Sick and Tired

You haven't heard from me this week. I'm sorry. It's been a really bad weekend and last few days. My son and husband were sick last week with a virus and I ended up with it. I was in bed all weekend. I don't know why I've been so unlucky lately with the illnesses. I'm taking my vitamins and sleeping and eating healthy. Sigh.


Anyway, with my asthma and my subglottic stenosis (scar tissue narrowing in my upper airway) when I get a cold or virus it hits hard and takes longer for me to recover. Any little swelling in my airway and I'm wheezy and have trouble breathing. That makes me tired since I'm working harder to breathe and the end result is I feel like crap.  I even canceled patients Monday afternoon I was just so tired and exhausted and weak. Sigh. This is not something I do often or easily, but there are days I just can't make it. Before I had my surgery on my throat the first time I was canceling often because I couldn't speak complete sentences without getting winded. Luckily I'm no where near that bad. I know I'll need surgery again sometime in the next few months, but my ENT and I are trying to wait a bit longer. It's been 2 years since the last surgery. I'm hoping I can put it off a bit longer for a variety of reasons, not least of which is I want to wait until it's bad enough to really warrant the surgery.

So that's where I've been. Sick again. I'm so bad when I'm sick. No energy to track my food or really eat right and of course no exercise. Today is the first day I feel close to normal and I'm not there yet. I haven't worked out since Friday. Until today I could've cared less. I was that tired. Today I'm starting to feel the itch to work out, especially TKD. I'll see how I feel tomorrow and think about getting back to class. I just feel better when I'm working out.  I have not weighed this week. I am not going to either.

Tonight I have a board meeting and I just can't miss it. I really wish I could since I'm still not 100% and also since tonight is the first game in the World Series. But, I have to go and I'd feel way too guilty missing another meeting. I missed last month when I had strep throat.  Luckily my 2 girls haven't gotten sick and I'm hoping they won't.

On top of being sick, I've been pretty melancholy. I didn't realize until today why that was. I realized that last week was my Aunt's birthday. Of course that's not why I've been down. But, she is the mother of my cousin that died a few months ago. He always made a huge deal of his mom's birthday. I felt bad for her which got me thinking about him and all the issues surrounding his death and.....well you get the idea. I keep telling myself that grief is a process. I'm sure you are probably sick of seeing me type about this stuff. Frankly I'm tired of dealing with it. I wish grief was like strep throat. You get it. You are miserable. It sucks, but then it's gone. I guess my cousin's death was the first one so personal and close to me. He was my age and we were so close. There are a whole lot more issues surrounding his death which I cannot discuss here. Suffice it to say, the stages of grief are real.  Anger, denial, guilt, sadness.......you get the idea.

I'm just glad that I'm starting to feel better. I want to get back on track. I will not give up. Will not.