Exercise fiend?

September is here. Where did the summer go? Hard to believe that fall is on the way considering it was 104 degrees last night at 6pm. SOOO tired of this heat. I swear it is making people so irritable and bordering on psychotic.

Thanks for all your encouraging thoughts for my godmother yesterday. The surgery went as expected. She did very well and it looks like the cancer was contained and all removed. We'll know for sure when the final pathology report is available.

Yesterday I ate great, I ended with 1250 cal. At lunch I went to the gym. I did C25K Week 1 day2. I started over when my iphone had to be reloaded and my settings were lost. It is getting easier and I am doing better on speed this time through. After my walk/run, I lifted some weights. My trainer was happy to see me in the gym so much this week. I explained that TKD is closed this week so I've had extra time. He wants me to do the gym 3-4 times a week, but with TKD 2-3 times a week that's generally not in my schedule. Now that the kids are in school maybe I can do more. I'm sure enjoying the extra workouts this week.

So yesterday as I was having to wrap up my workout to get back to work I realized something amazing. I love working out. I want to do it more. I'm pretty sure if I had the opportunity I could spend hours in the gym everyday. Between cardio, weights and swimming and even yoga classes which I have yet to try due to my schedule.   I wish I had more time in my day to spend just doing all the exercise I want. That is SO weird for me. In March 2010 when I really got busy on this healthy track I could barely force myself to walk 30 min a day. Now I'm pissed off if I only have time for a 30 min workout. WHO am I?  I don't know, but I like it. Today I will be doing elliptical and some weights and my plan is to swim laps for a bit as well. If there is time, I may even hop in the hot tub. I have a little extra time today since work is slow today. I think people are getting ready to go out of town.

I'm trying hard not to weigh everyday. The scale calls to me and I tell him to wait. I'll weigh on Monday. I have a football game this weekend. I'll have to watch for the usual traps. Especially the trap of not drinking enough water and having alcohol. That just makes me bloat so badly. I rarely if ever drink and I don't drink much when I do. But, it is amazing to me how little it takes to bloat me.

I went to Kohl's this morning and checked on the clearance racks. I just hate paying money for clothes these days. I found some cute cheap shirts for fall and a couple of pants. None of them were more than $10. Plus I had my 15% coupon. SCORE! I love bargains.

I have just a few more vacation pics to share........
After Mount Rushmore, we drove to the Badlands National Park. So different from anywhere I've ever been. Beautiful in a very unique way.

Me in my Sturgis hat

Then we drove to the famous Wall Drug

My picture on the famous Jackaloupe

Then we stopped in Mitchell, South Dakota at the famous Corn Palace.  All the murals are made from corn!

So.....where are you with your exercise routine? Are you getting it in? Are you getting enough? What is your FAVORITE exercise? What time of day do you usually exercise and how do you fit it into your schedule?

I don't WANNA! But I'm glad I did!!!

I made myself go to the gym today. I didn't want to. At. All. I did all kinds of self bargaining and whining to get out of it. Didn't work. I even wore a dress today. I have a meeting tonight. Generally, that means I won't be working out. BUT, I didn't get up and work out this morning. I had some work to do instead.  The deal was that I would workout either in the morning or at lunch. And I kept the deal with myself.

I didn't like it. In fact, I was downright grumpy as I marched into the gym today at lunch. Still thinking of a hundred reasons why I should do something else. In fact as I pulled into the parking lot I seriously considered driving right through and turning around. "That's so dumb."  I told myself. I'm already here. So I thought I'd go in and do just 30 min of cardio. That's not bad. And it got me out of my car.

I went in, changed into my work out clothes. As I walked up the stairs, guess who I saw? My trainer. Shit. And he says, "Going to lift some weights after your cardio today?" Dang it. NO. I wasn't going to. I was going to have a short workout and get the hell outta here because I DON'T want to be here. But there he was with his grinning face. I said, "Maybe." He smiled and said, "I'll be watching you." Dang it.

I hopped onto the elliptical. The only consolation is that I get to read my book. I did my 5 min warm up and then cranked it to level 20 and went to town. I was pissed and I took it out on the machine. Usually I crank it up and then turn it down a level every few minutes. Every time I turn it down I crank up the speed. It's a good workout. I did 30 minutes. As I finished I realized my mood was better and I had a few minutes.  So I decided to do some weights and core work. I did some weighted crunches, planks, chest presses, triceps presses. My abs are so super de duper sore. But I did some weighted v-ups also even though they suck. I even did those crappy ab roll out thingys I hate so much with the little rolling scooter thing.(I'm sure it has a technical fitness word, but I am still new in this world and haven't mastered all the lingo yet.)

After I was tired and sore. But, glad I'd finished and proud that I can say I did do weights next time my trainer asks. My deal for going to the gym today included a trip to the yogurt place for lunch. Sugar free, low fat strawberry frozen yogurt with fresh berries and a little almonds was my lunch and MAN it tasted good and was great in this heat. Made my day.

