Here we are another Monday and this one is difficult after the let down and the Mavs loss last night. Series isn't over and I'm still believing in my team. That said, here's the catch up for the weekend.
Friday ended up being a super busy day. Woke up in the morning and ran, C25K. Work was crazy busy. After I ran to pick up the girls and shuttle them to their sleep over. Son was at a friend's. That means Hubby and I had an evening to ourselves. We went to see The Hangover II and it was hilarious. Probably not as good as the first since the first one was so unexpected and now we knew the format, but still a great laugh.
Saturday morning I stuck with my morning workout pledge and got up early to ride the bike. Did 30 min and then some super stretching for my soreness. Then, had to pick up the girls and get to TKD. My oldest girl tested and got her blue belt! Yeah her! She did so well for a 6 year old and broke her board on the first try. I was proud. After that it was home and lunch and rest. Then off to Sam's for the weekly run. HOT! And buying for a family of 5 is another workout by the time you get it in the basket, push around the store, push it to the car, load it, unload it and put it away! I was super sweaty. That evening we got in the pool and swam for 2 hours and the water felt great.
After the active day I was pooped and THEN guess who came to visit. GREAT! Felt like crap all day yesterday with bad cramps and terribly tired, then migraine on top of that. Needless to say, I didn't run as previously planned. A day off was needed anyway with my sore legs and other parts. I forgot how sore running can make your whole body.
Took the girls to a bday party yesterday afternoon and had to get to Wal-Mart for a few things including some potting soil as I have some plants that need re-potting. Picked up a couple more basil plants to add to the herb garden. After I picked up the girls I headed home for a nap. Since I'm in the June Boom challenge I forced myself to practice a little TKD and go for a very short walk. It wasn't much, but it was exercise and I met the requirements, barely.
Then, I sat and read in the shade on the porch while the kids swam before the BB game. Up late last night watching the game and girls fell asleep watching the Train your Dragon movie for the 30th time, exhausted from the gymnastics party and swimming. They slept in this morning and so did I. I have an appointment with the trainer today at noon and I'm dreading it. I tried to think of a reason to cancel and then realized with the challenge I'll have to workout sometime anyway. Might as well be a good one.
Can't breathe today. Asthma city and there's an air pollution watch today. This is how it is summer in Dallas. Husband is out of town all week. That's a good news/bad news situation. Bad news, single parenting. Good news, early bed times and I can throw the kids in bed with me with a movie while I rest if needed.
Weight was down another pound and the 180s are in view. My weight was 191. I think it would've been less if the bloating hadn't arrived right before weigh in. Excellent timing as usual. I haven't measured in a while and had actually planned that for today, but I think I'll wait a week for the bloat to be gone. My ring fit this am without being loose, which is definitely evidence that water is being retained. I'm hoping to see a 180something on my next weigh in, so I'm chugging the water and eating on plan.
Challenge Wrap up:
Phase 6: Lost 8 pounds so far in 3 weeks.
JuneBoom: Exercised everyday. C25K done twice so far and on plan for tomorrow.
Small change: Morning workouts 3 out of the last 5 days. Gonna keep this as a goal this week as well.
Hope you all had a great weekend. I was super busy as you can tell so I didn't do much reading or commenting so I'll be catching up today. Have a great Monday and just keep going!
Showing posts with label weigh in. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weigh in. Show all posts
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Weigh in and......I'm a proud Mamma!
I really get pissed when I don't have time to post every day. I haven't been lately because the office is WILD and so is my home life and not all in a good way. So I'm going to make a commitment to blog everyday, even if it's short. Posting regularly keeps me accountable and frankly, happier.
Friday was a super busy day at work. When I got done, I had to go pick up kids at TKD. Two of the three had tests on Saturday so they were attending one last practice. Can I just say how proud I am of my son who can do some serious push ups? He's really gotten stronger and starting to put some intensity into his training that wasn't there before. He's growing up, sniff sniff.
After class, we got some pizza. No one freak, it was on the plan. I had the cheese pizza. I actually ate less as I had a huge salad. I didn't work out on Friday. My legs were so sore from TKD and running and training and the challenge exercises. I did my first orange belt class on Thursday and learned several new kicks. Yowza my thighs were hurting, esp after all those squats and lunges. My calories were good and my water is great as usual.
Saturday we spent 11 hours at our TKD gym. Yep. You read that right. Good thing I did my C25k and the challenge exercises from last week early that morning! My 6 year old had a test at 9am. We got there at 8:15 as my son was helping with the test. The kids set up and had a chance to warm up. My daughter's test was nearly 4 hours long. That's a really long time for a 6yr old to stay focused. I want to post some pics, but I haven't had a chance to get through them. You shoulda seen her sparring. She was one of the smallest testing and she held her own. She's learning. She got her green belt and she was so proud.
My son tested for red belt. That's just 2 from black. It's amazing how nervous you can get for your kids. His test was 6 and 1/2 hours long. He did very well on his test. He totally nailed his staff forms and one steps. He did great on his knife defenses. He made only very few mistakes. I was really proud of him. He broke 1 of the 2 boards he was supposed to. It was amazing to watch the black belts test. I'll tell you I don't know if it was inspiring or terrifying. They broke concrete blocks with their hands. They had to spar for 15min straight!
My son did so well on his sparring. Everyone was proud of him. He had to spar with several black belts and he held his own. Got a bunch of good hits and kicks in. Let me stop here for those of you who are not Tae Kwon Do people. This kind of sparring is not like MMA. This is traditional TKD stuff. The same stuff you see on the olympics. I don't want you guys thinking I'm one of those weirdo parents you see on TV. Anyway, he got his red belt and we were all so tired. It was after 8pm by the time we got done. The kids were starved and wanted food, right now!
The kids wanted ice cream so they picked Braum's. Now in the past this would've been an issue for me. First of all, I love love love their fries. They are crinkle fries and just the right amount of crunchy and soft. Their burgers, not so much. For some reason I get sick every time I eat them, even before The Great Change. The ice cream.......oh .....how I love thee. So many flavors. Rich and creamy. I had none. I wanted it. OH how I did. But, I had none. The kids had ice cream-the girls are opposites one loves vanilla, the other chocolate. My son got a M&M sundae.
Now before I get a lot of comments about rewarding my kids with food and unhealthy diets, let me say that the last time they had drive thru was probably 3months ago and that was on a road trip. It just is not something we do. And, I generally do not reward my kids with ice cream. BUT, 11 hours! My 5 year old sat through that and was good. My 6 year old was put through a 4 hour test, mostly exercise and then sat through her brother's 6 hour test (all exercise). And, I'll say it wasn't my idea. I didn't say, "You kids did so well, I'm buying you ice cream." They asked for it. I said OK.
You know what's funny? Kids figure it out. When presented with healthy food most of the time, they quickly get what's good and what's not. My little one ate 1/3 of her chocolate ice cream and said she was done. She ate a few fries and a couple bites of chicken. She finished. My middle daughter ate 1/2 her cheeseburger and 1/2 her fries and said she was too full for her ice cream. They AMAZE me. It has never occurred to me to not eat all my fries. Ever. I mean you just don't waste good food, right? Especially special food you don't get very often. And to PASS on my favorite food, ice cream, wouldn't happen. Not even at 6. Never. I was eating Braum's ice cream for breakfast at that age. (I know, issues from early on. How do you think I got to be 260+pounds anyway?) But, these kids stop when they are full. Whoa! A concept I'm STILL trying to learn. I am trying so hard not to screw that up.
My son ate his burger, but left a lot of his fries. He ate about 1/2 of his sundae and looked at me and went, "Ugh this is WAY too sweet." Threw the rest away. I think I'm doing something right. ME? Oh I forgot. I had a grilled chicken salad with fat free dressing and left 1/2 the chicken. We had subway for lunch. My calories were about 1000.
Today I've done well. Got up and ran my C25 K again. I'm so proud that I'm improving on my speed. I averaged 4.8 or so on my running intervals. This may sound slow to most of you who run, but last time I did this program, 4.0 was fast for me. Did some great stretching. Cleaned house, cooked, drove kids here and there. We made valentine's cupcakes today. I did fine. No worries. Isn't it amazing how excited kids get over breaking an egg and stirring the batter? Their joy in simple things keeps me remembering to slow down and enjoy. The weather today didn't hurt either, 75degrees! Lovely! Windows open. Kids outside and at least 1 hour of solitude while I cleaned! End of day and I am soooo tired. Calories today, right at 1200.
I weighed in for the challenge. I weighed 198.8. Last week I weighed 200.4 and that's 1.6 pounds lost! Of course Allan rounded down my starting weight to 200 and up this week to 199 so it looks like 1 pound. But I know the truth. I'm going to work hard this week and see if I can do even better. I found myself eating sometimes on the plan when I wasn't that hungry just because it was written on the list of things I COULD eat. I'm still learning. It's a process, right?
ANYWAY.....I'm down to my lowest weight since 1989. No joke. The lowest weight I can remember is 195. I think I was 185 at one point, but maybe that was a day dream. All I know is, I'm proud of myself. I have a long way to go, but the good news is, I'm on my way there.
So....temptation.....how do you handle it? And......where are you headed these days? Are you on your way or do you need to U-turn? Comments are good. They keep me going, soooooo....don't hesitate!
Friday was a super busy day at work. When I got done, I had to go pick up kids at TKD. Two of the three had tests on Saturday so they were attending one last practice. Can I just say how proud I am of my son who can do some serious push ups? He's really gotten stronger and starting to put some intensity into his training that wasn't there before. He's growing up, sniff sniff.
After class, we got some pizza. No one freak, it was on the plan. I had the cheese pizza. I actually ate less as I had a huge salad. I didn't work out on Friday. My legs were so sore from TKD and running and training and the challenge exercises. I did my first orange belt class on Thursday and learned several new kicks. Yowza my thighs were hurting, esp after all those squats and lunges. My calories were good and my water is great as usual.
Saturday we spent 11 hours at our TKD gym. Yep. You read that right. Good thing I did my C25k and the challenge exercises from last week early that morning! My 6 year old had a test at 9am. We got there at 8:15 as my son was helping with the test. The kids set up and had a chance to warm up. My daughter's test was nearly 4 hours long. That's a really long time for a 6yr old to stay focused. I want to post some pics, but I haven't had a chance to get through them. You shoulda seen her sparring. She was one of the smallest testing and she held her own. She's learning. She got her green belt and she was so proud.
