So yesterday I did not work out. I am in a lot of pain from the workout with my trainer on Monday. Still. I'm trying very hard to look at this as a positive thing. Pass the Motrin. I am frustrated because so far the scale is not moving. WTH? I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me. I work out. My calories are not bad. I'm sticking to the plan, but not losing. The only extra calories I've had this week were from extra veggies. Pretty sure I did not get fat by eating too much broccoli. Even that did not put me over 1100cal any day in the last week.
I think I've put on some muscle and I know I'm losing inches because when I measured last week I was down. BUT. I want that scale to move dang it. I eat less and less and I lose nothing. Ugh. I'm thinking I need some blood work. It's so discouraging. BUT. I will not be giving up. I'm enjoying my new lifestyle. I eat fruits and veggies and healthy stuff. I drink my water. I workout. You can't tell by looking at me yet, but I'm pretty healthy.
I guess that's what bothers me now. I can run, elliptical, do an hour or more of rigorous exercise and I eat right, but you can't tell by looking at me yet. When people look at me they just see "fat person". It's so frustrating. I just want to get a shirt made that says, "Yes I look fat, but I'm healthy and I've lost 84 pounds. Shoulda seen me before!"
I'm tired this week. Just tired and that isn't helping my attitude. Sorry for the negativity. I'm just not a very patient person. I never have been. It's a fault of mine. It's one of the reasons I've never been successful in weight loss before now. When I started this "new me" thing, I vowed that no matter how long it took I was going to get to my "goal" weight and achieve my fitness goals. And I haven't given up on that. It's just this is a down week for me, on everything but the scale that is.
I know what you will say. There's more to focus on but the scale. This happens from time to time with weight loss. At some point you will build muscle and that will slow down the scale from time to time. Think of the inches you've lost and how far you've come. I know, I know that. But I want to see weight loss! I'm so close to the 180s and I want to be there. I'm frustrated because I'm hungry and I'm sore and I'm tired and the dang scale is still the same.
OK. Whiny time is over.
Today I have TKD at noon and I'm probably going back this evening for a second class with the kids. I have a trip to the gym planned for tomorrow and I'm hoping for the chance for an early morning run on Saturday. Running in Texas in the summer is hard. I just cannot make myself do it in the middle of the day. I really like running outside more than the treadmill, but After 10am it's like a death wish. So I'm really going to try to treat myself to a run in the park on Saturday. Treat myself? Hee hee hee. There's an NSV for you.
The fact that I just wrote I was going to treat myself to a RUN IN THE PARK IN JUNE. A year ago, treat myself was a snickers bar and a coke at a movie following a burger and fries for lunch. I have changed. I am proud of myself. No matter what people might see or think when they look at me. I know how far I've come and I know where I'm going. So there!
I still want the scale to change though.........
Anyhoo.......got some fabulous news this morning. I have a friend from Norway whom I met as a senior in high school. He was an exchange student. We've stayed in touch and friends all these years. Anyway, he and his husband (please no judgmental anti-gay comments. I will not tolerate them) have been able to (FINALLY) adopt a child. She was born this morning. I just got the news. They are on their way to finalize the adoption. She is in India. I am so happy for them. I really needed some happy news today. Today I will focus on dreams coming true for my dear friends. I'm so so so happy for them.
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Weigh-in F@#(*!&!-ing Wednesday
I weighed in this morning. I didn't really want to knowing that the scale was on a trend to show a gain. And, yep. There was a gain. I'm up 1.8 pounds. It is so hard not to get angry and disheartened. But, I'm gong to take a deep breath and move on.
As I look back over the last week, I see that I was under budget for calories by nearly 4,000 calories. I spent 545 minutes exercising. This does not include any house cleaning calories, yardwork, etc. This is working out time. That's a little over 9 hours in the last 7 days. I ate a few things I shouldn't have. I had chocolate twice and I had Mike's Hard Lemonade. But, dammit, I'm not going my whole life without occasionally having these things. I guess that means that some weeks I'll lose slower or gain. I guess I have to come to terms with it somehow.
Of course, I did lose 4 pounds last week and there's that whole, "correction" BS. When I look back at my food, I ate less than 30% from fat. I eat about 25-30% from protein, and around 50% carb. Maybe it's too much carb. But, nearly all my carbs are fruit. Then I wonder, maybe I'm not eating enough. I don't eat back all my exercise calories. I don't freakin know and I'm a doctor.
What I do know is that overall when I look at the trends, what I've been doing is working overall. After I weighed, I made myself measure because I do it once a month. There was some brighter news here. I've lost another 2.5 inches in my hips. I knew my pants were getting looser. I've lost a total of 15.5 inches since the beginning of June when I measured. I can't find my old measurements from 2 years ago when I joined the gym. It makes me mad, but when I moved last summer stuff got lost. I remember what my hips were then, but not the rest. That would be 8 inches off my hips since then.
In other news, I worked out with my trainer yesterday and my BFF who is in town for a few days. It was a lot of fun. Hard, but fun. We've had a great time the last few days talking about food, exercise, challenges-- all that. She asked me the question about eating after 6pm at night. This is something I get asked a lot.
Should I not eat after 6 or 8 or some other time since my body can't burn it off while I'm sleeping? My answer is that your body burns fuel as long as you are breathing. If you have calories in your budget and you are hungry, there's nothing wrong with having a snack. Will it cause short term variability in your weight, i.e. the next am? Probably. But, long term it all evens out. Your body doesn't run on a 9-5 schedule. It is a machine, constantly humming away. Do you burn more calories when you are up and active? Of course. But your body needs fuel all day and all night. If you are a night owl, it might affect when you have your snacks, etc.