Sometimes I feel bad because I'm not always "gung-ho" like some people I read in blog land. I don't always look forward to workouts. I don't always feel great afterward. I don't always push myself as hard as I can. I don't always enjoy working out. I can't run 5 miles a day. I can't bike 20 miles a day. I'm not ready for marathons or tris or even half-marathons for that matter.   I don't have hours to attend classes and I can't spend lots of time learning new exercises or trying out new DVDs.

But, I'm good at being regular with exercise for the first time in my life. It's no longer a question of IF I'll exercise, it's WHEN. That's a HUGE accomplishment for me. It's a regular part of my life now. Whether I have to squeeze in a workout in the morning or at lunch or in the evening, I WILL be exercising regularly. In fact, most days. One way or another it will happen.

And even though there are days like today where I REALLY don't want to, I do it anyway because I like the way I feel when I exercise regularly. I hate the sluggish feeling I get when I don't work out for a few days. My body craves movement now and that's AWESOME.   I've discovered some new exercise goals, especially with my Tae Kwon Do. I'll be testing for another belt in a couple of weeks. I know I can't keep going if I don't workout on my off days. I have to keep my cardio going and get stronger so I can do the ever increasingly harder things they are teaching me.

I haven't always been this way. It was HARD at first to squeeze into my busy day. With 3 kids and a husband and a career and a house and laundry and cooking and all the other crap that is my life, I really had to sit down and schedule an appointment for exercise at first. And there was a lot of, "Oops can't do that meeting that day I have another appointment." That person needn't know that appointment is with a treadmill.

My husband has been supportive. Not perfect, mind you, but overall supportive. We've added my exercise schedule to our daily "what's happening" conversations. This used to revolve around the kids and work meetings now it includes exercise talk. Might go like this:

Him: So what have we got going today?
Me: I work until 5:30.  Kids have TKD, boy has horn lesson.  I'll have to go to evening TKD today since I have that office staff meeting at noon and I'll miss my regular class. Can you watch the girls while I go? I'll bring home the boy as his class is just after mine.

Him: No problem. But, I've got work to do tonight so after you get home I'll have to disappear for a while.

It's just part of our regular conversations now. Is it easy? No! Is it a ton of juggling? YES. Would it be easy for me to think, "Boy I'm tired after working all day. The last thing I want to do is drive across town, change clothes and get all sweaty and more tired." Of course. But nobody said this would be EASY.   Making a change in habits is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But it can be done and it does get easier.

If you find yourself saying you "just don't have time" or "are just too busy" or "there aren't enough hours in the day", I say to you WHAT IS WORTH MORE TO YOU? There are plenty of hours in the day if you're honest with yourself, it's just a matter of how you choose to spend them. If you let yourself buy into the idea that your life is too busy, guess what......you'll find it very hard to get in your exercise.

If you have the attitude that exercise is just as important as anything else in your schedule, suddenly it becomes easier to squeeze out 30 min or an hour here or there. If you think about it, it's not really THAT big of a commitment. I mean most people make more of a commitment to their favorite TV show.  You know that one you just CAN'T miss. Guess what? You can! You just don't want to.

I'm asked all the time how I keep it up. How I keep myself going to the gym? The best advice I can give you is this:
1. You have to want it.  That's the truth. You have to want it. You have to find your own motivation. Mine is that I want to be around for my kids and grand-kids.  And I want to be able to move and be active for a long time.  I don't want to die young and I don't want to be unable to enjoy my life.  Fat will kill you and squeeze joy from your life. Why are you letting it?
2.  Just do it. Silly I know but so true. You won't like it at first. It will be hard. There will be days like mine today where you don't want to. But, over time it will be a habit. A part of your life and you will LOVE how you feel.  And keep doing it. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and.......
3.  Find something you really like and do it.  Try new and different things. You know better than anyone else what kinds of exercise you might enjoy. I never ever ever would have thought that I could do martial arts or love it as much as I do. I had the guts to try it and not only is it a great workout, I love it. I look forward to it and now it spurs me on to do more exercise to stay fit for my favorite thing. 

The thing about this health and fitness journey is no one can do it for you. You have to figure it out for yourself. Find your own way. Doing exactly the food plan or exactly the exercise plan that worked for your friend or another blogger or Second Cousin will not necessarily be the right thing for you.  You are not alone though. We're all here helping you along and you in turn help me.

What excuses have you used to avoid exercise lately? How do you handle fitting in exercise when your life is really out of control and stressful? Do you have days where you just don't ant to exercise? How do you handle them?

What's your excuse?