My son tested for red belt. That's just 2 from black. It's amazing how nervous you can get for your kids. His test was 6 and 1/2 hours long. He did very well on his test. He totally nailed his staff forms and one steps. He did great on his knife defenses. He made only very few mistakes. I was really proud of him. He broke 1 of the 2 boards he was supposed to. It was amazing to watch the black belts test. I'll tell you I don't know if it was inspiring or terrifying. They broke concrete blocks with their hands. They had to spar for 15min straight!
My son did so well on his sparring. Everyone was proud of him. He had to spar with several black belts and he held his own. Got a bunch of good hits and kicks in. Let me stop here for those of you who are not Tae Kwon Do people. This kind of sparring is not like MMA. This is traditional TKD stuff. The same stuff you see on the olympics. I don't want you guys thinking I'm one of those weirdo parents you see on TV. Anyway, he got his red belt and we were all so tired. It was after 8pm by the time we got done. The kids were starved and wanted food, right now!
The kids wanted ice cream so they picked Braum's. Now in the past this would've been an issue for me. First of all, I love love love their fries. They are crinkle fries and just the right amount of crunchy and soft. Their burgers, not so much. For some reason I get sick every time I eat them, even before The Great Change. The ice cream.......oh .....how I love thee. So many flavors. Rich and creamy. I had none. I wanted it. OH how I did. But, I had none. The kids had ice cream-the girls are opposites one loves vanilla, the other chocolate. My son got a M&M sundae.
Now before I get a lot of comments about rewarding my kids with food and unhealthy diets, let me say that the last time they had drive thru was probably 3months ago and that was on a road trip. It just is not something we do. And, I generally do not reward my kids with ice cream. BUT, 11 hours! My 5 year old sat through that and was good. My 6 year old was put through a 4 hour test, mostly exercise and then sat through her brother's 6 hour test (all exercise). And, I'll say it wasn't my idea. I didn't say, "You kids did so well, I'm buying you ice cream." They asked for it. I said OK.
You know what's funny? Kids figure it out. When presented with healthy food most of the time, they quickly get what's good and what's not. My little one ate 1/3 of her chocolate ice cream and said she was done. She ate a few fries and a couple bites of chicken. She finished. My middle daughter ate 1/2 her cheeseburger and 1/2 her fries and said she was too full for her ice cream. They AMAZE me. It has never occurred to me to not eat all my fries. Ever. I mean you just don't waste good food, right? Especially special food you don't get very often. And to PASS on my favorite food, ice cream, wouldn't happen. Not even at 6. Never. I was eating Braum's ice cream for breakfast at that age. (I know, issues from early on. How do you think I got to be 260+pounds anyway?) But, these kids stop when they are full. Whoa! A concept I'm STILL trying to learn. I am trying so hard not to screw that up.
My son ate his burger, but left a lot of his fries. He ate about 1/2 of his sundae and looked at me and went, "Ugh this is WAY too sweet." Threw the rest away. I think I'm doing something right. ME? Oh I forgot. I had a grilled chicken salad with fat free dressing and left 1/2 the chicken. We had subway for lunch. My calories were about 1000.
Today I've done well. Got up and ran my C25 K again. I'm so proud that I'm improving on my speed. I averaged 4.8 or so on my running intervals. This may sound slow to most of you who run, but last time I did this program, 4.0 was fast for me. Did some great stretching. Cleaned house, cooked, drove kids here and there. We made valentine's cupcakes today. I did fine. No worries. Isn't it amazing how excited kids get over breaking an egg and stirring the batter? Their joy in simple things keeps me remembering to slow down and enjoy. The weather today didn't hurt either, 75degrees! Lovely! Windows open. Kids outside and at least 1 hour of solitude while I cleaned! End of day and I am soooo tired. Calories today, right at 1200.
I weighed in for the challenge. I weighed 198.8. Last week I weighed 200.4 and that's 1.6 pounds lost! Of course Allan rounded down my starting weight to 200 and up this week to 199 so it looks like 1 pound. But I know the truth. I'm going to work hard this week and see if I can do even better. I found myself eating sometimes on the plan when I wasn't that hungry just because it was written on the list of things I COULD eat. I'm still learning. It's a process, right?
ANYWAY.....I'm down to my lowest weight since 1989. No joke. The lowest weight I can remember is 195. I think I was 185 at one point, but maybe that was a day dream. All I know is, I'm proud of myself. I have a long way to go, but the good news is, I'm on my way there.
So....temptation.....how do you handle it? And......where are you headed these days? Are you on your way or do you need to U-turn? Comments are good. They keep me going, soooooo....don't hesitate!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Wednesday Weigh In and my first trip to TWO OHHHH!!!
Another week gone and another weigh in? Where do they go? I feel like all I do is run from place to place and fall into bed, wake up too soon and do it all again! Yesterday I didn't post although I wanted to. I even half-assed thought of something to get going on, but literally there was no time.
I woke up, got kids to school and me to work. Breakfast was cheerios eaten standing up at the kitchen counter while waiting on the microwave and my kid's oatmeal. Work was super busy. Flu season is coming. Seeing lots of Strep throat, colds, allergies and even a case of Mono. Get your flu shots people. It's coming.
I had Tae Kwon Do yesterday, I think this is my 4th class. It was HARD. We did crunches-75, push ups 25, leg lifts-25 with the last 5 held for 10 sec 1/2 way down and super hard stretches. That was just the warm up. We did kicking drills which is basically just kicking as hard and fast as you can in 1 minute as many times as you can. Also, we practiced our holds and forms and more kicking. I was soaked in sweat! But, I did everything. Still working on my side kicks as I need more strength and flexibility in my hip flexors. I LOVE IT! I never though I could love exercise this much! All I want to do is practice and learn the stuff more. I'm exercising, but it doesn't even feel like it. It is AWESOME!!
Lunch was a frozen Lean Cuisine Ravioli and some grapes. I went straight from work to my son's football game. It was to be his first "real" for school game, but it got rained out. This is the second one and poor kid was crushed. He was so excited. Dang it. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or proud that he really wanted to "hit someone". His words. He plays D-line and he really likes it. But, we'll have to wait another week to try again.
I went straight from the rained out game, ran through the flooding parking lot to my car and got soaked, and drove to my meeting at the hospital. Sitting in a meeting soaked is not fun. Luckily I had a granola bar in my pocket, so that was snack. Several doctors there hadn't seen me in months and they made quite a fuss about my weight loss. It was flattering and embarrassing. I'm just not used to the attention, but it did feel good that they noticed. Sometimes I don't see the difference in the mirror yet.
Got home at 8:30pm and it was time for bed for the girls. By the time we brushed teeth and jammies and read books, it was after nine and that's a little later than I like, but whatta ya gonna do? By then I was STARVING. Like stomach growling I could eat the pillow starving. So, I fixed a wrap with turkey pastrami and mustard and had a bowl of watermelon. When you figure I burned around 800 calories at lunch, it's no wonder I was hungry! My total calories were 994 yesterday and with the exercise net was only 243 calories but, I wasn't hungry and it was enough.
This morning I hopped out of bed energetic and ready to go. OK....so I dragged my tired ass out kicking and screaming and made myself get on the treadmill. I did C25K week 8 day 3, that's a 28 minute run. I can now run 1.5 miles without walking. I feel like that's good progress. My speed is still bad. I did 2miles today in the 38 min, 10 of that was walking. The last 6 minutes was hell as my legs woke up I guess and said, "What the HELL! After all that shit we did yesterday you have the nerve to try and make us run??" Well, I apologized to them and told them if they'd just get done, they could rest. I haven't explained that we have an appointment with the trainer at 5pm. Shhhh!
Today at lunch I have a staff meeting for my office. After work, I head to the gym for my session with the trainer. I had to squeeze it in as it was planned for Monday noon and after the KFC horror which shall never be discussed again, I had to reschedule. I'm praying he has upper body planned as my legs are about shot now. I went to get gas this morning, dropped my credit card on the ground and when I bent over to pick it up, well....I said a naughty word. OK...it was several. THEN after the session with the trainer I have a hospital board meeting which will probably last until 10pm. I packed food to eat and I have soup here at work if I need it.
And now the exciting news.....
That's right people I have entered the land of the TWO OHHHs! I am only 10 pounds from my next goal of 199 and it feels absolutely doable. A year ago it felt impossible, a dream that would never happen, better chance of winning the lottery. But here I am DOING IT! Actually doing it. And all I had to do was what I ALREADY KNEW HOW TO DO!
Can you believe it took me 40 years to figure this shit out? Eat less, move more. Unbelievable. I can do trigonometry. I can tell you the pathophysiology of any disease. I can recite for you the pharmacology behind Viagra. But until March 22nd, 2010 I didn't get the simple equation calories in -calories burned=weight loss.
It seems soooo simple to me now. So un-freakin-believably simple. I want to shout it from the tree tops. I want to go up to obese people on the side walk and shake them and say, "Why aren't you doing it? Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting your family. All you have to do is move and eat less." It's sooo doable.
Is it easy? NO! Are there times I want to binge? YES! Do I? NO! Because I know I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! And binging won't get me where I want to go. Do I want that bagel, cupcake, twinkie, snickers? Not as much as you'd think. It's amazing how the longer you don't eat that crap, the less you care anything about it at all.
That's why sometimes I worry about the "just eat a little bit" mentality. Maybe that's OK for some people. I am NOT judging anyone. I have had a time or two where I really wanted a cookie and I've had one. But here's the rub...if I eat one, I want another. OR I want a coke. OR I want a candy, just one little kiss won't hurt, right? And it won't hurt if I just have a FEW Doritos. I mean, after all I'm not going to go my whole life without these things, right?
And then I say to myself WHY NOT??!!?? Why do you NEED any of that crap? You know it does nothing for you nutritionally. You know it makes you crave more crap. WHY do I feel like I should DESERVE to eat that garbage? Because it is emotional. I don't like the feeling of some of my greatest comfort foods gone from me. What will happen if I want them and can't have them? How will I feel?
