This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Monday. Stupid Scale.

This weekend was good. I had a nice visit with family. But, It was not so good on the food front. I ate chocolate. Twice. I just needed some. I counted it and I didn't go over my calories, but I did feel a bit guilty. Partially because I knew I was emotional eating and I am really trying to put a hold on that. Alas, we are not perfect. Well, I guess I shouldn't speak for you. Maybe you are, but I haven't achieved perfection. (Please do not inform my husband of this horror.Wink Wink.)

The best part of the weekend by far was that I ....Drum Roll.....finished week 5 of C25K. Yes. I finished it. I ran for 20 minutes. TWENTY. I really didn't think I'd be able to complete it. But just when I thought I couldn't go on anymore, the guy's voice says, "You are halfway through." "Oh HELL Yeah! I got this!" So I finished. I ran at the park, the path there is 1.2 miles. I was able to complete 3 laps and I felt like I could have walked/jogged more, but had to get home to the kiddos. This is the second time I've done it and now I know I'll be able to do the 5K. I'm going to start deciding on which one to do. I find it hard to believe that I jogged and walked 3.6 miles. I've never done that in my life!

I am extremely slow. But, I am focusing on stamina and completing my runs. I'll work on speed later. The good news is that my time was better. I did 16 min miles. Which I really hate even typing that it because it seems so slow, but a few months ago, it took me 20min to do a mile. So I've actually come a long way. I didn't work out yesterday except some swimming and crunches. My legs needed a break.

I didn't drink as much water as I should have. Sometimes I just don't drink like I should on the weekend. As a result, at least that's the theory I'm going with, the scale says I gained 3 pounds. There is no way. No. Way. I've actually gained 3 pounds, so I call BS on you Mr. Scale. My official weigh in is Wednesday and we'll see where I'm at then. Of course, I lost 4 pounds last week. Who knows.

I don't know why I even got on the dang thing this morning. I knew I felt puffy and bloated, but it was just calling my name. And mocking me. And laughing at me for my chocolate and other weaknesses this weekend. I gave in and I was sorry. But, then I wasn't that upset. I actually laughed at it. You see, Mr. Scale and I have an intimate and long term relationship. I wouldn't call it a friendship, more of a working relationship. He does his job to let me know when I'm screwing up or doing well and I do mine by getting on it from time to time. Days like today when I laugh in his face, he gives me the standard, "Just doing my job, Lady."

When I say, "That can't be right. I didn't eat that much." He says, "Look, Lady. It is what it is. What'm I posed to do 'bout it?" Ok. So my scale has a strange New Jersey construction worker accent. But, the point is...isn't it weird how this internal dialogue goes on in your head with the scale? Or am I the only one that has these silly conversations in my head? There are times I dread the scale. Not so much anymore. I know what I'm doing is healthy and the numbers are going to change. They have to. There are times when I can't wait to weigh in and see how well I've done. But, even then, I'm still plagued by that childhood nervous flutter that I get when I first step on.

Will that nervous feeling ever go away? Will I ever be able to weigh in public, like at the gym? I still can't weigh there. The scale has this ginormous readout thingy on the wall that I'm pretty sure they can see in space. I suppose it will get better. I mean, I have worn my workout running pants and shirts, which I had previous deemed too clingy, to run at the park and to the gym. So I guess your attitudes about previously prohibited behaviors do change over time.

But, I'd like to get to the point where I feel like the scale is working FOR me, not the other way around. After all, I paid for the damn thing and if he doesn't watch it, I can trade it in for a new one. The only problem is I don't think that would change the voices in my head.

What about you? Do you feel nervous when you get on the scale? Do you weigh in public? Have you done anything lately that you thought you'd never be able to do?


  1. I view the scale as only one measure of my healthy lifestyle success. I also look at the new healthy habits I have in place. How my clothes fit, how I look and feel.

    I refuse to be defined by a number on the bathroom scale!

    Eventually on maintenance the focus has to be on keeping up the healthy habits and less about the success of watching the number go down on the scale.

  2. That's a good point, Tami. I guess I've never thought about the point in my life where I won't be wishing for those numbers to go down. At some point, I'll have to transition to the idea that staying the same is ok.

  3. I still get nervous at the doctor's office when I have to get on the scale--EVERY darn time, even when I go in for poison ivy. My BP is always higher then, too. I weigh myself on my scale every morning and every night and keep track in my little red journal. (I also take my BP every morning so I can prove to my MD that it is no where near it's former borderline high--114/72 this am). I don't weigh at the gym. They have an old fashioned scale and you can easily see where the starting point weight is set. No way.
    I'm betting your scale will cooperate nicely by your Wed WI. Hoping mine does the same--my own chocolate indiscretion yesterday was responsible for this morning's bobble up, I trust. Good Luck!


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