Disclaimer

This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I'm Still Here......

I'm here. I'm really tired this week. Hubby out of town. I had a migraine most of the week. Luckily today it is gone. Yea!  Having trouble with motivation, especially yesterday but I find that is much worse when I'm tired. Today is a bit better with the headache improved.

I weighed in on Monday and I had lost 2 pounds. My efforts at tracking through the weekend paid off. I did work out on Saturday with my stationery bike and some stretching. Sunday I didn't do much as that's when the migraine hit. I spent a good portion of that day laying around and hoping my head would just explode and relieve some of the pressure.

Monday was a long day. I worked, then picked up my son at lunch and took him to the doctor. Worked some more and then went to Boy Scouts with him. I did a gillion physicals for his troop and we didn't get home until nearly 10pm. Needless to say About 100 pre-teen and teen age boys didn't help that headache. Tuesday I was sooooooo tired. Work was busy and I ran late so I missed my noon TKD class which only made me grumpier. But, I finished in time to make the 5:40pm class after work. OOPs, I forgot my belt. DANG IT. Can't go to class without it. Luckily I had just enough time to run home, get the belt and make class. I was YAWNING during class, but I made it through and the workout probably helped the headache.

Yesterday was hectic. I got the kids to school and had to run a few errands at lunch. After work I had to run home and pick up my son for a special meeting for him. He advances to Life scout on Monday at Court Of Honor. For those of you who don't know that's the rank just before Eagle. It's basically 6 months to a year now until Eagle and he's very excited. He was also nominated for the Scout Honor Society Order of the Arrow. This is wonderful news, but we just found out this week and it means a camping trip this weekend. He already had a band trip this weekend and hubby doesn't get home until late Friday. We spent yesterday trying to figure a way to do both and then came to the conclusion we can't. Luckily there is another ceremony/camping trip for the OA in August and he'll be inducted into it then.

I didn't drink enough water yesterday. I also didn't eat enough protein. Those 2 mistakes led to my making a couple of bad choices last night. I went over my calories by a bit. I woke up this morning and I was mad at myself. But, then I realized that I can't undo it. I can only move forward. So I ate a good breakfast and I'm moving on. I went to TKD class again today and it was a hard workout because there were only 3 of us in class. That means I had 1 to 1 time with the instructor which is awesome but also means I got no rest time. I did some speed drills with low to high round house kicks. I hit the bag a little off with one kick and my left foot is a little sore. My fault because I forgot to wear my shin and instep guards. Dufus. Thank God for ibuprofen.

Tonight I have to do the single mom thing again and get a little work finished. I found out we can get our taxes all done as the business taxes are finished. We always have to file an extension because of our complicated corporation blah blah blah.  Anyhoo.....the best news is I'm off tomorrow. I'm returning to taking Fridays off. I used to do this regularly. I stopped for a while but now I am going back to it. During the summer I have to pay Nanny a LOT of overtime. My day off avoid this and also allows me some extra time with the kids. They are growing up so very fast and I feel like I'm missing so much of it. I haven't been up at their school nearly as much this year even though I take off when something special is happening. I don't get to just drop in and do lunch with them. Of course that's because lunch is at 10:30 and 11:00am! ANYWAY...I have a super-secret girl day scheduled with a friend for movie and shopping and I'm super happy psyched out.

My goal for this weekend is to track like last week. Work out Friday and Saturday and stay within my calorie goal. It's really not too lofty of goals. I'm increasing my cardio next week I return to am cardio and twice a day work outs when possible. I will be testing for brown belt on June 2nd and.....yes my friends ....it's never to early to start praying..ha ha!  It's never too early to prepare. I'm in better shape and stronger but I weigh more than I did at my last test. That makes me angry, but determined.  I've reminded myself that my goals are about more than just the scale and that I am so far from where I was. I am strong and proud.  After all, brown belt is only 2 belts from black!  Who would've thought I would be even making it through one class of TKD 2 years ago let alone 2 belts from black!!!

