This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

We interrupt your regular programming for....OUCH!

Warning. There might be some explicit language ahead. I'm feeling it coming.

So........this morning I get up all happy and ready to go. Today is my strength training day so I dutifully got out the phase 5 exercises, the new page.  I decide to warm up by jogging in place 5 min and then  jumping jacks. I once knew this lady who lost like 60 pounds by doing a 1000 jumping jacks every day. I'm thinking I'll bet I can do at least 100. HA! DOUBLE HA! I did 40 in a row and kinda felt like I was dying. When's the last time you did these? We do them in TKD, but not that many. So I did 80 this morning, 2 sets of 40. The bastards are harder than you remember from gym class. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm not 10 anymore and I have lived in this fat body so long.

After the warm up, I did all the exercises. The side squats and airplanes and budha crunches, which BTW is a freakin funy name for the bicycle crunch.  So I did all that and stretched. I'm feeling pretty all high and mighty about myself at this point. OH how they fall!  I'm such a dumb ass.

And so I go to work and then it's time for TKD. I'm all happy because I'm an orange belt now and so I'm in the more advanced belt group. Let me say this. FUCK THAT. What the holy hell have I done??Mother! That class was hard. We did all these advanced kicking drills which is basically hopping and jogging while kicking in between and turning and punching. FUCK! That was hard shit. Specially for an over 40 fat chick. I ended up falling right on my ass 1/2 through class. Actually I landed on my front in the middle of class. In front of everyone. SPLAT. Layed out in the middle of the mat face down like the pilsbury dough boy after a long bender.

So we're doing this one drill where I'm supposed to do a hop, round house kick, 360 turn, high round house and kick and end with a reverse punch. You do this from one side of the room to the other and then jog backwards as fast as you can so you can do it again. WELL. I did fine at first and then I got all, "I'LL SHOW THESE SKINNY MFs HOW WE FAT LADIES ROLL!" And BOY did I.  ROLL that is.  The instructor is telling everyone to be quick and go faster, these are speed drills, blah blah. Listen skinny in shape jock type dude. I AM OLD and I'M a beginner. If all I did all day long was TKD like you, I'd be quick too,but I've spent the last 30 years sitting on my ass. How the HELL did you think it got this big anyway? 

He's actually really nice and good about letting me do my best and go my own pace. I have never felt weirdness from him about my size or from anyone else in that class for that matter.  I think I've impressed him more than once, but my 40 year old vestibular system is not the best. Turning over and over and over and my inner ear says, F*** YOU! And then......

So I attempt to do my 10th 360 turn and as I'm hopping on my foot I land weird because I get a little off balance. One ankle roll later and SPLAT. Litterally I made that noise. SPLAT. I land on the mat face down. I was a little in shock for a split second becuase I had no warning. It wasn't like those slow motion feeling falls where you feel it coming and you try to stop yourself and your thinking NOooooooooooooOOOOOOoooo! as you see yourself fall. Nope. One minute I'm upright, the next I'm pillsbury dough boy. OUCH! But, I hopped right up and went back to it. That was just 1/2 way through class.

Next drills were kicking speed drills where you kick right, left, right, left as fast as you can. Lots more hopping and jumping and punching. I did learn how to break someone's arm today and DON'T think I wasn't considering it on mister, "GO FASTER. YOU ARE ADVANCED BELTS NOW!" After much more sweat and wheezing and pain, I made it through class.  I felt ok and VERY tired and STARVING. I burned nearly 900 cals!

I finished work and as the day wore on.......ACK! I try to stand up from a chair and......OUCH! I try to move my ankle a little and........SHIT! The bad part is it's my right ankle and my left inner thigh that are killing me so I can't even limp right. I'm like a damned hunch back. I don't think anything is hurt badly, my ankle isn't swollen and I know it's just my hip flexors on the left.

Mental Note: DUMB ASS! No more hip and inner thigh work in the morning on TKD day!

So I will likely NOT be running tomorrow as planned. I hope I can resume the C25K soon. I was just really starting to enjoy it again dammit!  At this point I hope I can freaking move tomorrow. I've got ice packs and hot packs and pillows. I took a long hot back. Thank you God for mister Jacuzzi tub.  After watching the black belt test on Saturday I was already a bit freaked and NOW I am fucking terrified at being able to go any further. Oh well, Rome wasn't built in a day....  And now I'm going to bed. Good night!


  1. I always think I'm in good shape until I try some new kind of exercise. The worst is 24 hours later, when you realize you can't stand up from a sitting position because your thighs are on fire. (Even more embarrassing is trying to stand up after using the ladies room...if there is anyone else in there. You want to cry out from the pain, but you just grit your teeth and grab on to the handicapped bar to help you get up. lol)

    Hope you feel better tomorrow. Give your muscles a rest!

  2. ibuprofen is our friend and so are epsom salts and a long soak.

  3. Oh man, that sounds rough and then you said that was only halfway thru class.! Way to finish. I've been jumping rope and it takes awhile for that to come back to ya too, like the jumping jacks ;)

  4. Doc, I am gonna hurt you! I am so wishing I could join TKD, but time budget and financially it isn't possible. I am a huge challenge taker and I so want to go and start TKD and go through the belts like you are. aaaaaaargggghhhhh!!

  5. "The bad part is it's my right ankle and my left inner thigh that are killing me so I can't even limp right,"

    Oh Lordy - that line just set me off this morning. I'm laughing so hard tears are running down my face.

    Sorry for the owies; as Midlife said, Ibuprofen is your friend. I've contemplated taking one every morning with my multivitamin, just in case, since I usually end up taking at least one by the end of every workout day anyway! Hmm...perhaps we should just market some sort of painkiller infused chocolate flavored vitamin chews for the Over Forty Groupies.

    After we work out, of course.

  6. so cool that you can do that, fall on your face AND get up to carry on...fabulous to have all that energy. Way to go Doc - your next class will be a doddle.

  7. Ain't sports grand! I love that you are so exuberant about TKD and kicking ass (or at least the air) by manipulating your body into wild maneuvers. Keep those endorphins flowing!

  8. I hope your ankle and well the rest of your body feels better soon! Major kudos to you for doing TKD

  9. Thank you for the sweet email, and I do hope your ankle is feeling better...someone HAS to have a happy ending with their ankle, lol!!!

  10. Just be careful you do not have a little hairline fracture in the ankle, doc. Glad your pushing (punishing) yourself, but us OLD farts need ti be careful,


Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!