This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Making the Grade

Today turned out to be a great day. I'm taking advantage of watching the draft to multi-task and blog at the same time. I had the 4th meeting in as many days tonight and thank goodness that's the last one for a while. There are times when I wonder how we doctors get any actual medicine done!

Speaking of the draft....I'm pretty darned happy with the Cowboys pick this year. We need help in the secondary and that should help. As usual a lot of interesting developments. I love football and I love sports. Of course anyone who has read this blog at all knows that already!

Today we woke up late. I had promised the kids donuts for good behavior all month and all the work they did in the yard with me last weekend. Of course mommy running late is not a valid excuse so i had to take them.

I always feel torn about junk food and the kids. It is a rare treat in our family. But I do want them to learn how to eat right and manage their desire for an occasional treat right? Of course I always feel weird as the fat girl in the donut shop. I do not eat them and I didn't touch one today, but I always wonder what people think when they see me there. Of course then my first thought is screw them anyway because they are standing in the same line! And a lot of them did not have kids with them!

I got the kids off to school and I had rushed out without breakfast. Of course I had my coffee. I don't leave without my coffee and my big water glass. Luckily I'd packed my snack bag. When I got to the office I had an apple and a cheese stick and an orange. It was great and plenty.

At noon I went to TKD class. Had a great class and hard workout with 25 pushups and 60 crunches and stretching to warm up. We spent about half the class doing sparring drills which is fabulous cardio. After I was drenched in sweat and hungry but I felt great.

Why why why do I forget how much better I feel when I fuel my body with healthy food lots of water and then plenty of exercise? It's weird to me that when I'm stressed and down I STILL sometimes lapse into my old habit of emotional eating. Once the cycle of bad eating starts, it's so hard to stop.

Eating crap makes your body tired and sluggish. Your brain doesn't work because your blood sugar is all over the place. That causes changes in your brain chemistry and round the cycle you go. Learning not to get caught in that trap has been the hardest part of this whole thing.

I tell myself that I gained weight over the last few months because I was sick and on steroids and going through some hard times. The truth is I gained weight because I ate shit and drank shit and because of my health I couldn't work out much which is of course the absolute WORSE time to eat shit!

I get so pissed at myself for falling into that old trap. The only positive I see though is that the lapses are less often, shorter and not as severe. That is evidence to me that I am learning. But apparently in weight loss I am FAR from an A student. And now that I've typed that I suddenly realized that that is something I need to work on.

Not the messing up. That goes without saying. I'm talking about how I feel about the fact that I'm not the A student in this situation. I'm an over achiever and type A personality in many aspects of my life. I'm not perfect by any means. I'm not as organized as I should be and I'm scatterbrained and sometimes I can be a real bitch. But when I set my mind to something that I want to do I've been able to do it. Except lose weight. Why?

Is that the fact that I keep failing weighing on me?(pun intended) The answer is YES it does. Especially here where I'm so public with it all. Letting go of that disappointment in myself without giving myself a pass is something I really need to figure out.

But enough of that. On the bright side of things I am doing well with food. I'm drinking my water and I'm working out. Now if I keep doing those three very simple things over and over and over and over I know I'll get that A!

What about you? How do you feel about junk food for the kids? I know I did not learn moderation with junk food at all and I'm trying to teach it to my kids. Does getting mad at yourself help or hinder your weight loss efforts? For me I suppose it's both.


  1. I think every family has to make up their own minds about how much "junk food" is Ok--if any. As for my kids (none of whom have a weight problem and they're all in their 40's), ice cream, cookies, and candy were not part of our daily routine, but they were allowed as a treat, as part of a special day. They are all healthy eaters now, and I don't claim that I had that much to do with it. Once they are adults or go to college, they can pretty much decide what to eat on their own.

    I was fed healthy food as a child, and neither of my parents were overweight. I developed my "candy addiction" and subsequently my weight problem all on my own--probably as a way to deal with stress. We rarely had candy or cookies in our house.

    This is a complicated issue, and I don't think there's any one answer for it. But you sure are right about how good we feel when we eat right.

    1. Yeah, I think as parents it just is another thing we stress over and as an overweight parent trying to get healthy, it's worse. I try to not translate my feelings about food to them.