You can do this! You have to believe. You have to keep going no matter what gets in your way. I've had health problems and steroid weight gain. I've dealt with the death of one of the most important people in my life. I've battled many challenges and I've not quit. I won't. There are no excuses. The only thing keeping me from my goals is me. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

What about you?  Is there something you are letting in your way? How are you going to get around it? What's holding you back?

Friday, April 27, 2012

Spring Flowers

Friday..... Sigh. So glad it's Friday! This has been a hectic and long week and I'm glad it's over.

Lasts night we tried something new for dinner- black rice. I rarely eat rice and usually we eat brown when we do. My husband came home from Costco with this big bag of black rice. Personally I've never heard of it and I was curious. It has a nutty flavor. We prepared it with onion and sweet potato. Not sure where Nanny got the recipe but it was awesome! The black rice has 160 calories per cup, 34 grams carb and 2 gram fiber. It made an interesting change and for a rare mix up of a side dish it was nice.

Actually I had a vegetarian night with a a bean salad with roasted peppers. I cannot remember where I got the recipe from right now but it's a keeper! Yummy!

Today I was pleased to wake up to a day with no hospital meeting for the first time this week! It was a busy day but productive. Came home for lunch and had left overs from last night. Unfortunately I ran late in clinic so my workout got nixed. Best laid plans.

Anyway when I finally got home we had a yummy dinner of asparagus with prosciutto. That one I got from Tami at Nutmeg Notebook. Hubby LOVED it and although he like asparagus ok it's not his favorite and if it isn't just right he won't eat it so that is a great compliment.

Tomorrow will be spent with housework and more gardening. I have some more planting to do. I'm sure there will be a trip to Sam's at some point. Son has a day of canoeing for boy scouts. Hubby will get ready for his business trip. On Sunday I'm planning a relaxing day with a trip to the movies with the kids.

My goals for the weekend are to track all my food and get the chores done. We new to practice and stretch for TKD at some point.

I'll leave you now with a pic of a rose from the miniature rose bush my kids gave me for Mother's Day last year. We planted it and it survived the rabbits. The girls were so excited to see the roses appear this spring. Hope your weekend is a great one!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Making the Grade

Today turned out to be a great day. I'm taking advantage of watching the draft to multi-task and blog at the same time. I had the 4th meeting in as many days tonight and thank goodness that's the last one for a while. There are times when I wonder how we doctors get any actual medicine done!

Speaking of the draft....I'm pretty darned happy with the Cowboys pick this year. We need help in the secondary and that should help. As usual a lot of interesting developments. I love football and I love sports. Of course anyone who has read this blog at all knows that already!

Today we woke up late. I had promised the kids donuts for good behavior all month and all the work they did in the yard with me last weekend. Of course mommy running late is not a valid excuse so i had to take them.

I always feel torn about junk food and the kids. It is a rare treat in our family. But I do want them to learn how to eat right and manage their desire for an occasional treat right? Of course I always feel weird as the fat girl in the donut shop. I do not eat them and I didn't touch one today, but I always wonder what people think when they see me there. Of course then my first thought is screw them anyway because they are standing in the same line! And a lot of them did not have kids with them!

I got the kids off to school and I had rushed out without breakfast. Of course I had my coffee. I don't leave without my coffee and my big water glass. Luckily I'd packed my snack bag. When I got to the office I had an apple and a cheese stick and an orange. It was great and plenty.

At noon I went to TKD class. Had a great class and hard workout with 25 pushups and 60 crunches and stretching to warm up. We spent about half the class doing sparring drills which is fabulous cardio. After I was drenched in sweat and hungry but I felt great.

Why why why do I forget how much better I feel when I fuel my body with healthy food lots of water and then plenty of exercise? It's weird to me that when I'm stressed and down I STILL sometimes lapse into my old habit of emotional eating. Once the cycle of bad eating starts, it's so hard to stop.

