Yesterday was a total fail. I'm not going into detail, just know that I had a weird bad day and I don't know what brought it on. I didn't work out. I ate stuff I shouldn't have. After all this time of doing so well, yesterday was a TOTAL FAIL. There are no other words for it.
I got up this morning and brushed it off. One day, well really it was only one evening, of total fail does not a failure make. I have come a really long way to get that. In the past when I've screwed up it meant the whole effort was a failure. I did fine until last night and this morning, I'm right back on track eating on plan with the liquids starting again today and exercise with a TKD class in the works. I'll be sure to swim some laps tonight as well.
I wish I knew why I do that. When I know I shouldn't be eating what I'm eating, but I do it anyway. Is it weakness? Neurosis? Addiction? Self-punishment? Is it emotional eating? Rebellion? Anger at the whole restricted diet? Wanting to reward myself? Or just plain stupidity? Doesn't really matter does it? What matters is that I got up this morning and recognized my mistake and moved forward. What matters is that it's been months since I had a total fail. These things get fewer and farther between and I hope I'll put them behind me for good. Even at a goal weight you can't afford many of these things. I just have to realize that to look the way I want and feel the way I want there are certain foods that I just can't have.
What's weird is I know that. I'm actually fine with it. When I started this whole business of life change I would get all antsy at the thought of never having chips or ice cream or fries or burgers. Now, it just doesn't matter that much. I've found healthy alternatives for those things and I honestly don't miss the garbage I used to eat regularly. The thought of fast food turns my stomach these days. I mean even last night I took the girls to Sonic as a treat, but I didn't order me a thing except a diet limeade. I just didn't want that crap.
But then I got home and I was tired and feeling lazy. I ate some stuff, then ate some more. AHA! Maybe it was the not wanting to cook a meal and just grabbing something that set off this total fail. Of course it was. Truth is I wasn't THAT hungry last night. But I ate crap I shouldn't have anyway. Boredom? Tired? Boys being gone so no one was watching?
Truth is my definition of TOTAL FAIL has completely changed. Used to it would be a whole day if not weeks of eating crap. Candy, cookies, cakes, Mexican food, pizza, Chinese. Meal after meal of take out or drive through. Now, it was one evening of snacking on a few things I shouldn't eat. Maybe that's less of a fail than I realize. BUT, my standards are higher now. I just don't do that anymore. It's one of the reasons I've lost 84 pounds. And the fact that I recognize the problem and put a stop to it means that this life change business is real.
My lifestyle is different now. I am absolutely committed to losing this weight and having an active and healthy lifestyle. One slip doesn't destroy that. BUT, it doesn't make it right either. I have high expectations for me now. I expect better for myself. I'm harder on myself because I have to be. I'm disappointed in myself, but I won't allow that to put me off my plan.
AND, here I am using this blog the way I envisioned when I started it. Working out my issues, staying accountable and staying on track. Now THAT is no fail. That's a victory.
I love this! I used to be similar... a fail led to days or weeks of more of the same. I love that you have changed your paradigm and shrugged this off. Your attitude makes me smile and want to do the same:)
ReplyDeleteMy lifestyle is different now. I am absolutely committed to losing this weight and having an active and healthy lifestyle. One slip doesn't destroy that. BUT, it doesn't make it right either. I have high expectations for me now. I expect better for myself. I'm harder on myself because I have to be. I'm disappointed in myself, but I won't allow that to put me off my plan.
ReplyDeleteXXOOO
It's wonderful you have changed your concept of "total fail". Just remember YOU aren't the failure - your behavior slipped and now you can figure out what happened and use it as a learning experience. I do think it is important to figure out what happens when we slip (not like psychoanalysis figure out!) that way you can continue to design your own plan for continued health for life.
ReplyDeleteJan
I have similar feelings about failing now. I have similar triggers, it almost always begins with not being prepared. I'll be caught, hungry perhaps, with nothing planned, nothing pre-cooked and a lack of desire to correct that.I still crumble from time to time but next day I get back on track. I have developed some "emergency" strategies that can help. I keep frozen fruit in the freezer for a quick, healthy smoothie, two minutes from thought to cup to lips. One of my favorites is to dump a cup and a half of frozen cherries into the Vitamix (blender) and add a tablespoon of cocoa, ice and water and a banana. It feels like it's decadent but it's pretty sound nutrition when temptation rears its head. It works out to about 230 calories and provides 38% of your B6 and C, 21% of your magnesium and 8% of fiber needs for the day based on a 2000 calorie diet.
ReplyDeleteBad days happen, you're back on track and that's what matters! Don't beat yourself up about it. I blogged about one of your posts today, actually!
ReplyDeleteYou've given us all the gift of your "total fail" and how to deal with it. Get right back up on that horse and take a ride on a new day. THANK YOU! "total fail" days are universal - but how we each deal with them ... now that's something we can all learn from. :D
ReplyDeleteNice real post. You are definitely not a failure, anything but. The thing that I take away too, besides your resolve to move forward, is the understanding it builds about yourself and for your own patients that struggle with eating and will do the same thing. Your experiences will help them move forward too. Best part is how you are right back on track.
ReplyDeleteApparently you do a combination of #2 and #3 "fix it" technique (that I describe in my own blog post today). Your post was kind of relevant to me today. Thank you for that! :-) Congrats on your Total Victory!!!
ReplyDeleteChristine
www.phoenixrevolution.net
I love how you came to this being "less of a fail" than before - I completely understand that. And I just have to tell you that back in the day, when my husband would go out of town, that was the signal for me to lay in the junk. I don't do that anymore. Huge change...but it took a lot of time to change my automated ways. Sounds like you are doing the same, and doing really well, actually.
ReplyDeleteWell - you are in good company. We have all had failures and set backs. I love your can-do attitude and not looking at one bad day as total failure! We just keep pressing forward!
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