Why do I do it to myself? Why do I weigh when it's not my weigh in day? Why do I weigh so often? Why do I let what the scale says determine my attitude?
This morning I did Couch 25K Week 5 Day1. I didn't want to. I woke up tired this morning after not sleeping well. I had a page at 2:30 am and then I had trouble going back to sleep. You'd think after all the years of calls in the middle of the night that I could fall right back to sleep. But, I didn't this time.
So, I woke up late and tired and frankly grouchy. I knew I wouldn't have time to go to the gym today. I had to cancel with my trainer since I had to take my son, the 12 year old klutz, to get an x-ray on my lunch hour. He whacked his foot on the side of the pool the other day when we were swimming. I knew this meant I won't get to the gym this week most likely as we are leaving for vacation on Thursday.
I went through all the internal self talk. Yes I talk to myself. You gotta problem with that? Anyway...I had the usual whiny voice in my head going, "I'm tired. One day of not exercising won't matter. We'll do it later. It's going to be hard." And the other one, "Stop whining I have so had it with you. You wouldn't be so tired if you woke up when you're supposed to. Now get up there and do it."
So, the bitchy me dragged the whiny me's butt up the stairs and onto the treadmill. It felt so good. I am so proud of myself for going ahead with it. I ran the 5 min intervals and I felt like I could still do more. Then I was mad I had to stop to go to work. Seeing a theme here?
Despite the fact that I was proud for finishing my run and how good I felt, I decided to get on the scale and before bitchy me could stop myself, I weighed. Now my official day is Wednesday and even though I knew I was in a bad mood, I did it anyway. Dumb. So the scale says I didn't lose any weight. Grr.
You can imagine how the rest of my day was. On the bright side, my son's foot is not broken. And, just when I thought this day was worthless, I heard this from my 86 year old patient on her way out the door, "Any day where I'm alive and healthy is a celebration." Wow. I had to smile at that. I think this needs to be my new mantra. Don't you?
So, tomorrow morning, I will be weighing in for real. And no matter the results, I will have a good attitude. Because, I know I've worked hard. I know I'm eating right and exercising and I am in better shape right now than I've been in...well, ever. AND I'm 40! So there Mr. Scale. You can bite me.
This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.