Well.....I'll feel however I FEEL. And it will have NOTHING to do with what food I am eating or craving. It will just be a feeling and like ALL feelings, they will pass, they will change. How liberating to know, I don't have to face the temptation of just one cookie or one little piece of cake or a "few chips". I don't have to get on that slippery slope if I don't want to. Because for me, just a little moderation leads to binging. So for me, I will avoid those bad for me foods because they are BAD for me and because I don't want to face the cravings for a week after a little moderation. That's what I've discovered for ME.
Like an alcoholic who just can't have one drink, I can't have one cookie. Because 1 cookie leads to 2 cookies and then the salty kicks in, OK french fries, and what goes with fries....COKE. And if you're going to have fries and a coke, might as well have the hamburger. I NEED the protein anyway right? And if I've already eaten all that, what's a shake. That's at least got milk in it, right? And pretty soon I'm back on the FOOD merry-go-round and I'm nauseated and sick physically and emotionally.
Are you ready to let go of your emotional attachment to foods? Are you ready to finally be free? Are you ready to take control and get on the road to your goals? Stop the side trips already! Let's do this thing!!
Let me know what you've learned about controlling food OR are you still struggling to show it who's boss?
I woke up, got kids to school and me to work. Breakfast was cheerios eaten standing up at the kitchen counter while waiting on the microwave and my kid's oatmeal. Work was super busy. Flu season is coming. Seeing lots of Strep throat, colds, allergies and even a case of Mono. Get your flu shots people. It's coming.
I had Tae Kwon Do yesterday, I think this is my 4th class. It was HARD. We did crunches-75, push ups 25, leg lifts-25 with the last 5 held for 10 sec 1/2 way down and super hard stretches. That was just the warm up. We did kicking drills which is basically just kicking as hard and fast as you can in 1 minute as many times as you can. Also, we practiced our holds and forms and more kicking. I was soaked in sweat! But, I did everything. Still working on my side kicks as I need more strength and flexibility in my hip flexors. I LOVE IT! I never though I could love exercise this much! All I want to do is practice and learn the stuff more. I'm exercising, but it doesn't even feel like it. It is AWESOME!!
Lunch was a frozen Lean Cuisine Ravioli and some grapes. I went straight from work to my son's football game. It was to be his first "real" for school game, but it got rained out. This is the second one and poor kid was crushed. He was so excited. Dang it. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or proud that he really wanted to "hit someone". His words. He plays D-line and he really likes it. But, we'll have to wait another week to try again.
I went straight from the rained out game, ran through the flooding parking lot to my car and got soaked, and drove to my meeting at the hospital. Sitting in a meeting soaked is not fun. Luckily I had a granola bar in my pocket, so that was snack. Several doctors there hadn't seen me in months and they made quite a fuss about my weight loss. It was flattering and embarrassing. I'm just not used to the attention, but it did feel good that they noticed. Sometimes I don't see the difference in the mirror yet.
Got home at 8:30pm and it was time for bed for the girls. By the time we brushed teeth and jammies and read books, it was after nine and that's a little later than I like, but whatta ya gonna do? By then I was STARVING. Like stomach growling I could eat the pillow starving. So, I fixed a wrap with turkey pastrami and mustard and had a bowl of watermelon. When you figure I burned around 800 calories at lunch, it's no wonder I was hungry! My total calories were 994 yesterday and with the exercise net was only 243 calories but, I wasn't hungry and it was enough.
This morning I hopped out of bed energetic and ready to go. OK....so I dragged my tired ass out kicking and screaming and made myself get on the treadmill. I did C25K week 8 day 3, that's a 28 minute run. I can now run 1.5 miles without walking. I feel like that's good progress. My speed is still bad. I did 2miles today in the 38 min, 10 of that was walking. The last 6 minutes was hell as my legs woke up I guess and said, "What the HELL! After all that shit we did yesterday you have the nerve to try and make us run??" Well, I apologized to them and told them if they'd just get done, they could rest. I haven't explained that we have an appointment with the trainer at 5pm. Shhhh!
Today at lunch I have a staff meeting for my office. After work, I head to the gym for my session with the trainer. I had to squeeze it in as it was planned for Monday noon and after the KFC horror which shall never be discussed again, I had to reschedule. I'm praying he has upper body planned as my legs are about shot now. I went to get gas this morning, dropped my credit card on the ground and when I bent over to pick it up, well....I said a naughty word. OK...it was several. THEN after the session with the trainer I have a hospital board meeting which will probably last until 10pm. I packed food to eat and I have soup here at work if I need it.
And now the exciting news.....
Today I weighed 209.4!!
That's right people I have entered the land of the TWO OHHHs! I am only 10 pounds from my next goal of 199 and it feels absolutely doable. A year ago it felt impossible, a dream that would never happen, better chance of winning the lottery. But here I am DOING IT! Actually doing it. And all I had to do was what I ALREADY KNEW HOW TO DO!
Can you believe it took me 40 years to figure this shit out? Eat less, move more. Unbelievable. I can do trigonometry. I can tell you the pathophysiology of any disease. I can recite for you the pharmacology behind Viagra. But until March 22nd, 2010 I didn't get the simple equation calories in -calories burned=weight loss.
It seems soooo simple to me now. So un-freakin-believably simple. I want to shout it from the tree tops. I want to go up to obese people on the side walk and shake them and say, "Why aren't you doing it? Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting your family. All you have to do is move and eat less." It's sooo doable.
Is it easy? NO! Are there times I want to binge? YES! Do I? NO! Because I know I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! And binging won't get me where I want to go. Do I want that bagel, cupcake, twinkie, snickers? Not as much as you'd think. It's amazing how the longer you don't eat that crap, the less you care anything about it at all.
That's why sometimes I worry about the "just eat a little bit" mentality. Maybe that's OK for some people. I am NOT judging anyone. I have had a time or two where I really wanted a cookie and I've had one. But here's the rub...if I eat one, I want another. OR I want a coke. OR I want a candy, just one little kiss won't hurt, right? And it won't hurt if I just have a FEW Doritos. I mean, after all I'm not going to go my whole life without these things, right?
And then I say to myself WHY NOT??!!?? Why do you NEED any of that crap? You know it does nothing for you nutritionally. You know it makes you crave more crap. WHY do I feel like I should DESERVE to eat that garbage? Because it is emotional. I don't like the feeling of some of my greatest comfort foods gone from me. What will happen if I want them and can't have them? How will I feel?
Well.....I'll feel however I FEEL. And it will have NOTHING to do with what food I am eating or craving. It will just be a feeling and like ALL feelings, they will pass, they will change. How liberating to know, I don't have to face the temptation of just one cookie or one little piece of cake or a "few chips". I don't have to get on that slippery slope if I don't want to. Because for me, just a little moderation leads to binging. So for me, I will avoid those bad for me foods because they are BAD for me and because I don't want to face the cravings for a week after a little moderation. That's what I've discovered for ME.
Like an alcoholic who just can't have one drink, I can't have one cookie. Because 1 cookie leads to 2 cookies and then the salty kicks in, OK french fries, and what goes with fries....COKE. And if you're going to have fries and a coke, might as well have the hamburger. I NEED the protein anyway right? And if I've already eaten all that, what's a shake. That's at least got milk in it, right? And pretty soon I'm back on the FOOD merry-go-round and I'm nauseated and sick physically and emotionally.
Are you ready to let go of your emotional attachment to foods? Are you ready to finally be free? Are you ready to take control and get on the road to your goals? Stop the side trips already! Let's do this thing!!
Let me know what you've learned about controlling food OR are you still struggling to show it who's boss?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
GOOAALL!!!!!! and Running tips from a Newbie
I can't wait so here goes: I weighed 211.2 this am! That's a loss of 2.4 pounds, 38.8 total pounds! AND, that means I've finally reached my first goal of 212 pounds, surpassed it actually. This is the lowest weight I've been in at least 12 years. The lowest number on my scale that I can remember in recent history was 213 and now I'm under it!
I knew I had to show a loss this week after none last week, but I was pleasantly surprised by 2.4 pounds. Then I looked at my spreadsheet and realized I have a small gain or maintain week exactly every 6th week. Isn't that weirdo? And guess what week last week was? I am so proud and astounded at the fact that I'm almost to the 40 pound mark. I've never lost this much weight at one time before. I've lost 20 pounds at least 10 times in my life, but never 40 at once. It feels Grrrrrr-eat! (Channeling Tony the Tiger, but you young 'uns probably never heard of him)
Yesterday was a great day. I had Cheerios and milk for 224 cal for breakfast. I don't have cereal very often because I'm still learning to show it who's boss, but it sounded good. I ALWAYS measure cereal, even though I use my kid's small bowl and I KNOW it only holds 1 cup. I am making my brain learn what a NORMAL portion is by measuring, so I do.
Lunch was a weight watchers frozen dinner and a piece of the pumpernickel bread we picked up at the German bakery on the way home from Oklahoma. YES I went in there and didn't have strudel. Didn't buy it even. Bought one piece for the kids none for me. We did get the pumpernickel and a loaf of Rye bread which I'll eat sparingly,but enjoy when I do. Lunch was 320 cal.
Dinner was YUMMY! My Nanny made hummus. The only great part of all 3 kids in school is that she can cook more often or at least start dinner for me. She had made hummus and spaghetti and meatballs. I ate hummus w/ pita chips, green peas, green beans and 1 cup spaghetti and one meatball. Dinner was 671 cal.
BTW-Do you guys like me posting what I eat? Or is it too much info, boring, etc?
Exercise was great yesterday as I went to my second TKD class. I love love love it. It's so much fun and HARD, but fun. WOW you have to have good balance and core strength. The only down side is the uniform which is soooo hot. BUT, I guess I burn more calories that way. I wore my Polar this time, but it kept beeping and I didn't want to stop and figure out how to stop it so I turned it off. I still don't know the exact calories I'm burning, but based on past experience I'd say it's about 650-700.
As most of you who've read my blog a while know, I am a newbie runner. I'm coming to love it, truly love it. I don't know if I totally love running itself or how it makes me feel that I CAN run for the first time in my life. I remember struggling with running in elementary school. I was one of the only kids bummed when we got to go outside and have field day all day in school. Oh how I wish I'd figured this out earlier, but that's a topic for another day.
