This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Random Thoughts........

1.   My surgery is officially scheduled for Friday the 17th. Is it weird that I'm looking forward to it? Not just   because I'll be able to breathe, but also because I'll have 3 days of rest? As a working Mom it is so rare to have down time where nothing is expected of me. Where there's a rule not to bother Mommy. I can watch what I want on TV, sleep when I want, and even not get out of bed if I want. Sad but true. The surgery is old hat to me. This is the 4th time. Usually I have a really sore throat for a couple of days and I'm really tired, but then it's good. Should be a piece of cake when compared to my gallbladder last year.

2. I ate a lot of carbs yesterday. Seriously these steroids are driving me insane. Absolutely everything tastes like crap except crackers, toast and chicken noodle soup. Sigh..... Plus I think my stomach is starting to hate them. I'm having a lot of stomach pain like when I had an ulcer before. Sigh...For now I'm doing the best I can.  This morning I hate an incredible urge to drive thru Whataburger and get a nice big sticky Cinnamon roll covered with icing. I really wanted to. Bad. But, I didn't. I ate an apple instead. Not the same, but crisis adverted.

3.  I went to Taekwondo class yesterday and it was not pleasant. I so so so so so want to be able to work out! The doctor said I could do what I can tolerate. I went to class and found out it's not much. I almost walked out during the warm up, but I hung in there. I made it through crunches and push ups, but the kicking drills were a bear. I kept getting winded and dizzy with the turning kicks so I had to just stand there and breathe. It's just so frustrating. I made it through class and then went home and collapsed so I don't know how much working out I'll be able to do between now and my surgery. We'll see.  I will say it felt good to sweat and that I haven't forgotten everything. It's amazing how much your body remembers. I just worry that I'll end up back where I was. I don't want that, and I KNOW I won't, but it still worries me.

4. Why is it that 30 seconds before it is time to get in the car my daughter's dental hygiene suddenly becomes her top priority?  I mean she has all morning, plenty of time to brush her teeth and every day she waits until the last minute and wants to spend time admiring her teeth and brushing and flossing and rinsing!  Today I told her she had to go RIGHT then or walk to school. She started crying and said, "BUT I don't want CAVITIES!  My teeth are important. You SAID so!"  Great.....so ME being the wonderful parent told her I didn't care if all her teeth fell out, she wasn't going to make us late. Then she started HOWLING that I didn't care if she had teeth. Sigh.....In the car we had a long discussion about time management.

5. It's never good when you ask your 6 year old how school was and they answer, "Well.......it was....OK. No. No. I mean....great. I had a really great day." Mommy alarms, warning bells, full on defcon 3 alerts go off. So I said, "What does THAT mean, exactly? Did you get in trouble?"  Her: Seriously mom, I don't think I have the energy to get into it right now. Let's just say I did something, it's over and that's it. Me: breathing deep, counting to ten Her: OK so I was playing outside on the playground and this boy was chasing me and annoying me and I kinda...like...round-housed him. Me: So you kicked him? Her: Just a little. But then he left me alone. The teacher didn't see, but she told us both to be nice, so now I'll be nice if he is.   The moral of this story is that parenting is challenging and sometimes it's really hard not to laugh.

6.  Sometimes it's really hard not to think, "What's the point?"  I'm having that thought a lot right now and it's not something I'm proud of. I am just frustrated with these steroids. I am bloated and I've gained weight and I can't workout and it's so easy just to think, "What's the point?"  And then.....my rational brain kicks in and says to me:  The POINT, you idiot, is that being healthy is NOT something you can do just when things are easy. There will be times when you're sick, down, irritable, stressed. There will be times when you cannot workout or you're hurt or you're busy. You can't pick and choose when it is convenient to live a healthy lifestyle. THAT'S the whole POINT, isn't it?  That this is NOT a program or a diet. It's not something you'll do until goal and then be normal. The POINT is that IF you mean what you keep saying and this is for LIFE then, guess what?  IT'S for ALL of your life. So suck it up. No one is perfect. Do the best you can. But, do NOT make excuses. Lot's of people have it worse than you. 

OK that's all my randomness today. Hope you are enjoying your week!


  1. The craving carbs and not being able to exercise stinks! Glad you have your surgery scheduled and are looking forward to some down time! That is a silver lining if there every was one - time in bed for a few days just for you!

    I love your attitude! Hang in there!

  2. I love your number six.

    P.s. your kids sound so clever.

  3. Number 5 gave me the giggle that I needed!

    Good luck with your surgery - having been through major surgery recently and having to deal with a lot of related issues, I can understand the frustration ... however, I admire how you've been pushing through to do as much as you can.

    Loved number 6 -- getting healthy is a full-time/life-time job.

  4. Round-housed him - your girl is not going to take crap from anyone and I love that!!!

    So glad you didn't get the cinnamon roll - think of how much worse you'd feel about yourself if you had. Damn steroids - they are TOUGH to fight when the starvation feelings kick in!!!

  5. The entire conversation and reasoning in #5 reminds me of my kids. Hee!

    I'm so glad for you that your surgery is scheduled. You know what to expect and it sounds like things are going to be much easier once it's done.

  6. Hang in there. Get out an old picture and remember how bad and out of shape and big you felt before.

  7. Sending you all my good thoughts!

  8. Best of luck with the surgery! It sounds like you will feel a lot better once it's behind you and you can breathe properly again. Have a good weekend!

  9. Hope your surgery goes well - you know that the bloating of the steroids is only temporary - hang in there!

    OMG, the fact that your 6 year old roundhoused a kid - you are correct, sometimes its hard not to laugh when you are parenting.

    Happy Friday!

  10. I was reading your blog while inhaling a sugar cookie with chocolate frosting. I'm tense and worried about stuff and somehow I thought the sugar cookie would help. Ha! I was also considering skipping this afternoon's workout to ... do what ... cucoon at home? Number six was the right thing for me to read at the right time to get me back to what's really good for me. That's the point. Taking care of myself is not only for when it's easy. Thanks!


Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!