and cold. By cold I mean 60 degrees.  The first day we arrived in Miami and then drove through the Keys to Key West. The next day we toured the Hemingway House and the island. We took a sunset boat ride which was beautiful.
6-toed cat at Hemingway House

On the sunset cruise

Sunset at Key West

Sunrise on the beach

Only 90 miles to Cuba!

Butterfly Conservatory was so cool!

Saturday we drove back to Miami. We stayed in a very nice hotel in South Beach. We had a lovely view of the ocean from our room.  Again we walked and walked. We saw the famous ocean drive. We did a tour of the bay and the star's homes. We spent some time just enjoying the ocean.

Now I'm trying to find my way back to routine, although with this GI thing it's not happening yet. Just trying to get through the days. I haven't eaten much except saltines and toast and I'm having trouble getting all the fluids in due to nausea. Anyway, I'll get there. I'm just happy with the loss after a trip. Have a great day. I'll have more inspiring things to say later. I hope.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Leaving...on a jet plane!

This day was exhausting. I do not understand why leaving for a vacation is so hard. It's like my patients have some sort of early warning system so they know that I'm getting ready to leave and they have to get in TODAY. Phone calls, Medication refills, referrals, forms to fill out. And of course, patients that think their problem is WAY more important than everyone else and want the answer NOW!  On top of that we had our manager's meeting today at lunch so I didn't eat lunch and we spent it discussing various "issues" that need resolving.

Owning your own medical practice has all the stress and hassle of any other business plus the added joy of constantly being exposed to illness, life and death decisions and the fact that you could get sued and lose it all at any moment.  Sometimes I wonder if I would have gone out on my own if I'd known what I know now. On the other hand...I don't ask anyone for time off. I don't need approval to buy equipment. I can wear whatever I want. My hours are set by me and I can see as many or as few patients in a day as I want. Overall I love my job, but MAN some days are just...........hard.

On top of that, Big boy has a science project (in other words WE have a science project) due on the 21st and we had to get some more done before we leave because he has a camping trip this weekend. Sigh. So at 6pm I was still at the office helping him run some tests at the office. THEN we had to rush home so he could change for his Boy Scout meeting which started at 7pm. Ack.

I woke up this am and was on the treadmill by 6am. I did day 2 of week1 C25K. I am so glad I've started it over although I wondered this morning. I had the battle about, my legs are sore and I'm tired, but I forced my inner whiner to shut the hell up and did it anyway. Felt great and I am surprised about how much better my speed is this time.
After my run, note the sweatiness (Is that a word?)
I was on top of the world this am considering I knew I only had to survive this day and my vacation begins.  I even ditched my scrubs for actual clothing. I ate my breakfast-an oatmeal muffin, egg whites and yogurt with my coffee and water, of course. When I got to the office I was working on this really witty post and took these pics...

But then by the time I went back to the post, I forgot half of what I had planned and said forget it. Mainly I was playing with my nifty web cam. I know. I'm silly.

So I took some snacks to work today knowing I had that meeting, but didn't have time to eat any till late this afternoon. I had bought a new flavor of laughing cow light-chipotle and queso. YUMMY....or was it?  I wouldn't know because I guess it has horse radish or something similar in it because my tongue started to burn, throat itched, lips burning. The first bite I thought it was just spicy and then I realized it was a reaciton. So I threw it in the trash and ate my celery plain instead.  I guess I'm getting more sensitive to the stuff over time. Here I am about 8hr later and my tongue is still tingling, not in a good way. Ha ha.

The food for today ended with a banana and a frozen lean cuisine pizza AND a Mike's hard lemonade light. Yeah. I needed it and it was good and I was happy. Total calories were just under 1200. I got in all the fluids. I weighed this morning and I was 204, nearly back to where I was.

Now that I finally got all the packing done and other things off my TO-DO, including left over work from today, I am ready to go to bed. I'm so tired and we have to get up early. Anyway, I'm excited about the trip. I will try to post while I'm gone, but it all depends on....well..whether I feel like it.Grin. I'll take pics, especially of the new little black dress I bought for the trip, and I'll post all about it at some point.  Take care and good night.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tuesday. Busy!