Today I want to share a few things I've learned about running so far. I am by NO means whatsoever an expert on running. I've only been doing it for about 10 weeks now. But maybe my ideas and thoughts will help encourage those of you just starting of thinking about starting. Here goes:
1) Always eat a small snack before you run a long run. Last week, I ran before I ate lunch and hadn't had a snack. I was tired and lethargic by the end of the run. Plus dizzy. Not good.
2) Always hydrate prior to a long run. When I'm behind on my water before my runs, I have less energy and more muscle pain. Running never helps that deficit. Who knew?
3) Always pee before a long run. Maybe it doesn't affect you fellas the way it does us gals, but running and full bladder don't mix. After 3 kids and years of obesity, my bladder is shot. Usually I do just fine, but when my bladder is full all I think about is, "I need to pee, I need to pee" On the bright side, all I think about is , "I need to pee, I need to pee." I guess that's better than, "My legs hurt. My legs hurt."
4) When you run, you sweat places you never thought you'd sweat. When I run I sweat EVERYWHERE. It is gross. And in places I never dreamed. By this I mean, my ears sweat. My ears sweat and my ear buds fall out. Weird. I have to come up w/ a better solution. I have a BondiBand thing and it helps, but still. Ewww.
5) When they say to "stay loose", they mean it. It is much easier for me to find a comfortable pace if my upper body, hands, arms, and neck are relaxed. When I'm tensed and gritting my teeth, It is so much harder. So now, I tell myself, "Relax INTO the run. Don't fight it." And it helps soooooo much.
6) Breathing is important. Yeah, I know this is not shocking news. But, I find that if I'm feeling like quitting or slowing down, taking a few slower and deeper breaths helps. I imagine oxygen flowing all the way through my body and into what ever area is feeling tired. It helps, it really does. The breathing and the relaxation imagery help me to keep going and stay loose. (See #5)
7) What you are wearing matters. About 2 weeks into C25K, I decided I was going to heed the advice I'd been seeing about going to a running store and getting fitted for shoes. While there the very nice and friendly skinny girl who was supportive of fat chick wanting to run, recommended I buy special socks and not wear cotton socks or clothing. She said beginning runners get overheated really easily and cotton can cause friction leading to blisters and such.
My gut reaction was, "yeah right." But, I have come to realize she is right. The socks she recommended are sooooooo much better than the ones I've bought at Target. And those were athletic socks. When I wear them, my feet sweat less and feel less tired and sore. Well worth the money. And last week I wore new shorts I got for cheapo at Wal-Mart which are going to be great workout shorts, but NOT running shorts. They are cotton and fat chick thighs with cotton shorts while running is not good. I didn't get blisters, but I was uncomfortable for the entire 2.6 miles and I will now be spending a little extra dough for the better clothes. (My old ones are too too big.)
8) Try mini-intervals. Lately I've gotten far enough into C25K that I'm doing longer runs, 28minutes today. GRIN. I've learned that running at the same speed on the treadmill feels hard after a while. If I shake things up by varying the incline or increasing the speed just a little for a short time, it makes going back to my usual pace feel so much easier. So now when my legs are getting tired, I actually speed up for 1-2 min, then slow back down and I find that it helps me keep going.
I hope that helps anyone out there new to running or thinking about running. Don't be afraid to try new things, even if you think it might be too hard. Sometimes you find something you really like that you never dreamed you would. That's how running has been for me.
And so I'll close today with announcing my new goal weight: 199 pounds. Being under 200 seemed like a fantasy a few months ago, now it is just a reality waiting to happen.
How about you? Have you recently reached a goal? Is it time to set a new one? Do you set small goals or are you an end of the line only goal person? Have you discovered something new in your workouts that you thought you couldn't do, but did and liked it?
Just Keep going.....
I knew I had to show a loss this week after none last week, but I was pleasantly surprised by 2.4 pounds. Then I looked at my spreadsheet and realized I have a small gain or maintain week exactly every 6th week. Isn't that weirdo? And guess what week last week was? I am so proud and astounded at the fact that I'm almost to the 40 pound mark. I've never lost this much weight at one time before. I've lost 20 pounds at least 10 times in my life, but never 40 at once. It feels Grrrrrr-eat! (Channeling Tony the Tiger, but you young 'uns probably never heard of him)
Yesterday was a great day. I had Cheerios and milk for 224 cal for breakfast. I don't have cereal very often because I'm still learning to show it who's boss, but it sounded good. I ALWAYS measure cereal, even though I use my kid's small bowl and I KNOW it only holds 1 cup. I am making my brain learn what a NORMAL portion is by measuring, so I do.
Lunch was a weight watchers frozen dinner and a piece of the pumpernickel bread we picked up at the German bakery on the way home from Oklahoma. YES I went in there and didn't have strudel. Didn't buy it even. Bought one piece for the kids none for me. We did get the pumpernickel and a loaf of Rye bread which I'll eat sparingly,but enjoy when I do. Lunch was 320 cal.
Dinner was YUMMY! My Nanny made hummus. The only great part of all 3 kids in school is that she can cook more often or at least start dinner for me. She had made hummus and spaghetti and meatballs. I ate hummus w/ pita chips, green peas, green beans and 1 cup spaghetti and one meatball. Dinner was 671 cal.
BTW-Do you guys like me posting what I eat? Or is it too much info, boring, etc?
Exercise was great yesterday as I went to my second TKD class. I love love love it. It's so much fun and HARD, but fun. WOW you have to have good balance and core strength. The only down side is the uniform which is soooo hot. BUT, I guess I burn more calories that way. I wore my Polar this time, but it kept beeping and I didn't want to stop and figure out how to stop it so I turned it off. I still don't know the exact calories I'm burning, but based on past experience I'd say it's about 650-700.
As most of you who've read my blog a while know, I am a newbie runner. I'm coming to love it, truly love it. I don't know if I totally love running itself or how it makes me feel that I CAN run for the first time in my life. I remember struggling with running in elementary school. I was one of the only kids bummed when we got to go outside and have field day all day in school. Oh how I wish I'd figured this out earlier, but that's a topic for another day.
Today I want to share a few things I've learned about running so far. I am by NO means whatsoever an expert on running. I've only been doing it for about 10 weeks now. But maybe my ideas and thoughts will help encourage those of you just starting of thinking about starting. Here goes:
1) Always eat a small snack before you run a long run. Last week, I ran before I ate lunch and hadn't had a snack. I was tired and lethargic by the end of the run. Plus dizzy. Not good.
2) Always hydrate prior to a long run. When I'm behind on my water before my runs, I have less energy and more muscle pain. Running never helps that deficit. Who knew?
3) Always pee before a long run. Maybe it doesn't affect you fellas the way it does us gals, but running and full bladder don't mix. After 3 kids and years of obesity, my bladder is shot. Usually I do just fine, but when my bladder is full all I think about is, "I need to pee, I need to pee" On the bright side, all I think about is , "I need to pee, I need to pee." I guess that's better than, "My legs hurt. My legs hurt."
4) When you run, you sweat places you never thought you'd sweat. When I run I sweat EVERYWHERE. It is gross. And in places I never dreamed. By this I mean, my ears sweat. My ears sweat and my ear buds fall out. Weird. I have to come up w/ a better solution. I have a BondiBand thing and it helps, but still. Ewww.
5) When they say to "stay loose", they mean it. It is much easier for me to find a comfortable pace if my upper body, hands, arms, and neck are relaxed. When I'm tensed and gritting my teeth, It is so much harder. So now, I tell myself, "Relax INTO the run. Don't fight it." And it helps soooooo much.
6) Breathing is important. Yeah, I know this is not shocking news. But, I find that if I'm feeling like quitting or slowing down, taking a few slower and deeper breaths helps. I imagine oxygen flowing all the way through my body and into what ever area is feeling tired. It helps, it really does. The breathing and the relaxation imagery help me to keep going and stay loose. (See #5)
7) What you are wearing matters. About 2 weeks into C25K, I decided I was going to heed the advice I'd been seeing about going to a running store and getting fitted for shoes. While there the very nice and friendly skinny girl who was supportive of fat chick wanting to run, recommended I buy special socks and not wear cotton socks or clothing. She said beginning runners get overheated really easily and cotton can cause friction leading to blisters and such.
My gut reaction was, "yeah right." But, I have come to realize she is right. The socks she recommended are sooooooo much better than the ones I've bought at Target. And those were athletic socks. When I wear them, my feet sweat less and feel less tired and sore. Well worth the money. And last week I wore new shorts I got for cheapo at Wal-Mart which are going to be great workout shorts, but NOT running shorts. They are cotton and fat chick thighs with cotton shorts while running is not good. I didn't get blisters, but I was uncomfortable for the entire 2.6 miles and I will now be spending a little extra dough for the better clothes. (My old ones are too too big.)
8) Try mini-intervals. Lately I've gotten far enough into C25K that I'm doing longer runs, 28minutes today. GRIN. I've learned that running at the same speed on the treadmill feels hard after a while. If I shake things up by varying the incline or increasing the speed just a little for a short time, it makes going back to my usual pace feel so much easier. So now when my legs are getting tired, I actually speed up for 1-2 min, then slow back down and I find that it helps me keep going.
I hope that helps anyone out there new to running or thinking about running. Don't be afraid to try new things, even if you think it might be too hard. Sometimes you find something you really like that you never dreamed you would. That's how running has been for me.
And so I'll close today with announcing my new goal weight: 199 pounds. Being under 200 seemed like a fantasy a few months ago, now it is just a reality waiting to happen.
How about you? Have you recently reached a goal? Is it time to set a new one? Do you set small goals or are you an end of the line only goal person? Have you discovered something new in your workouts that you thought you couldn't do, but did and liked it?
Just Keep going.....
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Wednesday Weigh in and Other issues....
Yesterday was a good day over all. Although I still am not as hungry as I used to be. Could it be the heat? Could it be hormones? Could it be fatigue? I'm not sure, but I find myself skipping snacks and such because I'm not hungry. Whatever it is, it's OK. If I'm hungry I eat, if not I don't. I'm still eating plenty of calories, even with the exercise.
I had cheerios for breakfast, which I don't generally do because I have trouble controlling portions. But, with me not as hungry, 1 cup was plenty. That and a banana and breakfast with my coffee was 362 cal. Lunch was my after workout 1 time a week treat of low fat no sugar added frozen yogurt with berries at 243 calories. What used to be dessert is now a meal. I went home to the roast I had in the crock pot and it was YUMMY. I don't eat a lot of beef lately, but sometimes it is just necessary for me. Plus with all this exercise, I need the protein. Dinner with the potatoes and corn and such was 650 cal. So, total for the day was 1255. With the 511 I burned in exercise, my net was 744 for yesterday. Smile.
