I'm HUNGRY! and NO I'm not giving in

Just a quick post today.

I'M HUNGRY!  I don't know if it's eating real food or what, but I'm hungry today. Didn't help that lunch was baked potatoes and mac and cheese and salads and cute little mini bundt cakes brought into the office. NONE of which I ate, but ALL of which looked awesome. I ended up going home for a while and eating on plan but I'm still hungry and trying not to think about it. Just drank some more water.

I'm not exercising today. I'm so freaking sore from my two rigorous workouts on Monday and Tuesday so today I'm resting. I have a board meeting tonight and I had to dress like a "real person", ie no scrubs. There's just something that irritates me about dressing in nice clothes, getting undressed to exercise, and having to shower and get dressed again. I should have worked out this morning, but AGAIN with the so freaking sore thingy.

There's no shame in a day of rest,right?

I wonder if no exercise is why I'm hungry today or if it's just my body adjusting to real food again? Anyway, I'm fighting it and ignoring it, but it makes me crabby. So this is what Allan's always talking about, eh?

Anyhoo.....

I've been reading and commenting some today and as usual it helps. I wish I had something profound to write about today, but I don't. Only thing I can say is, some days you breeze through and others you struggle more. Today I've been faced with a bunch of temptation. I've had to remind myself why I'm doing this. I've had to argue with myself about why "just one taste" DOES hurt.  So you see we all go through this. Even now after 80 pounds lost, I struggle. Sigh......

That's ok though. There's no shame in the struggling. There's only shame in the quitting which I will NEVER do.


For me ONE TASTE can set of a binge of biblical proportions. ONE cookie-not a good idea. ONE dinner roll. ONE piece of pie. ONE scoop of ice cream. ONE sip of Coke.  All of which sound like it should be ok, but it's the cravings that come AFTER that I hate. You see I always want more. Always. And even if I watch it and eat good healthy food sometimes it's hard for me to maintain control. So for me I reserve these "just one" episodes for very very very very very very rare things. Like pretty much never. Don't fool yourself. Just "one bite" does a LOT of damage. I can't tell you how many pounds I've gained from that!

I read Tami's blog as I always do and she has this FAB recipe for jambalaya today which has me drooling and not helping my cravings. BUT, knowing I can have shrimp helps.  She has the best recipes on there!

Well, I'm off to my meeting now. (boo!) But at least I won't be home and tempted with food. That's all for today except........GO MAVS!!!!

A good day and BLOG LOVE.

As far as Tuesdays go, today has been a good one so far. I screwed my hubbie out of coffee when I reset the time to pm on accident. Sorry! But, I noticed in time to get my coffee brewed and I reset the clock to the right time so all was not lost.

Can I just say how much I've enjoyed the actual food for breakfast these last 2 days? I had egg substitute and wheat english muffin. Tasty yummy. Of course I drank tons of water and my coffee. At lunch I went to TKD. It was one of those days where I was struggling to get through class. I think it's because of the hard workout yesterday. My back and chest are sore and my legs are tired from the weight lifting. I pushed my way through class, but I was much less powerful with my punches or kicks. I also had a harder time with coordination so I kept screwing up the combinations. 

It didn't help that the instructor had us doing push ups and after the 40 with a twist I did yesterday, it was rough to get through. He had us doing push up then move to the side, then push up and move back and push up again. Don't remember the techinical word for these kinds of pushups, but I can think of a few and none of them are nice words. And after the 30 situps yesterday, the 25 leg lifts and then long hold leg lifts were pretty awful. But, I made it through and after class I felt good that I'd finished and pushed through.

Tonight I have a dinner meeting. I know, "Danger, danger". But I've already checked the menu and there will be grilled salmon and veggies, so I'll be on plan. Of course they'll also be dessert and bread, but I won't be having any of that. I'll save my evening snack for when I get home and I've had my water today as usual, although I'm feeling a bit dry after my hard workout at lunch.  The scale keeps moving downward and I'm super excited to see what the next weigh in brings.

Have I told you lately how much your comments mean to me? There have been so many times that one of you left a comment just when I needed it most. So please keep commenting and I'll keep reading and commenting on your blogs as well. If I don't already follow you, leave a comment. I love finding new blogs to follow!

