Weekend Wrap up and More Vacation pics!

We had a great Labor Day weekend. It was busy, but that's my life. Friday night I took my son to the high school game here in town. He was invited with the other 8th graders to run onto the field for half time as future players at their school. It was hot and muggy. Of course my son didn't want to sit with mom so I sat by myself and enjoyed watching the game. I love football of all kinds.

Saturday morning we packed up and headed to Norman for the OU game. Luckily it was an evening game because it was still pretty hot outside. We did our usual long walk and lots of standing. I was proud of myself for tracking my food all weekend. Even though I overate some, I wrote it all down. I think it helped a lot because I came home without gaining any weight. We stopped on the way to the game and I got a grilled shrimp salad at Fuzzy's Tacos. It was very good. Next time, though, I'll have them hold the cheese. There was too much. At the game I did well and drank a lot of water and only ate a few peanuts.

Sunday, we went to church with my family and then after we went to Pizza Hut. I had a salad and 1/2 a veggie mini pizza. Then we did a little shopping. I visited with my godmother who is doing well after her surgery for breast cancer. Afterward, we headed home. The drive was good and little traffic, so much better than traveling on Monday as we usually do.

Arriving home on Sunday afternoon means that we had all day Monday here at home to do a few things and spend some time together. It was a lovely day with highs in the 80s. It was windy. We grilled some steak and corn on the grill and we got to swim a little. It was a bit cold for me so I spent time in the spa instead.

Today I was back at work with a super busy schedule. I stopped at the gym this morning and did week 2 day 1 of C25K.  Then at lunch I went to TKD class. Now my legs are a bit sore, but I think I just need to stretch a little more. Tonight after work I had to head straight to my son's football scrimmage. It was hot, but not too bad. Now I'm here trying to finish the work I didn't have time to get done.

Food today was good. I had a small zucchini-pineapple muffin(cupcake). They are fabulous! The recipe is here.  I had it without the icing. The whole family loved this treat and for under 200 calories! Along with the muffin I had my coffee and an orange. I had cherries for snack. At lunch I had tuna and salad with some melon on the side. Tonight I ate just a peach, carrots and hummus and a cup of the lentil soup my Nanny made. I had some more melon. My calories are at 1077. I burned 908 with exercise today.

I have only 3 more days until our Florida trip! I'm so excited and ready to go. The kids cannot wait. So......here's the last of my August vacay pics!

SAC Museum in Omaha. Too fun with all the planes and such!

Hydrogen bomb.

This is what happens when your 6 year old takes your pic.

SR-71 Blackbird

The flooding at the Missouri river from the Lewis and Clark Memorial park in               Council Bluffs, IA

 

Cute Monkey at the Omaha Zoo.

How I feel now.

If you are ever in the vicinity, make sure you see the Henry Dorley Zoo in Omaha. It really is one of the best in the country, and I've seen a LOT of zoos! 

OK, that's all the pics from my August trip....finally. I hope I didn't bore you all with them.  How did you do through Labor Day? Are you staying on track? If not, what's your plan for getting back on track? Do you like visiting zoos and museums? What is your favorite?

Yawn....goodnight all!

A Challenging Month!

I am soooooo happy that the kids will be out of school after tomorrow. My last day driving to 3 different schools, at least for a few years!

Last night was terrible. I started feeling bad again, I guess the same bug. I had a headache and diarrhea and vomiting. TMI I'm sure, but this is stuff I talk about all day so I tend to be well....open about bodily functions. I threw up my dinner, such that it was as we're back to the liquids. After that I ate a few saltines. They are about the only thing that will stop my nausea, even though they are not on the plan. But, today I feel better and I'm back on track.

I'm a bit tired and grumpy after that feeling bad and the game last night. My Mavs lost, but I'm still feeling hopeful and it is, after all, a 7 game series!   That tired and grumpy led to one massive internal fight at lunchtime.

You see, it's National Running Day today. That's right. It's the day that everyone is supposed to run. And seeing as how I joined a challenge or two (more later) I really had to exercise. And since part of the challenge for me involves running, I REALLY had to do it. Had to. But, didn't want to.

I hope I'm not the only one that argues with myself. If I am, I don't want to know. But I had a MASSIVE fight with that little whiny bitch fat girl that still lives inside me and is LAZY as shit. EVERY excuse in the book she threw at me today. "But, I was sick. I'm so tired.  I'm wearing a nice outfit and my make up actually looks decent. I can't find my headphones. I only have an hour. It's sooooooo hot." 

And then she got mean," You've tried and tried to do the C25K and you never finish. What's the point of starting it yet again? You'll just give  up and fail and then you'll feel stupid again. I don't see the point in setting yourself up for that kind of failure. You're still WAY too fat to be a good runner. You should wait until you lose 20 more pounds, THEN you can run"

To which I countered that: Exercise makes me feel better. I was sick last night, but that was then and I'm fine now. My makeup will look just as good when I re-apply and being thin REALLY makes make up look good.  You don't NEED headphones, iphone has a speaker. And yes it's hot, but that's why we have a treadmill! And hour is PLENTY of time since the C25K only takes 30min. AND I don't care how many times I have to start this over, I'm finishing it. I want to run and I am going to. I was running 30 pounds ago. I can go faster now and WHAT would I be waiting for? How do you think I'll lose another 20? Sitting and watching TV. Now shut up and RUN!

So I did.

Who says ladies don't sweat?

I've joined a couple of challenges. I don't generally do them. Of course I've been in Allan's phase....whatever we're doing..6? And I'm doing pretty well. Lost some weight. If you're looking for a challenge with a lot of structure where you will lose weight, check it out here.

But, two of my fav bloggy friends are hosting these and I couldn't NOT join.