And speaking of exercise, I am kicking butt and taking names. I did 2.5 miles on the elliptical yesterday at lunch. And not JUST 2.5 miles. I pumped the sucker up to the highest level I've ever done, Level 18. I did 5 minutes there, then I worked down every few minutes until I ended on level 1 with my cool down. It was hard and my legs were shaking, but I loved it. Then, this morning I finished Week 7 of the C25K! I am very proud as I feel like I could have run more after the walk at the end. PLUS, I had to get up at 5:15am to make it happen. That is really super early for me, but the new schedule is what it is. If I don't make sacrifices, I'll never get to my goal.
I didn't see my trainer this week as usual because with it being the first week of school, I wasn't real sure how my schedule would go. That and damn that gets expensive. I've learned so much from him that I'll probably go to every 2 weeks. Between my schedule and how expensive it is, that's just what I need to do if I'm also going to start those TKD classes like I want to.
Weigh in this am: 213.6
A loss of 1 pound. While this is below my average, I did lose 3 last week. I'm averaging 1.6 pounds per week. I might have lost more if it weren't for my sodium habit lately. But, oh well. Drink, drink the water and spend a lot of time in the BR.
On to other issues.....
So the following is not really that weight related, but they are things that are annoying me lately and I need to vent. My blog. You can always stop reading here.
Things that are peeving me:
1) People who drive around in circles trying to find the closest parking place at the gym: I'm not talking about legitimate old people or sick people or handicap people. I'm talking about yoga class taking skinny soccer moms and buff 20 somethings. Stop it. You are at the gym. For goodness sakes just freakin park already and get out of my way as my fat self needs to get in the gym.
2) Speaking of parking: Park in the dang lines. I mean really, how hard is it. Let me guess you people are the ones that never colored in the lines in kindergarten because you didn't want to "conform." Well, that's gonna get your dang car busted up. Conform that.
3)Skinny bitch that gave me that look yesterday in the gym locker room: Yes I go to the gym. Yes I'm fat. Yes I dress in the locker room. I really feel sorry for you. Being so insecure as to make yourself feel better by glaring at me and then, not having the guts to disrobe in my presence. Instead you took your clothes into the dressing room. Sad. I don't see the big deal anyway. It's not like that short short yoga pants and sports bra covered that much. Get some self esteem already.
4)Forms for school: Can someone please tell me why I have to fill out my name and address and phone number and other info for every one of my kid's teachers? Do these people not have a computer? Email? I'm sick of these dang forms. And since when does a first grader know how to sign a form? Geez.
5) Lack of planning on your part does not necessarily dictate it's an emergency on my part: nuff said.
6) People who try to gun it and beat me at stop lights: OK..... Dude. I drive a freakin Toyota mini van. Do you you really think that beating me by gunning your engine is that big of an accomplishment? Let me tell you, it doesn't qualify you for Nascar, buddy. Less testosterone please. AND, go on ahead since you're almost to that spot the cop always sits. Dumbass.
I feel better now. Thanks. Back to work...
I had cheerios for breakfast, which I don't generally do because I have trouble controlling portions. But, with me not as hungry, 1 cup was plenty. That and a banana and breakfast with my coffee was 362 cal. Lunch was my after workout 1 time a week treat of low fat no sugar added frozen yogurt with berries at 243 calories. What used to be dessert is now a meal. I went home to the roast I had in the crock pot and it was YUMMY. I don't eat a lot of beef lately, but sometimes it is just necessary for me. Plus with all this exercise, I need the protein. Dinner with the potatoes and corn and such was 650 cal. So, total for the day was 1255. With the 511 I burned in exercise, my net was 744 for yesterday. Smile.
And speaking of exercise, I am kicking butt and taking names. I did 2.5 miles on the elliptical yesterday at lunch. And not JUST 2.5 miles. I pumped the sucker up to the highest level I've ever done, Level 18. I did 5 minutes there, then I worked down every few minutes until I ended on level 1 with my cool down. It was hard and my legs were shaking, but I loved it. Then, this morning I finished Week 7 of the C25K! I am very proud as I feel like I could have run more after the walk at the end. PLUS, I had to get up at 5:15am to make it happen. That is really super early for me, but the new schedule is what it is. If I don't make sacrifices, I'll never get to my goal.
I didn't see my trainer this week as usual because with it being the first week of school, I wasn't real sure how my schedule would go. That and damn that gets expensive. I've learned so much from him that I'll probably go to every 2 weeks. Between my schedule and how expensive it is, that's just what I need to do if I'm also going to start those TKD classes like I want to.
Weigh in this am: 213.6
A loss of 1 pound. While this is below my average, I did lose 3 last week. I'm averaging 1.6 pounds per week. I might have lost more if it weren't for my sodium habit lately. But, oh well. Drink, drink the water and spend a lot of time in the BR.
On to other issues.....
So the following is not really that weight related, but they are things that are annoying me lately and I need to vent. My blog. You can always stop reading here.
Things that are peeving me:
1) People who drive around in circles trying to find the closest parking place at the gym: I'm not talking about legitimate old people or sick people or handicap people. I'm talking about yoga class taking skinny soccer moms and buff 20 somethings. Stop it. You are at the gym. For goodness sakes just freakin park already and get out of my way as my fat self needs to get in the gym.
2) Speaking of parking: Park in the dang lines. I mean really, how hard is it. Let me guess you people are the ones that never colored in the lines in kindergarten because you didn't want to "conform." Well, that's gonna get your dang car busted up. Conform that.
3)Skinny bitch that gave me that look yesterday in the gym locker room: Yes I go to the gym. Yes I'm fat. Yes I dress in the locker room. I really feel sorry for you. Being so insecure as to make yourself feel better by glaring at me and then, not having the guts to disrobe in my presence. Instead you took your clothes into the dressing room. Sad. I don't see the big deal anyway. It's not like that short short yoga pants and sports bra covered that much. Get some self esteem already.
4)Forms for school: Can someone please tell me why I have to fill out my name and address and phone number and other info for every one of my kid's teachers? Do these people not have a computer? Email? I'm sick of these dang forms. And since when does a first grader know how to sign a form? Geez.
5) Lack of planning on your part does not necessarily dictate it's an emergency on my part: nuff said.
6) People who try to gun it and beat me at stop lights: OK..... Dude. I drive a freakin Toyota mini van. Do you you really think that beating me by gunning your engine is that big of an accomplishment? Let me tell you, it doesn't qualify you for Nascar, buddy. Less testosterone please. AND, go on ahead since you're almost to that spot the cop always sits. Dumbass.
I feel better now. Thanks. Back to work...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Wednesday Weigh In. And Coming out of the Closet
Woke up this morning and MAN do my arms hurt. Ouch. See yesterday's post for why if you haven't read it. But, in short: I DID CHIN UPS! I had planned to get up and do C25K Week 7 day 1 today. I didn't want to at first, then I realized that making a commitment to myself is just as important, no MORE important, than any of the other tons of things I needed to get done. So upstairs I went to the treadmill.
Thanks to my friend Shelley and her helpful review of sports bras, I donned my new Moving Comfort Maia. I know you guys don't get this, but it's really hard to find something comfortable and functional. She didn't miss the mark on that review because it is by far the best one I've ever had. I'll be ordering a few more and tossing the others. Thanks, Shelley!
I completed my workout, which was basically 5 min walk, 25 min run, 5 min walk and then kept on walking. I did a total of 1 hour, 2.6 miles, then stretches. Then came the moment of truth. I got tickled at Christine's post today talking about people who only weigh once a week and have that kind of restraint. I'm not one of those. I weigh too often, but I only count my official once a week weight on Wednesdays.
So without further adieu, the results: 214.6
That's a loss of 3 pounds and brings my total loss to 35.4 pounds. I honestly couldn't believe it. I got off and back on the scale multiple times,but it was the same every time. Then I took my measurements. I've lost a total of 24.25 inches overall since June 10th. Perhaps this is why I nearly lost my workout shorts in the gym yesterday when I stood up from my sit ups?
I am ecstatic. I am proud. I am in shock. I am tentative. I am in awe of myself. I am worried it's a dream and I'll wake up to find it's not true. I am determined to keep going. I've never lost this much weight before at one time. Not ever. I am 3.6 pounds from my first goal of 212 pounds. My lowest weight in the last 11 years. My LoseIt program says I'll reach that goal by August 28th. That's like 10 days. UN. Real.
It also says I can reach my next goal of 199 pounds by October 12th. Holy shit. I'm really doing this thing. I haven't been under 200 pounds since my freshman year of college and that was only for a few months. I was a size 14. I thought I was fat.
I hope you understand when I say I'm in shock. I hope you understand when I say I'm afraid. I've tried so many times. So. Many. Times. I've lost the same 20 pounds probably 50 times in my 40 years. No joke. And while I feel in my soul this time is different, I still battle the self doubt. Don't get me wrong, I'm winning. I'm kicking it's ass! But, it's there. Thus the constant weighing and weighing 10 times in a row.
I share this so you know. If you're new to this very real and permanent change, and if you feel like this, you can beat it just like me. Don't be me my last 20 diets. Don't get 3 weeks in and quit because of 1 candy bar or 1 cookie or 20 cookies for that matter. Keep going. It's worth it. Wow. What my weight loss rock star idols must feel like losing 100, 150, 200, 272 pounds. You know who you are. I just have a teensy winsy glimpse of it. I like it. Smile.
So I came out of the closet last night to my hubbie. NOT THAT CLOSET! The one where I was keeping my blog. I just felt funny blogging and reading all these blogs without him knowing. He'd ask what I was doing and I'd say, "Oh just reading those weight loss blogs I told you about." Now he knows I have one also. I showed it to him. I showed him I had 47 (now 50! Thank you!!) Followers. I told him about my favorite commenters and why I liked each one. He said my blog was cool and that he thought I'd done a good job setting it up. I told him he didn't have to read it, but could if he wanted to. I told him I hadn't told anyone else but him. He made me feel proud about it and a little silly for not telling him sooner. What was I worried about?