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty great day. My mood was good and I ate well. I ended the day with under the 1200 cals and over the minimum fluids. Today was a good day, for a Tuesday.  I started my day with oversleeping. I got a new alarm for Christmas, one I can use with my iPhone. I haven't gotten used to it yet so I keep thinking I've set it right, but didn't. Stupid machine. Anyway, I woke up with plenty of time, but no time to workout which was my original plan. I got the kids off to school and in to the office on time. It's still really cold here, but the sun was shining so that was beautiful twinkling on all the snow.

Breakfast was on the run as usual. A light whole wheat English muffin with egg whites with my coffee. Lots of water. Apple for snack on the way to TKD with a big glass of water. TKD was a booger today. We had to do 100 crunches, leg lifts and push ups along with all the usual stretches and warm up. Today my asthma is bothering me a bit so it was tough. In class we did a ton of kicks and all the other stuff. I was glad I went after and felt good. Sweaty, but good.

The office was a mad house today. Everyone had more than one problem. Everyone had vague issues that are hard to sort out. Sweet lord, some days I'd give anything just to have a simple strep throat. I didn't get all my work done so I'll be doing a bunch of work at home tonight once the kids are in bed. I have to get everything caught up before I leave for my trip.

Lunch was a quick sandwich and yogurt. I rarely eat sandwiches anymore. I try to avoid the carbs, but I wasn't very hungry and it was fast. I was in a hurry to eat and get back to work.  Dinner tonight will likely be salad and tilapia with some sort of veggies. My eating is going great so far this week. And, I've lost a few of those pounds from last week. I'll have to weigh in for the challenge early since I'll be out of town on Sunday and so far it's looking like a loss.  Tomorrow morning is a for sure workout. I've got to do the C25K as I didn't get it done yesterday as planned. Why is it sometimes things just get in the way? So frustrating, but that's my life and I have to deal with it.

We leave for our trip on Thursday so I have to get packed sometimes. I hate waiting to the last minute to pack. Unlike my husband who would pack in the car on the way to the airport if it were possible. I plan to start packing tonight, at least deciding what clothes to take. I have to find a swim suit that will work. I think I have one that should work. I haven't tried one in a while.

Anyway. I'm off to pick up kids at their TKD class and then I start my second job, ha ha. Night shift! Dinner, homework, baths, bed, etc, etc, etc. Hope you all have a great night!

Monday, January 10, 2011

White Monday?

Thanks for all the support on the last post. I'm feeling better. A lot better. Got through the weekend OK.  Stayed on plan and ended up exercising yesterday in the snow with the kids. That's right. SNOW. Unbelievable. Happens rarely here, but we got about 6 inches and all the schools are closed.

Had planned on a run on the treadmill, but in light of the circumstances, decided to push that to today. We spent a long time outside, running, playing, snowball fighting and the like. Kids had a great time, of course. All day my 13 yr old son was talking about school canceling, of course. And this morning around 6am he bounded into my room to announce his joy. Joke's on him. When I left the house for work I instructed him to unload the dishwasher and then get busy on his science project WHICH he needs to make significant progress on before he heads out to play with his neighborhood buddies.  I know. Mean old Mom.

But, since hubby and I are leaving on Thursday am, the extra time is great. You parents out there know it's my project too. I hate that crap. We try to make it his deal as much as possible.  Besides, he was outside for ever yesterday instead of doing his stuff. He's going camping with Boy Scouts this weekend so, he's got to get some stuff done!

Speaking of my trip, I'm a little worried about it now. I have a game plan. I will of course take my water bottle. I don't like to buy water unless I have to because of the environment and all that stuff. I use refillable bottles when I can. Plus, I'll pack my almonds and fiber bars and 100 cal snack packs for when healthy foods aren't available. Breakfast is generally easy to handle while traveling with fruit and egg or oatmeal. The good news is we'll be on our own schedule so we can eat when we want and where we want. Without the kids our options are significantly increased. I'm packing my workout clothes. The 2 hotels we'll be at have great gyms and with the challenge exercises being walking and core work, I can do that anywhere.

So what am I worried about?  Well, I am worried about that vacation mindset creeping in. Me slipping into old patterns where I think I need the junk for it to be vacation. And like I talked about last time, this is a vulnerable time of year for me.  I have to be careful of over celebrating and using food emotionally.