Here's a summary of my day yesterday:
6:00am: Get up, get dressed,
6:15am: Take son to school
6:40am: Back home, girls fed, make up on, school supplies ready.
7:45am: Take daughter to school, Pickup mom at car place. Take Mom home. Take other daughter to school. Go to Target for errands. Chugging water.
9:00am: Arrive at work.
9:05am: Working
11:30am: Change for TKD. Drive to class while chugging water
12:00pm: In class
1:05pm: In car on way home to change, chugging more water
2:00pm: In car after shower and change and quick lunch. Chugging yet MORE water
2:15pm: At work. Working.
5:00pm: Done w/ patients doing paper work.
5:30pm: In car on way BACK to TKD . Yes chugging water. And snack-almonds 100cals
6:00pm At TKD, change clothes. YEAH my extra uniform came in. Now I have 2 and don't have to wear smelly one.
6:30pm: In class. Asking myself why I'm doing this as I am tired. And hungry.
7:00pm: Kicking and drills completed. Sweating my brains out. So tired. Can't stop. Won't stop.
7:20pm: Class over. Happy smile. Tired. Sore. Dragging Ass.
7:30pm: Back in car. You know what I'm chugging.

I did two, THAT'S RIGHT two TKD classes yesterday. That means I did a total of:
180 crunches, 30 push ups, lots of stretches. 40 jumping jacks. 20 minutes of kicking. 20-30 min of being thrown on the ground and throwing people on the ground. A bunch of practice on my forms. Lots of punching.

It was awesome. I got home at nearly 8pm. I walked in to kids needing baths, homework. Lunches to pack, trash to take out. I had to shower and eat. Get kids to bed, read, including hugs and kisses, of course. AFTER THAT, I spent at least 1.5 hours doing paperwork so I wouldn't start today behind.  All this after the emotional hell of last week, which frankly isn't over. Won't ever be over, but I am managing.

And so I ask you:  What's your excuse?  

If you are one of those people who just "hasn't had time" to exercise, why not?
If you are one of those people that just "doesn't like exercise", so what?
If you are one of those people that "used to be an athlete", why aren't you now?
If you are watching your diet, but just haven't gotten "motivated" to add exercise, WHY not?


I had at LEAST 10 patients tell me that they just didn't have time to exercise this week already. They were just "too tired" when they got home from work. They get up too early. They are so busy all day. They are always running they're kids around. Or they are "really active" at work so they don't have to exercise.
Or exercise is just "really hard for me".

Really? REALLY?

I am soooooo tired of the excuses. Do you think I WANTED to go to  one class, let alone ANOTHER class last night? NO. Why did I? Because I need to exercise. I'm trying to lose weight. I HAVE A GOAL. I'm going to test this weekend and I needed the practice.  AND finally...........FINALLY....I like it. I do. I love it. I never dreamed it. I've never ever been one to work out. (DUH.  See starting weight.)

Do you think when I started all this a year ago that I enjoyed working out? That I looked forward to going to the gym? That walking was a breeze even? NO!

Do you think I LOVED exercise at first? That it was easy for me? That I knew what I was doing? NO!

Do you think it's a breeze now? That I sail through these workouts? That I don't sweat and groan and moan? That I don't wake up sore and stiff and wondering what the HELL I'm thinking as a 40 something mother of 3 trying to do these things MUCH younger and MUCH thinner people have trouble with?

The first time I went to the gym by myself I had a panic attack. No joke. I was sweaty, heart racing, chest thumping and this was BEFORE I walked in the door.  I'd never used an elliptical. NEVER used a weight machine. NEVER even SEEN half of them. NEVER BEEN IN A GYM other than once or twice in college.

So I ask you again: WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?

What's stopping you? Why aren't you doing what you KNOW your body needs? What you know will help you feel better, lose weight, be toned? What are you waiting for?

Do your muscles ache? Do your joints ache? Do you have trouble getting short of breath when you move? Exercise will help you. I promise. (see your doctor of course before you start exercise).

Do you take a handful of pills in the morning? Are you tired of dreading seeing your doctor?  Exercise will help you.

What can it hurt?   Your body is meant to move. We're built that way. We are not built to sit and watch TV and play computer and type on our blogs. If you are spending more time on your blogging than you are exercising, YOU NEED TO RETHINK.

I don't care what you pick. Walk, run, bike, jog, zumba, aeorbics, elliptical, treadmill, skating, swimming, water walking, water aerobics, martial arts, DVDs at home, Wii Fit,  or dance naked in your living room for all I care, but you have GOT to move.  You do not need fancy equipment. You do not have to join a gym. You don't need a trainer. You don't have to take a class. You do not have to know how to swim. You don't need a bike or weights or stairmaster or ab-machine. Just MOVE.


I know ALL the excuses. I've used them all. Part of me still tries sometimes. But, that person is almost gone from me now. The new me is different. And I'm so glad.


At first this was me in my head: I'm tired. I can't. I don't want to. I don't like it. I'm too busy. I'm too stressed.
With only a little of this: Yes you can.  You aren't that tired. You'll learn to like it somehow. You'd be a lot less busy if you die. Death is a GREAT stress reliever.


Now, I'm generally excited to get time to workout and pissed when I don't. That's my time. That's me getting healthier, thinner, faster, stronger time. And no one is standing in my way of that. ESPECIALLY not me.


News flash: NO ONE CAN DO THIS FOR YOU. You are on your own. It's your choice. You alone control your fate. You can either move or not move. You can chose to pretend everything is OK. You can lose weight without exercise, well for a while at least. You can keep dishing out these excuses to yourself.  But to be healthy and active and LIVE you have to move.

