Weigh-in F@#(*!&!-ing Wednesday

I weighed in this morning. I didn't really want to knowing that the scale was on a trend to show a gain. And, yep. There was a gain. I'm up 1.8 pounds. It is so hard not to get angry and disheartened. But, I'm gong to take a deep breath and move on.

As I look back over the last week, I see that I was under budget for calories by nearly 4,000 calories. I spent 545 minutes exercising. This does not include any house cleaning calories, yardwork, etc. This is working out time. That's a little over 9 hours in the last 7 days. I ate a few things I shouldn't have. I had chocolate twice and I had Mike's Hard Lemonade. But, dammit, I'm not going my whole life without occasionally having these things. I guess that means that some weeks I'll lose slower or gain. I guess I have to come to terms with it somehow.

Of course, I did lose 4 pounds last week and there's that whole, "correction" BS. When I look back at my food, I ate less than 30% from fat. I eat about 25-30% from protein, and around 50% carb. Maybe it's too much carb. But, nearly all my carbs are fruit. Then I wonder, maybe I'm not eating enough. I don't eat back all my exercise calories. I don't freakin know and I'm a doctor.

What I do know is that overall when I look at the trends, what I've been doing is working overall. After I weighed, I made myself measure because I do it once a month. There was some brighter news here. I've lost another 2.5 inches in my hips. I knew my pants were getting looser. I've lost a total of 15.5 inches since the beginning of June when I measured. I can't find my old measurements from 2 years ago when I joined the gym. It makes me mad, but when I moved last summer stuff got lost. I remember what my hips were then, but not the rest. That would be 8 inches off my hips since then.

In other news, I worked out with my trainer yesterday and my BFF who is in town for a few days. It was a lot of fun. Hard, but fun. We've had a great time the last few days talking about food, exercise, challenges-- all that. She asked me the question about eating after 6pm at night. This is something I get asked a lot.

Should I not eat after 6 or 8 or some other time since my body can't burn it off while I'm sleeping? My answer is that your body burns fuel as long as you are breathing. If you have calories in your budget and you are hungry, there's nothing wrong with having a snack. Will it cause short term variability in your weight, i.e. the next am? Probably. But, long term it all evens out. Your body doesn't run on a 9-5 schedule. It is a machine, constantly humming away. Do you burn more calories when you are up and active? Of course. But your body needs fuel all day and all night. If you are a night owl, it might affect when you have your snacks, etc.

I'm so happy that she's tracking her food and exercising. She's down 3.6 pounds and she is on her way.

Also yesterday I had a situation with a patient. One of those where I have to take a deep breath and be empathetic. Try not to laugh. Try not to get angry. Just smile and remember the patient needs a doctor to relate to them where they are and in a way that makes sense to them. Sometimes it is really hard. The patient was in for a physical. I see this patient every year for a physical and he is in his 40s. So he says to me, "Doc, I know last year there were some things you said I needed to change, but I just can't remember what you said I needed to do differently." Really? Really, you have no idea what I might have said considering you weigh almost 400lbs? This is a patient I've been seeing for 10 years. Every year we have the same conversation.

I can understand knowing you need to lose weight and not being able to. I can understand knowing you need to exercise and not doing it. I've done all those things. But, to tell me you can't remember what you needed to do to be healthy and you are that over weight. That is denial in the purest form. It's just sad and infuriating at the same time.

Wrapping up: I am UP in weight. DOWN because my "I've lost 30 pounds" isn't really true anymore. UP because I've lost over 15 inches. DOWN because I get tired of working so hard. UP because I CAN work so hard now. I mean, I bench pressed 70 pounds yesterday and did 100 reps. Wow. DOWN because I'm feeling frustrated. UP because I'm not letting "one of those weigh-ins" stop me.

Sometimes I can't believe all the emotions I have and all the thoughts that go through my head now. Is that because I'm not stuffing them with food anymore? I don't know. But, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing for now. I. Will. Not. Stop....Ever.