On the other hand, we had a long vacation in July and I rocked that thing. I lost weight. I ate well. We hiked and walked and played with the kids. We were super active so that made all the difference. This trip with my husband will include a lot of walking. We're planning some walking tours. We love history and learning about new places so walking tours are cheap and fun with the added benefit of good exercise. PLUS I love the beach. When we go to the beach I love to get up early and take tons of pics of the sunrise and walk for ever before breakfast.

I've changed so much in the last year or so. I want to move more, do more and I have more trouble sitting still. Plus when we're on vacation we love to go and do things. So, I'm looking forward to a good balance of rest and relaxation AND being busy.  I am easily bored so I don't do the lay around thing that much. I KNOW can't tell by looking at me. We're going to take some DVDs for evening chillin out time and maybe on the plane. AND of course I have a ton of books to read. I actually got a few for Christmas to get going on.

So now I'll head home for lunch. Very slow day at the office with the white stuff around. We North Texans don't DO ice and snow. It doesn't bother me much growing up in Oklahoma and living in 3 years in Nebraska, I'm over all that fear and I know how to drive in it. But, Nanny from Italy FREAKs out so poor thing, she's trapped with 3 kids in the house. I'm hoping she'll make those low fat yogurt muffins I love and some lentil soup.

Here are some pics I took. I drove by the old cemetery and decided to stop in to take some pics. Some people say creepy. I say cool.

Pond near my house

Have a great Monday everyone! What tricks do you use when you travel? How do you keep active when on the road?

Friday, January 7, 2011

Confession Time and S.A.D.

I had a great birthday yesterday. I enjoyed myself a lot. I had a massage. I saw a movie. I went shopping. And....I ate. A lot. A LOT. So here's where the confession thing comes in.

Sunday when I weighed in for the challenge I weighed 204, which was up 1 pound from the prev Sunday and 2 pounds from Dec 23rd. Monday when I weighed I was 207. I'm guessing that was weight from New Year weekend that took a day or two to show. Sunday I was thinking that I got off easy. I knew I'd eaten a lot more than I should have. I hadn't tracked my calories for 3 days. I am embarassaed and ashamed to admit it. Sometimes I feel like I need to be perfect and if I'm not...... I'm a failure. It's my hang up. I'm working on it.

Anyway....all week I've been spot on calorie wise and with exercise. And the scale was showing no loss. I had an irrational moment yesterday and got mad. I had a tantrum of sorts. That combined with it being my bday and I went totally off the deep end. This morning I weighed 208. TWO-OH-EIGHT and I am freaking out and depressed and ashamed and I cannot believe I even typed that number. I was 202 on Dec 23rd. Only 3 pounds from 199, my next goal WHICH I've been waiting on what seems like forever.  And now I'm nearly 10 pounds from it again.

I am really bummed. I realized that I didn't do nearly as well over the holiday as I thought. I made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas, but New Year I blew it. BLEW IT. I am so mad at myself and embarassed. I imagined what Allan was going to say and what all of you would think when you saw my gain. THEN I realized I'm one of THOSE people I hate reading about and then I REALLY felt like a failure. I didnt' post yesterday. I wasn't going to this morning. And then....

I said fuck it.

I honestly haven't let anyone down except myself. I don't really care what Allan or anyone else thinks. I've made a mistake and I'm going to learn from it. THIS TIME. I don't know how I gained that much weight, but I did. Of course I haven't pooped in like 3 days. (I just can't eat cheese, even low fat cheese.) And  although I don't want to be coddled, I know I've screwed up and deserve some amount of ....I don't know....punishment?  I just have this thing about people thinking badly of me. Anyone else feel like that?  Insecure?  Worried? And it pisses me off because I really thought I was getting over that shit, especially here with you guys.

I have to remind myself..... I have still done SOME things right. I am not going to let this spiral into another nose dive. I say ANOTHER because it happens every year. EVERY. FREAKING. YEAR.

Every year I have a bought of SAD-seasonal affective disorder. Which is really just seasonal depression. I slip into it every year. Every year I say it's different and I'm not going there. It usually starts with my getting upset by the 10-20-30 pounds I've gained since October and  every year I become withdrawn, fatigued, grumpy,and a hermit. I stop socializing. I stop going to the gym. I spend my lunch break at home in bed in the dark watching TV and eating.  I go to bed early. I withdraw from my family.

