I had a good weekend. A challenging weekend. A fun weekend. A unproductive weekend. A poor diet weekend. A frustrating weekend. A tiring weekend. A thoughtful weekend. A weekend filled with shuttling kids from one place to another.
Friday was a super busy day. I worked, went to the eye doctor. Spent $300 bucks. Went back to work. The surprise was that my son was invited to a last minute sleep over. The hubby and I decided to take the girls to the drop off daycare and get dinner and a movie. We ended up at a local Mexican joint. I did well though. I ate no chips. I ordered red snapper, broiled, no sauce and a side of beans, whole not re-fried, no rice and salad w/ no dressing. What arrived was red snapper drowning in creamy sauce and salad with lots of dressing. Sigh. I didn't have time to send it back or we'd miss the movie. I scraped all I could off and ate the fish and my salad with it. We saw "Unknown" with Liam Neeson. It was really great with lots of action and a thrilling story.
Saturday my son had boy scout duties helping a buddy with an Eagle project. It was at the local nature preserve repairing a part of the damaged hiking trail. I decided to take the girls on a hike while he did his thing. We ended up with a 3.5 mile hike. It was a nice day and we enjoyed it. After, we came home and the girls were beat. We sat down and watched Harry Potter #3 for the millionth time. Well, the girls watched, I had a short nap. Then I was up and got the dishes done and dinner cooked. Hubbie brought home kielbasa and asked me to cook them. Sigh. So I did. I had salad, carrots and one sausage no bun.
Sunday morning I slept in until around 8am. Got dressed and was on my way up to work out when hubby announced he'd plan to cook breakfast for me. Blueberry french toast with blueberry syrup. He was sick for Valentine's and was going to make up for it by cooking for me. How sweet. Sigh. He asked if I wanted to work out first and I said I'd better. So 30min later on the bike and then breakfast. I had 2 pieces of the french toast with about 2 tablespoons of syrup on the side. After that the Girl Scout cookies arrived. Then I had to shuttle my son to one boy scout event and then another. In between I didn't do much. The rest of the day is kind of a blur of carb cravings and bad choices.
I am glad the weekend is over and frustrated with my choices. Wondering how I can handle the temptations better and knowing I KNOW how, but made poor choices. I also know I was frustrated with my weigh in yesterday having lost no weight last week. Well, I actually lost 4 pounds as I had gone up after my weekend illness the week before. But, the overall result was no loss this week. I am now faced with having to start over again this week and I'm left wondering when this gets easy. I KNOW it never does and that's fine, so I'll move on. There are worse problems in the world than mine.
I realize I slipped back into the routine of letting my weekend eating go to shit. The temptations are what they are. I have issues with a spouse who isn't where I am commitment wise. Instead of showing him resolve, I showed him how easy it is to give in. I am not really very happy about that. On the bright side, I spent a lot of my weekend exercising. I had an active weekend and I did make some decent choices.
My schedule gets crazy again as son starts Track and Field this week and that means he has to be at school by 6:30am again. Now I'll have to adjust to the new schedule again and figure out my workouts. I'm on the books for a session with my trainer today. I dread it. I don't want to do it. I drove to work today trying to think of a reason I could cancel. I realized that I couldn't and told myself to shut the hell up. I'm going whether I like it or not. All I can do is my best. Not trying will help nothing.
I woke up this am feeling like shit from the carb binge yesterday. I didn't feel like eating. I had a yogurt. I could stand to skip a meal. Why eat if I'm not hungry? I drank my coffee and my water. I didn't have all the water yesterday. Not close and no wonder I feel like shit.
I didn't watch the Oscars last night because I just plain don't care. Instead we watched Burn Notice on TiVo and played games with the girls. Woke up this am not knowing who won. To be honest I forgot it was even on. I don't think I missed a thing. Years from now I won't remember who won, but I'll remember the Sunday afternoons lying in the floor playing games with the kids.
And now, on with my Monday......
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Seriously Buzzed! and Pay it Forward.
Long long long day yesterday. After my post last night, I headed over to the long and boring Board Meeting. I didn't get home until 11pm. That's right, 4 hours of financial reports and quality measures and capital improvement budgets and.....there's a reason I'm not a MBA people. Icky!
Anyway, before the meeting I decided to go ahead and eat. I had to grab something and I keep emergency food in the office. I had a healthy choice dinner (sorry Allan, but sometimes it's gotta be done). I also drank about 1/2 a diet Mt Dew. I arrived at the meeting to find dinner-some kind of greek, stuffed chicken with a pasta on the side and roasted cauliflower. And dessert-some kind of chocolate cookie bars. The thing is, I wasn't hungry. On the way to the meeting I had 32 oz glass of water. I was full. I had calories in the budget, but I was full. It looked tasty and not too bad health wise, but I was full. Then I thought, "I could have the cauliflower. It's roasted, no sauce, no butter." But I was full. So why eat then?