And now....I'll wrap up with a sports rant. My non-sports geek fanatic readers might want to stop here. I warned you a few posts ago that football would sneak it's way in here. FOOTBALL IS HERE!!! OMG I love that game. I soooo wish I'd been a boy and could've played. One of my dreams is to be fit enough to join an adult flag league some day. I am so so so so happy to have my football back. Can't wait for my team's first game, Labor day Weekend. THE SOONERS! Boomer! I love the excitement in the stadium. I love being with other fans. I love kicking the other team's butt. I love losing and look forward to trying again next game. Well.....ok I HATE losing. BUT I LOVE THAT GAME!
These guys, these athletes are amazing. I can only dream of doing a 1/3 of what they can do. Hainesworth's fitness test he kept failing...I wish I could fail like he did. I watch ESPN when I workout all the time. It motivates me. These guys are naturally talented, but if you think for 1 minute that they don't WORK hard you haven't payed attention. I use this as motivation in my own workouts.
Favre is 40 and gonna do his 20th season. Rock on brother! Whether you love him or hate him, gotta respect that ability. At 40 I'd give anything to experience that for just one day. Get off his back, you're just jealous. If he doesn't want to go to camp, I get it. Twenty years of abusing his body and he earns skipping camp. He wants to save what he has left for the game he loves, REALLY loves. You cannot blame him for that.
OK, done now. Are there people in your life you use as motivation to push yourself harder? How has the scale been treating you lately? Are you getting where you want to be or falling short? Are you kicking self doubt's ass today?
Thanks to my friend Shelley and her helpful review of sports bras, I donned my new Moving Comfort Maia. I know you guys don't get this, but it's really hard to find something comfortable and functional. She didn't miss the mark on that review because it is by far the best one I've ever had. I'll be ordering a few more and tossing the others. Thanks, Shelley!
I completed my workout, which was basically 5 min walk, 25 min run, 5 min walk and then kept on walking. I did a total of 1 hour, 2.6 miles, then stretches. Then came the moment of truth. I got tickled at Christine's post today talking about people who only weigh once a week and have that kind of restraint. I'm not one of those. I weigh too often, but I only count my official once a week weight on Wednesdays.
So without further adieu, the results: 214.6
That's a loss of 3 pounds and brings my total loss to 35.4 pounds. I honestly couldn't believe it. I got off and back on the scale multiple times,but it was the same every time. Then I took my measurements. I've lost a total of 24.25 inches overall since June 10th. Perhaps this is why I nearly lost my workout shorts in the gym yesterday when I stood up from my sit ups?
I am ecstatic. I am proud. I am in shock. I am tentative. I am in awe of myself. I am worried it's a dream and I'll wake up to find it's not true. I am determined to keep going. I've never lost this much weight before at one time. Not ever. I am 3.6 pounds from my first goal of 212 pounds. My lowest weight in the last 11 years. My LoseIt program says I'll reach that goal by August 28th. That's like 10 days. UN. Real.
It also says I can reach my next goal of 199 pounds by October 12th. Holy shit. I'm really doing this thing. I haven't been under 200 pounds since my freshman year of college and that was only for a few months. I was a size 14. I thought I was fat.
I hope you understand when I say I'm in shock. I hope you understand when I say I'm afraid. I've tried so many times. So. Many. Times. I've lost the same 20 pounds probably 50 times in my 40 years. No joke. And while I feel in my soul this time is different, I still battle the self doubt. Don't get me wrong, I'm winning. I'm kicking it's ass! But, it's there. Thus the constant weighing and weighing 10 times in a row.
I share this so you know. If you're new to this very real and permanent change, and if you feel like this, you can beat it just like me. Don't be me my last 20 diets. Don't get 3 weeks in and quit because of 1 candy bar or 1 cookie or 20 cookies for that matter. Keep going. It's worth it. Wow. What my weight loss rock star idols must feel like losing 100, 150, 200, 272 pounds. You know who you are. I just have a teensy winsy glimpse of it. I like it. Smile.
So I came out of the closet last night to my hubbie. NOT THAT CLOSET! The one where I was keeping my blog. I just felt funny blogging and reading all these blogs without him knowing. He'd ask what I was doing and I'd say, "Oh just reading those weight loss blogs I told you about." Now he knows I have one also. I showed it to him. I showed him I had 47 (now 50! Thank you!!) Followers. I told him about my favorite commenters and why I liked each one. He said my blog was cool and that he thought I'd done a good job setting it up. I told him he didn't have to read it, but could if he wanted to. I told him I hadn't told anyone else but him. He made me feel proud about it and a little silly for not telling him sooner. What was I worried about?
And now....I'll wrap up with a sports rant. My non-sports geek fanatic readers might want to stop here. I warned you a few posts ago that football would sneak it's way in here. FOOTBALL IS HERE!!! OMG I love that game. I soooo wish I'd been a boy and could've played. One of my dreams is to be fit enough to join an adult flag league some day. I am so so so so happy to have my football back. Can't wait for my team's first game, Labor day Weekend. THE SOONERS! Boomer! I love the excitement in the stadium. I love being with other fans. I love kicking the other team's butt. I love losing and look forward to trying again next game. Well.....ok I HATE losing. BUT I LOVE THAT GAME!
These guys, these athletes are amazing. I can only dream of doing a 1/3 of what they can do. Hainesworth's fitness test he kept failing...I wish I could fail like he did. I watch ESPN when I workout all the time. It motivates me. These guys are naturally talented, but if you think for 1 minute that they don't WORK hard you haven't payed attention. I use this as motivation in my own workouts.
Favre is 40 and gonna do his 20th season. Rock on brother! Whether you love him or hate him, gotta respect that ability. At 40 I'd give anything to experience that for just one day. Get off his back, you're just jealous. If he doesn't want to go to camp, I get it. Twenty years of abusing his body and he earns skipping camp. He wants to save what he has left for the game he loves, REALLY loves. You cannot blame him for that.
OK, done now. Are there people in your life you use as motivation to push yourself harder? How has the scale been treating you lately? Are you getting where you want to be or falling short? Are you kicking self doubt's ass today?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday Weigh-in
Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day. Monday at lunch I had planned to go to the gym. Alas, I didn't get to because of work and kids. So, Monday night I swam 500meters and did poolside crunches. Skipping once again the push ups because of my stupid elbow. And it's the right one. Bummer.
But, yesterday I took advantage of my husband working from home and was able to go for a run outside. He works an hour away so I'm usually home with the kids in the mornings until my nanny arrives around 8am. Yesterday he was home because he had to take our son to pick up his schedule at school and do various back to school stuff.
Running is soooo awesome. It's hard. It hurts. I sweat. I want to stop every time part of the way through. But it feels so good when I keep going and push myself and finish. I did the Week 6 day 3 of C25K yesterday. That's 5min warm up walk, 25 minute run, then 5 minute coll down. That's right I RAN FOR TWENTY FIVE MINUTES!!!! Never ever ever ever ever have I done that before and I felt so freakin proud.
Here's the trail behind my house yesterday am. So peaceful.
After my run and stretching, I was starved and thirsty. Since hubbie was home, I whipped up some scrambled egg whites with onion, bell pepper, tomatoes and onions with a little canadian bacon. I had a small serving with 2 pieces of light wheat toast sprayed with Parkay spray. One the side I had a small serving of my homemade fruit salad. I love having a variety of foods, especially in the morning. Makes me feel like I have my own personal breakfast buffet. Total was 303 cals, including my coffee with the light creamer.
Lunch was string cheese, and a banana which I ate on the go since I had to run and pick up my son, take him home, run back to his school to straighten out the confusion on whether I'd already paid for his school supplies (which I had), then run back to the office. The afternoon was busy so I missed my snacks and I'd only had the 265 calories at lunch. So by 5:00pm I was starving, my stomach was growling. I mean this was WAY beyond a "rumbly in my tumbly" like Pooh Bear gets. This was, I wanted to eat my desk, full on hunger roaring.
Luckily, I pack my little bag of snacks every day.
Sometimes I just eat the various things as my lunch, others they become my snacks. Sometimes I don't eat them all, but this way I always, always have healthy alternative foods because there are always, ALWAYS bad choices available in the office. Yesterday alone we had bagels, cookies, and some kind of fruit mini danish brought in. You'd think people would bring healthy stuff to doctors, but they don't.
Yesterday I had packed more fruit salad and an apple. I ate the fruit salad at my desk while I finished up the paperwork (or more accurately computer work since I do all electronic charts). Then on the way home I drank a big ole 32 ounces of ice water as I do every day and had the apple. I've found that drinking water and having a snack on the way home stops me from being overly hungry when I walk in the door and either grabbing the first thing I see to eat or "tasting" everything I'm cooking.
Last night's dinner was tacos made from the taco salad left overs from Sunday.
I had 3 along with 7 baked Tostitos and Salsa and this wrapped up dinner at 573 calories. Meals and snacks came in at total 1441 calories for the day. With my run burning 406, my net was 1034. Pretty good overall.
This am I got up and rode my bike 7.5 miles. I picked one of the harder rides and maybe the day after a long run isn't the time to do that? My legs were burning! After I did crunches on my balance ball. Still unable to do push-ups, I thought I'd be Miss Warrior Girl and try one armed ones. Ok, soooo not ready to do that. I did one. Which I find amazing. Then I did TEN girlie ONE ARMED PUSH UPs. Take that skinny bitches.
The weigh in this am was good. I lost .2 pounds which doesn't sound like much except that I posted an early weigh-in on Friday showing a loss of 2.4 sooooo my total loss this week is 2.6 pounds! Yeah! Especially considering the birthday party pitfalls I faced this week AND out of town guests. Yeah me! I am only 5.6 pounds from my first goal of 212pounds, which is the lowest weight I've weighed in the last 10 years.
How's your week going? How do you handle snacks? Do you even eat them? If so what? I've found snacks are absolutely essential. In fact, it's time for one now. Gotta go work! Have a great Wednesday!
But, yesterday I took advantage of my husband working from home and was able to go for a run outside. He works an hour away so I'm usually home with the kids in the mornings until my nanny arrives around 8am. Yesterday he was home because he had to take our son to pick up his schedule at school and do various back to school stuff.