I'm done with that shit. DONE. I am NOT repeating that pattern. Why do you think it was March before I got it last year? It was after Spring break before I snapped out of it. And I'm not going 2 months like this again. My God. In 2 months it could be 20 pounds back on and I WILL NOT do it. No way.

So I'm going ot suck it up. I admit I messed up. I admit it. But I'm done with it. I have to move on. I will not wallow. I'm still in the challenge, gain or no gain. Allan is always saying this isn't a contest. It's not. It's a BATTLE. A battle with myself. A battle to conquer all this old shit and STOP IT.  So, here's what I've done right.

Let me be clear. This is for ME, not you. I'm not trying to make excuses or convince you. I'm reminding myself that I'm not a failure. As silly as it seems, it's what I need to do for me right now.

Yes I went on a bender over New Year. But, it was 3 days. I realized it and I got right back to business on Monday. No the weight didn't drop right off this week. Yes I'm going to show a gain on Sunday for the weigh in. BUT, the fact that I am fessing up and being honest is important. It's important that I keep myself accountable. It doesn't matter what I tell all of you, I still see the numbers on the scale. Not being honest about those numbers doesn't change them and makes me feel guilty. I was falling into that pattern where I lie to MYSELF and FOOL myself. Which is FAR worse than fibbing to you all.  I honestly thought on Monday that maybe I'd be back down to 204 by Sunday and then at least I wouldn't show a gain in the challenge. HA! Wake up woman!

AND...I did track my calories all week. I even forced myself to figure them for yesterday. I ate 3,000. Holy shit! I'm back to normal today. I'm tracking. And I'm drinking water. I'm getting all my fluids in, even yesterday.

I've exercised everyday this week. Even yesterday. I got up early and did 7 miles on the bike and stretches. I was going to run, but my legs were so sore from the kicking on Tuesday. So, I biked. Today, I'm going home to do C25K as I had planned at lunch. Even though my tendency is to go home and hide. Watch TV and eat. I'm going to do what I'd planned. I have to prove to myself that I can do this.

And so, maybe those of you reading this know how I feel. Maybe you've been there. Maybe you're there right now. OR...maybe you are just a little glad to see someone else fail. Maybe you are feeling judgmental because you've never screwed up like this. OR maybe you have and never had the balls to admit it on your blog. Maybe you are a person who doesn't have a blog and just enjoy seeing what others do. Maybe you aren't ready to open up about your own struggles.

No matter how you feel or what you think, I have to realize it's how I feel and what I think about myself that matters most. I started all this for myself. I have to stay in it for myself and wherever I end up- it will be for myself. I'm not perfect. I don't have to be. I never WILL be. When will I get that?

I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to others. When I don't lose weight as fast as others or run as far or fast or lift as much weight, I start to feel like I'll NEVER be able to do all that. Why? I don't know. I've already lost more weight than I ever had before, even with the gain this week. I've already done things I never thought I could do. I'm taking TKD for goodness sakes. I'm working out with a trainer. I'm exercising regularly. I'm still tracking my calories, nearly every day.  I even did a 5K.

So did I fail? Yes. Am I a FAILURE? No. Of course not. Now I will stop with the whining and bitching and move on.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

To tweet or not to tweet. Question Day and...Randomness.

Having a good day. Exercise-check, diet-check, water-check and pee pee pee.  Blah blah blah. Only 8 more days until my trip, but I'm not excited about it or anything. HA! Tomorrow is my birthday. I am honestly not too happy about being OVER 40. I was ok with 40, but OVER it, ugh. Tomorrow I am taking off from work to spend time ALONE. Luxury, I know, right?  I am having a massage and then seeing a movie. I think I'm going to lunch at the Middle Eastern restaurant I love. Now all y'all just stop it. They have this MOST awesome hummus and tomato/cucumber salad and a grilled fish that is great. I CAN go out without blowing it.