First I am doing the

This challenge is hosted by my friend Alan at Pounds off Playoff. I like it because it's about exercise and I've already got my food hands full (or empty as the case may be) with the other Allan's challenge.  I like it because it has simple rules. I'm slow so simple is good. Plus I'm busy and simple is a necessity.  The rules are:
1. Exercise everyday in June. I can do this. I can. I will exercise one way or another, every single day. It will only make me feel better. It will speed my weight loss and it will re-focus me on exercise. All good.
2. Start something you've been putting off.  One of the things that I love about Alan's blog is that he's always talking about simplifying your life and organizing. I had to chuckle when I read this because it is classic Alan. I will be starting C25K (yes AGAIN).  I've been on and off againing this one for months. It's time I got busy and finished the damn thing. And now that I've committed to exercise every single day, there's really no excuse.
3. Be publicly accountable.  I have no problem with this one. I will blog as I always do to meet this part.

The next one is from my friend Tami over at Nutmeg Notebook, one of my very fav recipe (and more) blogs.

Again, a very simple challenge, but that's the beauty of it. Basically you choose a goal each week to work on. It's supposed to be something small. The point is to prove to us all that small changes really add up to good health. A great concept! You can read about the rules here. My goal for this week is to get back in the habit of morning workouts. I just feel better when I workout in the morning, even if I workout again later in the day. (Yes. Yes you can work out more than once in a day. Grin) See how these 2 challenges will go hand in hand?
I'll probably pick something else next week, but this week I'll focus on that one.

And so that's all for today. Three challenges at the same time, but each with a different focus. Just in time for summer and a time when commitments are less for me. Last summer I spent a lot of time exercising, usually twice a day, sometimes 3 times if you count the evening swimming. I did great and lost weight and a lot of inches. I'm ready to really buckle down and get even closer to my goal. I have about 60 more pounds to my goal weight and I refuse to lose focus now!

Are you doing any challenges for the summer? If so which ones and why?

BTW, I received an award today. Thanks, Ninja! And I'll post on that later.

Weekend Wrap Up

I had a great weekend. Busy, but great. I did well, not perfect, but well on my diet.  I think I handled the challenges of the weekend and I got in quite a bit of exercise.

Friday morning I got up early and went for a walk/run. I started C25K over. Again. That's right. Again. I am determined to get all the way through that thing and to improve my running. It seems like every time I start something happens to get in the way like injury or illness, but I'm not giving up.  I really want to do this thing. I thought about not even mentioning it here. I've started and re-started this program several times. But then I realized there is no shame in starting again.

I say this to my patients all the time. Especially to those trying to make lifestyle changes. "The more times you try, the higher the probability that you will succeed."  Studies have shown this. Most people who quit smoking or make some other lifestyle change have tried several times. There is no shame in starting over. I used to get so down on myself when I would try and fail at weight loss. I would get so down on myself that I gave up trying. Well, I'm done with that. There is only shame in giving up. Quitting. Not trying. So I'll keep starting over as many times as I have to.

After my exercise, I attended my reuinion medical conference. There were several lectures, some interesting, others not so much. The lunch was kinda yucky so I didn't eat much of it. I was starving by the time we were done with the meeting. I had a snack before dinner and drank a TON of water. The dinner and reception was fun. There were not many of my class there, but we had a good visit. The food was OK. There was salmon and filet, asparagus and mashed potatoes. I ate the salad, salmon and asparagus and left the potatoes and nearly all of the beef. I had one cocktail and the rest just water. I didn't eat the dessert which was a chocolate volcano cake which I understand was pretty good.

Saturday morning we got the kids up early and headed to the zoo for the annual ostrich egg breakfast. The kids had a blast because there were donuts and waffles and chocolate milk and such. Plus there were clowns and fun activities.  I passed on the bad stuff and had a small omelet, no Krispy Kremes for me. After the breakfast we did a lot of walking and saw most of the zoo. It was hot and by mid afternoon the kids were done and so were we. We headed home to basketball games and the air conditioner.

I slept terribly Saturday night and woke with a migraine which stuck with me all day yesterday. We drove home yesterday and when we arrived I got right to bed. I was able to watch the Mavs game (YEAH FOR THE SWEEP OF THE LAKER EVIL HOARD!) But after I went back to bed. Woke this morning with still a bit of headache, but it's better so far (fingers crossed).

Hubbie fixed dinner last night, steak on the grill, which was nice and the girls made me cards and pictures which were sweet. Mother's Day was low key and quiet, but that's ok. I HATE eating out for Mother's Day as the crowds are usually awful.

Phase 6 begins today and so far not so bad. I'm not hungry and I'm guzzling the fluids. The challenge is to stay on the plan exactly and that's what I intend to do. Hopefully the scale will reward me. It was weird this morning. I got on and off and on and off and it finally "woke up" and then proceeded to give me several different weights. I think I need new batteries. I'll replace that tonight, but I'm planning on no weight until next week for the plan. I need to stay off that thing for a bit.

I have had no time over the weekend to read blogs or comment. My  reader is really full. I'm trying to catch up today, so if you haven't heard from me in the last few days, know that I'm still around and trying to catch up. Have a great Monday!

Weigh in and......I'm a proud Mamma!

I really get pissed when I don't have time to post every day. I haven't been lately because the office is WILD and so is my home life and not all in a good way. So I'm going to make a commitment to blog everyday, even if it's short. Posting regularly keeps me accountable and frankly, happier.

Friday was a super busy day at work. When I got done, I had to go pick up kids at TKD. Two of the three had tests on Saturday so they were attending one last practice. Can I just say how proud I am of my son who can do some serious push ups? He's really gotten stronger and starting to put some intensity into his training that wasn't there before. He's growing up, sniff sniff.

