This blog is an accounting of my personal journey to find fitness. All the content on this blog should be read as a biographical piece of literature, not a medical resource. I am a physician, but I am in no way giving medical advice or establishing doctor patient relationships with my readers. I am simply keeping a diary. If you are starting a diet or exercise program or require medical evaluation or advice, please see your own family physician.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Spring Flowers

Friday..... Sigh. So glad it's Friday! This has been a hectic and long week and I'm glad it's over.

Lasts night we tried something new for dinner- black rice. I rarely eat rice and usually we eat brown when we do. My husband came home from Costco with this big bag of black rice. Personally I've never heard of it and I was curious. It has a nutty flavor. We prepared it with onion and sweet potato. Not sure where Nanny got the recipe but it was awesome! The black rice has 160 calories per cup, 34 grams carb and 2 gram fiber. It made an interesting change and for a rare mix up of a side dish it was nice.

Actually I had a vegetarian night with a a bean salad with roasted peppers. I cannot remember where I got the recipe from right now but it's a keeper! Yummy!

Today I was pleased to wake up to a day with no hospital meeting for the first time this week! It was a busy day but productive. Came home for lunch and had left overs from last night. Unfortunately I ran late in clinic so my workout got nixed. Best laid plans.

Anyway when I finally got home we had a yummy dinner of asparagus with prosciutto. That one I got from Tami at Nutmeg Notebook. Hubby LOVED it and although he like asparagus ok it's not his favorite and if it isn't just right he won't eat it so that is a great compliment.

Tomorrow will be spent with housework and more gardening. I have some more planting to do. I'm sure there will be a trip to Sam's at some point. Son has a day of canoeing for boy scouts. Hubby will get ready for his business trip. On Sunday I'm planning a relaxing day with a trip to the movies with the kids.

My goals for the weekend are to track all my food and get the chores done. We new to practice and stretch for TKD at some point.

I'll leave you now with a pic of a rose from the miniature rose bush my kids gave me for Mother's Day last year. We planted it and it survived the rabbits. The girls were so excited to see the roses appear this spring. Hope your weekend is a great one!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Making the Grade

Today turned out to be a great day. I'm taking advantage of watching the draft to multi-task and blog at the same time. I had the 4th meeting in as many days tonight and thank goodness that's the last one for a while. There are times when I wonder how we doctors get any actual medicine done!

Speaking of the draft....I'm pretty darned happy with the Cowboys pick this year. We need help in the secondary and that should help. As usual a lot of interesting developments. I love football and I love sports. Of course anyone who has read this blog at all knows that already!

Today we woke up late. I had promised the kids donuts for good behavior all month and all the work they did in the yard with me last weekend. Of course mommy running late is not a valid excuse so i had to take them.

I always feel torn about junk food and the kids. It is a rare treat in our family. But I do want them to learn how to eat right and manage their desire for an occasional treat right? Of course I always feel weird as the fat girl in the donut shop. I do not eat them and I didn't touch one today, but I always wonder what people think when they see me there. Of course then my first thought is screw them anyway because they are standing in the same line! And a lot of them did not have kids with them!

I got the kids off to school and I had rushed out without breakfast. Of course I had my coffee. I don't leave without my coffee and my big water glass. Luckily I'd packed my snack bag. When I got to the office I had an apple and a cheese stick and an orange. It was great and plenty.

At noon I went to TKD class. Had a great class and hard workout with 25 pushups and 60 crunches and stretching to warm up. We spent about half the class doing sparring drills which is fabulous cardio. After I was drenched in sweat and hungry but I felt great.

Why why why do I forget how much better I feel when I fuel my body with healthy food lots of water and then plenty of exercise? It's weird to me that when I'm stressed and down I STILL sometimes lapse into my old habit of emotional eating. Once the cycle of bad eating starts, it's so hard to stop.

Eating crap makes your body tired and sluggish. Your brain doesn't work because your blood sugar is all over the place. That causes changes in your brain chemistry and round the cycle you go. Learning not to get caught in that trap has been the hardest part of this whole thing.

I tell myself that I gained weight over the last few months because I was sick and on steroids and going through some hard times. The truth is I gained weight because I ate shit and drank shit and because of my health I couldn't work out much which is of course the absolute WORSE time to eat shit!

I get so pissed at myself for falling into that old trap. The only positive I see though is that the lapses are less often, shorter and not as severe. That is evidence to me that I am learning. But apparently in weight loss I am FAR from an A student. And now that I've typed that I suddenly realized that that is something I need to work on.

Not the messing up. That goes without saying. I'm talking about how I feel about the fact that I'm not the A student in this situation. I'm an over achiever and type A personality in many aspects of my life. I'm not perfect by any means. I'm not as organized as I should be and I'm scatterbrained and sometimes I can be a real bitch. But when I set my mind to something that I want to do I've been able to do it. Except lose weight. Why?