I really enjoyed all the comments yesterday. Hearing from some old friends like Tish, Alan, Michelle, Christine and Karen was fabulous.  Stop by Tish's blog if you don't already follow her. She's back from a hiatus and been through a lot lately. Lend her some support. AND I always enjoy hearing from new bloggers.  Check out these guys who have recently just gotten started. They could use your support. Meghan at I'm On My Way and Letters to Absolem from Cupcakes to Crunches. BTW Meghan, I tried to comment on your blog, but couldn't. In answer to your question, I wear my fitbit in my bra and haven't had any problems and believe me I sweat a TON at TKD.  Also Treading Lightly has been around about a month and I've recently discovered his blog so check it out.

Finally, while I'm spreading the blog love, Head over to SJB's blog at This isn't Cute Anymore. She's back with us after an absence and needs our support to get back in the grove. We've all been there. Those times where we were not eating right, not exercising. It's like you wake up from a bad dream and realize somehow you've wound up somewhere you don't recognize. The weight back on and feeling defeated. The key is to pick up and move forward.  Don't lie to yourself. Realize that you have the control. Only you can chose to be healthy, to LIVE or not. And that choice is one we all make every day.

I've learned so much here in blog land. I've come so far and I really believe that blogging has been an invaluable tool in my healthy lifestyle.  How do you get back on track when you've had slip ups? What are some gems you can leave for our new blog friends?

Have a great evening!

Weekend Wrap Up and Monday Weigh In

Hello all. I've been trying all day to get a few minutes to post, but to no avail. Busy Monday as usual and I'm still not done with my work, but I put it on hold to get this done.

Saturday was a very long day. I went with my son's band to Six Flags. It was a LOT of walking (over 16,000 steps) and some fun. It was a huge challenge to find a way to eat there. Did you know there is no where you can buy milk there? And did you know that they check your bag and make you throw out any food? So my plan for eating didn't work out as planned. I did work around it and I ended the day basically on plan.

Can I say how good it felt not to even worry I might not fit? I'm under 200 now. There are LOTS of people that weigh more than me and are able to ride these rides. I didn't have to even THINK about not fitting in the seat. Did you also know that now along with the warning about heart disease and pregnant women they've added a disclaimer that if you DON'T fit securely in the restraint that you'll be asked to leave the ride? Like they have to tell you that if the seat belt won't fit, you can't ride. Who wants to?  I found that somewhat sad. And it reminded me of a time when I might have had to push to get that little bar down securely over my belly.  The ride home on the bus with an entire busload of kids hopped up on sugar and a long day of fun was miserable and I had a massive migraine by the time I got home. I ate and went to bed.

Sunday I was tired and I ate breakfast and ended up napping most of the morning on the sofa. In the afternoon I got busy with some housework beginning with helping my husband remove 2 birds which had gotten stuck in the exhaust fan in our kitchen. Apparently they had built a nest in the vent and managed to crawl back in the duct and slide down the vertical tube and get stuck. We got them out, but they were dead by that time and we felt terrible. They were infant birds, I guess abandoned by their parents. One of them made it and flew away. I hope he's OK.

After that trauma for everyone, we spent the rest of the day planting some flowers and mulching (about 12 bags) the flower beds. That's a nice workout! I ate on plan yesterday and I was pleased with my weekend eating for the most part. I stayed on plan and that is a victory for me. Weekends are really, really hard usually.

I woke this morning excited about weighing in. I weighed 194 today, yesterday it was 193, but I'll take 194. That's a five pound loss for the week! I feel so committed and renewed.  I feel like the last week as hard as it has re-dedicated me to my mission.  Also this puts me at 80 pounds lost from my highest weight. VERY HAPPY!  I was excited to see how well all the other challengers did as well.

I was tired today and in no mood to exercise, but I kept my appointment with my trainer as I had planned. For one thing I couldn't think of an excuse that wouldn't sound like an excuse. For another, I'd postponed already due to other schedule problems. I forced myself to the gym as planned.  I did 25 minutes on the elliptical. Man! You really forget how hard that is when you've been off it a while. 