After class, we got some pizza. No one freak, it was on the plan. I had the cheese pizza. I actually ate less as I had a huge salad. I didn't work out on Friday. My legs were so sore from TKD and running and training and the challenge exercises. I did my first orange belt class on Thursday and learned several new kicks. Yowza my thighs were hurting, esp after all those squats and lunges. My calories were good and my water is great as usual.

Saturday we spent 11 hours at our TKD gym. Yep. You read that right. Good thing I did my C25k and the challenge exercises from last week early that morning! My 6 year old had a test at 9am. We got there at 8:15 as my son was helping with the test. The kids set up and had a chance to warm up. My daughter's test was nearly 4 hours long. That's a really long time for a 6yr old to stay focused. I want to post some pics, but I haven't had a chance to get through them. You shoulda seen her sparring. She was one of the smallest testing and she held her own. She's learning. She got her green belt and she was so proud.

My son tested for red belt. That's just 2 from black. It's amazing how nervous you can get for your kids. His test was 6 and 1/2 hours long. He did very well on his test. He totally nailed his staff forms and one steps. He did great on his knife defenses. He made only very few mistakes. I was really proud of him. He broke 1 of the 2 boards he was supposed to. It was amazing to watch the black belts test. I'll tell you I don't know if it was inspiring or terrifying. They broke concrete blocks with their hands. They had to spar for 15min straight!

My son did so well on his sparring. Everyone was proud of him. He had to spar with several black belts and he held his own. Got a bunch of good hits and kicks in. Let me stop here for those of you who are not Tae Kwon Do people. This kind of sparring is not like MMA. This is traditional TKD stuff. The same stuff you see on the olympics.  I don't want you guys thinking I'm one of those weirdo parents you see on TV. Anyway, he got his red belt and we were all so tired. It was after 8pm by the time we got done. The kids were starved and wanted food, right now!

The kids wanted ice cream so they picked Braum's. Now in the past this would've been an issue for me. First of all, I love love love their fries. They are crinkle fries and just the right amount of crunchy and soft. Their burgers, not so much. For some reason I get sick every time I eat them, even before The Great Change. The ice cream.......oh .....how I love thee.  So many flavors. Rich and creamy.  I had none. I wanted it. OH how I did. But, I had none. The kids had ice cream-the girls are opposites one loves vanilla, the other chocolate. My son got a M&M sundae.

Now before I get a lot of comments about rewarding my kids with food and unhealthy diets, let me say that the last time they had drive thru was probably 3months ago and that was on a road trip. It just is not something we do.  And, I generally do not reward my kids with ice cream. BUT, 11 hours! My 5 year old sat through that and was good. My 6 year old was put through a 4 hour test, mostly exercise and then sat through her brother's 6 hour test (all exercise). And, I'll say it wasn't my idea. I didn't say, "You kids did so well, I'm buying you ice cream."  They asked for it. I said OK.

You know what's funny?  Kids figure it out. When presented with healthy food most of the time, they quickly get what's good and what's not. My little one ate 1/3 of her chocolate ice cream and said she was done. She ate a few fries and a couple bites of chicken. She finished. My middle daughter ate 1/2 her cheeseburger and 1/2 her fries and said she was too full for her ice cream. They AMAZE me. It has never occurred to me to not eat all my fries. Ever. I mean you just don't waste good food, right? Especially special food you don't get very often. And to PASS on my favorite food, ice cream, wouldn't happen. Not even at 6. Never. I was eating Braum's ice cream for breakfast at that age. (I know, issues from early on.  How do you think I got to be 260+pounds anyway?)  But, these kids stop when they are full. Whoa! A concept I'm STILL trying to learn.  I am trying so hard not to screw that up.

My son ate his burger, but left a lot of his fries. He ate about 1/2 of his sundae and looked at me and went, "Ugh this is WAY too sweet." Threw the rest away. I think I'm doing something right. ME?  Oh I forgot. I had a grilled chicken salad with fat free dressing and left 1/2 the chicken. We had subway for lunch. My calories were about 1000.

Today I've done well. Got up and ran my C25 K again. I'm so proud that I'm improving on my speed. I averaged 4.8 or so on my running intervals. This may sound slow to most of you who run, but last time I did this program, 4.0 was fast for me.  Did some great stretching. Cleaned house, cooked, drove kids here and there. We made valentine's cupcakes today. I did fine. No worries. Isn't it amazing how excited kids get over breaking an egg and stirring the batter?  Their joy in simple things keeps me remembering to slow down and enjoy. The weather today didn't hurt either, 75degrees! Lovely! Windows open. Kids outside and at least 1 hour of solitude while I cleaned!   End of day and I am soooo tired. Calories today, right at 1200.

I weighed in for the challenge. I weighed 198.8. Last week I weighed 200.4 and that's 1.6 pounds lost!  Of course Allan rounded down my starting weight to 200 and up this week to 199 so it looks like 1 pound. But I know the truth. I'm going to work hard this week and see if I can do even better. I found myself eating sometimes on the plan when I wasn't that hungry just because it was written on the list of things I COULD eat. I'm still learning. It's a process, right?

ANYWAY.....I'm down to my lowest weight since 1989. No joke. The lowest weight I can remember is 195. I think I was 185 at one point, but maybe that was a day dream. All I know is, I'm proud of myself. I have a long way to go, but the good news is, I'm on my way there.

So....temptation.....how do you handle it? And......where are you headed these days? Are you on your way or do you need to U-turn?  Comments are good. They keep me going, soooooo....don't hesitate!

What a week! and...LOOK!

Whew! I can't beleive this week. So busy, so crazy, soooo...half over, praise the Lord!  I haven't had time or opportunity to post until now and it was starting to piss me off. I decided I didn't care how late I had to stay up I'm finishing my work and posting to my blog.   With my NP still out I am struggling to keep up with the work load.

