Disclaimer

This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Heavy...

Hearted.

That's me today.  I was cooking breakfast yesterday when I got the call. I had planned my menus for the week. Grocery list ready. I had even weighed and sent it to Allan and on time.  I had a great Spring Break rap up post planned. It was full of pictures of the great meals I had made and the work outs I'd done and the fun that we'd had.

Then I got the call.

My Cousin was gone. They found him yesterday morning. We don't know what happened. He was 39.

I am an only child. We grew up living next door. He was the brother I never had. He was my friend.

I drove to Oklahoma yesterday and back this morning to be at the office. I was off all last week and can't afford to be off much more. I'll go back for the service of course, but I wish I was there now.

And so challenges and meal plans and calorie counts seem less important to me today. Although I found myself with no appetite yesterday. A new experience for me. I found myself not interested in cookies, cakes and pies. I ate the banana instead. Weird. I did drink a coke. A real one.  And in a moment of desperation to feel "normal" I ate a brownie. Just silly. Because it didn't help. I didn't feel better and I didn't get a sugar high. All I felt was sad and numb. And I realized again that food is just food.

And once again....newsflash....this is life. Happy and sad and angry and tired and all the feelings we feel and experiences we have. I refuse to fall back into the trap of using food for comfort. Instead I'll use the comfort of my family and friends. 

I may not post a lot this week. Or then again I may. But, I won't be gone for long. This healthy change I've made is for life. All of it.

So I wish for you a good week. And I hope that you never forget to tell your family you love them. Hug them when you can. Don't let feelings go unsaid. There may not be another chance.

12 comments:

  1. Sorry for you loss! Praying for you this week

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  2. Sorry to hear about this, doc. It just makes me sad for you. Be well this week and don't sweat the small stuff of eating and moving. As you adjust to your loss, you will get back on track with the physical stuff.

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself...

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  4. My sympathies - what a terrible loss. And it sure does put everything in perspective in a hurry, unfortunately. Take care of yourself during this sad time.

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  5. Oh, I feel so sad for you. It's hard enough to lose someone when you can see it coming, but he was so young. I'm sorry. {{Hugs}}

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  6. That must be such a devastating blow. Really feel for you just reading this. I'm sure you will handle it better now than you would have before you started your journey of taking control of your life. But that doesn't make it any easier. Our thoughts are with you.

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss! ((hugs))

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  8. I am so very sorry. Praying for you and your family.

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  9. So sorry for your loss. When a young person passes away, especially in an unexplained manner, it is much more difficult to come to grips with--even more so when it's a loved one. Take care of yourself and give yourself some time to recover from this loss. You will get back on track--that's just who you are, Dr. F.

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Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!