So for the last time: What's your excuse?

Are you accomplishing your exercise goals? Have you set some? How often are you exercising? What's your favorite excuse for not exercising?  How do you get yourself to exercise even when you don't feel like it?

Back to Business

Today has been a better day. It feels good to get back in a routine. Focus on getting things done. Work has been busy. What's new? I guess I should stop even posting that. It's crazy in the office. We've been short handed and that makes it worse. Makes people irritable. Co-workers, patients, office staff.

And....WHERE did spring go? Dang it was down right cold here today. In the 50-60s and raining. Good for business though. We needed the rain so I'm happy to see it. As long as it dries up like they say this weekend. I've got yard work and gardening to do. Sixty bags of mulch will be delivered on Saturday. Guess what my workout will be this weekend?

Yesterday I did OK with the eating. I have to say I was not "on plan" as I honestly haven't had the energy to look at the new stuff. I did review what's starting tomorrow and I'm ready for it, mostly. I've not had time to get to the store after last week yet. I have most things I need and what I don't I have something close until I can get to the store. Another busy week w/ kiddos and such.  Again, what else is new?

So today I've eaten well and I've gotten the water in the last 2 days.  I don't know why that I continue to be surprised at how much better I feel when I'm doing all my "stuff".  I didn't do nearly 1/2 the normal water last week. Two days later and I feel better.  Of course I slept last night. Finally. Amazing what that'll do also.  I weighed this am and I'm still up from my previous weight, but I'm down a pound. So at least I'm headed back in the right direction.

I went to TKD class today at lunch. Found out I should be testing Saturday for my green belt. That's really exciting for me. I still marvel at how much I love it.  This weekend when things got to be too much, I went outside and just practiced my kicks and forms. It's so relaxing. You just focus on the moves, your breathing, your body. I would go to class every day if I could. Despite the 120 crunches we did today. Ugh. I hadn't done them in over a week. Ouchy. And now because I'm testing this weekend I'm heading back to another class as soon as I leave work.

Feels so good to stretch and move and breathe and kick the crap outta something. Oh, and hit things and throw people on the ground. And learning new things. That too. Helps take my mind off the last 2 weeks and relieve the stress. If you don't regularly hit or kick the heck out of some inanimate object, you really should consider it.  Plus the workout is awesome.

Wish I had something inspiring to say or new or amazing to post. Truth is, most of this weight loss business is doing the right stuff over and over and over and over and over and over again. Eat, drink, move. Simple really.  Why it took me so long to figure out, I do not know.  But if you are having trouble losing right now, chances are you haven't been doing what you're supposed to enough days in a row.  Keep going. It'll happen.  Just like it'll happen again for me. The scale will move. I'm not done yet. Not even close. And I'm not just talking about the number on the scale.

So I'll leave you with this question:  What is something NEW you're doing lately to change up your workouts? Is there something you've been thinking about trying, but haven't yet? Why not?

Wow. That was hard.

Today is going pretty well. I've done great diet wise despite the temptations. Pei Wei was delivered at lunch. I didn't eat any as I was off to exercise anyway. I did grab a bunch of lettuce they brought for the lettuce wraps and I've been munching like a rabbit on that all day(without the filling of course!).  It reminded me how much I like crunchy iceberg lettuce. I don't eat it much, but it was tasty. I think I'll get some so I can munch it at home and bring it for snacks.

For breakfast I had a Jimmy Dean Light sandwich at 260 cal and a yogurt, 100cal.  I had an apple for snack mid morning.  At lunch I had a banana, 2 string cheese and some watermelon. Now I'm having an orange. Gotta keep those fruits going for Patrick.

I really don't get why some people say working out makes them hungry.  After I work out really hard, I'm not hungry at all. Maybe it's because I drink so much water. Today I had 32oz before and 32 oz after. I went home at lunch and did the C25K week 4 Day 1. WOW. That was hard for me.

Maybe it was the not running in so long. Maybe it was the soreness in my hamstrings related to all the yard work this weekend.  Either way, it was rough. BUT, I finished it. At first I was upset that it was so hard. After all I was up to 30min runs before I got sick. It is discouraging. On the other hand....

I've only been back to real workouts since last Wednesday. It was my first one since being sick and all.  So, really that's only 6 days. AND, I did challenge myself by starting with week 4, not week 1. I knew I didn't need to start the program over, at least I didn't want to. I did 1.6 miles in 30 min. I ran 16 min of that. Intervals were Run 3, 5, 3, 5, with walking between. After, I did some heavy duty intense stretching as my hamstrings were hurting and my iliotibial band can be an issue if I don't stretch.

I was spent. I mean SPENT. I drank and drank and drank. I've had 4 32 oz cups already. Plus my 16oz coffee and a can of diet DP. Total fluids=156 oz so far. I was really thirsty after the weekend. I woke up with a dessert dry mouth this am. YEP. Not enough water yesterday. And I know I had at LEAST 64oz of water.