Eating crap makes your body tired and sluggish. Your brain doesn't work because your blood sugar is all over the place. That causes changes in your brain chemistry and round the cycle you go. Learning not to get caught in that trap has been the hardest part of this whole thing.

I tell myself that I gained weight over the last few months because I was sick and on steroids and going through some hard times. The truth is I gained weight because I ate shit and drank shit and because of my health I couldn't work out much which is of course the absolute WORSE time to eat shit!

I get so pissed at myself for falling into that old trap. The only positive I see though is that the lapses are less often, shorter and not as severe. That is evidence to me that I am learning. But apparently in weight loss I am FAR from an A student. And now that I've typed that I suddenly realized that that is something I need to work on.

Not the messing up. That goes without saying. I'm talking about how I feel about the fact that I'm not the A student in this situation. I'm an over achiever and type A personality in many aspects of my life. I'm not perfect by any means. I'm not as organized as I should be and I'm scatterbrained and sometimes I can be a real bitch. But when I set my mind to something that I want to do I've been able to do it. Except lose weight. Why?

Is that the fact that I keep failing weighing on me?(pun intended) The answer is YES it does. Especially here where I'm so public with it all. Letting go of that disappointment in myself without giving myself a pass is something I really need to figure out.

But enough of that. On the bright side of things I am doing well with food. I'm drinking my water and I'm working out. Now if I keep doing those three very simple things over and over and over and over I know I'll get that A!

What about you? How do you feel about junk food for the kids? I know I did not learn moderation with junk food at all and I'm trying to teach it to my kids. Does getting mad at yourself help or hinder your weight loss efforts? For me I suppose it's both.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Update and Never Give Up!

Why does it seem like my life is moving faster and faster?   I keep meaning to post and meaning to post and I just have trouble finding time!  Then when I get on to post they've changed every-danged thing! Sigh...

I'll adjust but I'm not a fan of change when it comes to technology. I don't have time to figure it out!

Anyway....I'm much better since my last post. My back was totally messed up until last Friday. The Chiropractor definitely helped. Over the weekend I was able to do a TON of gardening. Weeding and planting and mulching, oh my!  (Earth, I hope you appreciate it!)  Perfect was to spend Earth Day. And it's great exercise. Of course I avoid lifting the heavy bags of soil and mulch, at least mostly. By Monday I was sore, but better.

I worked out with my Trainer on Monday. We modified several things due to my back, but it was still a good chest and ab workout. I also did 30 min on the elliptical.  Yesterday I went to TKD for the first time since my back problem. I made it through class without difficulty. Well....it was the usual difficult. Of course my instructor always picks days when I'm sore to do extra situps and crunches and stuff. But at least we only did the usual 20 push ups.

Today I'm resting because I don't want to re-injure my back AND I just had no time today. I didn't get to sleep until late last night, overslept this morning, had a teleconference at lunch and a board meeting after work. A board meeting I'm leaving for shortly....Yes. It is the week o' meetings for me. Had a board meeting Monday night, then tonight and a medical staff meeting tomorrow!  Between that and kids TKD I won't be home before 7pm all week. And next week I'll be single parenting as my hubbie has a work trip all week.

On top of all that, I'm involved with the TKD gym's charity golf tournament. I don't golf. I've never golfed. Mainly because I was raised by a single mom but mostly because my hubs was really into golf when we started dating. He offered to teach me how to golf, but a couple of "fun" trips to Putt Putt and it was clear to me that it was golf or us. Ha ha. Well.....clear to me anyway. Having your spouse/significant other teach you something like that is probably a bad idea. Same thing with training. My trainer can't train his wife. They fight every time.  But the golf tournament is for a good cause. Our Korean Sword team(Haidong Gumdo) team qualified for the international tournament and will be representing USA and TX in Korea this summer. Plus we've formed a foundation to help underprivileged kids to take classes and compete. Kids who otherwise could never afford it. I love that idea and I've been schlepping all over town trying to help get sponsors.