I'll work out in the morning. Plan on starting the C25K AGAIN. I had nearly finished the damn thing when the gallbladder tragedy of 2010 struck. So I'm going to start it over. It will fulfill the walking for the P4 challenge and it will be good for me as I can't run like I was.  Today I did TKD practice and the squats and lunges on the challenge thingy. Every time I think about skipping it or eating badly I envision Allan's face and suddenly I lose my appetite. Haa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sorry. Couldn't resist. You know I love you, Allan. And I am thankful for the Challenge because I was dangerously close to losing it over the New Year celebration. It is just not good for me to feel too relaxed and free about food. Not good at all.  I gained weight. Poo. But, I'm back on track. Yeah.

So I've been thinking about getting on Twitter. What do you guys do? Are you tweeting? Do you like it? Here's the deal.  I love facebook, but sometimes it's so slow and there's nothing new. I love the blogs and my long list of blogs to read, but again sometimes there's nothing new. I have very little patience. I know the pun. Ha! BUT, I get bored easily so the idea of being able to just shout out to people whenever I have a stray funny thought and getting a response is intriguing. But then, I don't really know how this crap works and all that. And do I REALLY need something else taking up my time? I don't know. Just a thought.

And now, Spunky Suzi's question day.

1. What have been some of your healthy choices so far this week? See paragraph #1. Tracking my calories and getting back in the am workout habit.

2. Is there anything healthy you haven't been doing or have been inconsistent?? Are you working on it? I haven't been consistent as I want to be with the MOVE more part, so I'm working on that, yes

3. What are you planning for dinner tonight? Soup- I think.

4. How many meals do you make sure your having vegetables with? I have veggies with at least dinner, ALWAYS and I try to have them with lunch as well. I love em.
5. Do you love to cook? Or would you rather eat someone else's cooking or eat out?? I love to cook, but don't always have time. I love eating something that someone else has cooked. I like to eat out, but I completely loathe fast food these days. That stuff just tastes like crap and leaves you feeling like hammered crap. I can't do that stuff anymore. Yucky. But a nice seafood place or yummy grilled veggie fajitas at the Mexican place and I'm totally in.


Sports talk:

Did you watch the Sugar Bowl last night? It was a good game but I was so hopping the evil Ohio hoard would lose. Alas, they didn't. Mavs news-Dirk may be back this weekend. I sure hope so. But I also hope they do SOMETHING about Caron being out the rest of the year. I knew better than to get my hopes up too far. Such is the fate of a Mavs fan. Rangers had good news today. Signed a pitcher. Not the Cliff Lee now hated traitor, but should be good. And Cowboys....we got the #9 pick and the SAME coach. Yippee. Sigh.

Tomorrow is the Bimbo commercial bowl with 2 teams that are frankly and embarrassment to be in a bowl-Middle Tennessee and Miami, Ohio. Really? REALLY? We're calling this a BOWL game. Toilet bowl, maybe? And Friday of course is the Cotton Bowl NOT in the Cotton Bowl. What has this world come to? AND I'll have to root for the dreaded Aggies, big 12 and all that, but at LEAST it's not the BLECH other more hated TX team. Smile. How much does it suck for Mack to be watching all the bowls from the sofa. Hee hee.
Sports interlude over...

Ok. So today's post is random, but that's how I'm feeling today. And sore. I'm kinda sore, esp my legs. All those kicks yesterday. OUCH.  How're you today and did you answer Suzi's questions? And is there ANYONE else out there that loves Sports like I do? (Except you Alan. I know you do) Have a super-de-duper day!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

What a great day! Nine days and counting!

Today is a good day. So far anyway. I woke up this am and hit the recumbent bike, did 6.25 miles, stretches and then hit the shower.  Woke up the grumpy children still in their holiday hangovers. Got 3 kiddos to 3 different schools. Ran to Target to get the book I had been waiting on. The latest in the House of Night series. (yes I know. It's a teeny bopper book series, but I like it.)  I was the first one to get one and the nice overnight stoker guy pulled one out just for little ole me.

Arrived at work with an empty in box. Oh hell yeah. That happens very rarely and I stayed up late last night getting it that way, but I was watching that most awesome football game. Man, I'm kinda glad OU didn't play Stanford this year because they looked WAY awesome. Tish must be proud.  And tonight we have the Sugar Bowl. I love football!

OH and the really exciting news is that exactly 9 days from now, I'll be on the beach. Yippee. First couples only trip in 10 years and my husband and I finally get one. We are going to Miami, and a resort in Key West. Never been, and I've always wanted to drive through the Keys. So frequent flier miles and Marriott Points and we have a cheapo trip which should be great. We'll be gone for 5 days, 4 nights while the Nanas have the kiddies. Yeah me!