After that I got started with my trainer. We did back and legs today and core work as well. That included 40 push ups on the bosu. 30 sit ups and numerous other things including weights and squats and bands that I can't recount now. There are days when you feel like you've KILLED a workout. And others when you feel like the workout KILLED you. And finally there are days where you did it even when you didn't want to, and when it's over you're just relieved to put it behind you. That was my workout today. It didn't kill me, but it wasn't a breeze and I didn't feel victorious afterward. The victory I'll take is that I went despite my desire to avoid it.

And dinner was..........wonderful! Actual food. Sooooo good. I had the grilled shrimp and veggies and I was so full! I was thrilled to have food and I enjoyed every single bite. I just had my evening snack/dessert of jello and frozen treat, both sugar free of course.

I'm finding myself looking ahead again to where I'll be 10 pounds, 20, 50 pounds from now. That's not something I've done in a while. I think I've been in a slump. My weight loss showed it. And now I see myself moving forward again and that's motivating. I love that I've been able to stick to this very restrictive plan, but I love that I see the end to that someday.

This has gotten me thinking about goals and "goal weight" and what that means. I'm still not sure. I know where I need to be to be "NORMAL" as far as the charts go. I have no concept of a weight that low, BUT it's not outside the range of possibility now. I need to lose about 60 more pounds to have a normal BMI. Sixty sounds like a LOT,but it means that I have less weight to lose now than I have already lost. I'm more than 1/2 way there. That's really exciting. Scary, but exciting. 

For now, my goals are simple. Stay on plan and move. I've found that if I do those 2 things, I lose weight and I feel good. Of course not all my goals have to do with the scale. I'd like to be able to run more. I'd like to be able to continue up in rank in TKD.  I'd like to look in the mirror and see ME as I imagine myself. I like to look in the mirror and see "normal". I don't yet know what that means, but I'm starting to believe that I can and will someday.

And now, I can no longer avoid my work. So, I'll sign off for now.  Have you set goals? Do you have a goal weight?  How is your progress toward your goals? Is it where you want it to be? If not what changes are you planning to get it back on track?

All THAT over a BURGER???

Hello all! It's Wednesday already! This week is flying by. Thank goodness since this first week of the challenge is......well.......a challenge. Several people asked what challenge I'm talking about. And for those who don't know you can find out here and here.  It is very restrictive and radical at first, but morphs into a pretty decent healthy diet. It is basically a diet that someone who will have or has had gastric bypass surgery will follow.

I joined the challenge because I had frankly been floundering with my diet. And by floundering I mean eating flounder and beef and chicken and cookies and potatoes and veggies and just too much. This is a way of re-committing and getting my mind off food. It's not for everyone. To be honest I didn't think it was for me. But, 3 days in and I am doing well and already seeing results. (Official weigh in later).  It has greatly simplified my life in that food is not an option for me at all. And again I say I really think I needed this. Of course by next week, I may change my mind. But, right now, I'm doing fine. I'm peeing A LOT. More than usual and the other bathroom issue is....not an issue.

So today  In-and-Out-Burger opened a few miles from here. The ENTIRE Dallas area is all buzzing about this. There were people waiting in line for like 6 hours today. FOR. A. BURGER. What's wrong with this country? I wouldn't wait in line for 6 hours for free lobster, let alone a burger. Even the best burger on the planet is not worth this kind of buzz. I just kept thinking that if all these people would get THAT excited about working out, we might not have an obesity crisis in America. I remember when Krispy Kreme came here and it was the same thing. It's a sad commentary on what we value. There were parents who took their kids out of school and stood in that line to feed them burgers and fries. A pile of fat and cholesterol. Basically they had their kids miss school and stand in line to feed them food that can kill them.  They just taught their children that THIS kind of food is more important than ANYTHING. What a bad bad bad lesson.