Kids are busy. Son's toe is still jacked up but getting better. I hate hate hate the last month of school because there is SO MUCH going on with parties and field trips and tests and projects and programs and concerts! But the reward of a calm summer is coming soon.

So that's what's up with me. I really am trying to keep up and blog more, it's just not working out so far.  I'm still trying and still working toward my goal. Never give up!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Yuck week.

So far my week isn't so great. Over the weekend my back started bothering me. I'm not really sure what I did. We had to get some salt for the pool and I lifted 2 of the 40 pound bags on Friday. That's not anything new for me and not something that is too heavy, but I leaned down into the trunk to pick up the first one and I did feel a small pop in my back. No pain then at all.

Friday night I wore heels out to dinner, no biggie, but I woke up Saturday morning and I was so sore and stiff in my back. I didn't do much on Saturday. Needless to say I didn't run or even walk much. By Sunday I was really hurting and as the storms moved through here I had a migraine on top of that. Sunday was miserable. Monday I was supposed to work out with my trainer, but I knew there was no way in hell I could do that. I went to work and spent every minute I could lying on the floor and stretching. I was miserable Monday with the pain.Tuesday it was a little better as I was able to sleep Monday night with the help of a muscle relaxer. But, yesterday it was killing me again by the end of the day.

 I went to the chiropractor yesterday and he worked his magic.  I am sore, but I can move better and I can tell by tomorrow it will be much better. But, I haven't worked out this week, definitely no TKD. I'm holding off on that until next week. Maybe I can do a little walking or biking this weekend. I have lots to do around the house, but I'll have to be careful as I don't want to aggravate my back. I have already rescheduled my trainer for next Monday. My eating this week hasn't been great and I haven't weighed. I'm frustrated and just not in the right frame of mind even though I don't think I've gained any weight.

Today is the anniversary of the OKC Bombing. It's always a melancholy day for me.  I realized today that the two  cousins I lost were just about my age now when they died. Now more than ever it brings home how early their lives were ended. If you're interested, you can read the post I did on my experience the day of the bombing from last year.

Ok I guess that's it for now. I'm just yuck this week. At least tomorrow is Friday!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Whilrwind week.

Having a great week. Finally got the batteries replaced in my scale on Tuesday and when I weighed I'd lost 2.5 pounds. That's just awesome weight loss for me as a slow loser and with the holiday weekend to boot!  I've stayed on track and been tracking my calories. Weight was up a little today, but I had a little too much sodium and cheese yesterday. I'm sure that will work out by my next weigh in.  I'm drinking my water, but I didn't quite get it all in yesterday which also hurt my weight today I'm sure.

Monday I worked out at home, bike and weights. Tuesday I went to Taekwondo and it was an INTENSE session. We hardly took one break to grab a drink the whole hour. Everyone even the super in shape people was panting.  Wednesday I went to the gym. I did 45min on the elliptical, intervals. Also did 40 situps, 20 push ups, stretching and TKD slow kick raises. That's where you kick and hold 3 sec. Builds your muscles and improves your range of motion with the kicks. Did 20 each leg side kick, round house and back kick.

Yesterday just didn't go as planned at all.  I couldn't do it in the morning and I'll explain that later. I tried to get to TKD at noon, but ran late in the office due to a laceration that needed stitches. Then I missed the evening class because the girls were coughing and my son can't go and I had to get home. I had a short walk and did some outside pool and garden stuff and then stretching, but no true workout. Today I'm frustrated because the workout I planned for noon didn't happen because again I ran late in clinic. Can't go after work because I actually have dinner plans with actual GROWN UPs and that never happens so I'm not missing it. Don't worry I've looked at the menu and I have a plan. Plus I ate very little lunch.  I'll have a snack before dinner to avoid the "OMG I'M SO HUNGRY!!!" that usually ends with me binging.