And the funny thing was I don't even give a poo about getting into a bathing suit. Of course I've been fat so long I've let go of a lot of that insecurity. If you don't, you don't live. But this time I am worried I won't have enough clothes to take because all of mine are too BIG not small. I have swim suits and while they'll be big, I don't even care because I'll have FIVE whole days sans children and I don't care where I am, even sitting in a hotel room in Toledo, it would be fun.

I'm not worried about vacation and travel food. I've been there done that. And there will be all kinds of fresh sea food which is totally easy to eat on the 1200cal thingy. Just ask Allan. AND I found out that the Saturday we'll be in the Keys is their annual Sea Food Festival. I think they are having a 5K that Saturday. Hell, maybe I'll do it, or do the fun walk. We'll see. There will be a lot of very skinny half naked people I'm sure. Anyway...who cares. I envision walk/jogs on the beach and long walks through town and hikes in the National park and swimming in the heated pools and Ahhh....I can hardly wait.

I had egg whites and toast with coffee for breakfast. I had tuna, carrots and light ranch for lunch. A grapefruit for snack w/ string cheese. That was AFTER my Tae Kwon Do class which, btw, kicked my ass. We did 20 kicks of front, side, round house and back kick EACH leg. AND she made us do a kick and hold position in each one for 10 sec, 3 times each. OUCHY.  PLUS all our holds, forms and kicking drills. AND that was after the warm up, push ups and all that crap. It kicked everyone's booty today.  As of right now I've had 96 oz water, 20 oz coffee and I am due for my diet Mountain Dew.

Dinner will be...well, I'll figure it out. I have to finish work and then head to TKD to pick up the kids. Man my hips are achy all ready. Just keep drinking! Then it's home, dinner, homework, baths and then hopefully kids in bed and me watching more football. (No. I don't ever get tired of it.)

And so, I'll ask: What have you done to move you closer to your goals today?

This is what I'm waiting for!

Monday, January 3, 2011

The New Year? Can't wait.

You might be wondering where I've been. Well, I've been enjoying my New Year and visit with my BFF and her kids.  I haven't disappeared. I haven't given up. I have been eating too much and therefore I gained a pound for my weigh in on Allan's much more rigorous and strict challenge.  I guess we asked for it and we'll all thank him later, right?

We spent last week hanging out with the kids and just relaxing. And football. Of course a TON of football. Which I love, naturally. My BFF and I had one day of fun. We went to the gym, worked out. Then went to a movie, then shopping and finished with a massage. It was great. We took the kids to see Tangled one day and it was super cute and funny. The kids loved it. All of them, boys too. Can't wait for it to be out on DVD.

New Year's Eve was spent at home as usual. Playing games with the kids, watching movies and football. It was low key and enjoyable. We had taco salad and margaritas. On Saturday we had black eyed peas, of course, and finger foods which is probably where I got the extra pound from. Sunday I spent putting all my Christmas decorations away, inside and out, which is way ahead for me as I usually end up waiting until after my birthday which is Thursday.

So I spent very little time on-line the last few days and that means my reader is FULL!  Nearly 300 posts! Holy crapola. So as I try and catch up over the next day or two, don't be surprised if you don't hear from me on comments. I'm here and I'll be reading and thinking of you.

I'm not a huge fan of resolutions. They just don't seem to EVER end up done. And then the next year you sit around saying, "THIS year will be different." And it never is. So screw that. I'm going to just forge ahead and keep setting my short term goals, doing what I know needs to be done and the rest seems to fall in line.

I spent some time reflecting over the last few days. I am amazed at what I've learned over the last 9 months.  And I'm amazed that this shit I knew all along. Which is more than a little irritating in one way, and yet satisfying that all that shit I learned in school is true.

Things I've learned in 2010:

1.  I CAN!  I had really convinced myself that I was genetically predestined to be fat. All my relatives are fat. All of them. I had "tried" in the past and was never successful. By just trying,REALLY trying,  I've learned all of that is bullshit. I CAN! And this applies to so many parts of my life. I CAN exercise. I CAN eat well on low calories. I CAN go out to dinner and stay on plan. I CAN make it through holidays and birthdays and vacations without blowing it.