Sorry to go off on a rant, but it's just that kind of thinking that got me where I was a year ago. That food is worth whatever cost. That the only way I can REALLY be happy and live and enjoy life is by eating that crap. It was a lesson taught to me by my family. To place that kind of emotional importance on our food is DANGEROUS. It's killing us. Diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cancer.....the list goes on an on. It's just plain sad and infuriating and I WISH someone had discussed this stuff with me when I was a kid.  Better yet, I wish someone in my life had been living a good example for me, showing me there's another way.

Not that you shouldn't be able to have a burger now and then. Like..... MORE THEN THAN NOW.  The problem is that eating that way is common place now. And a lot of people eat that way even when they cook at home, if they do. I know patients that think cooking a frozen pizza is COOKING. Sigh......  We just have to STOP making such a big deal out of really unhealthy foods. The media doesn't help. It's been all over the news and radio and they make it look like THE place to be and THE food to eat.  Truth is NO ONE no matter what their weight or how "healthy" should eat that kind of food on a regular basis.

AND why can't we invent a healthy drive through? Like with veggies and grilled fish or something? I have 3 kids and I know some days cooking is not an option. Some times your schedule is crazy. Sometimes you just don't WANT to deal with it and you want something easy. But there really is no HEALTH food drive through. WHY NOT?

Anyway, it will be a long long time before I go to In-and-Out. For one thing the challenge won't be over until July 31st. And for another thing......THE CROWDS! I've never had one of their burgers. I just find it hard to believe that they live up to the hype. And you know what's really great?  I don't even care about finding out. NOW tell me my thinking on food hasn't changed. Take THAT fat-girl me.

 Rant over....

 And now question day from Suzi:
1. How many pillows do you use?? One, sometimes none.

2. Do you own a bike? Yes, but I haven't ridden in a while. Having little kids that can't keep up has limited us. One project for the summer is to get the girls riding big girl bikes. Then, we can take family rides.
3. Would you describe yourself as active? Somewhat active? Not really active at all?? I think I'm active now. I just realized that I can say that without any hesitation whatsoever. Yeah me!

4. Do you eat certain foods in moderation or do you need to stay away from them altogether? There are things I should just not do. Like potato chips. Crackers, especially gold fish. And cereal.

5. What are you having for dinner tonight? I'm having liquids on the challenge food. But, I do get some watermelon and jello later. Yummy!

So what do you think? Would you stand in line 6 hours for a burger? Have you had one of these AWESOME burgers? Do you think they are REALLY that awesome? Do you think the hype and importance we place on food plays a role for you? How do we change it?

Phase 6 Day 1.5 and Doing well.

Here I am a day into the challenge and I'm making it. It's not nearly as hard as I thought. In fact knowing that food is not an option is helping I think. Last night my son was like, "That's all you're having for dinner?" "Yep." I said. I really wasn't hungry. I was shocked, but I drank lots, more than the plan requires and that helps a lot.

Yesterday I did not workout. I was still suffering from a bit of a headache which is nearly gone today, thank goodness. I had to go to my middle girl's school for her birthday celebration. Her birthday is in the summer so we celebrated yesterday with her class early. You know that means cupcakes. Yep. I bought them. I took them. I didn't want them. Not even tempted. Did not even lick the icing off my fingers. Just not an option. I even brought the left overs home and the kids had them, I did not.  I definitely have changed.

Today I attended TKD class. I'll admit I was worried that I'd get light headed or have problems due to the low calorie plan we're on, but it wasn't bad. I drank double water and I was fine. I was really needing something by the end of class, but not faint.  I'll tell you when you are eating this little, you really do it slowly. That was the best yogurt ever. But, again I'm surprised by how not hungry I am. Sure hope it lasts and it's only day 2. But I get watermelon tonight so there's something to look forward to.

I am facing a challenge this weekend. I am going to chaperon my son's band trip to Six Flags. I'm a little worried about how to handle the plan, but I've talked to Allan and I think I've got it figured out. I cannot take food in, but I'll deal with it. This is life, right? I won't miss hot dogs or burgers. Amusement park food is usually nasty anyway. It's going to be hot, so I'll drink LOTs of water and I'll do fine.

This plan is clearly the most restrictive diet I've ever been on, at least this first part is.  I think it is really good for me to take a step back and not think about food so much. I'm not worried or obsessing about what to eat. The only thing I'm thinking about is drinking water all day. That's not new to me. It's really taken food out of the equation for now though. I'm kind of interested in how I'll feel a week from now.