Is that the fact that I keep failing weighing on me?(pun intended) The answer is YES it does. Especially here where I'm so public with it all. Letting go of that disappointment in myself without giving myself a pass is something I really need to figure out.

But enough of that. On the bright side of things I am doing well with food. I'm drinking my water and I'm working out. Now if I keep doing those three very simple things over and over and over and over I know I'll get that A!

What about you? How do you feel about junk food for the kids? I know I did not learn moderation with junk food at all and I'm trying to teach it to my kids. Does getting mad at yourself help or hinder your weight loss efforts? For me I suppose it's both.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Update and Never Give Up!

Why does it seem like my life is moving faster and faster?   I keep meaning to post and meaning to post and I just have trouble finding time!  Then when I get on to post they've changed every-danged thing! Sigh...

I'll adjust but I'm not a fan of change when it comes to technology. I don't have time to figure it out!

Anyway....I'm much better since my last post. My back was totally messed up until last Friday. The Chiropractor definitely helped. Over the weekend I was able to do a TON of gardening. Weeding and planting and mulching, oh my!  (Earth, I hope you appreciate it!)  Perfect was to spend Earth Day. And it's great exercise. Of course I avoid lifting the heavy bags of soil and mulch, at least mostly. By Monday I was sore, but better.

I worked out with my Trainer on Monday. We modified several things due to my back, but it was still a good chest and ab workout. I also did 30 min on the elliptical.  Yesterday I went to TKD for the first time since my back problem. I made it through class without difficulty. Well....it was the usual difficult. Of course my instructor always picks days when I'm sore to do extra situps and crunches and stuff. But at least we only did the usual 20 push ups.

Today I'm resting because I don't want to re-injure my back AND I just had no time today. I didn't get to sleep until late last night, overslept this morning, had a teleconference at lunch and a board meeting after work. A board meeting I'm leaving for shortly....Yes. It is the week o' meetings for me. Had a board meeting Monday night, then tonight and a medical staff meeting tomorrow!  Between that and kids TKD I won't be home before 7pm all week. And next week I'll be single parenting as my hubbie has a work trip all week.

On top of all that, I'm involved with the TKD gym's charity golf tournament. I don't golf. I've never golfed. Mainly because I was raised by a single mom but mostly because my hubs was really into golf when we started dating. He offered to teach me how to golf, but a couple of "fun" trips to Putt Putt and it was clear to me that it was golf or us. Ha ha. Well.....clear to me anyway. Having your spouse/significant other teach you something like that is probably a bad idea. Same thing with training. My trainer can't train his wife. They fight every time.  But the golf tournament is for a good cause. Our Korean Sword team(Haidong Gumdo) team qualified for the international tournament and will be representing USA and TX in Korea this summer. Plus we've formed a foundation to help underprivileged kids to take classes and compete. Kids who otherwise could never afford it. I love that idea and I've been schlepping all over town trying to help get sponsors.

Kids are busy. Son's toe is still jacked up but getting better. I hate hate hate the last month of school because there is SO MUCH going on with parties and field trips and tests and projects and programs and concerts! But the reward of a calm summer is coming soon.

So that's what's up with me. I really am trying to keep up and blog more, it's just not working out so far.  I'm still trying and still working toward my goal. Never give up!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Yuck week.

So far my week isn't so great. Over the weekend my back started bothering me. I'm not really sure what I did. We had to get some salt for the pool and I lifted 2 of the 40 pound bags on Friday. That's not anything new for me and not something that is too heavy, but I leaned down into the trunk to pick up the first one and I did feel a small pop in my back. No pain then at all.

Friday night I wore heels out to dinner, no biggie, but I woke up Saturday morning and I was so sore and stiff in my back. I didn't do much on Saturday. Needless to say I didn't run or even walk much. By Sunday I was really hurting and as the storms moved through here I had a migraine on top of that. Sunday was miserable. Monday I was supposed to work out with my trainer, but I knew there was no way in hell I could do that. I went to work and spent every minute I could lying on the floor and stretching. I was miserable Monday with the pain.Tuesday it was a little better as I was able to sleep Monday night with the help of a muscle relaxer. But, yesterday it was killing me again by the end of the day.

 I went to the chiropractor yesterday and he worked his magic.  I am sore, but I can move better and I can tell by tomorrow it will be much better. But, I haven't worked out this week, definitely no TKD. I'm holding off on that until next week. Maybe I can do a little walking or biking this weekend. I have lots to do around the house, but I'll have to be careful as I don't want to aggravate my back. I have already rescheduled my trainer for next Monday. My eating this week hasn't been great and I haven't weighed. I'm frustrated and just not in the right frame of mind even though I don't think I've gained any weight.