I didn't.
During the meeting I started to freeze. I get cold so easy these days. I decided, why not a cup of coffee? So I had one, a small one. Oh! And did I forget to mention the excedrin migraine I took yesterday afternoon? The point of all that is to say that I had major caffeine overload last night. I didn't get to sleep until 3am. THREE! My fault. I know better. I'm a doctor, right?
But, here's the deal. I used to do stuff like that and no problem. Back when I was constantly shoveling Coke and tea and coffee and diet drinks, all caffeinated down my throat, I could drink a cup of "real" coffee and go right to sleep. And I'm not talking that long ago. But nowadays I drink almost exclusively water. Of course I do. How the heck can I get all that in otherwise? But, my body is just not used to all that caffeine now I guess. I have my coffee in the am and that's it. Kinda makes me think about what kind of drug-induced haze (caffeine is a drug to your brain, don't forget it.) I was walking around in for years. YEARS.
My Coke addiction has honestly been one of the hardest things for me to break. And addiction it is. Even now after giving them up ages ago, I crave them. I see the can and I taste it. If I have even a little, I want more. It started in high school and all those years I just guzzled that crap. Even when I switched to diet, it wasn't the same, but still I wanted more and more. I see what a carb roller coast that put me in. Glad I'm off it now. I have a diet drink maybe 1-2 times a week, maybe. My coffee.....I love. 16oz in the am, splenda and light creamer. Not quitting it. But the rest I'm kinda glad I'm over.
Today's been good considering I didn't sleep. Being up that late led to extra water intake. I just kept drinking. No idea the total for yesterday. In the past these late night episodes would result in "the fourth meal". Isn't that Taco Bell's slogan? But, this time, I wasn't hungry and even though I could've eaten, I didn't need to.
I went to TKD today at lunch. Can I say that my pectoral muscles hurt soooo bad today? Achy achy. No matter what position I'm in. Kinda sucks until I realize it is proof of my push ups and planks and hard work at TKD. I learned a new kick today, the turning hook kick. I asked my black belt instructor, helper today if the dizziness from the constant spinning gets better. She's older than me and she said emphatically, "No." I told her thanks and that I'd adjust my expectations. Ha ha. She said you learn to work around it. I hope so.
A new man joined our class today. He is quite heavy. I saw him standing there in his white belt and I knew how he felt. Excited, scared, nervous, apprehensive. The heaviest person in the room. I've been there many times. I went up introduced myself and told him I was glad he was there and that he was gonna love it. Told him not to worry, the instructors are great and don't go too fast. He seemed to visibly release all this tension. At the end I could tell he was so proud to have made it through class. I know exactly how he feels.
In years past I might not have gone up to the new guy. I'm not shy, but 2 big fatties in the same corner? Ha ha. Seriously I might have worried about embarrassing him or me. Making a scene in front of the skinny fit people. All of that. Now, I figure, no matter how fat or thin you are it's nice to have someone be welcoming. And if as a still pretty fat chick I encourage him to get involved and move more, then........he can help the next person that needs it, right?
What about you? Caffeine- yeah or nay? Have you had any opportunities to help someone with their journey in your real life? Other than those that ask"how're you doing it" and such. How'd it work out?
Anyway, before the meeting I decided to go ahead and eat. I had to grab something and I keep emergency food in the office. I had a healthy choice dinner (sorry Allan, but sometimes it's gotta be done). I also drank about 1/2 a diet Mt Dew. I arrived at the meeting to find dinner-some kind of greek, stuffed chicken with a pasta on the side and roasted cauliflower. And dessert-some kind of chocolate cookie bars. The thing is, I wasn't hungry. On the way to the meeting I had 32 oz glass of water. I was full. I had calories in the budget, but I was full. It looked tasty and not too bad health wise, but I was full. Then I thought, "I could have the cauliflower. It's roasted, no sauce, no butter." But I was full. So why eat then?
I didn't.
During the meeting I started to freeze. I get cold so easy these days. I decided, why not a cup of coffee? So I had one, a small one. Oh! And did I forget to mention the excedrin migraine I took yesterday afternoon? The point of all that is to say that I had major caffeine overload last night. I didn't get to sleep until 3am. THREE! My fault. I know better. I'm a doctor, right?
