You might be wondering where I've been. Well, I've been enjoying my New Year and visit with my BFF and her kids. I haven't disappeared. I haven't given up. I have been eating too much and therefore I gained a pound for my weigh in on Allan's much more rigorous and strict challenge. I guess we asked for it and we'll all thank him later, right?
We spent last week hanging out with the kids and just relaxing. And football. Of course a TON of football. Which I love, naturally. My BFF and I had one day of fun. We went to the gym, worked out. Then went to a movie, then shopping and finished with a massage. It was great. We took the kids to see Tangled one day and it was super cute and funny. The kids loved it. All of them, boys too. Can't wait for it to be out on DVD.
New Year's Eve was spent at home as usual. Playing games with the kids, watching movies and football. It was low key and enjoyable. We had taco salad and margaritas. On Saturday we had black eyed peas, of course, and finger foods which is probably where I got the extra pound from. Sunday I spent putting all my Christmas decorations away, inside and out, which is way ahead for me as I usually end up waiting until after my birthday which is Thursday.
So I spent very little time on-line the last few days and that means my reader is FULL! Nearly 300 posts! Holy crapola. So as I try and catch up over the next day or two, don't be surprised if you don't hear from me on comments. I'm here and I'll be reading and thinking of you.
I'm not a huge fan of resolutions. They just don't seem to EVER end up done. And then the next year you sit around saying, "THIS year will be different." And it never is. So screw that. I'm going to just forge ahead and keep setting my short term goals, doing what I know needs to be done and the rest seems to fall in line.
I spent some time reflecting over the last few days. I am amazed at what I've learned over the last 9 months. And I'm amazed that this shit I knew all along. Which is more than a little irritating in one way, and yet satisfying that all that shit I learned in school is true.
Things I've learned in 2010:
1. I CAN! I had really convinced myself that I was genetically predestined to be fat. All my relatives are fat. All of them. I had "tried" in the past and was never successful. By just trying,REALLY trying, I've learned all of that is bullshit. I CAN! And this applies to so many parts of my life. I CAN exercise. I CAN eat well on low calories. I CAN go out to dinner and stay on plan. I CAN make it through holidays and birthdays and vacations without blowing it.
2. I REALLY like feeling good: Before I thought I felt good. But, I was always tired. Always dehydrated. Always hungry and never hungry. Always achy. Always short of breath. I have discovered I don't have to be that way and I really like how I feel now. I thought it was the stress I'm always under. I thought it was just me. But, now I know it was the fact that I was fat and never moved. I know. Newsflash.
3. There really is NO EXCUSE: I realized how many I made for myself in any given day. I realized there really is no excuse for not doing what I've always know I should. I am NOT too tired. I am NOT too busy. I am NOT too sick. I am NOT too fat. I am NOT too stressed. I am NOT. There really is no excuse for not exercising. And I was NOT eating healthy. I was NOT eating ok. I was NOT. I was fooling myself. Everyday. I said things to myself like, "I really don't eat THAT much." Bullshit. There is no such thing as "a little bite" , "small taste", "just this once". There is not a better time. There will always be another event, birthday, holiday, meeting, weekend trip, vacation. There will always be SOMETHING I can use as an excuse if I let myself. I really hate that kind of talk now. There really is no excuse.
4. I have the power: Whether or not I achieve my goals rests firmly in my hands. I am the only one who can make the choices. I have the power to eat right and exercise. There is no reason that I can't get what I want. I have the power. I never really believed this before now.
5. This time is different: People are always blogging about their mojo or spark or switch or whatever the hell it was that got them going. I don't know how to explain this. If you haven't felt it, you have no idea why you haven't or how to get it. All I can say is I knew. I KNEW like I have never known before that this time I was doing it. Some of it happened because I started calling myself on the bullshit. I knew I HAVE to do this for my health. It is LIVE OR DIE. For some reason this time I felt that more than ever before. Maybe it was turning 40. Maybe it was having 3 active kids. But, I knew. And those of you who have felt this know what I mean. This time is just different.
And so I'll be more than excited to see what I can learn over the next year as I forge ahead. Of course there are things I want to improve on, do better, do less of, do more of, and just plain change. What I have figured out over the last 9 months is that when I am focused on my health and improving myself, a lot of that other stuff is better. I am more focused at work. I am more organized at home. I am less irritable and pleasant. I curse less. Well....OK, so there are things that take a little more effort for me. But, overall, I'm just plain happier when I am eating right and exercising. It's not all about the numbers on the scale, but that sure helps.
Now that I've proven to myself that what I've always known is TRUE, I'm never going back to that place where I lie to myself and fool myself into thinking I am powerless. I am never letting food take control over me again. I will never be emotionally tied to food or at least I will strive to break what remains of those ties with time.
And it IS as easy as all those experts said. EAT LESS, MOVE MORE...... MAN! Those words used to piss me off. Set me into a spiral of self loathing. How true they were! Tracking my food and exercising got me here, nearly 50 pounds lighter, 41 inches lost, and from a size 24 to a size 14. There was no program. No pill. No appetite suppressant, no diet supplement. No special food or cookies or bars or shakes. No surgery. Nothing but.....ME.
Me and my bloggy friends. I am so glad to have found this community. I appreciate the support I get from all of you. Knowing you are out there reading what I write keeps me accountable and that is so helpful. I have made some friends here and I am glad. It's weird that most of you know more about me than many others in my life. Weird in a really cool way. But, to be honest, you only know what I tell you. And if I hadn't found this community, I think I would be doing what I'm doing. I hope so. But, MAN does reading all your blogs help me. It makes it so much more tolerable knowing you are all going through or been through what I'm going through. So thank you. Those I know well and those I don't. Thanks to all of you.
Now I'll say a word to those who are just starting out. I know you are out there. Lurking. You've made yet another resolution to lose weight. Whether you have a few pounds or a lot to lose you are probably gung ho. Excited. Motivated. You are 3 days in and it doesn't seem that hard so far. Maybe you've even lost a pound or two. I say to you: Great job! I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you are starting out. We all start somewhere. But, I'll say this: I'll be here in a week or two or three when you hit that wall. When you get stressed at work or home. When you have that birthday party to contend with. When you feel like giving it up, come back and see me. I've been where you are. You can do this. You CAN. The only thing you need is YOU.