This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I wonder....

  • How many calories do you burn when you are crying? That's about the only workout I've gotten this week. I mean, if knitting burns 50 calories, then shouldn't crying?  Gotta find the humor where I can.
  • How long I can go without watching or reading any news?  Seriously. Lately it's like a freaking horror movie. I have to pause the TV whenever the kids walk in the room. It's like Armageddon out there people. How many wars are we going to fight? Was there a BOGO sale? No matter your political views and I certainly am NOT starting any discussion about that. But....geesh. I am seriously fighting the urge to stock pile food, water and weapons for the oncoming assault of zombies.
  • Why I insist on stepping on and off, on and off, on and off my scale every time I weigh. I mean, is the number going to be different? And yet..OCD me... I have to weigh like 3 times. This morning I did that. Do. Not. Ask. 
  • If there can be a more beautiful sight than my little daughters happily picking spring flowers?  Well.......flowers is a stretch. More like weeds. BUT, pretty ones. I came home to a little bud vase full of them yesterday. To cheer me up they said. So sweet.
  • Why vitamins have to taste sooooooo nasty? And why are they so big? I've tried tons of them. They all suck. But, I still take them. And they make me feel better. But, they are yucky.
  • Why my 5 year old INSISTS that any sock she tries doesn't, "feel right"? Seriously. What is it with little kids and their picky dressing habits? Sigh. It's a fight every day. I've given up on it. Socks or no socks. Whatever. 
  • Why my 13 year old son doesn't hear me call him 50 times at the top of my lungs when I need him to take out the trash, but if I even whisper in the next room about  possibly going to see a movie, he's there in a flash?  Is it a Y chromosome thing or a teenager thing?
  • Why I feel so sad that the little Korean lady is moving and won't be my patient anymore? It amazes me how attached I get to some patients.  She says she's coming back once a year for a physical. Hope so.
  • Why some people INSIST on weaving in an out of traffic to save that 2 seconds of drive time? Really. Is it THAT important? Texans are freaking pyscho drivers. Southern Hospitality my ass. At least behind the wheel that is.
  • If I'll ever be free of my food issues? It is better. So I have hope. I do not immediately dive into food like I did before. I do not have ANY desire to drive through and get food like I used to and eat it in my car. Alone. But, yesterday I didn't eat breakfast. Not on purpose. Just forgot to eat. Please stop and read that again. I. Forgot. To. EAT. WTH? I am so proud of that and yet, it led to what happened at lunch. A binge. Well......a binge in an entirely different sense of the word. I had about 3 oz of bison steak left overs, green beans, a little quinoa left over and 1/2 a baked sweet potato (very small one).  After all that I ate 1 cup of 90 cal sugar free low fat ice cream. PLUS I had a piece of pumpernickel bread with butter. That's a binge my friends. I felt full and stuffed and gross. Then I realized I didn't "feel" anything but full and stuffed. For a while that's all I thought about. Light bulb moment. The rest of the day I didn't eat, nor did I drink much. I just haven't gotten my water in. I know better and today I'm trying harder. Last night I got home at 6:30 from picking up kids at TKD and I did not want to eat. I didn't eat anything else all day. At around 11:30pm when I couldn't sleep, I wanted something. But, I didn't need it so I tried to sleep instead.   I think, maybe, possibly, I am making progress on this food thing. And though the number on the scale was not making me happy, up 2.5, I know most of it is water weight and it's coming back off. I'm just having trouble focusing on anything this week. Well........I'm focused on something, but it isn't my food or exercise. 
Are there things YOU wonder? Love to read about it in your comments or on your blogs. Please keep writing. It helps me to keep my mind off everything. I can read about you all and it helps distract me, inspire me, humor me, and keep me , at least for those few moments, sane in an insane time for me. 


  1. I am with you on the scale thing... on off on off....at least 3 times. AND the sock thing. There is always something wrong with them for both my 5 and 3 yr olds. Strings, some sort of ball near the baby toe. SIGH! I hope things start looking up for you!! Prayers headed your way Dr.