My body is a sponge. Now I'm wondering how much is enough. How much do I need to drink until I don't want more? Am I addicted to water? I don't know. There is such a thing, you know. Crazy people get it. It's actually quite rare and I am teasing, of course.

But, what I have realized from the experience of going from a heavy exerciser to not exercising is this-for me exercise is key. I've read all the studies on diet and how it is more important in weight loss. To me it is like reading a study that says low carb is better and then another that says low fat is better. Here's the deal. When I exercise, I feel better. I feel healthier. I am more motivated to eat right. I don't want to waste that workout by eating a bunch of crapola.

I have been eating relatively healthy for a long time. The weight loss didn't happen. I was eating  a good healthy diet. I was eating a heart healthy diet. I was monitoring my calories most of the time. I even did WW. No weight loss. In March of this year when I added exercise, weight loss. I quit because of being sick. I was tracking my calories and eating pretty decent as far as amount. No weight loss, in fact I gained. Last week I started working out and upped the water, weight loss.

What more proof do I need that for me, exercise is absolutely necessary to weight loss and healthy living? NONE.  This was the end of the second week of the DDDY challenge with Allan. The first week I was not as committed as I should have been. I had a few diet slips and I wasn't working out. I was up 2 pounds. This last week I ate right, stuck to the calories, drank all the water, I'm down a pound from where I was, which is really a 3pound loss, you get me? For me it takes both diet and exercise to see real results.

I think it is the truth. I've seen plenty of patients who hit the exercise hard, but don't track their food and they don't lose. I've had plenty of patients who track their food and are very strict, but don't exercise and they don't lose.  I really think you need both. And working through your mental issues is helpful too.

It's like depression treatment. We know the medications work. We know therapy and talking it out works. So do other non-medicine things like exercise and good sleep habits. But....doing BOTH has much higher remission rates. Does it mean one approach is better than the other? NO. It tells me we can't ignore either one.

So I know that working out is important for me. For me the endorphins suppress my appetite, in my theory anyway.  Do any of you experience this? Or do you get hungry when you work out?  How much water do you drink during a workout or just after?  If I don't hydrate, I don't recover as well that's for sure.

And so I am pushing on to get myself back to where I was. Tomorrow I'm going back to TKD even though I'm a little scared and even though I know it will be hard. I have to get started again sometime. Not going won't get me closer to my goal. So, I'll go and do what I can. That's all I can do and all I can expect from myself. NOT TRYING is NOT AN OPTION.

I'm BAAAACK BABY!

Yesterday I woke up and for the first time in a long time I felt nearly normal. I can't tell you how happy I was to feel pretty good. I still had soreness in my upper abdomen a little, but not bad.  Best of all I didn't feel weak. I didn't feel nauseated and I didn't feel sick.

I had a smile on my face all day long. I had a great day at work. I had a great food day and a great exercise day. What? You say. OH YES!  I exercised for the first time in nearly a month and OH BABY it felt good.  That muscle memory thing, yep some truth to it. My body was like...FINALLY...I can move.  What a lesson this was for me. What a lesson that I knew was true, but feeling it makes all the difference. YOUR MUSCLES NEED TO MOVE. You body is built for movement. We were designed or evolved or whatever, that way. It's a fact.

When lunch time came I headed home.  I wanted to get on my bike, but there was that little voice. "Maybe it's too soon. You don't want to hurt yourself."  And the other one, "The surgeon said you could do anything you wanted. He did not say you couldn't work out. You are just looking for a way out and you'd rather flop on the bed and watch TV with your fat lazy ass."  Yep.  Plus, I'd told you guys I was going to try. I decided to hop on the bike. If it hurt, I could stop.  But it didn't hurt. it felt great. And I was sweaty and pumped when I was done. 7miles.

After that I thought, well Hell. I might as well try for one of my Hot 100 goals, so you know what I did? I DID PUSH UPS. Boo YAH!  I restarted the 100 push ups program from scratch. I did the initial test. I could only do 12, where before I did 20. But, I did the first day also so I did a total of 50 push ups with the intervals. This morning My arms feel like they did some work, but they aren't overly sore and my belly is fine. Today another workout and back to the gym tomorrow. TKD next week and I'll call my trainer to set up a session. I'm BACK!

For breakfast I ate a Jimmy Dean Lite Sandwich. My first day back at kids plus work left me running late. I grabbed it from the freezer on the way out the door. It's 260 calories and is actually quite good. If you haven't tried them, you might want to. It's egg white and light sausage on a english muffin. We get them in a big box at Sam's so they are cheap.  At lunch I had 2/3 cup cottage cheese, fresh peach, green peas and green beans left over from dinner. It was 306 Calories.