2.  I REALLY like feeling good:  Before I thought I felt good. But, I was always tired. Always dehydrated. Always hungry and never hungry. Always achy. Always short of breath. I have discovered I don't have to be that way and I really like how I feel now. I thought it was the stress I'm always under. I thought it was just me. But, now I know it was the fact that I was fat and never moved. I know. Newsflash.

3. There really is NO EXCUSE:  I realized how many I made for myself in any given day. I realized there really is no excuse for not doing what I've always know I should. I am NOT too tired. I am NOT too busy. I am NOT too sick. I am NOT too fat. I am NOT too stressed. I am NOT.  There really is no excuse for not exercising. And I was NOT eating healthy. I was NOT eating ok. I was NOT. I was fooling myself. Everyday. I said things to myself like, "I really don't eat THAT much." Bullshit. There is no such thing as "a little bite" , "small taste", "just this once".  There is not a better time. There will always be another event, birthday, holiday, meeting, weekend trip, vacation. There will always be SOMETHING I can use as an excuse if I let myself. I really hate that kind of talk now. There really is no excuse.

4. I have the power:  Whether or not I achieve my goals rests firmly in my hands. I am the only one who can make the choices. I have the power to eat right and exercise. There is no reason that I can't get what I want. I have the power. I never really believed this before now.

5. This time is different:  People are always blogging about their mojo or spark or switch or whatever the hell it was that got them going. I don't know how to explain this. If you haven't felt it, you have no idea why you haven't or how to get it. All I can say is I knew. I KNEW like I have never known before that this time I was doing it. Some of it happened because I started calling myself on the bullshit. I knew I HAVE to do this for my health. It is LIVE OR DIE.  For some reason this time I felt that more than ever before. Maybe it was turning 40. Maybe it was having 3 active kids. But, I knew. And those of you who have felt this know what I mean. This time is just different. 

And so I'll be more than excited to see what I can learn over the next year as I forge ahead. Of course there are things I want to improve on, do better, do less of, do more of, and just plain change. What I have figured out over the last 9 months is that when I am focused on my health and improving myself, a lot of that other stuff is better. I am more focused at work. I am more organized at home. I am less irritable and pleasant.  I curse less. Well....OK, so there are things that take a little more effort for me.  But, overall, I'm just plain happier when I am eating right and exercising. It's not all about the numbers on the scale, but that sure helps. 

Now that I've proven to myself that what I've always known is TRUE, I'm never going back to that place where I lie to myself and fool myself into thinking I am powerless.  I am never letting food take control over me again. I will never be emotionally tied to food or at least I will strive to break what remains of those ties with time. 

And it IS as easy as all those experts said. EAT LESS, MOVE MORE...... MAN! Those words used to piss me off. Set me into a spiral of self loathing. How true they were! Tracking my food and exercising got me here, nearly 50 pounds lighter, 41 inches lost, and from a size 24 to a size 14.  There was no program. No pill. No appetite suppressant, no diet supplement. No special food or cookies or bars or shakes. No surgery. Nothing  but.....ME.

Me and my bloggy friends. I am so glad to have found this community. I appreciate the support I get from all of you. Knowing you are out there reading what I write keeps me accountable and that is so helpful. I have made some friends here and I am glad. It's weird that most of you know more about me than many others in my life. Weird in a really cool way.  But, to be honest, you only know what I tell you. And if I hadn't found this community, I think I would be doing what I'm doing. I hope so. But, MAN does reading all your blogs help me. It makes it so much more tolerable knowing you are all going through or been through what I'm going through. So thank you. Those I know well and those I don't. Thanks to all of you.

Now I'll say a word to those who are just starting out. I know you are out there. Lurking. You've made yet another resolution to lose weight. Whether you have a few pounds or a lot to lose you are probably gung ho. Excited. Motivated. You are 3 days in and it doesn't seem that hard so far. Maybe you've even lost a pound or two. I say to you: Great job! I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you are starting out. We all start somewhere. But, I'll say this: I'll be here in a week or two or three when you hit that wall. When you get stressed at work or home. When you have that birthday party to contend with. When you feel like giving it up, come back and see me. I've been where you are.  You can do this. You CAN. The only thing you need is YOU.

Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!