Discouraged

I hate to even write this post and in fact that is why I haven't posted all week. I am in a steroid induced depressed, bloated, weight gaining carbohydrate funk that I cannot seem to stop. My only hope is to be off these steroids which will not happen for another week! I haven't posted all week because I hate to see posts from people whining about how bad things are and I feel like that's all I've done lately. But staying away from blogging and all of you doesn't help either. It just makes things worse.

On Monday I was better, but spent most of the day in bed. I was super tired and still having a lot of soreness with my swallowing. Tuesday I went back to work and I barely made it through the day. I was so tired, nauseated, throat sore. By the end of the day my voice hurt and I was beat!  I went to bed around 8:30pm that night. Good news is I slept great that night and woke up feeling better. So yesterday I felt like maybe I was turning a corner and starting to feel normal again. But last night I slept like crap and woke up today tired and irritable.

The steroids induce depression in some patients and it is certainly doing it to me. I've gained weight. I haven't weighed this week because I've been so down about it. I realized that I've been on and off steroids since Thanksgiving. Necessary, but frustrating.  Of course avoiding the scale doesn't help fix the problem either. I haven't worked out at all yet because I just haven't felt like it physically or emotionally. I feel like I am back to square one. Of course that isn't the case and I know this intellectually, but emotionally I feel like I am in a hole I can't escape. I know this attitude will change and I hope soon. I'm trying very hard today to think positively, but it's been really hard.

My tongue is still numb from the procedure. Feels like there is a rubber band around it all the time. Burns and tingles and hurts. I still have swelling in my tongue, mouth and throat, but it is getting better. I am breathing better although I can't tell the whole effect since I've done basically nothing for the past week.  I'm still eating like crap because I can't really eat salad or fruits or anything chunky. Water still tastes like chemical waste. But I'm hoping that when I'm done with the antibiotics that will improve.  I won't even go into the the other side effects that the antibiotics are causing, use your imagination.

So overall I had hoped to be better off than I am by now. I just didn't know my surgeon want another 2 weeks of steroids and I was disappointed and that frustrated me. I am committed to getting back to my healthy lifestyle. I want to. I know what to do, now if I can just do it. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much, but it's no good to wallow in it either. So that's where I'm at and that's where I've been. I'm reading all your blogs as usual and I'm living vicariously through your success so don't quit.

On a completely different note, hubbie and I are taking my son who LOVES music to see BB King tonight in concert. I'm very excited as I love the blues and he is an icon. I've always wanted to see him and he is getting older. So hopefully that will take my mind off the other crap at least for tonight.