At dinner, I had this awesome bean, lentil and farro soup my Nanny's been making lately. I just love that grain. We discovered it at Costco recently.  It's an Italian wheat grain and similar to Barley. OMG it's so good. It is calorie dense, but it is so high in fiber it fills you up with very little. In the soup it kinda has the texture of rice.  I love it. That and a salad. I ATE SALAD!! I haven't been able to eat more than a bite of lettuce due to my nausea. It tasted soooo good. Salad with tomatoes, cucumbers, red peppers and feta cheese.  I used my salad spritzer spray to save on calories and I figure the whole meal wasn't over 400. For dessert I had a juicy plum. All total I ate around 1000calories and I was satisfied.

The kids were wild last night. I don't know maybe it was Mom finally being normal and sitting at the table. Everyone was happy and giggling.  After we cleaned the kitchen together and the kids helped me pack lunches. My son took the rest of the soup today.  My husband got the salad with a little turkey pastrami I cut up on top.  If you haven't tried that stuff, do it. It's like 60 calories for 3 oz and it has a great flavor so it doesn't take much on a sandwich. I guess I love those boys,  'cause I got squat from the left overs.

The best part is....... I LOST 2 pounds of the stupid surgery weight I've been carrying around. I weighed 211.2 this am. The lowest I've been was 209.4 so I'm on the road back there and to my other Hot 100 goal, 199. Yippee!

I can't remember a time in my life where I was excited to eat a salad. I can't remember a time in my life where exercise meant so much to me. And now I know I'm never going back.  The way I feel both physically and emotionally when I'm living healthy inside and out is....... priceless.   Is this why thin people are so much happier? I always thought it was because they had better clothes and more friends and boy friends and social status. All that is probably great, but to FEEL GOOD everyday. To wake up and not ache. To wake up and have energy. To look forward to seeing what new things you can do.  WOW!

And the mind set of not IF I were thin, but WHEN I AM THIN. Never. Never before have I thought that way. I was lying in bed last night thinking that my ribs feel the mattress more now cause there's not as much padding. And I found my self thinking, "Huh, wonder what it'll feel like 50 pounds from now."  WHAT? My brain said. I never realized it before, but until now I never really BELIEVED I could lose ALL my weight. I never really thought I COULD do it. I thought I was meant to be fat. I thought It defined me. I thought I couldn't control it. BUT I WAS SOOOOOO WRONG.

And how did I get here? Was it a book? Was it a diet? Was it a pill? Was it because Jillian said? Was it for my family? Was it because I wanted clothes? NO! It's because I DECIDED TO JUST TRY.  TO START. TO DO IT. NO MATTER WHAT. NO MORE EXCUSES. NO MORE LYING TO MYSELF. JUST ONE CHOICE and another and another. And it worked. And the more it worked, the more I believed.

So here's the deal. All of us out here who seem to have it figured out. People like Sean and Jack and  Shelley and Allan.  We don't have magic will power. WE ARE NOT SPECIAL.  We're not better than you. We're not smarter than you. We don't have better genetics. We don't have more time. We don't have anything you don't have.  We are faced with choices. Millions each day. And one choice at a time, we choose to LIVE.

WHAT are you choosing today?

Good Morning Tuesday ??

Well, I didn't sleep great. I kept having this dream that I was being poked in my side with a big metal spring from our mattress and I was super pissed because I've been telling my husband that we needed a new bed. We had an argument about it in my dream. Then I woke up and realized that it wasn't the bed at all, but my gallbladder. I rolled over. No more dream. Hee hee. Too funny.

Kids off to school but not without difficulty this morning. Little one was on the floor. Nothing made her happy this morning. So I did it. Yes I did it. I offered her a mint. We have these little peppermints with chocolate inside from last Christmas. I gave her one. Suddenly she was happy. I know. I know. I taught her to feed her frustration. But, it's just a mint, right? I mean, everyone needs good breath, right? Ugh. Sometimes being a mom is hard.

I just couldn't stand one more minute of her lying in the floor crying because her socks weren't right or her shoes weren't right or she wants straight hair like Barbie. For goodness sake, NO ONE's hair is straight like Barbie's, is it?  Especially when your Mom and Dad BOTH have curly hair. One recessive gene + one recessive gene = CURLY HAIR.  I didn't make it that way.  But when you're 4 you just don't get it.  I even tried the, "God made you with curly hair and he thinks you are perfect so if you don't like your hair you'll have to tell God."  Well, I got back, "FINE! I WILL.  I'LL tell him and HE'LL make my hair straighter because HE LOVES ME!"   Now do you see why I used the mint distraction?

Food wise I did OK yesterday. I was under my calories despite the carb heavy menu. I weighed the same this am, but I think that might mean I'll be down a little tomorrow since we ate so late. I feel like I'm down a little.  I just hate not exercising.  It is soooo much harder for me to lose weight without the exercise. I am still tracking my calories and I've been over at times, but not by much. It's a lot harder to stay under the budget without the exercise.  I'm feeling not too bad this morning. I had yogurt and a muffin for breakfast. And water. I plan going home at lunch. Maybe I'll try the bike if I still feel OK.

