I made it through my day without binging yesterday. I made it through my day without having a Coke. I made it through my day without the ice cream I wanted. I made it through my day without the cookies offered to me at work and waiting on the counter when I got home. Some days are just like that. You just have to get through them.
I've had a lot of stress at work. More than usual. It's been this way for the last few months. I can't believe I've made it through without giving up on my healthy changes. Always before it's been, "I can't deal with all this right now." Or, "when I get through this, I'll get right back on track."
But there's always another thing, project, problem. There's always a holiday, a birthday, a vacation. There's always a promotion, graduation, celebration. There's always losing a loved one, a disappointment, a loss of a job, or a GAIN on that scale. There's always being tired, being busy, too much to do. There's always kids needing baths, taken to tae kwon do or football games or school. There's always a lawn to mow, flower beds to weed, dog to feed. There's always board games to play, splashing in the pool, tickling fights in the floor. There's always, always life.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Whenever a patient says to me, "It's hell getting old." or "I don't know how I'll make it." My response is always, "There's only one alternative."
And so, my puny little gain of 1.8 pounds seemed like a silly thing to be that upset about. Just. Plain. Silly. There are so many things I have to be thankful for. The changes I am making will make that list just that much longer. That is all that matters really. I am moving more. I am eating less. I am achieving things I never thought I would. So I made it through my day and ate well, rode my bike and last night when I thought about eating a bunch of cookies (not one, a bunch), I stopped. I ended up eating 8 vanilla wafers (140 cals) and 8 0z of milk (100 cal). I still came in under budget on my calories.
I woke up this morning feeling a bit guilty about it. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I wish I hadn't wanted ANY cookies. I wish I didn't like them. I wish they didn't exist. I wish I wasn't weak. I wish. I wish. As a kid I used to wish I was skinny. As a teenager I would wish I was pretty and had a boyfriend. As a grown up I wish I'd win the lottery.
"Believing is not wishing." I read that in a book I'm reading. It's not a self help book or a diet book or anything. It's a fiction book by Dean Koontz. It just struck me. I mean I was reading on the elliptical and I literally stopped for a second. "Believing is not wishing." Think about it.
I believe I can be healthy. I believe I can lose weight. I believe I can exercise. I believe I can do a 5K even if it takes me all day. I believe I can eat right. I believe I'll be fine without those cookies. I believe I am capable. I believe I am strong. I believe.
I believe.
What about you? Are you guilty when you eat some things? How do you handle that guilt? But most of all, ARE YOU BELIEVING OR WISHING?
"Believing is not wishing"....I love that! I, too, BELIEVE I can do it and I will. And no, I do not feel guilty anymore when I eat something I "shouldn't".....my new motto is "no regrets". In the past I would use that guilt as an excuse to give up and go back to my old ways....now, I just brush it off and go on.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post! "I believe I'll be fine without those cookies." For some reason that hit me. Seems so obvious that I'd be fine, but boy do I kid myself into thinking I'll die without them.
ReplyDeleteI am trying ro give up guilt. I think every thing I eat is a choice and some days my choices are better and healthier than other days.
ReplyDeleteI have also found that those sweet things no longer taste as good as I use to think they did.
Great post! Ditto what your commenters have said too. Sometimes I think I just won't be able to settle down and be okay if I don't eat those damn cookies. And for me, one is too many and a thousand aren't enough. Best to not start and not only believe...but KNOW...I'll be okay without them. Why is this so hard?!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying really hard to teach myself to NOT feel guilty when I eat a special treat, or not go to the gym. My first nature is to totally beat myself up over it. But this is just wrong on so many levels. I'm trying...trying...
ReplyDeleteChristine
www.phoenixrevolution.net
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog, and the comment. Sometimes I need to hear things that I don't really want to hear and that was one of those moments ... and one of those big long entries I didn't expect anyone to read.
ReplyDeleteI get this entry completely. Why is it the tiny numbers can set us back ? I had to start weighing in once a day just to put the scale back into perspective instead of letting it haunt me at the end of the week. And it's so hard sometimes to wish and not to believe.
And more importantly, to believe and then DO. Sometimes that's the a huge leap, because then believing means you have to actually take a risk. That's a hard distinction to learn. Sure believe it of yourself, but if you're not willing to risk the doing something, the proving that your belief is wrong or right, then the belief is just as much use as wishing and empty calories.
Thanks again, and keep on keeping on.
- JBA
I ate so much crap this weekend it would take pages and pages to list it all. Yes, I feel guilty. It was an out-an-out ridiculous binge. But when I just have a little treat, I am learning not to feel guilty.
ReplyDelete