I'm so happy that she's tracking her food and exercising. She's down 3.6 pounds and she is on her way.
Also yesterday I had a situation with a patient. One of those where I have to take a deep breath and be empathetic. Try not to laugh. Try not to get angry. Just smile and remember the patient needs a doctor to relate to them where they are and in a way that makes sense to them. Sometimes it is really hard. The patient was in for a physical. I see this patient every year for a physical and he is in his 40s. So he says to me, "Doc, I know last year there were some things you said I needed to change, but I just can't remember what you said I needed to do differently." Really? Really, you have no idea what I might have said considering you weigh almost 400lbs? This is a patient I've been seeing for 10 years. Every year we have the same conversation.
I can understand knowing you need to lose weight and not being able to. I can understand knowing you need to exercise and not doing it. I've done all those things. But, to tell me you can't remember what you needed to do to be healthy and you are that over weight. That is denial in the purest form. It's just sad and infuriating at the same time.
Wrapping up: I am UP in weight. DOWN because my "I've lost 30 pounds" isn't really true anymore. UP because I've lost over 15 inches. DOWN because I get tired of working so hard. UP because I CAN work so hard now. I mean, I bench pressed 70 pounds yesterday and did 100 reps. Wow. DOWN because I'm feeling frustrated. UP because I'm not letting "one of those weigh-ins" stop me.
Sometimes I can't believe all the emotions I have and all the thoughts that go through my head now. Is that because I'm not stuffing them with food anymore? I don't know. But, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing for now. I. Will. Not. Stop....Ever.
As I look back over the last week, I see that I was under budget for calories by nearly 4,000 calories. I spent 545 minutes exercising. This does not include any house cleaning calories, yardwork, etc. This is working out time. That's a little over 9 hours in the last 7 days. I ate a few things I shouldn't have. I had chocolate twice and I had Mike's Hard Lemonade. But, dammit, I'm not going my whole life without occasionally having these things. I guess that means that some weeks I'll lose slower or gain. I guess I have to come to terms with it somehow.
Of course, I did lose 4 pounds last week and there's that whole, "correction" BS. When I look back at my food, I ate less than 30% from fat. I eat about 25-30% from protein, and around 50% carb. Maybe it's too much carb. But, nearly all my carbs are fruit. Then I wonder, maybe I'm not eating enough. I don't eat back all my exercise calories. I don't freakin know and I'm a doctor.
What I do know is that overall when I look at the trends, what I've been doing is working overall. After I weighed, I made myself measure because I do it once a month. There was some brighter news here. I've lost another 2.5 inches in my hips. I knew my pants were getting looser. I've lost a total of 15.5 inches since the beginning of June when I measured. I can't find my old measurements from 2 years ago when I joined the gym. It makes me mad, but when I moved last summer stuff got lost. I remember what my hips were then, but not the rest. That would be 8 inches off my hips since then.
In other news, I worked out with my trainer yesterday and my BFF who is in town for a few days. It was a lot of fun. Hard, but fun. We've had a great time the last few days talking about food, exercise, challenges-- all that. She asked me the question about eating after 6pm at night. This is something I get asked a lot.
Should I not eat after 6 or 8 or some other time since my body can't burn it off while I'm sleeping? My answer is that your body burns fuel as long as you are breathing. If you have calories in your budget and you are hungry, there's nothing wrong with having a snack. Will it cause short term variability in your weight, i.e. the next am? Probably. But, long term it all evens out. Your body doesn't run on a 9-5 schedule. It is a machine, constantly humming away. Do you burn more calories when you are up and active? Of course. But your body needs fuel all day and all night. If you are a night owl, it might affect when you have your snacks, etc.
I'm so happy that she's tracking her food and exercising. She's down 3.6 pounds and she is on her way.
Also yesterday I had a situation with a patient. One of those where I have to take a deep breath and be empathetic. Try not to laugh. Try not to get angry. Just smile and remember the patient needs a doctor to relate to them where they are and in a way that makes sense to them. Sometimes it is really hard. The patient was in for a physical. I see this patient every year for a physical and he is in his 40s. So he says to me, "Doc, I know last year there were some things you said I needed to change, but I just can't remember what you said I needed to do differently." Really? Really, you have no idea what I might have said considering you weigh almost 400lbs? This is a patient I've been seeing for 10 years. Every year we have the same conversation.
I can understand knowing you need to lose weight and not being able to. I can understand knowing you need to exercise and not doing it. I've done all those things. But, to tell me you can't remember what you needed to do to be healthy and you are that over weight. That is denial in the purest form. It's just sad and infuriating at the same time.
Wrapping up: I am UP in weight. DOWN because my "I've lost 30 pounds" isn't really true anymore. UP because I've lost over 15 inches. DOWN because I get tired of working so hard. UP because I CAN work so hard now. I mean, I bench pressed 70 pounds yesterday and did 100 reps. Wow. DOWN because I'm feeling frustrated. UP because I'm not letting "one of those weigh-ins" stop me.
Sometimes I can't believe all the emotions I have and all the thoughts that go through my head now. Is that because I'm not stuffing them with food anymore? I don't know. But, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing for now. I. Will. Not. Stop....Ever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!