Yesterday was good. Really good. Day 2 of the challenge and no problem. The level of food is fine. I haven't been hungry as I've been eating 1200 calories for a while. The water is also no problem as I've been doing it for a while. The interesting thing I've noticed is that I'm kinda enjoying the food plan. There are a lot of things on there that I like but haven't been eating in a while. It's funny how we get in a rut. I totally enjoyed the oatmeal yesterday.  I just haven't been eating it much. I don't know why. Carb avoidance? Time? I used to think it made me hungry faster, but I'll tell you I was FULL until lunch time.

And I can't tell you the last time I had a waffle. It was actually yummy. I had all but given up fruit juice, but the plan calls for it.  I was not drinking much milk either, mainly eating yogurt instead. But, I have to say the milk has been filling and tasty for a change. And I actually enjoyed the tuna and crackers and salad at lunch today. I did decide not to do the snack this afternoon. It was supposed to be 1/2 oz of chocolate. At first glance that sounds great, but I know me.

Chocolate is my gateway drug and 1/2 oz isn't enough. I do occasionally let myself have chocolate, but not on a routine basis. A little chocolate and I'm craving Coke and bread and desserts and then...who knows what. Instead I had a small banana. I love them. I consider them a treat and it was great.

Be careful about indulgences. In theory the thought that "I can have just a little" sounds good. But, the truth is there is a a biological basis for cravings, especially sugar and carbs. That's one theory why diet sodas seem to increase obesity rates.  BTW I believe that is the explanation for the study that came out this week regarding diet sodas being associated with an increase in cardiovascular disease. Give em up. Drink water!

OK, where was I? Oh yeah.....

Unfortunately my exercise plan for Tuesday didn't work out. Patients ran late so I didn't make it to TKD. I hate that. But, it's kinda hard to say, "Mrs. Smith I realize you are depressed, but gee, I need to make my TKD class. We'll talk more later."  PLUS I am currently teaching a NP student and while I enjoy it and love it, it does slow me down. He is a great person and doing well, but it's his first rotation so he basically knows nothing yet. He's learning. Of course he has an awesome teacher, ha ha.

So, I ended up running a few errands and working through lunch. BUT, I did make my appointment for my trainer. OUCH! I'm hurting today. We did lots of squats and lunges. With and without weights. Up downs and V-ups and crunches and...you get the idea.   Last night I got home and tried to post, and damn it but our wireless router died. Up and died. Sigh.

That means that I didn't get my work caught up yesterday OR this morning. Sigh. The really bad thing was that after dinner last night I decided I wanted coffee. Knowing I needed to stay up working I indulged. Soooo guess who was up very late? THEN I woke up to sleet hitting the windows early this am. SCREW YOU, Jack Frost!  I'm tired of this crap. I live in Texas for a reason and it is NOT snow or sleet or ice.

I got up early anyway as planned. School was canceled AGAIN. So I went up and did my C25K. Finished week 1 again. I'll say my speed is much better this time through. I am lighter by about 25 pounds and I find it makes a HUGE difference. Damn when I'm thin I'm gonna fly! (Ha ha! I wish.)  Anyway I am remembering how much I like to run and getting into it again. The challenge helps a LOT as walking and jogging intervals are the prescribed cardio.  I've got to get new shoes, it's just time. But between work and the weather, no go yet. SOON!

Me after my run this am. Can you see the sweat?

 I love that shirt. My blog friend Shelley was nice enough to get it for me when I couldn't find one near where I live. I think it's inspirational. It sure fits better and better these days. My commute in to work was not too hot.

Our back yard.

Weee!  Fun slide.

No one on the road, just the way I like it!

But, the roads were a lot better than in Dallas. I'm glad I didn't get stuck on the interstates.  Made it to work without much trouble at all. Thank you traction control and anti-lock brakes!Work was slow this morning so I went to Target at lunch. Best. Shopping. Ever. Hardly anyone was there, but I got tickled at all the husbands clearly dragged there by their wives because they didn't want to drive. Got a new router at Best Buy. THUS I can post now. Yeah! Delivered groceries to the house and back to work I went.

Over the last few weeks my wedding ring has gotten progressively looser. Now with the cold and washing my hands all day, I had to start wearing it on my middle finger. I really need to get one of those ring guards.

I don't want to re-size until I'm close to goal. Hmmm....GOAL.....Rewards.....I see an upgrade in my future. Ha ha!  Until then I gotta find a way to wear it safer or stop wearing it. Dang thing flew off several times in the last couple of days.

But the BEST news of all is THIS

My weight yesterday! FINALLY!!!!!! Officially I have now lost 50 pounds and 65 from my highest weight, at least highest known weight to me.  I have reached onederland. And now...

I have to set my next goal. Hmm..Well, I've been thinking and I guess I'll set it at 182. A weird number, but I have my reasons. FIRST, it is half way to my goal weight predicted in the challenge which is 166. A number which frankly I can't get my head around yet. The 182 is 17 pounds and that number I can fathom. I honestly have never weighed 166 in my adult life. Pretty sure I was in junior high last time I saw that number. I was about 185 my freshman year of college which is the lowest weight I can actually remember. That was 1988-1989, twenty-three years! Dear lord. I'm getting old.

Well, now I'm tired. My work is done and my butt hurts from all those squats yesterday. I'm going night night. I'll be up tomorrow to do the challenge exercises and then to TKD tomorrow, lord willing! I keep drinking water and peeing. I hope all of you are on your way and doing all those things too. I can't tell you how proud I was to see that number on the scale yesterday. Don't you ALL want to feel that?  And those of you who already have...don't forget how it feels!  Everybody, EAT right and MOVE! I mean it!