  2. I don't know if you read my blog but I have one entitled "This Too Shall Pass" that will help you get things back in perspective and on an even keel I think. Just click on it on the right side. Hope it helps.

  3. I wonder why my spouse has "repetitive speech" disorder, like I didn't just hear the same words 1 minute ago and yes, I acknowledged them!

    I wonder why my body is so f!ing sensitive to sugar and my baby sister can be a size 2 without struggling - ever.

    I wonder why the biggest a-holes in the world get elected to office and the nicest ones stay in volunteer positions.

    I wonder why I am so lucky to have such an amazing family of origin and be married to my best friend. But I'll take that one.

  4. I think I offset all of my crying calories with coconut m&ms. Amazing how much sadness just weighs on you, right?

    My sons had sock issues too. Drove me insane. And now I'm getting payback because every once in a while one I "feel" the seam on one of my socks when I run and I think back to how impatient I was with my kids and their sock issues. Can I have a do over?

    BTW, I laughed at your teenage son's hearing "problem" - we "tested" our son's hearing the same way...whispering about fun things. He always heard, yet by god that trash or dishwasher was rarely emptied without a battle.

  5. It is so interesting to hear other peoples stories and see how someone that you have never met and lives in different circumstances can feel so similar to have you feel. I have a 2 year old and often wonder if I was meant to have children. She is amazing and wonderful and makes me smile but can be so frustrating (as I guess all 2 year olds can). I wonder when I'll start making the move to start my own business and follow up on my idea so I can finally leave corporate life? Maybe it's taking me a while because I'm afraid of change.
    I wonder about my weight too. I have plateaued and can't get over the hump. I eat when I'm not hungry and over eat healthy things and tell myself they are healthy so I can eat more. Why is it that I KNOW this but I continue to do it. I love almonds and mixed nuts but once I open the container it's like I can't stop eating them. I even taped a picture of a victoria secret model over the outside and that didn't work. Why the heck do I buy them?!
    As far as the news. I don't watch it any more. I know that is horrible but I seek out the news I want (usually learning about all this horrifying genetically modified food business) and I don't even look at the rest. It keeps me up at night and I did a post today. At least now I dream about food and recipes. Maybe that is why I eat when I'm bored or not hungry then. And all those little tricks about doing something else to keep my mind off eating don't work.
    Ahh...I feel better now. Thanks for listening.

  6. I text my kids chores to them... I know they get those.

  7. I have trouble swallowing pills so do an adult chewable multivitamin:)

    I wonder what I want to be when I grow up.

    I wonder where my son will go to college next fall and if he will finally let me see his whole facebook profile.

    I wonder if I will ever lose weight and keep it off and if I will ever have a normal relationship with food.

  8. • Please find out how many calories are burned from crying, but don’t tell me if they’re low, I’m still upset from the calories burned while having sex, it just seems too low…maybe they weren’t doing it right?
    • BOL@ BoGo sale, I feel like there’s just a bunch or turmoil all over the world right now and it might get worse before it gets better, but I’ve stopped watching the news news and turn to the fluff.
    • I shift my weight on the scale as well weigh myself naked, I will never judge you
    • Children have a way of doing the most beautiful things
    • Funny story about vitamins, I started working out to not have to take pills now I take a multivitamin (Trader Joe’s Chewable), a b-12, BC and biotin. All small pills, I can’t swallow large pills at all and it’s not a mind over matter thing, the throwing up is real. If you can diagnose that, awesome, if not it’s okay; I’m use to the taste of chewed pills. I also finally broke down and bought a pill case thingy with the days of the week.
    • Try turning the socks inside out? It might be the seam at the toes? But there are some things I can wear one day but the next day having it touch my skin is like torture for me. I can relate to this girl.
    • Selective hearing can strike at any age, but I think there’s a study that finds it happens more often with boys and their mother’s voice for chore related tasks
    • I like that you’re fond of your patients, makes me believe my doctor likes me too, despite the exam LOL
    • They want to get to the red light first?
    • I now feel embarrassed going to a drive thru and want to make it known that I’m only getting a happy meal for my niece and we don’t do this often and she’s not going to eat all of it because she only wants the toy, I swear! Even when I crave fast food, which I do from time to time, I don’t consider it a real option. Pumpernickel is my favorite bread even though when I first had it I thought it was chocolate bread, it was anything but what I expected, but it was good.