Let me be a lesson to all of you.  If you THINK you can LOSE without EXERCISE you are WRONG.  Maybe for a while. Maybe at first. But not to GOAL.  You're FOOLING yourself if you think EXERCISE isn't IMPORTANT.  If you don't believe me TRY IT.  Exercise EVERYDAY for 2 weeks.  COMPARE your losses with and without. See which one is more.  I'll BET you that you lose nearly TWICE the WEIGHT.  Ask ALLAN about MATH.  He'll tell you.  The more you  BURN the more you lose.  The LESS you EAT the more you LOSE. The people who are SUCCESSFUL do BOTH watching the DIET and EXERCISE.  ASK any of them.  They'll tell you.  Ask Jack or Sean or Christine or Shelley or Trish or Chris or ANY of the weight loss success stories. The FACTs don't lie. EXERCISE WORKS.  Now go and make it work FOR YOU! 

You have to be CONSISTENT.  You have to eat RIGHT and EXERCISE all the time. That should be your GOAL.  Yes you'll make mistakes. But your GOAL should be to DO IT EVERYDAY AND DO IT RIGHT.  With that as your goal, mistakes are less and SUCCESS is MORE!

YOU CAN DO THIS.  IF you WANT to ENOUGH.  DO YOU????

I'm BaaaAAAaaack! and Weigh-In Wednesday

My vacation was absolutely awesome. We had such a good time and did so many wonderful things. We were busy, busy but not overly, so I still feel like I got a bit of rest. I admit I was nervous about juggling the weight loss issues with my usual vacation binge-fest, but I did really well overall. I weighed this am and I am down to 224, for a loss of 1.2# and 26 total!

I learned a couple of things on this trip. First, there is absolutely no reason why I can't make healthy food choices in nearly every situation. Second, that exercise thingy every one talks about is for REAL.

I managed to log my food everyday, except maybe twice. I am very proud about this as in the past it wouldn't have even entered my mind. I usually go into my vacation with a feeling of entitlement to the binge eating. After all, "I work hard and deserve to eat what I want", right? That kind of attitude and thinking is what has kept me in the land of the obese my whole life.

I used to say, "I'll start my diet after vacation" and never did. I used to say "One week of eating badly won't hurt". This would be true if I was eating right the rest of the time, which I never was, so I don't know where I got off having that little delusion. Just the fact that I realized that there is no vacation from being healthy is a huge victory for me. You are either making healthy choices or not. The machine that is your body doesn't know if you're on vacation or really depressed or celebrating. It just knows: fuel in, burn what you need, store the rest.

I logged everything. Even the stuff I shouldn't have eaten like the Hershey chocolate and the Doritos and the garlic bread, etc, etc. Overall, I did pretty well at first and by day 10 or 11, I was slipping into old habits. I had my first Pepsi/Coke in 3 months. It. Tasted. So. Good. But, I realized the next day how bad that crap makes me feel. Water really is the only thing that makes my body run properly.

Even though I ate a lot of things I know I should avoid, I did way better than I usually would have on a trip. Mainly because I actually thought about everything I put in my mouth. I did not mindlessly eat out of boredom or for fun. When I wanted chocolate or Pepsi or chips, I thought about it and made a conscious decision to eat it. Then, I logged it. Even with eating out a lot (sometimes in the drive through. Boo hiss!), I was mainly able to make good choices. Even when I didn't, I made sure we did something active and that helped to balance it all out most days.

It is freakish for me to admit, but I really missed working out and going to the gym. I did lots and lots of exercise on this trip, but I realized how much I like and need that "me time". Twice we stayed in a hotel with a gym and each time I went in the morning and worked out. It's amazing to me how focused you are on your diet when you work out in the am. The rest of the days, we spent doing all sorts of fun stuff.

We hiked up and down into a volcano in New Mexico. We hiked at Garden of the Gods. We walked all over Boulder. We hiked up to a mountain waterfall and had a picnic. We fished and hiked around a mountain lake-twice. We went rafting. It was really too much fun. The kids had a blast.

My only regret is I didn't stick to my goal of doing the C25K week 5 day 3. A lot of it was schedule, but some was the altitude and not knowing any good route to run. So, I hadn't run in nearly 2 weeks before this am. I restarted week 5 today as I thought it would be setting myself up to fail to try that 25 minute run when I haven't done any running in 2 weeks.

It was really, really hard. I didn't think I could finish and my pace was worse than before. BUT. I. DID. Finish. I jogged all my intervals without walking. I felt extremely tired afterward. I didn't necessarily feel triumphant or more energetic. I do however feel proud that I was able to muddle through. I guess there are just days that are easier than others. Isn't that true about everything?

The best part of all is that I got up yesterday morning to return to the real world without my usual post-vacation food-binge hangover. I did not feel guilty or particularly bloated. I did not have to swear to myself to never do that again. I did not regret the Hershey bar or ice cream or Doritos or even the Pepsi. Why? Because I was in control of my food. Food didn't control me.

Mommy See, Baby Do

My original inclination was to post about how much I hate Mondays and how grumpy I feel every week when I roll out of bed, but then I decided to write about more positive and interesting things I noticed over my weekend.