Wednesday Weigh In and my first trip to TWO OHHHH!!!

Another week gone and another weigh in? Where do they go? I feel like all I do is run from place to place and fall into bed, wake up too soon and do it all again! Yesterday I didn't post although I wanted to. I even half-assed thought of something to get going on, but literally there was no time.

I woke up, got kids to school and me to work. Breakfast was cheerios eaten standing up at the kitchen counter while waiting on the microwave and my kid's oatmeal. Work was super busy. Flu season is coming. Seeing lots of Strep throat, colds, allergies and even a case of Mono. Get your flu shots people. It's coming.

I had Tae Kwon Do yesterday, I think this is my 4th class. It was HARD. We did crunches-75, push ups 25, leg lifts-25 with the last 5 held for 10 sec 1/2 way down and super hard stretches. That was just the warm up. We did kicking drills which is basically just kicking as hard and fast as you can in 1 minute as many times as you can. Also, we practiced our holds and forms and more kicking. I was soaked in sweat! But, I did everything. Still working on my side kicks as I need more strength and flexibility in my hip flexors. I LOVE IT! I never though I could love exercise this much! All I want to do is practice and learn the stuff more. I'm exercising, but it doesn't even feel like it. It is AWESOME!!

Lunch was a frozen Lean Cuisine Ravioli and some grapes. I went straight from work to my son's football game. It was to be his first "real" for school game, but it got rained out. This is the second one and poor kid was crushed. He was so excited. Dang it. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or proud that he really wanted to "hit someone". His words. He plays D-line and he really likes it. But, we'll have to wait another week to try again.

I went straight from the rained out game, ran through the flooding parking lot to my car and got soaked, and drove to my meeting at the hospital. Sitting in a meeting soaked is not fun. Luckily I had a granola bar in my pocket, so that was snack. Several doctors there hadn't seen me in months and they made quite a fuss about my weight loss. It was flattering and embarrassing. I'm just not used to the attention, but it did feel good that they noticed. Sometimes I don't see the difference in the mirror yet.

Got home at 8:30pm and it was time for bed for the girls. By the time we brushed teeth and jammies and read books, it was after nine and that's a little later than I like, but whatta ya gonna do? By then I was STARVING. Like stomach growling I could eat the pillow starving. So, I fixed a wrap with turkey pastrami and mustard and had a bowl of watermelon. When you figure I burned around 800 calories at lunch, it's no wonder I was hungry! My total calories were 994 yesterday and with the exercise net was only 243 calories but, I wasn't hungry and it was enough.

This morning I hopped out of bed energetic and ready to go. OK....so I dragged my tired ass out kicking and screaming and made myself get on the treadmill. I did C25K week 8 day 3, that's a 28 minute run. I can now run 1.5 miles without walking. I feel like that's good progress. My speed is still bad. I did 2miles today in the 38 min, 10 of that was walking. The last 6 minutes was hell as my legs woke up I guess and said, "What the HELL! After all that shit we did yesterday you have the nerve to try and make us run??" Well, I apologized to them and told them if they'd just get done, they could rest. I haven't explained that we have an appointment with the trainer at 5pm. Shhhh!

Today at lunch I have a staff meeting for my office. After work, I head to the gym for my session with the trainer. I had to squeeze it in as it was planned for Monday noon and after the KFC horror which shall never be discussed again, I had to reschedule. I'm praying he has upper body planned as my legs are about shot now. I went to get gas this morning, dropped my credit card on the ground and when I bent over to pick it up, well....I said a naughty word. OK...it was several. THEN after the session with the trainer I have a hospital board meeting which will probably last until 10pm. I packed food to eat and I have soup here at work if I need it.

And now the exciting news.....

Today I weighed 209.4!!

That's right people I have entered the land of the TWO OHHHs! I am only 10 pounds from my next goal of 199 and it feels absolutely doable. A year ago it felt impossible, a dream that would never happen, better chance of winning the lottery. But here I am DOING IT! Actually doing it. And all I had to do was what I ALREADY KNEW HOW TO DO!

Can you believe it took me 40 years to figure this shit out? Eat less, move more. Unbelievable. I can do trigonometry. I can tell you the pathophysiology of any disease. I can recite for you the pharmacology behind Viagra. But until March 22nd, 2010 I didn't get the simple equation calories in -calories burned=weight loss.

It seems soooo simple to me now. So un-freakin-believably simple. I want to shout it from the tree tops. I want to go up to obese people on the side walk and shake them and say, "Why aren't you doing it? Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting your family. All you have to do is move and eat less." It's sooo doable.

Is it easy? NO! Are there times I want to binge? YES! Do I? NO! Because I know I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! And binging won't get me where I want to go. Do I want that bagel, cupcake, twinkie, snickers? Not as much as you'd think. It's amazing how the longer you don't eat that crap, the less you care anything about it at all.

That's why sometimes I worry about the "just eat a little bit" mentality. Maybe that's OK for some people. I am NOT judging anyone. I have had a time or two where I really wanted a cookie and I've had one. But here's the rub...if I eat one, I want another. OR I want a coke. OR I want a candy, just one little kiss won't hurt, right? And it won't hurt if I just have a FEW Doritos. I mean, after all I'm not going to go my whole life without these things, right?

And then I say to myself WHY NOT??!!?? Why do you NEED any of that crap? You know it does nothing for you nutritionally. You know it makes you crave more crap. WHY do I feel like I should DESERVE to eat that garbage? Because it is emotional. I don't like the feeling of some of my greatest comfort foods gone from me. What will happen if I want them and can't have them? How will I feel?