But, here's the deal. I used to do stuff like that and no problem. Back when I was constantly shoveling Coke and tea and coffee and diet drinks, all caffeinated down my throat, I could drink a cup of "real" coffee and go right to sleep. And I'm not talking that long ago. But nowadays I drink almost exclusively water. Of course I do. How the heck can I get all that in otherwise? But, my body is just not used to all that caffeine now I guess. I have my coffee in the am and that's it. Kinda makes me think about what kind of drug-induced haze (caffeine is a drug to your brain, don't forget it.) I was walking around in for years. YEARS.
My Coke addiction has honestly been one of the hardest things for me to break. And addiction it is. Even now after giving them up ages ago, I crave them. I see the can and I taste it. If I have even a little, I want more. It started in high school and all those years I just guzzled that crap. Even when I switched to diet, it wasn't the same, but still I wanted more and more. I see what a carb roller coast that put me in. Glad I'm off it now. I have a diet drink maybe 1-2 times a week, maybe. My coffee.....I love. 16oz in the am, splenda and light creamer. Not quitting it. But the rest I'm kinda glad I'm over.
Today's been good considering I didn't sleep. Being up that late led to extra water intake. I just kept drinking. No idea the total for yesterday. In the past these late night episodes would result in "the fourth meal". Isn't that Taco Bell's slogan? But, this time, I wasn't hungry and even though I could've eaten, I didn't need to.
I went to TKD today at lunch. Can I say that my pectoral muscles hurt soooo bad today? Achy achy. No matter what position I'm in. Kinda sucks until I realize it is proof of my push ups and planks and hard work at TKD. I learned a new kick today, the turning hook kick. I asked my black belt instructor, helper today if the dizziness from the constant spinning gets better. She's older than me and she said emphatically, "No." I told her thanks and that I'd adjust my expectations. Ha ha. She said you learn to work around it. I hope so.
A new man joined our class today. He is quite heavy. I saw him standing there in his white belt and I knew how he felt. Excited, scared, nervous, apprehensive. The heaviest person in the room. I've been there many times. I went up introduced myself and told him I was glad he was there and that he was gonna love it. Told him not to worry, the instructors are great and don't go too fast. He seemed to visibly release all this tension. At the end I could tell he was so proud to have made it through class. I know exactly how he feels.
In years past I might not have gone up to the new guy. I'm not shy, but 2 big fatties in the same corner? Ha ha. Seriously I might have worried about embarrassing him or me. Making a scene in front of the skinny fit people. All of that. Now, I figure, no matter how fat or thin you are it's nice to have someone be welcoming. And if as a still pretty fat chick I encourage him to get involved and move more, then........he can help the next person that needs it, right?
What about you? Caffeine- yeah or nay? Have you had any opportunities to help someone with their journey in your real life? Other than those that ask"how're you doing it" and such. How'd it work out?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
A New Day
After my grumpy post yesterday, I am doing much better. Scale still says I'm up, but I am working to change that. Despite my initial thoughts of, "Dear God, please don't make me, " this morning, I got up and got on the treadmill. Can I just say that no running for 5 days + illness + fat chick= HARD! But I made it through week 2 of C25K AGAIN. I'll complete this thing if it kills me. My speed is still better than before, but man I can't wait until I can run a long time without feeling like I might croak.
Yesterday wrapped up pretty well. I went to TKD despite my general poo of a mood and the fact i still felt dizzy from ear fluid and wheezy from asthma. I made it through class with very few mishaps considering. Yeah it was hard, but I just love going there. I learned how I can break someone's arm, should the need arise. I feel so powerful. Hee hee. Too bad I didn't know this stuff during residency when I had to stay all night in the pysch hospital and help with disruptions...scary sometimes. I got wobbly with my 360 back kicks and the spinning, but I left tired and sweaty and proud I made it through despite nearly wimping out.
My calories yesterday were good, 977. Not necessarily on purpose low, but I wasn't hungry enough to justify more food so I skipped it. Man I feel better forcing myself to catch up on the water. It amazes me how much I miss it when I don't get it done.
Today has been better still. After my work out with the running, I made myself do some extra stretching because my thighs are sore, TKD of course. I also forced myself to do some plank as I hadn't done it in awhile and it's just good for you. I managed a minute which I feel is good considering. Patrick reminded me with his "how long can you?" Thing a while back and for some reason he just popped in my head this am when I was on the floor exercising. (Is that weird?) Anyway, I don't care because it reminded me not to forget my core. Besides trainer dude expects me to do this frequently and I always get the disapproving, "You haven't been doing your core routine at home" guilt trip when I slack.
I'm off now to a long and boring Board Meeting. Boo! But, I'm taking my healthy snacks. Yeah!
Please leave a comment. They just make me happy. Unless your a crazy person or......selling something in which case..... bug off!