First, I did pretty well as far as food goes, although I did some extra snacking yesterday, including a dipped cone at Dairy Queen I had following my son's band performance. I knew better than to agree to going there. But, I did count the calories and even with that I only went over my calories yesterday by 41 calories. For the week, I ended up under by 4,000 and I expect a loss at my weigh in on Wednesday. Although, you never can tell what Mr. Scale will have to say about that. He's such an a-hole!

One of the big reasons I started this road to fitness is for my kids. When I think back on my childhood, I remember a lot of dieting. I think I was on weight watchers the first time at age 10. I've seen diets. A lot of them. I've seen weight loss surgery-my mom, her brothers, and others in my mostly obese family. I have not seen real success with weight loss.

The thing I cannot remember, and I've tried to, is ever seeing anyone exercising regularly or working out for the sake of fitness. It's just not something we did. In the 80s, I had the Jane Fonda tapes and did them periodically in my teen years. But, exercise was never a regular part of my day or anyone else I knew.

I really believe that I can set a healthy example for my kids by watching my food, teaching them to read labels and that exercise is and should be a part of your daily routine. Like brushing or flossing or bathing, I want them to think it is just something you have to do to stay healthy. It is not something I realized until just recently.

On Saturday, I decided to run outside, only for the 2nd time since I started C25K. I feel safer on the treadmill. I feel less self-conscious. I still haven't had the guts to run at the gym. I worry about people watching all that jiggling and fat flapping I guess. But, I've also realized it's easier to stop. If you're outside, you can't just sit down because you have to get back. So, I decided to go to the park. The track around the lake is 1.2 miles. Easy Peesy, right?

For the first time, I confessed to my 12 year old son that I want to run a 5K. I told him I'm training for it and asked if he wanted to join me. He does. So, Saturday am, he and I went to the park. I did 3 laps which is 3.6 miles. My longest distance yet. I am super slow, but I also finished week 4! Despite the heat. Despite the pollen. And, despite the jiggling fat.

The best part is that my son did it and felt so proud. Someone came up to him and told him he's going to be a great athlete when he gets bigger since he's started training so early. He was also jazzed about the next time we can go. Running laps at the park is not something I would have EVER done with my mom. It made me feel so good to share that with him.

Then, yesterday, I got in the pool with the kids. I've been swimming laps every time we swim, which is almost daily. This time, the kids got all excited about swimming laps with Mommy. Even my youngest, who is 4, decided to swim like me. Man is she fast! She beat me nearly every lap, which is 10 meters in our pool one way. I was telling her how amazing she is at swimming and marveling at how much faster she is than me. She said, "Mommy, don't worry. It's just because you are so much older and sweatier than me. You can get faster if you try!" I nearly drowned I was laughing so hard!

After that, I got out and did push ups and sit ups. You should have seen my girls, ages 4 and 5, doing them with me. HIL-alrious! Then, my 5 year old started teaching me some things she's learned in PE. I did them with her, although not as deftly for sure. Yet I was so proud and happy to be exercising with my kids and even learning a few things from them as well.

How about you? How do you approach teaching your kids about diet and exercise? Do you worry about them being obese like I do? The one thing I know for sure is that the changes I am making will change their lives for the better. Even if I don't reach my goal weight, I am leading by example and teaching lessons every time they see me making healthy choices.

You've GOT to be kidding!

For the past 2 months or so I've been training with a personal trainer. He's a very nice guy, but sometimes I think he forgets how fat I am. I guess this is good, but sometimes I feel like he expects me to do so much more than I think I can do.

Today during our session he once again directed me to the area of the gym I like to call the "jungle". This is the area where they have free weights and all sorts of contraptions for lifting weights which are completely foreign to me. This is where various large, muscled men and women hang out grimacing and grunting as they do whatever it is they do over there.

He says to me, "Today we're doing machine chest presses, weighted squats and bosu dead lifts with weights." Uh huh. Sure we are. I must have had the same look on my face some patients give me when I say something completely medical like "gastroesophageal reflux" instead of heartburn. And there I was, me with my sweating and huffing and puffing and fatness amongst all the "hard core" gym rats.

But, you know what? I did all that stuff and more! I did it without too much trouble. My body does things now I never dreamed. I bench pressed 75 FREAKING pounds. I stood on the bosu-the half ball thing that "activates your core by creating instability when you stand on it" according to my trainer. I like to lovingly refer to it as the ball of terror as it is scary AND one of the many devices he pulls out when it's "ABD TIME" (he says in a cheery voice which makes me want to slug him). While standing on this thing, I did waist bends while lifting a 35 pound weight!

I can do 15 REAL PUSH UPS now. In less than 30 seconds. I can confidently walk into the "jungle" even when my trainer is not with me and use these contraptions without hurting myself or others. This has actually gained a little respect from some of the "gym rats" as I have actually been on the receiving end of a respectful nod after a set or two.

These are the little victories I hang on to when this whole thing seems so hard. I know there is no one actually reading this, but on the off chance, I hope you can find your "little victories" too. If so, please let me know about them. Then we can feel awesome and powerful together!