There are so many times that I'm down on myself. I have an incredible talent with locating fault in myself. I can be encouraging, uplifting and empathetic to my family, friends and patients. But, me....that's a whole different story. That negative self talk is not productive. I've discussed it many times on this blog and it is a constant theme on many of your blogs. We all know it is damaging, but how do we stop doing it?
The truth is I don't really know. I'm learning. As far as I can tell through research, there is no one right way to fix it. What everyone says is that learning to talk positively to yourself is a skill that has to be practiced. So that's what I'm trying to do.
Today I woke up early. I had work left over from yesterday. Damn laptop battery died about a week ago and that has hampered my ability to get work done. I usually do my charting while in the room with patients and between patients. That's a lot harder to do when you are running back and forth to a laptop tethered to it's damn plug. I worked for about an hour and then the morning merry-go-round went round and round and 3 kids were off to 3 different schools. I was at work. All was fabulous.
Well....if you discount the fact that I could barely move this morning. There was no hair fixing today. My triceps hurt so badly I really couldn't lift my arms. I mentioned I met with my trainer yesterday. Here's the run down of what we did.
Chest presses-40 pounds 2 sets of 20
Skull crushers (I KNOW that's the real freaking name) with double chest press in between 30 pounds-2x20
One leg bicep curls-20 each leg
Ab roll outs: Ok so you get down on all fours with your forearms resting on this little rolly cart and you push out with your arms until your upper thighs almost touch the ground. It's as bad as it sounds 20x2
Back extensions w/ kettle bell 10 pounds
Back extension on side for obliques
reverse flys w/ cable weights
and other crap I can't remember.
So I arrived at work wincing and thankful I wouldn't have to carry that damn laptop around today. Work was crazy and I ran late. MAN was I pissed when I missed my TKD class. There's a test on Friday and I really planned on getting my orange belt. I get to break a board! I'm sooo pumped about it. Anyway, I missed last week due to the trip and then the GI illness so I'm behind classes. I worked through lunch instead. My wonderful husband offered to watch kids and get them to bed so I could go tonight to class. YOU HEARD ME.
I worked all day, even through lunch. Left work. Picked up kids from their TKD class. Got them home, fed and in jammies. Left my house for class which started at 8:10pm and THEN did an HOUR of TKD. Am I in pain? yes. Am I proud? HELL yeah! I'm home now and after I finish this blog thingy, I'm going to bed. I'm super tired.
As far as eating goes I'm golden for today. I had egg whites and wheat english muffin and blackberries for breakfast. I had soup and salad for lunch. I had chicken breast, broccoli and 1/2 cup whole wheat orzo for dinner. When I arrived home from class, I realized I had calories left for the day, but my stomach said WTH I'm full. I do NOT need to eat. Drink your water and get in bed. OK. So that's the plan. Total calories today were 1061 and I'm full.
So you see...I am amazing.
It would have been so easy to blow off exercise for today. I got home and really I did NOT want to go to class and if there weren't a test soon I might not have. But, I did. I did it anyway. And it was great. I had a good workout and learned some things. Yes I was one of only 2 adults there. Yes, there were parents and people watching me as I jogged and stretched and kicked and punched. BUT I did it anyway.
I also learned that I can do more than I think I can. I've learned that when you ask for help those that really love you will help you. I've learned that being super sore is a badge of honor. It reminds me that I'm working hard and getting closer to my goals. I have learned that food is just food. It isn't my friend. It isn't my savior. It isn't ANYTHING but FUEL. If your tank is full, why keep filling it?
So I ask you? What have you done lately to prove to yourself how amazing YOU are? How are you doing with your self talk? Any tricks or tools that have helped you?