Well.....I'll feel however I FEEL. And it will have NOTHING to do with what food I am eating or craving. It will just be a feeling and like ALL feelings, they will pass, they will change. How liberating to know, I don't have to face the temptation of just one cookie or one little piece of cake or a "few chips". I don't have to get on that slippery slope if I don't want to. Because for me, just a little moderation leads to binging. So for me, I will avoid those bad for me foods because they are BAD for me and because I don't want to face the cravings for a week after a little moderation. That's what I've discovered for ME.

Like an alcoholic who just can't have one drink, I can't have one cookie. Because 1 cookie leads to 2 cookies and then the salty kicks in, OK french fries, and what goes with fries....COKE. And if you're going to have fries and a coke, might as well have the hamburger. I NEED the protein anyway right? And if I've already eaten all that, what's a shake. That's at least got milk in it, right? And pretty soon I'm back on the FOOD merry-go-round and I'm nauseated and sick physically and emotionally.

Are you ready to let go of your emotional attachment to foods? Are you ready to finally be free? Are you ready to take control and get on the road to your goals? Stop the side trips already! Let's do this thing!!

Let me know what you've learned about controlling food OR are you still struggling to show it who's boss?

Friday Frustrations and Saturday Sensations

Yesterday was just plain annoying. I woke up in the morning thinking I would catch up on work before breakfast so I could be caught up and ready to work out at the gym at lunch. My arms were still sore, but I was looking forward to getting on the elliptical.

I made sure my bag was packed. I packed my snacks and fruit for the day. I ate my breakfast. All was right with the world. Coffe was hot, but not too hot. Drank my big glass of ice water on the way to work. Arrived at work ready to go. First patient doesn't show. Ok, time to catchup. Second patient is late. Great. No show turns into a late show. Then another patient brings her daughter with her and wonders if maybe I could squeeze her in too. Sure. No problem.

Then one of my very favorite patients tells me her sister got killed a few days ago in a car accident. Some idiot driving in the heavy rain down pour we had the other day hydroplaned and went airborne, crossed the median and struck her car where she and her husband had pulled over to be safe. She died instantly. Poor woman was distraught as her sister was her best friend. This lady is the nicest lady. She always brings my staff a baked good from home. She's German and every time she goes home she brings my kids back big bags of Gumme Baren (Gummy Bears) and other treats. She never leaves my office without asking how I am, how my kids are. She always has a smile on her face, even now that she's dealing with her husband's cancer. But this time she was crying and so sad and I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just sat and listened for a long time while she told me all about her sister's service and grandkids and such.

Some asshole down the hall gets pissed because I'm running late and starts yelling and then uses foul language w/ my staff. And I have to go down the hall and calm him down. There are 2 ways to handle this. Be confrontational and tell him I am sorry for being late, but I do not tolerate that kind of behavior in my office and ask him to leave. The alternative is much better. I just calmly sat down and told him I was so very sorry for running late and then made him feel like a complete ass by telling him why I was late. He ended up apologizing to me and my entire staff.

So I get done late and yet I was determined to go to the gym. Well, actually I almost talked myself out of it. But, I didn't. Got in the car and set off to make the 5 minute drive. It was hot. What else is new. Turned left onto the highway and DAMN IT! Construction BS. Shut down to 1 lane and took me 20 frickin' minutes to the turn. By the time I get in the gym, change clothes, get upstairs I'd have about 15 minutes before I had to leave to get in the shower to go back to work. That's a no go. So instead of the gym I went to the yogurt place. It was supposed to be my reward for working out.

The deal was if I ate the yogurt I would work out after work. So the afternoon turned into hell, didn't get done until later than I had planned. Got call from the Nanny, youngest has a fever. Frack. She got 5 shots day before for her preschool. No go AGAIN with the gym. And when I get home, little miss wants me to hold her so no getting to work out. Not even a swim. Whatever. There are more important things.

Husband wants Chinese. Otherwise known as The Sodium King of Food. I did well and ordered plain stir fry chicken and veggies, no sauce. Well done. Then got a craving for chocolate, ate low fat frozen yogurt which put me just under my budget by 7 calories. Hey, but it's under.

Woke up this am and was off to the park to do my weekend 5K by 8:15am. I was excited after how well I did on Wednesday and planned to try to run the whole time. It was already 86 degrees. But, a nice breeze. Did the C25K Week 7 Day 2. Did 3.6 miles, 3 laps on the trail. It was hard this time. Damned hard. There was no way I was running the whole 5K. I sure am glad I didn't work out yesterday. Otherwise I would have never been able to do even that 25 minute run. I think I didn't drink enough water yesterday and it bit me in the ass. Literally. No I mean like my ass hurt so bad and my legs were so tight.

You runners out there can explain to me why sometimes I run and it's like I'm on fire (well at my size, maybe more like really hot soup). Others my legs are tight and I feel like I'm running in quick sand. I had to tell myself to keep going. I had to force one leg in front of the other. On the bright side, there was this really nice man on the trail who told me I was doing great and to keep going every time he lapped me. I've seen him there before. He's an older guy, probably late 50s or early 60s and looks like he's been running a long time.

So I get home and I'm starved. Whip up some egg white omelets for me and the husband. That and light wheat toast with the sweet potato butter I got last week at the Farmer's Market. It was yummy and only 20 calories per tablespoon. Then husband and I spent the morning doing the very important job of cleaning off the TIVO. Caught up on True Blood, Rescue Me and Entourage.

Then we decided we didn't want to do anything today. Husband worked late every night last week and then did more work after dinner. He's been so busy and we both needed a lazy day. So we took one. After TIVO, we watched a couple of movies-Transporter 3 and Inglorious Basterds. Nothing makes me happier than a movie with fast cars and bad guys getting their butts kicked by Jason Statham. The other movie was slow and long and very disappointing for the most part, especially for Quentin Tarantino. The story is not too bad and the acting decent, just too long.