Yesterday wrapped up pretty well. I went to TKD despite my general poo of a mood and the fact i still felt dizzy from ear fluid and wheezy from asthma. I made it through class with very few mishaps considering. Yeah it was hard, but I just love going there. I learned how I can break someone's arm, should the need arise. I feel so powerful. Hee hee. Too bad I didn't know this stuff during residency when I had to stay all night in the pysch hospital and help with disruptions...scary sometimes. I got wobbly with my 360 back kicks and the spinning, but I left tired and sweaty and proud I made it through despite nearly wimping out.
My calories yesterday were good, 977. Not necessarily on purpose low, but I wasn't hungry enough to justify more food so I skipped it. Man I feel better forcing myself to catch up on the water. It amazes me how much I miss it when I don't get it done.
Today has been better still. After my work out with the running, I made myself do some extra stretching because my thighs are sore, TKD of course. I also forced myself to do some plank as I hadn't done it in awhile and it's just good for you. I managed a minute which I feel is good considering. Patrick reminded me with his "how long can you?" Thing a while back and for some reason he just popped in my head this am when I was on the floor exercising. (Is that weird?) Anyway, I don't care because it reminded me not to forget my core. Besides trainer dude expects me to do this frequently and I always get the disapproving, "You haven't been doing your core routine at home" guilt trip when I slack.
I'm off now to a long and boring Board Meeting. Boo! But, I'm taking my healthy snacks. Yeah!
Please leave a comment. They just make me happy. Unless your a crazy person or......selling something in which case..... bug off!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Food Bites!
I just feel weird today. I guess it's the residual from the weekend illness. You know we doctors don't get sick leave and there's no calling in sick when you are self-employed. So, I keep trudging on. I want to know how the hell I can be sick and gain weight. Whatever. I weighed this am and scale says I'm up 4 friggin pounds. That's just nuts. I'm absolutely sure I didn't eat enough to cause a gain. In fact on Saturday I barely ate 1000cal. I know I've not gotten all the fluids, until yesterday and that I've had extra sodium. I know it's not real weight gain, but it still pisses me off.
I'm just getting to the point where I don't want to eat anything anymore. Could it be that I'm finally to the point where food just doesn't matter? When do you cross the line from monitoring your diet and obsessing? I know this, I'm not willing to give up on weight loss, no matter the price. I am absolutely going to see my goal. I don't care how long it takes or at what price. There is no food worth the possibility that I won't get there. I think about food and see food now and it just doesn't matter. I don't look forward to food or special treats anymore or even the idea of them. I don't smell food and want it. Commercials on TV do nothing for me except gross me out with the grease and the goo. Now I just see food as a hassle. Something in the way of my goals.
It just absolutely doesn't matter anymore what I eat or when. I only see the numbers, the calorie counts, the scale. Is this good or is this bad? I look forward to being at my goal weight. I look forward to being able to do more in TKD class. I look forward to being able to run farther and faster. I do not look forward to a meal. Is this how normal people are about food?
I get hungry and it annoys me. It means I have to decide what to eat or not eat. I no longer get the emotional high from the foods I love and in some ways this pisses me off. Now I have to actually deal with things without my friend, FOOD. I kinda miss that friend. I miss curling up with a good movie and a snack. Now, I just see calorie counts and scales. I miss an evening out with my husband where I don't have to think first and not just order what sounds good. Where he doesn't roll his eyes at me entering my calories and googling the menus and calculating this and that. I miss having a crappy day and just coming home and having pizza and wings and coke and beer and eating until I feel better. I miss not calculating in my head what my husband's eating and being irritated by how many calories he's having and doesn't even care.
But, I don't miss the 50+ pounds I've lost.
I'm having issues with food. Totally new issues I never dreamed of. If I had my way it wouldn't even come up. Now I get irritated trying to plan meals for the kids. They are hungrier than I am, they eat more often. They are constantly wanting snacks and such. Of course they eat healthy stuff and I try to control them from the candy and all the crap and fast food as usual. But, I'm just sick of talking about and thinking about food.
Even this weekend when I'm barely able to get out of bed I'm like measuring and reading labels to see how many calories are in the soup I picked. Is this good or am I crazy? And then to get on the scale and see a gain this morning! Makes me just want to forget the whole idea of food. Maybe my weirdo skinny friends that only drink slim fast and eat fruit have the right idea. It sure simplifies your life when you just don't eat.
Thing is, everyone else around me eats. They still get happy about this food or that and I think I'm jealous? Or am I resentful? All I know is that I've spent all this energy trying to disconnect my emotions from eating and food. Have I gone too far the other way? Have I gotten too analytical? Too mathematical?
But, will it ever be easy for me? Will I ever be able to enjoy food again? Do you get to a point in this journey where there's a happy medium? Where you can still be mindful and count calories, but still enjoy a meal? A dessert? A pizza? Because right now I'd rather just eat carrots and an apple. I know I didn't get fat eating too many of those.