Running is soooo awesome. It's hard. It hurts. I sweat. I want to stop every time part of the way through. But it feels so good when I keep going and push myself and finish. I did the Week 6 day 3 of C25K yesterday. That's 5min warm up walk, 25 minute run, then 5 minute coll down. That's right I RAN FOR TWENTY FIVE MINUTES!!!! Never ever ever ever ever have I done that before and I felt so freakin proud.
Here's the trail behind my house yesterday am. So peaceful.
After my run and stretching, I was starved and thirsty. Since hubbie was home, I whipped up some scrambled egg whites with onion, bell pepper, tomatoes and onions with a little canadian bacon. I had a small serving with 2 pieces of light wheat toast sprayed with Parkay spray. One the side I had a small serving of my homemade fruit salad. I love having a variety of foods, especially in the morning. Makes me feel like I have my own personal breakfast buffet. Total was 303 cals, including my coffee with the light creamer.
Lunch was string cheese, and a banana which I ate on the go since I had to run and pick up my son, take him home, run back to his school to straighten out the confusion on whether I'd already paid for his school supplies (which I had), then run back to the office. The afternoon was busy so I missed my snacks and I'd only had the 265 calories at lunch. So by 5:00pm I was starving, my stomach was growling. I mean this was WAY beyond a "rumbly in my tumbly" like Pooh Bear gets. This was, I wanted to eat my desk, full on hunger roaring.
Luckily, I pack my little bag of snacks every day.
Sometimes I just eat the various things as my lunch, others they become my snacks. Sometimes I don't eat them all, but this way I always, always have healthy alternative foods because there are always, ALWAYS bad choices available in the office. Yesterday alone we had bagels, cookies, and some kind of fruit mini danish brought in. You'd think people would bring healthy stuff to doctors, but they don't.
Yesterday I had packed more fruit salad and an apple. I ate the fruit salad at my desk while I finished up the paperwork (or more accurately computer work since I do all electronic charts). Then on the way home I drank a big ole 32 ounces of ice water as I do every day and had the apple. I've found that drinking water and having a snack on the way home stops me from being overly hungry when I walk in the door and either grabbing the first thing I see to eat or "tasting" everything I'm cooking.
Last night's dinner was tacos made from the taco salad left overs from Sunday.
I had 3 along with 7 baked Tostitos and Salsa and this wrapped up dinner at 573 calories. Meals and snacks came in at total 1441 calories for the day. With my run burning 406, my net was 1034. Pretty good overall.
This am I got up and rode my bike 7.5 miles. I picked one of the harder rides and maybe the day after a long run isn't the time to do that? My legs were burning! After I did crunches on my balance ball. Still unable to do push-ups, I thought I'd be Miss Warrior Girl and try one armed ones. Ok, soooo not ready to do that. I did one. Which I find amazing. Then I did TEN girlie ONE ARMED PUSH UPs. Take that skinny bitches.
The weigh in this am was good. I lost .2 pounds which doesn't sound like much except that I posted an early weigh-in on Friday showing a loss of 2.4 sooooo my total loss this week is 2.6 pounds! Yeah! Especially considering the birthday party pitfalls I faced this week AND out of town guests. Yeah me! I am only 5.6 pounds from my first goal of 212pounds, which is the lowest weight I've weighed in the last 10 years.
How's your week going? How do you handle snacks? Do you even eat them? If so what? I've found snacks are absolutely essential. In fact, it's time for one now. Gotta go work! Have a great Wednesday!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Wednesday Weigh In. Cough Cough
Well, I am feeling a lot better. Still hacking and coughing, but it is better. I have asthma and it does flare up if I get a cold. That on top of the blockage in my airway, and I've had some trouble talking. It's really hard to talk to patients all day when you can't get enough air. But, it's better so I guess I'll be thankful for that.
I woke up this morning and my body was craving exercise. I hadn't worked out since last Friday. Even though my lungs weren't sure it was a good idea, I forced myself upstairs to the bike. I rode a 6 mile program, an easier one than I've been doing lately, but I didn't want to push it too much. Did my floor work- push ups 20 real ones, 30 girlie, 100 crunches, 60 second plank, 50 reverse crunches, 50 bridges. I actually felt pretty good after, tired, but good.
My weigh in was ok. I lost 1.4. I'm still a little higher than I was 2 weeks ago and probably would have lost more if it weren't for getting sick. I've had half a bag of Hall's cough drops. Sure that didn't help. But, they help keep my throat and voice from giving out on me.
I have guests coming tonight. Family for my daughter's 6th birthday. But, they're low maintenance family so shouldn't be too big of a deal. Spent my lunch hour today running around in this hideous heat to 4 different bakeries to find the right cake for her party. She wanted a certain princess cake and she's been asking for it since like February. It never occurred to me that they might quit making a cake, but 3 of the 4 places either didn't have it or never did. Wal-Mart had the princess castle cake. Thank God. I still have to get her present. I've decided that when I have to think this hard on what to get my kids then they don't need anything.
After running around in the heat, I was not hungry for lunch. However, I knew that when I left the office there was a big ole birthday cake from someone's birthday today. I love birthday cake. Love it. White cake with butter cream icing. YUUUH-UMMMM! So, I knew better than to come back to the office without eating something. I stopped by the yogurt place and got yogurt with fresh black berries, strawberries, and blueberries. It was tasty! I made it past the birthday cake with only one teeny tiny bite. I hope I fair that well on Saturday at my daughter's party.
How do you handle "occasions"? Most of the time I can ignore the office crap-cookies, candy, cakes, etc. But, I will probably have a harder time passing up birthday cake. Remember I said I love it.
I woke up this morning and my body was craving exercise. I hadn't worked out since last Friday. Even though my lungs weren't sure it was a good idea, I forced myself upstairs to the bike. I rode a 6 mile program, an easier one than I've been doing lately, but I didn't want to push it too much. Did my floor work- push ups 20 real ones, 30 girlie, 100 crunches, 60 second plank, 50 reverse crunches, 50 bridges. I actually felt pretty good after, tired, but good.
My weigh in was ok. I lost 1.4. I'm still a little higher than I was 2 weeks ago and probably would have lost more if it weren't for getting sick. I've had half a bag of Hall's cough drops. Sure that didn't help. But, they help keep my throat and voice from giving out on me.
I have guests coming tonight. Family for my daughter's 6th birthday. But, they're low maintenance family so shouldn't be too big of a deal. Spent my lunch hour today running around in this hideous heat to 4 different bakeries to find the right cake for her party. She wanted a certain princess cake and she's been asking for it since like February. It never occurred to me that they might quit making a cake, but 3 of the 4 places either didn't have it or never did. Wal-Mart had the princess castle cake. Thank God. I still have to get her present. I've decided that when I have to think this hard on what to get my kids then they don't need anything.
After running around in the heat, I was not hungry for lunch. However, I knew that when I left the office there was a big ole birthday cake from someone's birthday today. I love birthday cake. Love it. White cake with butter cream icing. YUUUH-UMMMM! So, I knew better than to come back to the office without eating something. I stopped by the yogurt place and got yogurt with fresh black berries, strawberries, and blueberries. It was tasty! I made it past the birthday cake with only one teeny tiny bite. I hope I fair that well on Saturday at my daughter's party.
How do you handle "occasions"? Most of the time I can ignore the office crap-cookies, candy, cakes, etc. But, I will probably have a harder time passing up birthday cake. Remember I said I love it.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Weigh-in F@#(*!&!-ing Wednesday
I weighed in this morning. I didn't really want to knowing that the scale was on a trend to show a gain. And, yep. There was a gain. I'm up 1.8 pounds. It is so hard not to get angry and disheartened. But, I'm gong to take a deep breath and move on.
As I look back over the last week, I see that I was under budget for calories by nearly 4,000 calories. I spent 545 minutes exercising. This does not include any house cleaning calories, yardwork, etc. This is working out time. That's a little over 9 hours in the last 7 days. I ate a few things I shouldn't have. I had chocolate twice and I had Mike's Hard Lemonade. But, dammit, I'm not going my whole life without occasionally having these things. I guess that means that some weeks I'll lose slower or gain. I guess I have to come to terms with it somehow.
Of course, I did lose 4 pounds last week and there's that whole, "correction" BS. When I look back at my food, I ate less than 30% from fat. I eat about 25-30% from protein, and around 50% carb. Maybe it's too much carb. But, nearly all my carbs are fruit. Then I wonder, maybe I'm not eating enough. I don't eat back all my exercise calories. I don't freakin know and I'm a doctor.
What I do know is that overall when I look at the trends, what I've been doing is working overall. After I weighed, I made myself measure because I do it once a month. There was some brighter news here. I've lost another 2.5 inches in my hips. I knew my pants were getting looser. I've lost a total of 15.5 inches since the beginning of June when I measured. I can't find my old measurements from 2 years ago when I joined the gym. It makes me mad, but when I moved last summer stuff got lost. I remember what my hips were then, but not the rest. That would be 8 inches off my hips since then.
In other news, I worked out with my trainer yesterday and my BFF who is in town for a few days. It was a lot of fun. Hard, but fun. We've had a great time the last few days talking about food, exercise, challenges-- all that. She asked me the question about eating after 6pm at night. This is something I get asked a lot.
Should I not eat after 6 or 8 or some other time since my body can't burn it off while I'm sleeping? My answer is that your body burns fuel as long as you are breathing. If you have calories in your budget and you are hungry, there's nothing wrong with having a snack. Will it cause short term variability in your weight, i.e. the next am? Probably. But, long term it all evens out. Your body doesn't run on a 9-5 schedule. It is a machine, constantly humming away. Do you burn more calories when you are up and active? Of course. But your body needs fuel all day and all night. If you are a night owl, it might affect when you have your snacks, etc.
I'm so happy that she's tracking her food and exercising. She's down 3.6 pounds and she is on her way.
Also yesterday I had a situation with a patient. One of those where I have to take a deep breath and be empathetic. Try not to laugh. Try not to get angry. Just smile and remember the patient needs a doctor to relate to them where they are and in a way that makes sense to them. Sometimes it is really hard. The patient was in for a physical. I see this patient every year for a physical and he is in his 40s. So he says to me, "Doc, I know last year there were some things you said I needed to change, but I just can't remember what you said I needed to do differently." Really? Really, you have no idea what I might have said considering you weigh almost 400lbs? This is a patient I've been seeing for 10 years. Every year we have the same conversation.