I'm looking at this as an experiment. In one way it's a huge challenge for me to trust the plan and follow it. Let someone else dictate what I'll consume. Let go of the idea that I WANT food. In another way it's great for me to experience this gastric bypass type diet. After all, if I would recommend a patient have the surgery, it's good for me to know what it feels like. And finally, it is proving to me that I don't NEED nearly as much food as I thought. I feel fine and I'm eating less than 1/2 the calories I'm used to. VERY enlightening. Maybe this will finally convince me that the stuff I thought I knew about nutrition and food is probably not all accurate and intertwined with emotional baggage.  In the old days when I was in med-school, we'd put people in the hospital to do this kind of diet. Just plain new territory for me.

How is your week? Have you been faced with a challenge lately that you'll have to work around? How's the workouts this week?

Weekend Wrap Up

I had a great weekend. Busy, but great. I did well, not perfect, but well on my diet.  I think I handled the challenges of the weekend and I got in quite a bit of exercise.

Friday morning I got up early and went for a walk/run. I started C25K over. Again. That's right. Again. I am determined to get all the way through that thing and to improve my running. It seems like every time I start something happens to get in the way like injury or illness, but I'm not giving up.  I really want to do this thing. I thought about not even mentioning it here. I've started and re-started this program several times. But then I realized there is no shame in starting again.

I say this to my patients all the time. Especially to those trying to make lifestyle changes. "The more times you try, the higher the probability that you will succeed."  Studies have shown this. Most people who quit smoking or make some other lifestyle change have tried several times. There is no shame in starting over. I used to get so down on myself when I would try and fail at weight loss. I would get so down on myself that I gave up trying. Well, I'm done with that. There is only shame in giving up. Quitting. Not trying. So I'll keep starting over as many times as I have to.

After my exercise, I attended my reuinion medical conference. There were several lectures, some interesting, others not so much. The lunch was kinda yucky so I didn't eat much of it. I was starving by the time we were done with the meeting. I had a snack before dinner and drank a TON of water. The dinner and reception was fun. There were not many of my class there, but we had a good visit. The food was OK. There was salmon and filet, asparagus and mashed potatoes. I ate the salad, salmon and asparagus and left the potatoes and nearly all of the beef. I had one cocktail and the rest just water. I didn't eat the dessert which was a chocolate volcano cake which I understand was pretty good.

Saturday morning we got the kids up early and headed to the zoo for the annual ostrich egg breakfast. The kids had a blast because there were donuts and waffles and chocolate milk and such. Plus there were clowns and fun activities.  I passed on the bad stuff and had a small omelet, no Krispy Kremes for me. After the breakfast we did a lot of walking and saw most of the zoo. It was hot and by mid afternoon the kids were done and so were we. We headed home to basketball games and the air conditioner.

I slept terribly Saturday night and woke with a migraine which stuck with me all day yesterday. We drove home yesterday and when we arrived I got right to bed. I was able to watch the Mavs game (YEAH FOR THE SWEEP OF THE LAKER EVIL HOARD!) But after I went back to bed. Woke this morning with still a bit of headache, but it's better so far (fingers crossed).

Hubbie fixed dinner last night, steak on the grill, which was nice and the girls made me cards and pictures which were sweet. Mother's Day was low key and quiet, but that's ok. I HATE eating out for Mother's Day as the crowds are usually awful.

Phase 6 begins today and so far not so bad. I'm not hungry and I'm guzzling the fluids. The challenge is to stay on the plan exactly and that's what I intend to do. Hopefully the scale will reward me. It was weird this morning. I got on and off and on and off and it finally "woke up" and then proceeded to give me several different weights. I think I need new batteries. I'll replace that tonight, but I'm planning on no weight until next week for the plan. I need to stay off that thing for a bit.

I have had no time over the weekend to read blogs or comment. My  reader is really full. I'm trying to catch up today, so if you haven't heard from me in the last few days, know that I'm still around and trying to catch up. Have a great Monday!