I feel like there are so few "safe" foods. Even this weeken eating the saltines and drinking sprite I triggered those carb cravings. I found myself eating a mini chocolate bar from the kids Valentine sacks. For no reason! WTH? When doe that crap stop? Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'll always need to be on guard with food. Maybe food and I cannot be friends. Maybe we can have a truce, but not be friendly. Maybe food is like an EX-husband(if I had one). You know, you have to see each other and relate because of the kids. You can't avoid it. It will always be in your life, but you're not friends anymore. You can't share emotions. You can't be friendly. Nice and cordial, but not friendly.
I don't know, but this is totally uncharted territory. I spent so much of my life thinking about food that now it's like I don't know how to behave with it. It's just weird. I honestly am not really ever hungry for any one food anymore. I know I need to eat and I know what to eat, but I just don't care if I do.
Does anyone else have similar experiences or feelings about food? Or am I just nutso?
I'm just getting to the point where I don't want to eat anything anymore. Could it be that I'm finally to the point where food just doesn't matter? When do you cross the line from monitoring your diet and obsessing? I know this, I'm not willing to give up on weight loss, no matter the price. I am absolutely going to see my goal. I don't care how long it takes or at what price. There is no food worth the possibility that I won't get there. I think about food and see food now and it just doesn't matter. I don't look forward to food or special treats anymore or even the idea of them. I don't smell food and want it. Commercials on TV do nothing for me except gross me out with the grease and the goo. Now I just see food as a hassle. Something in the way of my goals.
It just absolutely doesn't matter anymore what I eat or when. I only see the numbers, the calorie counts, the scale. Is this good or is this bad? I look forward to being at my goal weight. I look forward to being able to do more in TKD class. I look forward to being able to run farther and faster. I do not look forward to a meal. Is this how normal people are about food?
I get hungry and it annoys me. It means I have to decide what to eat or not eat. I no longer get the emotional high from the foods I love and in some ways this pisses me off. Now I have to actually deal with things without my friend, FOOD. I kinda miss that friend. I miss curling up with a good movie and a snack. Now, I just see calorie counts and scales. I miss an evening out with my husband where I don't have to think first and not just order what sounds good. Where he doesn't roll his eyes at me entering my calories and googling the menus and calculating this and that. I miss having a crappy day and just coming home and having pizza and wings and coke and beer and eating until I feel better. I miss not calculating in my head what my husband's eating and being irritated by how many calories he's having and doesn't even care.
But, I don't miss the 50+ pounds I've lost.
I'm having issues with food. Totally new issues I never dreamed of. If I had my way it wouldn't even come up. Now I get irritated trying to plan meals for the kids. They are hungrier than I am, they eat more often. They are constantly wanting snacks and such. Of course they eat healthy stuff and I try to control them from the candy and all the crap and fast food as usual. But, I'm just sick of talking about and thinking about food.
Even this weekend when I'm barely able to get out of bed I'm like measuring and reading labels to see how many calories are in the soup I picked. Is this good or am I crazy? And then to get on the scale and see a gain this morning! Makes me just want to forget the whole idea of food. Maybe my weirdo skinny friends that only drink slim fast and eat fruit have the right idea. It sure simplifies your life when you just don't eat.
Thing is, everyone else around me eats. They still get happy about this food or that and I think I'm jealous? Or am I resentful? All I know is that I've spent all this energy trying to disconnect my emotions from eating and food. Have I gone too far the other way? Have I gotten too analytical? Too mathematical?
But, will it ever be easy for me? Will I ever be able to enjoy food again? Do you get to a point in this journey where there's a happy medium? Where you can still be mindful and count calories, but still enjoy a meal? A dessert? A pizza? Because right now I'd rather just eat carrots and an apple. I know I didn't get fat eating too many of those.
I feel like there are so few "safe" foods. Even this weeken eating the saltines and drinking sprite I triggered those carb cravings. I found myself eating a mini chocolate bar from the kids Valentine sacks. For no reason! WTH? When doe that crap stop? Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'll always need to be on guard with food. Maybe food and I cannot be friends. Maybe we can have a truce, but not be friendly. Maybe food is like an EX-husband(if I had one). You know, you have to see each other and relate because of the kids. You can't avoid it. It will always be in your life, but you're not friends anymore. You can't share emotions. You can't be friendly. Nice and cordial, but not friendly.
I don't know, but this is totally uncharted territory. I spent so much of my life thinking about food that now it's like I don't know how to behave with it. It's just weird. I honestly am not really ever hungry for any one food anymore. I know I need to eat and I know what to eat, but I just don't care if I do.
