Disclaimer

This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Discouraged

I hate to even write this post and in fact that is why I haven't posted all week. I am in a steroid induced depressed, bloated, weight gaining carbohydrate funk that I cannot seem to stop. My only hope is to be off these steroids which will not happen for another week! I haven't posted all week because I hate to see posts from people whining about how bad things are and I feel like that's all I've done lately. But staying away from blogging and all of you doesn't help either. It just makes things worse.

On Monday I was better, but spent most of the day in bed. I was super tired and still having a lot of soreness with my swallowing. Tuesday I went back to work and I barely made it through the day. I was so tired, nauseated, throat sore. By the end of the day my voice hurt and I was beat!  I went to bed around 8:30pm that night. Good news is I slept great that night and woke up feeling better. So yesterday I felt like maybe I was turning a corner and starting to feel normal again. But last night I slept like crap and woke up today tired and irritable.

The steroids induce depression in some patients and it is certainly doing it to me. I've gained weight. I haven't weighed this week because I've been so down about it. I realized that I've been on and off steroids since Thanksgiving. Necessary, but frustrating.  Of course avoiding the scale doesn't help fix the problem either. I haven't worked out at all yet because I just haven't felt like it physically or emotionally. I feel like I am back to square one. Of course that isn't the case and I know this intellectually, but emotionally I feel like I am in a hole I can't escape. I know this attitude will change and I hope soon. I'm trying very hard today to think positively, but it's been really hard.

My tongue is still numb from the procedure. Feels like there is a rubber band around it all the time. Burns and tingles and hurts. I still have swelling in my tongue, mouth and throat, but it is getting better. I am breathing better although I can't tell the whole effect since I've done basically nothing for the past week.  I'm still eating like crap because I can't really eat salad or fruits or anything chunky. Water still tastes like chemical waste. But I'm hoping that when I'm done with the antibiotics that will improve.  I won't even go into the the other side effects that the antibiotics are causing, use your imagination.

So overall I had hoped to be better off than I am by now. I just didn't know my surgeon want another 2 weeks of steroids and I was disappointed and that frustrated me. I am committed to getting back to my healthy lifestyle. I want to. I know what to do, now if I can just do it. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much, but it's no good to wallow in it either. So that's where I'm at and that's where I've been. I'm reading all your blogs as usual and I'm living vicariously through your success so don't quit.

On a completely different note, hubbie and I are taking my son who LOVES music to see BB King tonight in concert. I'm very excited as I love the blues and he is an icon. I've always wanted to see him and he is getting older. So hopefully that will take my mind off the other crap at least for tonight.

12 comments:

  1. You deserve a good night -- I hope it goes well!

    For the other stuff, well, hang in there. It sucks :( But this will pass. I know you know that, and fat lot of comfort it is right now but... you will get through it.

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  2. Ann, I know it's hard to believe that "this too shall pass" while you're in the midst of it, but it will...and you're going to be back to your kick-ass self soon. Hang in there, my friend.

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  3. OK first - everyone whines. WHY? Because sometimes it sucks. You whine and then you move on. No wallowing right? Once you get past the steroids (which will help you heal up and get moving faster), you will be back to exercising and be able to add in more healthy things. Meanwhile, you control the things you can. You know what carbs do and do not work for you. Concentrate on eating the ones you do. You will feel better about things if you do.

    Go out for a walk around the block. Fresh air - even if it is cold. Take hubby or son if you need to. Down the street and back. That is where you start back. It will make you feel better.

    Meanwhile, you catch the dark clouds as they roll in and force them out by thinking about a kindness someone showed you that day, the grin of your loving child or what you and hubby will be up to once you are up and running again. Anything but the gathering storm. It WILL chase it away.

    : )

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  4. I agree with everything Munchberry said above!
    Sorry to hear you're not feeling well - I know how tough it can be to recover from any type of surgery, especially when recovery doesn't go as quickly as you had hoped ... Hope you feel better soon.

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  5. You will turn this thing around and regain your health and fitness! You in particular have been to hell and back, so you are not whining! There are some things that you can not control and this is one of them. Dang it! I know you will get past this and you know it too! I am betting that listening to that wonderful blues from BB King will help turn you around. Nothing like good music to lift your spirits. Keep your chin up, okay??

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  6. Oy... Need anything, just ask...Get well

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  7. What a bummer Ann! You are always so positive and forward thinking so this thing really has you down in the dumps. I love what Munchberry wrote! Great advice.

    I bet after you get out of the house tonight and enjoy some great music it will lift your spirits.

    Sending you prayers and good wishes for better days ahead.

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  8. Just catching up on my blog reading - so sorry about the steroids, but you know its only temporary. Hang in there!! Hugs! :D

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  9. Hang on, Doc. You're dealing with a difficult situation. It will get better. Think of how much better equipped you are to handle this challenge than you were a few years ago. Better days are ahead!

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  10. I know how frustrating it is to have a setback period where you can't maintain your momentum and you know you'll have to recapture some lost ground. But, since you are an amazing person, I know you'll do it with gusto!

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  11. It's all just a blip on what it looks like and feels like to be on the underside!
    It gets better - for sure! Not, of course, to minimize your feelings...
    Just sending a word of encouragement!

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