Tonight we went for a swim and it was nice, but hot. Tomorrow I'll have to make up for our lazy day with housework and yard work and final preparations before school which starts on Monday.

But, for now, I'm happy with my lazy, hazy summer day. Son's at a last fling party at a friend's. I feel very non-productive except that I ran/walked 5 K today. And I learned that my resting heart rate is now 60-65. Smile. My heart likes all this exercise.

How was your Saturday? How do you push through when you hit THE WALL during exercise?

Wednesday Weigh In. And Coming out of the Closet

Woke up this morning and MAN do my arms hurt. Ouch. See yesterday's post for why if you haven't read it. But, in short: I DID CHIN UPS! I had planned to get up and do C25K Week 7 day 1 today. I didn't want to at first, then I realized that making a commitment to myself is just as important, no MORE important, than any of the other tons of things I needed to get done. So upstairs I went to the treadmill.

Thanks to my friend Shelley and her helpful review of sports bras, I donned my new Moving Comfort Maia. I know you guys don't get this, but it's really hard to find something comfortable and functional. She didn't miss the mark on that review because it is by far the best one I've ever had. I'll be ordering a few more and tossing the others. Thanks, Shelley!

I completed my workout, which was basically 5 min walk, 25 min run, 5 min walk and then kept on walking. I did a total of 1 hour, 2.6 miles, then stretches. Then came the moment of truth. I got tickled at Christine's post today talking about people who only weigh once a week and have that kind of restraint. I'm not one of those. I weigh too often, but I only count my official once a week weight on Wednesdays.

So without further adieu, the results: 214.6

That's a loss of 3 pounds and brings my total loss to 35.4 pounds. I honestly couldn't believe it. I got off and back on the scale multiple times,but it was the same every time. Then I took my measurements. I've lost a total of 24.25 inches overall since June 10th. Perhaps this is why I nearly lost my workout shorts in the gym yesterday when I stood up from my sit ups?

I am ecstatic. I am proud. I am in shock. I am tentative. I am in awe of myself. I am worried it's a dream and I'll wake up to find it's not true. I am determined to keep going. I've never lost this much weight before at one time. Not ever. I am 3.6 pounds from my first goal of 212 pounds. My lowest weight in the last 11 years. My LoseIt program says I'll reach that goal by August 28th. That's like 10 days. UN. Real.

It also says I can reach my next goal of 199 pounds by October 12th. Holy shit. I'm really doing this thing. I haven't been under 200 pounds since my freshman year of college and that was only for a few months. I was a size 14. I thought I was fat.

I hope you understand when I say I'm in shock. I hope you understand when I say I'm afraid. I've tried so many times. So. Many. Times. I've lost the same 20 pounds probably 50 times in my 40 years. No joke. And while I feel in my soul this time is different, I still battle the self doubt. Don't get me wrong, I'm winning. I'm kicking it's ass! But, it's there. Thus the constant weighing and weighing 10 times in a row.

I share this so you know. If you're new to this very real and permanent change, and if you feel like this, you can beat it just like me. Don't be me my last 20 diets. Don't get 3 weeks in and quit because of 1 candy bar or 1 cookie or 20 cookies for that matter. Keep going. It's worth it. Wow. What my weight loss rock star idols must feel like losing 100, 150, 200, 272 pounds. You know who you are. I just have a teensy winsy glimpse of it. I like it. Smile.

So I came out of the closet last night to my hubbie. NOT THAT CLOSET! The one where I was keeping my blog. I just felt funny blogging and reading all these blogs without him knowing. He'd ask what I was doing and I'd say, "Oh just reading those weight loss blogs I told you about." Now he knows I have one also. I showed it to him. I showed him I had 47 (now 50! Thank you!!) Followers. I told him about my favorite commenters and why I liked each one. He said my blog was cool and that he thought I'd done a good job setting it up. I told him he didn't have to read it, but could if he wanted to. I told him I hadn't told anyone else but him. He made me feel proud about it and a little silly for not telling him sooner. What was I worried about?

And now....I'll wrap up with a sports rant. My non-sports geek fanatic readers might want to stop here. I warned you a few posts ago that football would sneak it's way in here. FOOTBALL IS HERE!!! OMG I love that game. I soooo wish I'd been a boy and could've played. One of my dreams is to be fit enough to join an adult flag league some day. I am so so so so happy to have my football back. Can't wait for my team's first game, Labor day Weekend. THE SOONERS! Boomer! I love the excitement in the stadium. I love being with other fans. I love kicking the other team's butt. I love losing and look forward to trying again next game. Well.....ok I HATE losing. BUT I LOVE THAT GAME!

These guys, these athletes are amazing. I can only dream of doing a 1/3 of what they can do. Hainesworth's fitness test he kept failing...I wish I could fail like he did. I watch ESPN when I workout all the time. It motivates me. These guys are naturally talented, but if you think for 1 minute that they don't WORK hard you haven't payed attention. I use this as motivation in my own workouts.

Favre is 40 and gonna do his 20th season. Rock on brother! Whether you love him or hate him, gotta respect that ability. At 40 I'd give anything to experience that for just one day. Get off his back, you're just jealous. If he doesn't want to go to camp, I get it. Twenty years of abusing his body and he earns skipping camp. He wants to save what he has left for the game he loves, REALLY loves. You cannot blame him for that.

OK, done now. Are there people in your life you use as motivation to push yourself harder? How has the scale been treating you lately? Are you getting where you want to be or falling short? Are you kicking self doubt's ass today?

Monday. Stupid Scale.