Does anyone else have similar experiences or feelings about food? Or am I just nutso?
Monday, February 21, 2011
Surviving.
Short post today as I am still recovering. Shoulda known it was coming. My husband was sick several days last week and the kids had it the week before. On Friday the frieght train hit me and I was in bed from about 7pm Friday night until I had to pry myself out this morning for work. Fever, chills, aches, cough, sore throat, nausea and vomiting. The whole deal. At least it wasn't the flu as I tested negative. Today I feel better, but not great.
I went home at lunch and slept for an hour and that helped. I hate feeling sick and being weak and dizzy doesn't help my focus at work. At least I don't think I'm contagious anymore as I have no more fever. It pisses me off since I thought I'd escaped this one. Little germ incubators I call my children are always bringing home something new. You'd think I'd be immune as I'm exposed to this stuff all the time, but I'm not. At least my immune system works well and I'm much better after only a couple of days and not the 5 it took my husband.
I weighed in for the challenge yesterday in a sleepy haze and weighed 196. I was quite pleased with that number. Back up just a little this am, thanks sodium. Chicken soup and crackers and sprite is all I've ingested and not all the water as it makes me feel sick. I'm doing better on that front today. None of my high and mighty exercise goals were met for the weekend, but that's ok. I have the rest of my life to get this stuff done. I'm not giving up and I'm not quitting.
I canceled on the trainer for today. No friggin way I could do that stuff as staying upright is taking all my energy today. I didn't track my calories yesterday, but I'm sure I'm under 1200. So far I'm fine today also and I'm trying to make myself get all the fluids in.
I've been around reading all your blogs and I hope all of you avoid this illness and stay on track. See you tomorrow.
I went home at lunch and slept for an hour and that helped. I hate feeling sick and being weak and dizzy doesn't help my focus at work. At least I don't think I'm contagious anymore as I have no more fever. It pisses me off since I thought I'd escaped this one. Little germ incubators I call my children are always bringing home something new. You'd think I'd be immune as I'm exposed to this stuff all the time, but I'm not. At least my immune system works well and I'm much better after only a couple of days and not the 5 it took my husband.
I weighed in for the challenge yesterday in a sleepy haze and weighed 196. I was quite pleased with that number. Back up just a little this am, thanks sodium. Chicken soup and crackers and sprite is all I've ingested and not all the water as it makes me feel sick. I'm doing better on that front today. None of my high and mighty exercise goals were met for the weekend, but that's ok. I have the rest of my life to get this stuff done. I'm not giving up and I'm not quitting.
I canceled on the trainer for today. No friggin way I could do that stuff as staying upright is taking all my energy today. I didn't track my calories yesterday, but I'm sure I'm under 1200. So far I'm fine today also and I'm trying to make myself get all the fluids in.
I've been around reading all your blogs and I hope all of you avoid this illness and stay on track. See you tomorrow.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Much Better! and Give me some support!
Today I woke up late. I over slept. My husband is out of town and my routine is totally screwed up. My ankle is so much better. Only a little soreness if I turn it a certain way. My legs aren't as sore and things are much better.
I missed TKD today because the office was swamped and I didn't make it there. So I didn't get my workout as planned. But, I really think that was good because now I feel much better and I can resume running for sure in the morning.
Food today was good. I still haven't had any appetite . I think I'm just too busy. I don't know as it is foreign to me. I'm just not used to not caring whether I eat or not. I ate a little over 1000cals today and that's all I wanted.
I wish I had something inspiring to say today, but all I can say is not every day is amazing. Some days are just days. The key to all this is being consistent. Day after day after day. Eating right and keeping up with the water. Moving more everyday.
More and more people are noticing my weight loss. This is so wonderful, but a mixed bag. I'm just not used to the attention it brings. I am flattered by the compliments and they don't bother me as much. But, the whole, "what are you doing" conversation and all the unwanted advice. If I'm the one losing weight, why are people trying to tell me how to lose weight?
My clothes are frustrating me right now. Most of them are too big. Yeah! Not complaining, but it does mean that getting dressed takes longer than it used to. I have more choices and some of the things I still feel like should fit ok, don't. I think I'm between sizes as some things I've bought in smaller sizes are just not quite comfortable yet. I spend time trying things on and tossing them in the donate pile. The other day I came home and pulled off the shirt I had worn and tossed it straight in. Somebody's gonna be happy to get my old clothes. I noticed today that the size 14 pants from Lane Bryant are too big. I got a couple of pairs of jeans in the "normal" section in size 14. They fit great.