This weekend is the 1mile fun run or 5K at my daughters' school and I planned on going and doing it even if I can't run much. The girls want to go also and it all depends on whether they are coughing their heads off again or not. It's supposed to possibly rain and if that's the case they cannot get out for sure. F-ing pollen can go f-itself. There's no way these plants need all this pollen. I hate allergies and here in Texas it SUCKS........but I digress. If I don't get to run/walk outside, I will try using the treadmill and if the freaking thing won't work as it's been on the fritz, I'll do the bike. I have housework and gardening and lots of other stuff on the agenda. Plus I need to practice my staff form so I don't forget it all.

Son is camping with boy scouts and the cam pout is local which is great in case we have to go get him due to terrible toe pain. So that's why I didn't workout yesterday morning. Son landed wrong at TKD on his big toe and I thought for sure it was broken. Thankfully it was not, but he has significant turf toe and cannot jump or run for a few weeks. He doesn't want to miss Camporee with all the younger scouts so he'll try going.

My food has been good and I've been tracking all week. The weekend is the challenge and I'm determined to track through the weekend and keep the eating in check. I'll report in on Monday and let you know how it goes.   I don't know why the weekends are so much harder for me. I think it's the lack of regular schedule and I get busy. Anyway, I've got to get it back in control. I know how, it's a matter of doing it.  Hope you all have a great weekend.

How do you handle weekends? Are they a challenge for you, too? 

Monday, April 9, 2012

Great weekend and back in the groove.

Happy Monday!  Had a great weekend, busy but great. I finished off last week with TKD class on Thursday. My arms were finally not sore by Friday. There was no TKD on Friday due to Good Friday. My youngest had a belt test on Saturday. My other daughter and I ended up helping with the test and that counted as my workout for the day.

Sunday morning we got the garden planted, house cleaned, flower beds weeded (at least in front). Then I cooked dinner-ham, roasted potatoes, green beans, salad. We had some friends over who did dessert-peach pie, apple pie, cherry pie. The kids got to hunt eggs just before the rain started. We spent the rest of the day just visiting and enjoying the company. The kids ate plenty of chocolate, I did not. I ate one chocolate egg.  After all the cooking, cleaning and gardening I was pooped by last night. I figure that was a workout. I fell into bed around 9:00pm and was out pretty quickly.

This morning the alarm went off. I snoozed and snoozed and finally dragged myself from my comfy bed.  Got breakfast cooked for hubbie and me-egg white, bacon, peppers and onions. Packed hubbie's lunch and headed upstairs for a quick workout. I did 20min on the bike and some upper body weights.  My legs are a bit sore from all the activities this weekend. I need to remember to stretch more on the weekends. Even if it is housework or gardening, it is exercise and those muscles get sore whether it's a "work out" or just working outside.

I didn't log my food yesterday. Wish I had. I know I didn't do too bad with food. Saturday was good. I feel like I got through another holiday doing WAY better than a year ago. That's a good feeling. My scale is dead. It needs a battery (I hope) so I don't have a weigh in today and I haven't weighed for a few days.

Today food has been good. I had a lunch meeting at lunch. I didn't get to pick the restaurant. I had looked up estimates for some choices. It was Thai food. I had some spicy chicken soup and it was great. I drank water and I was satisfied. Now to head home for the usual routine-dinner, homework, baths and bed. I feel like I'm finally getting back in the groove. Now if I could just make myself record my food every day, 7 days a week. That's my goal this week. It will be a challenge since we have plans to go out for dinner on Friday and Saturday we're going up to Oklahoma for the OU Spring Game. But, challenges are what life is made of, right? So I know I can do it.

How do you handle restaurants where you're not sure of the choices? Do you ever go to a lunch meeting and not eat? I thought about it, but it was just 3 of us and I was hungry.

Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!