    I wonder at a lot of things, I just thought it be fun to respond to your bullet points with bullet points 

  9. I loved your list of "wonderings." I "wonder" a lot too--probably too much. I could question everything, if I don't restrain myself. I identified with everything you said about the news, little girls and flowers, socks, selective hearing, attachments to people, and FOOD!

    One thing I have wondered about today is this: Why is this winter so darned long and when is it going to end? Remember--I live in Minnesota--the "Land of Ice and Snow. But even so--this is ridiculous, and it doesn't really help my weight loss program to have such a long winter (snow and ice again today, BTW). I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip and all that (so that I can't stress eat so easily), but enough is enough.

    Keep wondering, Doc. People who "wonder" a lot make the world go around!

  10. When my daughter was young I'd send her to school with socks and boots(in the winter) and when she came home I'd find the socks balled up in her pockets :)
    I don't weigh more than once on my scale, however, I put it in a different place once and it showed an awesome loss. From then on that's where I put it to weigh in!

  11. If crying burned calories, I'd be a skeleton. well, maybe if I stopped sopping up the tears with brownies . . .

    If the sock thing drives her batty, does she have other sensory integration problems too? there are special seemless socks that are worth the investment. I wish they'd make them in adult sizes too. Maybe they do - haven't checked. Anyhoooodle . . http://www.smartknitkids.com for better socks. Simply heavenly.

    I imagine my doctor would be relieved if she found out I was moving. I hope I'm wrong.

  12. I was sitting here reading your post and nodding in agreement at everything you said as if I was a bobble head :)

  13. I like you so much. Thank you for writing. I always bawl a little when I read your stuff. Here are my lists:
    1) say my 12 year old patient today. she is so elegant and lovely and deserves so much better than her fucking mother that doesn't care a WHIT about her.
    2) my 11 year old boy has told me "unless you turn off the TV and stand in front of it, and tell me again, I probably won't hear a thing you say. Sorry, but that's the way it is Mom."
    3) I can't stand any more war.
    4) Read my blog about the Scale Dance, in which we hop on and off and on and off and raise up our arms and put them down again and then move the scale and then try to pee and then hop on and off. Rinse and Repeat.
    5) I went to school at Rice in Houston. I don't know if Houston counts as Texas anymore, but OMG WHAT CRAPPY DRIVERS!!!

    OK, thanks for letting me read your stuff. I want to know if Allan's Challenge means I would not be able to have meat or chicken?

    xoxoxoxoxoo Your Pal, GP

  14. GP-the meals on the challenge have meat, chicken and all kinds of good food. He doesn't eat any, but the diet plan has it in there.

    BTW everyone-Best comments ever. Thanks.

  15. I wonder how many more wars we will fight while not caring enough about those who fight them to tfight them to win the war first, then the peace, versus the opposite which has failed us time andtime again.

    I wonder why anyone would shed a tear over an NFL player who whines about the labor dispute they are in.

    I wonder why we cannot put as much effort and energy into curing cancer as we put into electing politicians whose contributions aren't worth the cost of a bumper sticker.

    I wonder why it hurts so much when you get your skin caught in a zipper.

    I wonder how much longer Elvis is going to stay in hiding, I mean the dude is getting really old; come on already!

    Thanks for your kind words of support on my blog; they mean allot!

    Have a great weekend!


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