I was reading Allan's blog today and he mentioned how he's trying to adjust to smaller clothes and the larger ones are more comfortable. I know what he means. I have a couple of sweatshirts and other clothes that I continue to wear despite how big they are. My scrubs for one. I'm still wearing 2X. But, I ordered new ones this week. It is just strange to think about clothes that aren't baggy. When I was bigger I've always felt weird if clothes felt too tight. My rolls would show, my muffin top, my cellulite. Having clothes that touch my body is weird.
OH! And it's official. The girls have shrunk. I'm down a whole cup size. I realized that it seems like over night my bras were way too big. They were loose and like spinning almost when I move. I mean it was literally over night it seems like. One day they fit and the next, too big. Luckily I had bought a couple on clearance in anticipation. I tried them and they fit. Also, the wonderful sports bras I've been using are too big. Great. Those things are not cheap. I did get a new one the other day on sale at the running store. This makes me wonder what size I'll be at goal. Weird. I've always had big boobs.
I've always wished for smaller ones. It was just another reason to be different. I was wearing a bra in 5th grade and I remember the boys snapping my bra all the time and laughing. It was great fodder for the humiliation machine. As I got older, I realized they weren't such a bad thing to have. That negative attention from boys in 5th grade was very different by college.
The guys won't understand, but the quest for the perfect bra, the holy grail of womanhood, is an ongoing thing for all of us, no matter the size. It is especially important now in my 40s and with all the running and Tae Kwon Do, it is absolutely essential. I found a couple of excellent ones, but they are so expensive and if my size is gong to change more, this could get to be a drag. OH well. At least I'm shrinking and not getting bigger!
Anyway, adjusting to my new size seems to be a daily thing. I guess while I'm transforming that's how it will be. I was driving today when something caught my eye. I looked down and ......there was a triceps. Woo hoo. I do have one. Starting to see more definition, but also more hanging skin. I don't care, The scale is moving and so am I. That's what I'm after.
I missed TKD today because the office was swamped and I didn't make it there. So I didn't get my workout as planned. But, I really think that was good because now I feel much better and I can resume running for sure in the morning.
Food today was good. I still haven't had any appetite . I think I'm just too busy. I don't know as it is foreign to me. I'm just not used to not caring whether I eat or not. I ate a little over 1000cals today and that's all I wanted.
I wish I had something inspiring to say today, but all I can say is not every day is amazing. Some days are just days. The key to all this is being consistent. Day after day after day. Eating right and keeping up with the water. Moving more everyday.
More and more people are noticing my weight loss. This is so wonderful, but a mixed bag. I'm just not used to the attention it brings. I am flattered by the compliments and they don't bother me as much. But, the whole, "what are you doing" conversation and all the unwanted advice. If I'm the one losing weight, why are people trying to tell me how to lose weight?
My clothes are frustrating me right now. Most of them are too big. Yeah! Not complaining, but it does mean that getting dressed takes longer than it used to. I have more choices and some of the things I still feel like should fit ok, don't. I think I'm between sizes as some things I've bought in smaller sizes are just not quite comfortable yet. I spend time trying things on and tossing them in the donate pile. The other day I came home and pulled off the shirt I had worn and tossed it straight in. Somebody's gonna be happy to get my old clothes. I noticed today that the size 14 pants from Lane Bryant are too big. I got a couple of pairs of jeans in the "normal" section in size 14. They fit great.
I was reading Allan's blog today and he mentioned how he's trying to adjust to smaller clothes and the larger ones are more comfortable. I know what he means. I have a couple of sweatshirts and other clothes that I continue to wear despite how big they are. My scrubs for one. I'm still wearing 2X. But, I ordered new ones this week. It is just strange to think about clothes that aren't baggy. When I was bigger I've always felt weird if clothes felt too tight. My rolls would show, my muffin top, my cellulite. Having clothes that touch my body is weird.
OH! And it's official. The girls have shrunk. I'm down a whole cup size. I realized that it seems like over night my bras were way too big. They were loose and like spinning almost when I move. I mean it was literally over night it seems like. One day they fit and the next, too big. Luckily I had bought a couple on clearance in anticipation. I tried them and they fit. Also, the wonderful sports bras I've been using are too big. Great. Those things are not cheap. I did get a new one the other day on sale at the running store. This makes me wonder what size I'll be at goal. Weird. I've always had big boobs.
I've always wished for smaller ones. It was just another reason to be different. I was wearing a bra in 5th grade and I remember the boys snapping my bra all the time and laughing. It was great fodder for the humiliation machine. As I got older, I realized they weren't such a bad thing to have. That negative attention from boys in 5th grade was very different by college.