I can understand knowing you need to lose weight and not being able to. I can understand knowing you need to exercise and not doing it. I've done all those things. But, to tell me you can't remember what you needed to do to be healthy and you are that over weight. That is denial in the purest form. It's just sad and infuriating at the same time.
Wrapping up: I am UP in weight. DOWN because my "I've lost 30 pounds" isn't really true anymore. UP because I've lost over 15 inches. DOWN because I get tired of working so hard. UP because I CAN work so hard now. I mean, I bench pressed 70 pounds yesterday and did 100 reps. Wow. DOWN because I'm feeling frustrated. UP because I'm not letting "one of those weigh-ins" stop me.
Sometimes I can't believe all the emotions I have and all the thoughts that go through my head now. Is that because I'm not stuffing them with food anymore? I don't know. But, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing for now. I. Will. Not. Stop....Ever.
As I look back over the last week, I see that I was under budget for calories by nearly 4,000 calories. I spent 545 minutes exercising. This does not include any house cleaning calories, yardwork, etc. This is working out time. That's a little over 9 hours in the last 7 days. I ate a few things I shouldn't have. I had chocolate twice and I had Mike's Hard Lemonade. But, dammit, I'm not going my whole life without occasionally having these things. I guess that means that some weeks I'll lose slower or gain. I guess I have to come to terms with it somehow.
Of course, I did lose 4 pounds last week and there's that whole, "correction" BS. When I look back at my food, I ate less than 30% from fat. I eat about 25-30% from protein, and around 50% carb. Maybe it's too much carb. But, nearly all my carbs are fruit. Then I wonder, maybe I'm not eating enough. I don't eat back all my exercise calories. I don't freakin know and I'm a doctor.
What I do know is that overall when I look at the trends, what I've been doing is working overall. After I weighed, I made myself measure because I do it once a month. There was some brighter news here. I've lost another 2.5 inches in my hips. I knew my pants were getting looser. I've lost a total of 15.5 inches since the beginning of June when I measured. I can't find my old measurements from 2 years ago when I joined the gym. It makes me mad, but when I moved last summer stuff got lost. I remember what my hips were then, but not the rest. That would be 8 inches off my hips since then.
In other news, I worked out with my trainer yesterday and my BFF who is in town for a few days. It was a lot of fun. Hard, but fun. We've had a great time the last few days talking about food, exercise, challenges-- all that. She asked me the question about eating after 6pm at night. This is something I get asked a lot.
Should I not eat after 6 or 8 or some other time since my body can't burn it off while I'm sleeping? My answer is that your body burns fuel as long as you are breathing. If you have calories in your budget and you are hungry, there's nothing wrong with having a snack. Will it cause short term variability in your weight, i.e. the next am? Probably. But, long term it all evens out. Your body doesn't run on a 9-5 schedule. It is a machine, constantly humming away. Do you burn more calories when you are up and active? Of course. But your body needs fuel all day and all night. If you are a night owl, it might affect when you have your snacks, etc.
I'm so happy that she's tracking her food and exercising. She's down 3.6 pounds and she is on her way.
Also yesterday I had a situation with a patient. One of those where I have to take a deep breath and be empathetic. Try not to laugh. Try not to get angry. Just smile and remember the patient needs a doctor to relate to them where they are and in a way that makes sense to them. Sometimes it is really hard. The patient was in for a physical. I see this patient every year for a physical and he is in his 40s. So he says to me, "Doc, I know last year there were some things you said I needed to change, but I just can't remember what you said I needed to do differently." Really? Really, you have no idea what I might have said considering you weigh almost 400lbs? This is a patient I've been seeing for 10 years. Every year we have the same conversation.
I can understand knowing you need to lose weight and not being able to. I can understand knowing you need to exercise and not doing it. I've done all those things. But, to tell me you can't remember what you needed to do to be healthy and you are that over weight. That is denial in the purest form. It's just sad and infuriating at the same time.
Wrapping up: I am UP in weight. DOWN because my "I've lost 30 pounds" isn't really true anymore. UP because I've lost over 15 inches. DOWN because I get tired of working so hard. UP because I CAN work so hard now. I mean, I bench pressed 70 pounds yesterday and did 100 reps. Wow. DOWN because I'm feeling frustrated. UP because I'm not letting "one of those weigh-ins" stop me.
Sometimes I can't believe all the emotions I have and all the thoughts that go through my head now. Is that because I'm not stuffing them with food anymore? I don't know. But, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing for now. I. Will. Not. Stop....Ever.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday Weigh In
Well I am really happy with my results this week. I have worked really hard and it did pay off. Drum roll please.......I LOST 4.2 POUNDS!! Even better, I now weigh 219.8 Which means I'm no longer in my 220s AND I'm only 7.8 pounds from achieving my first goal of 212 lbs. (the lowest weight I've been in the last 10 years.)
Speaking of goals. I see a lot of bloggers writing about goals and rewards. A lot of them do these challenges or set goals each week, like "I'm going to exercise 4 times or eat at least 4 veggies each day." This morning as I was trying to ignore the pain in my left hamstring while running my second 8 min interval in C25K W 5 D2, I thought about these goals and rewards. I'd weighed in yesterday and knew I'd hit that 30 pound mark. Maybe I should be rewarding myself? Maybe I should come up with a list of rewards for different milestones and post them on my blog? Then I realized that this is old thinking.... Maybe I should do what all the cool kids are doing?
Let me first say that I'm not criticizing anyone for having a list of goals or doing these challenges. If it works for you and you like it, you should do it. But, today I realized that on every unsuccessful diet I've ever done, I've had some reward in mind for the end. The last one was that when I get to "goal weight" (whatever the hell that is) I would get my eyeballs fixed and finally get up the nerve to have LASIK. A lot of times in the past I've used food as a reward. "Since I ate so well all week, I deserve that cookie or piece of pie or french fries." Or more likely all three. That's obviously not the point of goals and rewards.
Then, the new part of me spoke up and said, "What are you talking about? Every time you complete a day on C25K, that's a reward. You hiked in the mountains and never had an asthma attack. You're reward is how you feel" Wow. That's a big one for me. Basing my rewards as inwardly motivated rather than an external motivation. That's totally new thinking.
I've wanted to lose weight to look like the cool kids, to get a boyfriend, to wear cool jeans, to shop in the "normal" stores, to avoid ridicule, to please my family or friends, to motivate my spouse to lose weight, to be a good example for my kids. This time is different. I'm eating healthy and exercising because I want to. Because it feels good. Because I'm proud of being able to do all those cool things in the gym. I proud of being able to do an hour on the elliptical. But NOT because I'm getting external praise or rewards, because I want to for me. My reward is how I feel.
Will there be external and tangible rewards? Yes. But that comes as a result of what I'm doing. I'm not doing this to get the reward. Do you see the difference? Losing weight will broaden my possibilities. My choices in life. If I want to go to Costa Rico and zip line, I can. If I want to buy a new outfit, I will. I'm not losing weight so I can zip line or get new clothes. In the past this has led to disappointment. You see, I never got to "goal weight" and I never got any of those reward dreams I had. To me, all that just played into my belief that everything would be better if I were thin.
So I feel happy and rewarded today. Because I went to the gym yesterday with my son and we worked out with my trainer. (Of course I went back to work afterward and he slept on my sofa in my office. Hee hee) Because I got on the treadmill this am and got through that C25K, even though my legs were sore from yesterday. Because I am wearing a size 18/20 skirt that I haven't worn in 3 years. But mostly because I set out to change my lifestyle and the way I think and feel about diet and exercise and I'm doing it.
Speaking of goals. I see a lot of bloggers writing about goals and rewards. A lot of them do these challenges or set goals each week, like "I'm going to exercise 4 times or eat at least 4 veggies each day." This morning as I was trying to ignore the pain in my left hamstring while running my second 8 min interval in C25K W 5 D2, I thought about these goals and rewards. I'd weighed in yesterday and knew I'd hit that 30 pound mark. Maybe I should be rewarding myself? Maybe I should come up with a list of rewards for different milestones and post them on my blog? Then I realized that this is old thinking.... Maybe I should do what all the cool kids are doing?
Let me first say that I'm not criticizing anyone for having a list of goals or doing these challenges. If it works for you and you like it, you should do it. But, today I realized that on every unsuccessful diet I've ever done, I've had some reward in mind for the end. The last one was that when I get to "goal weight" (whatever the hell that is) I would get my eyeballs fixed and finally get up the nerve to have LASIK. A lot of times in the past I've used food as a reward. "Since I ate so well all week, I deserve that cookie or piece of pie or french fries." Or more likely all three. That's obviously not the point of goals and rewards.
Then, the new part of me spoke up and said, "What are you talking about? Every time you complete a day on C25K, that's a reward. You hiked in the mountains and never had an asthma attack. You're reward is how you feel" Wow. That's a big one for me. Basing my rewards as inwardly motivated rather than an external motivation. That's totally new thinking.
I've wanted to lose weight to look like the cool kids, to get a boyfriend, to wear cool jeans, to shop in the "normal" stores, to avoid ridicule, to please my family or friends, to motivate my spouse to lose weight, to be a good example for my kids. This time is different. I'm eating healthy and exercising because I want to. Because it feels good. Because I'm proud of being able to do all those cool things in the gym. I proud of being able to do an hour on the elliptical. But NOT because I'm getting external praise or rewards, because I want to for me. My reward is how I feel.
Will there be external and tangible rewards? Yes. But that comes as a result of what I'm doing. I'm not doing this to get the reward. Do you see the difference? Losing weight will broaden my possibilities. My choices in life. If I want to go to Costa Rico and zip line, I can. If I want to buy a new outfit, I will. I'm not losing weight so I can zip line or get new clothes. In the past this has led to disappointment. You see, I never got to "goal weight" and I never got any of those reward dreams I had. To me, all that just played into my belief that everything would be better if I were thin.
So I feel happy and rewarded today. Because I went to the gym yesterday with my son and we worked out with my trainer. (Of course I went back to work afterward and he slept on my sofa in my office. Hee hee) Because I got on the treadmill this am and got through that C25K, even though my legs were sore from yesterday. Because I am wearing a size 18/20 skirt that I haven't worn in 3 years. But mostly because I set out to change my lifestyle and the way I think and feel about diet and exercise and I'm doing it.
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Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!