  2. When I started eating clean (and it was an overnight thing; no weaning...junk got tossed in the trash *that day*, I didn't say, "Well, when the Oreos are gone I won't buy anymore") my kids were six and five years old, respectively. They have always both been "good" eaters; i.e., I never had to trick them or bribe them. They liked everything, from sushi to steak to tomatoes and broccoli to the donuts I'd get them at the drive thru, Happy Meals, snack foods, ice cream, etc. I just basically said to myself and my then-husband at the time, I pay for the groceries. I do the shopping. I do the cooking. This is what we're eating. And I got the kids on board. I talked to them in simple terms about vitamins, healthy foods, how our bodies work, etc. and they're totally into it (They are 10 and 9 now). They read ingredient labels and they know if something comes in a box we usually don't buy it. There is no cereal, ice cream, cookies, baked goods,pasta, canned vegetables, frozen veggies in sauce, cold cuts, chips of any sort, soda or juice in the house and they never ask for any of it. What they eat on the weekends they're with their dad & stepmom is somewhat a different story; that household eats a much more typical "supermarket" diet but it doesn't worry me that a couple of days a month they're eating frozen waffles and drinking chocolate milk. They obviously eat cake at birthday parties, get candy for Halloween, Easter, etc. and when we go out for dinner sometimes they'll get dessert, and that's fine...because they realize already that these are "once in a while" foods, NOT something that they have unlimited access to every day in their own homes. They realize that pancakes in syrup is a rarity, and something special to get if we go out for breakfast -- not a frozen block of chemical dough to zap in the microwave every morning. They love to go shopping with me and pick out fruit and vegetables and they love to help in the kitchen. They do remember "when Mom was fat" and I have made a big effort the last four years to NOT reward them with food, comfort them with food, push food on them (they know when they're full or just not hungry; I am not going to make them clean their plates or have just a few more bites). I have a huge bowl on the kitchen island full of fruit and a bunch of bananas hanging on a hook next to it...and I run out of fruit every three days because they plow through it. They go into the veggie drawer in the fridge when they get home from school and eat a bowl of cherry tomatoes for a snack. The younger one hates school lunch and makes herself a sandwich of natural peanut butter, honey and cinnamon on whole wheat bread most days. They do both like their schools' pizza on Fridays (it comes from a local take out place, it's not "cafeteria pizza," lol) and they buy that and that is fine with me -- but they tell me they prefer the pizza we make at home, which is whole wheat dough topped with sliced tomatoes, onions, olives, peppers, fresh basil and fresh mozzarella (because commercial pizza sauce is chemicals, HFCS and god only knows what else...we don't eat it). They're healthy, active, eat a very wide variety of good foods and it seems to me that they are on the road to a good lifelong relationship with food. They understand what its primary function is, how it affects their bodies, and that food does not have to be sugar, salt and fat to be tasty and also fun...but every once in a while, a big gooey coffee roll from Dunkin's is okay. Like once a year.

    As for your own struggles and reflections on them, I don't know if you've been taught this Japanese proverb in TaeKwonDo, but I have practiced Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for about 4 years and one of the most important things my Kru (teacher) teaches us is:

    Fall down seven times, get up eight.

    Get up! ;)

    1. I totally agree with you. I will get up every time. I will not quit. If I had let myself it would have been oh too easy to quit TKD. It is hard and it hurts. But, I love it. I have to apply that same determination to my eating! Thanks!

  3. It never ceases to amaze me how eating crap makes me feel like crap. My boys are too old for me to influence their food choices anymore. But I have admitted that if I could do it over, I'd feed them differently.

  4. I have not spawned, so I can't address that particular issue. Maybe one day I will & then I'll have something to say. :-) I watched part of the draft too, and I am not a happy Jets fan today. What else is new? :-(

    1. Maybe your a little happier after tonight's pic? Supposed to be a good wide receiver.

  5. You are dead on with your assessment of the crap cycle...but hey, at least when it happens, the cycles are shorter, so there's progress, right?

    As for the occasional junk food treats, I don't think it's a bad thing for kids, as long as they understand that they are treats, not a daily thing.

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

  6. Hi! Nice blog! Well, I think that at least you're honest with yourself and receptive to change. And I think that getting mad about it makes good things happen.

    :-) Marion

    1. Thanks! Glad to have you stop by and I agree that anger can be productive if used as motivation.

  7. You get an A in my book. You're NOT failing. Take a look at your profile pic. Remember your first profile pic? And the TKD and your eating habits. Even if you've let up on some of your good habirs over the last while, you've built a solid base of weight loss, good nutrition habits, great exercise, and loyal readers (friends) here who are cheering you on. failure? No.

    1. Ooh thanks Tish. You always say the nicest things. And yes there are lots of great things I can see my progress in and finding friends like you and all the other great bloggers is one of them! Enjoy your grand kid sleepover!


Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!