The guys won't understand, but the quest for the perfect bra, the holy grail of womanhood, is an ongoing thing for all of us, no matter the size. It is especially important now in my 40s and with all the running and Tae Kwon Do, it is absolutely essential. I found a couple of excellent ones, but they are so expensive and if my size is gong to change more, this could get to be a drag. OH well. At least I'm shrinking and not getting bigger!
Anyway, adjusting to my new size seems to be a daily thing. I guess while I'm transforming that's how it will be. I was driving today when something caught my eye. I looked down and ......there was a triceps. Woo hoo. I do have one. Starting to see more definition, but also more hanging skin. I don't care, The scale is moving and so am I. That's what I'm after.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Well..I made it through the day at least.......
This morning I woke up and stood up to go to the bathroom. Nearly fell down when my left leg buckled with a shooting pain. I stretched it out and made it to the BR. All this water does not allow for a lot of leeway. After walking a little and stretching, it was better, but I knew I could not walk or run today. My right ankle is sprained, it's mild, but a sprain. So no exercise today. Today I'll rest instead of Saturday called for in the plan. I have TKD again tomorrow and if I continue to improve, I'll go.
I really love TKD and I do not think there is anything major going on. My upper thigh is just strained from all the kicks. I'll see how it goes. My ankle is an issue and if it's not a lot better, tomorrow I'll have to skip TKD. That being said I plan to bike in the morning and try to do the plan exercises. I know Allan gets pissy when the plan isn't followed, but an injury is an injury so no walk/run today. I hope to resume my C25K Friday.
Today I didn't eat much. I was just queasy and tired all day. This is likely due to the fact that I took a benedryl last night and been taking ibuprofen for my aches. It upsets my stomach. Of course I didn't eat much at all. I had breakfast and skipped lunch, no snacks. Just no appetite. I did eat a healthy dinner, on the plan of course. I drank all my fluids, plus some and I'm still thirsty so I think it may be my allergy meds I took today. Thanks a lot mold counts! After all that ice and such last week, the mold is crazy as everything thawed.
I think Allan's plan is brilliant. It is easy to follow and I'm usually not feeling hungry. I have to admit I don't necessarily like all the foods, but I don't hate any either. The structure has been good and bad, but I've been losing weight, although not much faster. I don't get that. But, I'll stick with it as I'm continuing to lose weight. I admit I had 100 extra calories yesterday, but that was just an extra snack after TKD which was a HARD class as you'll remember per yesterday's post. Thus the whole injury thingy.But, it's not too bad I'm sure I'll be back to normal really fast.
I forgot all about my new gear. I went on Valentine's Day and bought myself some new running shoes. They are the same as my last pair they fitted me with, but they are pink. So much more fashionable. Plus I went to Kohl's and used my gift certificate from Christmas to buy some new workout clothes. All of mine were getting huge. It's about time to get a couple more bags out to donate.
New shoes, new socks, new bra, new pants, new shirt. Ready to run when my ankle allows.
Now I'm off to bed. Tired, tired. I hope to get some rest and wake up to pain free leg and ankle so I can kick some butt in TKD tomorrow. Please leave a comment and let me know how your week is going.
I really love TKD and I do not think there is anything major going on. My upper thigh is just strained from all the kicks. I'll see how it goes. My ankle is an issue and if it's not a lot better, tomorrow I'll have to skip TKD. That being said I plan to bike in the morning and try to do the plan exercises. I know Allan gets pissy when the plan isn't followed, but an injury is an injury so no walk/run today. I hope to resume my C25K Friday.
Today I didn't eat much. I was just queasy and tired all day. This is likely due to the fact that I took a benedryl last night and been taking ibuprofen for my aches. It upsets my stomach. Of course I didn't eat much at all. I had breakfast and skipped lunch, no snacks. Just no appetite. I did eat a healthy dinner, on the plan of course. I drank all my fluids, plus some and I'm still thirsty so I think it may be my allergy meds I took today. Thanks a lot mold counts! After all that ice and such last week, the mold is crazy as everything thawed.
I think Allan's plan is brilliant. It is easy to follow and I'm usually not feeling hungry. I have to admit I don't necessarily like all the foods, but I don't hate any either. The structure has been good and bad, but I've been losing weight, although not much faster. I don't get that. But, I'll stick with it as I'm continuing to lose weight. I admit I had 100 extra calories yesterday, but that was just an extra snack after TKD which was a HARD class as you'll remember per yesterday's post. Thus the whole injury thingy.But, it's not too bad I'm sure I'll be back to normal really fast.
I forgot all about my new gear. I went on Valentine's Day and bought myself some new running shoes. They are the same as my last pair they fitted me with, but they are pink. So much more fashionable. Plus I went to Kohl's and used my gift certificate from Christmas to buy some new workout clothes. All of mine were getting huge. It's about time to get a couple more bags out to donate.
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