Heavy...

Hearted.

That's me today.  I was cooking breakfast yesterday when I got the call. I had planned my menus for the week. Grocery list ready. I had even weighed and sent it to Allan and on time.  I had a great Spring Break rap up post planned. It was full of pictures of the great meals I had made and the work outs I'd done and the fun that we'd had.

Then I got the call.

My Cousin was gone. They found him yesterday morning. We don't know what happened. He was 39.

I am an only child. We grew up living next door. He was the brother I never had. He was my friend.

I drove to Oklahoma yesterday and back this morning to be at the office. I was off all last week and can't afford to be off much more. I'll go back for the service of course, but I wish I was there now.

And so challenges and meal plans and calorie counts seem less important to me today. Although I found myself with no appetite yesterday. A new experience for me. I found myself not interested in cookies, cakes and pies. I ate the banana instead. Weird. I did drink a coke. A real one.  And in a moment of desperation to feel "normal" I ate a brownie. Just silly. Because it didn't help. I didn't feel better and I didn't get a sugar high. All I felt was sad and numb. And I realized again that food is just food.

And once again....newsflash....this is life. Happy and sad and angry and tired and all the feelings we feel and experiences we have. I refuse to fall back into the trap of using food for comfort. Instead I'll use the comfort of my family and friends. 

I may not post a lot this week. Or then again I may. But, I won't be gone for long. This healthy change I've made is for life. All of it.

So I wish for you a good week. And I hope that you never forget to tell your family you love them. Hug them when you can. Don't let feelings go unsaid. There may not be another chance.