This weekend was good. I had a nice visit with family. But, It was not so good on the food front. I ate chocolate. Twice. I just needed some. I counted it and I didn't go over my calories, but I did feel a bit guilty. Partially because I knew I was emotional eating and I am really trying to put a hold on that. Alas, we are not perfect. Well, I guess I shouldn't speak for you. Maybe you are, but I haven't achieved perfection. (Please do not inform my husband of this horror.Wink Wink.)

The best part of the weekend by far was that I ....Drum Roll.....finished week 5 of C25K. Yes. I finished it. I ran for 20 minutes. TWENTY. I really didn't think I'd be able to complete it. But just when I thought I couldn't go on anymore, the guy's voice says, "You are halfway through." "Oh HELL Yeah! I got this!" So I finished. I ran at the park, the path there is 1.2 miles. I was able to complete 3 laps and I felt like I could have walked/jogged more, but had to get home to the kiddos. This is the second time I've done it and now I know I'll be able to do the 5K. I'm going to start deciding on which one to do. I find it hard to believe that I jogged and walked 3.6 miles. I've never done that in my life!

I am extremely slow. But, I am focusing on stamina and completing my runs. I'll work on speed later. The good news is that my time was better. I did 16 min miles. Which I really hate even typing that it because it seems so slow, but a few months ago, it took me 20min to do a mile. So I've actually come a long way. I didn't work out yesterday except some swimming and crunches. My legs needed a break.

I didn't drink as much water as I should have. Sometimes I just don't drink like I should on the weekend. As a result, at least that's the theory I'm going with, the scale says I gained 3 pounds. There is no way. No. Way. I've actually gained 3 pounds, so I call BS on you Mr. Scale. My official weigh in is Wednesday and we'll see where I'm at then. Of course, I lost 4 pounds last week. Who knows.

I don't know why I even got on the dang thing this morning. I knew I felt puffy and bloated, but it was just calling my name. And mocking me. And laughing at me for my chocolate and other weaknesses this weekend. I gave in and I was sorry. But, then I wasn't that upset. I actually laughed at it. You see, Mr. Scale and I have an intimate and long term relationship. I wouldn't call it a friendship, more of a working relationship. He does his job to let me know when I'm screwing up or doing well and I do mine by getting on it from time to time. Days like today when I laugh in his face, he gives me the standard, "Just doing my job, Lady."

When I say, "That can't be right. I didn't eat that much." He says, "Look, Lady. It is what it is. What'm I posed to do 'bout it?" Ok. So my scale has a strange New Jersey construction worker accent. But, the point is...isn't it weird how this internal dialogue goes on in your head with the scale? Or am I the only one that has these silly conversations in my head? There are times I dread the scale. Not so much anymore. I know what I'm doing is healthy and the numbers are going to change. They have to. There are times when I can't wait to weigh in and see how well I've done. But, even then, I'm still plagued by that childhood nervous flutter that I get when I first step on.

Will that nervous feeling ever go away? Will I ever be able to weigh in public, like at the gym? I still can't weigh there. The scale has this ginormous readout thingy on the wall that I'm pretty sure they can see in space. I suppose it will get better. I mean, I have worn my workout running pants and shirts, which I had previous deemed too clingy, to run at the park and to the gym. So I guess your attitudes about previously prohibited behaviors do change over time.

But, I'd like to get to the point where I feel like the scale is working FOR me, not the other way around. After all, I paid for the damn thing and if he doesn't watch it, I can trade it in for a new one. The only problem is I don't think that would change the voices in my head.

What about you? Do you feel nervous when you get on the scale? Do you weigh in public? Have you done anything lately that you thought you'd never be able to do?

Attitude, Schmattitude

Why do I do it to myself? Why do I weigh when it's not my weigh in day? Why do I weigh so often? Why do I let what the scale says determine my attitude?

This morning I did Couch 25K Week 5 Day1. I didn't want to. I woke up tired this morning after not sleeping well. I had a page at 2:30 am and then I had trouble going back to sleep. You'd think after all the years of calls in the middle of the night that I could fall right back to sleep. But, I didn't this time.

So, I woke up late and tired and frankly grouchy. I knew I wouldn't have time to go to the gym today. I had to cancel with my trainer since I had to take my son, the 12 year old klutz, to get an x-ray on my lunch hour. He whacked his foot on the side of the pool the other day when we were swimming. I knew this meant I won't get to the gym this week most likely as we are leaving for vacation on Thursday.

I went through all the internal self talk. Yes I talk to myself. You gotta problem with that? Anyway...I had the usual whiny voice in my head going, "I'm tired. One day of not exercising won't matter. We'll do it later. It's going to be hard." And the other one, "Stop whining I have so had it with you. You wouldn't be so tired if you woke up when you're supposed to. Now get up there and do it."

"Fine!"

So, the bitchy me dragged the whiny me's butt up the stairs and onto the treadmill. It felt so good. I am so proud of myself for going ahead with it. I ran the 5 min intervals and I felt like I could still do more. Then I was mad I had to stop to go to work. Seeing a theme here?

Despite the fact that I was proud for finishing my run and how good I felt, I decided to get on the scale and before bitchy me could stop myself, I weighed. Now my official day is Wednesday and even though I knew I was in a bad mood, I did it anyway. Dumb. So the scale says I didn't lose any weight. Grr.

You can imagine how the rest of my day was. On the bright side, my son's foot is not broken. And, just when I thought this day was worthless, I heard this from my 86 year old patient on her way out the door, "Any day where I'm alive and healthy is a celebration." Wow. I had to smile at that. I think this needs to be my new mantra. Don't you?

So, tomorrow morning, I will be weighing in for real. And no matter the results, I will have a good attitude. Because, I know I've worked hard. I know I'm eating right and exercising and I am in better shape right now than I've been in...well, ever. AND I'm 40! So there Mr. Scale. You can bite me.