Today is the anniversary of the OKC Bombing. It's always a melancholy day for me.  I realized today that the two  cousins I lost were just about my age now when they died. Now more than ever it brings home how early their lives were ended. If you're interested, you can read the post I did on my experience the day of the bombing from last year.

Ok I guess that's it for now. I'm just yuck this week. At least tomorrow is Friday!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Whilrwind week.

Having a great week. Finally got the batteries replaced in my scale on Tuesday and when I weighed I'd lost 2.5 pounds. That's just awesome weight loss for me as a slow loser and with the holiday weekend to boot!  I've stayed on track and been tracking my calories. Weight was up a little today, but I had a little too much sodium and cheese yesterday. I'm sure that will work out by my next weigh in.  I'm drinking my water, but I didn't quite get it all in yesterday which also hurt my weight today I'm sure.

Monday I worked out at home, bike and weights. Tuesday I went to Taekwondo and it was an INTENSE session. We hardly took one break to grab a drink the whole hour. Everyone even the super in shape people was panting.  Wednesday I went to the gym. I did 45min on the elliptical, intervals. Also did 40 situps, 20 push ups, stretching and TKD slow kick raises. That's where you kick and hold 3 sec. Builds your muscles and improves your range of motion with the kicks. Did 20 each leg side kick, round house and back kick.

Yesterday just didn't go as planned at all.  I couldn't do it in the morning and I'll explain that later. I tried to get to TKD at noon, but ran late in the office due to a laceration that needed stitches. Then I missed the evening class because the girls were coughing and my son can't go and I had to get home. I had a short walk and did some outside pool and garden stuff and then stretching, but no true workout. Today I'm frustrated because the workout I planned for noon didn't happen because again I ran late in clinic. Can't go after work because I actually have dinner plans with actual GROWN UPs and that never happens so I'm not missing it. Don't worry I've looked at the menu and I have a plan. Plus I ate very little lunch.  I'll have a snack before dinner to avoid the "OMG I'M SO HUNGRY!!!" that usually ends with me binging.

This weekend is the 1mile fun run or 5K at my daughters' school and I planned on going and doing it even if I can't run much. The girls want to go also and it all depends on whether they are coughing their heads off again or not. It's supposed to possibly rain and if that's the case they cannot get out for sure. F-ing pollen can go f-itself. There's no way these plants need all this pollen. I hate allergies and here in Texas it SUCKS........but I digress. If I don't get to run/walk outside, I will try using the treadmill and if the freaking thing won't work as it's been on the fritz, I'll do the bike. I have housework and gardening and lots of other stuff on the agenda. Plus I need to practice my staff form so I don't forget it all.

Son is camping with boy scouts and the cam pout is local which is great in case we have to go get him due to terrible toe pain. So that's why I didn't workout yesterday morning. Son landed wrong at TKD on his big toe and I thought for sure it was broken. Thankfully it was not, but he has significant turf toe and cannot jump or run for a few weeks. He doesn't want to miss Camporee with all the younger scouts so he'll try going.

My food has been good and I've been tracking all week. The weekend is the challenge and I'm determined to track through the weekend and keep the eating in check. I'll report in on Monday and let you know how it goes.   I don't know why the weekends are so much harder for me. I think it's the lack of regular schedule and I get busy. Anyway, I've got to get it back in control. I know how, it's a matter of doing it.  Hope you all have a great weekend.

How do you handle weekends? Are they a challenge for you, too? 

Monday, April 9, 2012

Great weekend and back in the groove.

Happy Monday!  Had a great weekend, busy but great. I finished off last week with TKD class on Thursday. My arms were finally not sore by Friday. There was no TKD on Friday due to Good Friday. My youngest had a belt test on Saturday. My other daughter and I ended up helping with the test and that counted as my workout for the day.

Sunday morning we got the garden planted, house cleaned, flower beds weeded (at least in front). Then I cooked dinner-ham, roasted potatoes, green beans, salad. We had some friends over who did dessert-peach pie, apple pie, cherry pie. The kids got to hunt eggs just before the rain started. We spent the rest of the day just visiting and enjoying the company. The kids ate plenty of chocolate, I did not. I ate one chocolate egg.  After all the cooking, cleaning and gardening I was pooped by last night. I figure that was a workout. I fell into bed around 9:00pm and was out pretty quickly.

This morning the alarm went off. I snoozed and snoozed and finally dragged myself from my comfy bed.  Got breakfast cooked for hubbie and me-egg white, bacon, peppers and onions. Packed hubbie's lunch and headed upstairs for a quick workout. I did 20min on the bike and some upper body weights.  My legs are a bit sore from all the activities this weekend. I need to remember to stretch more on the weekends. Even if it is housework or gardening, it is exercise and those muscles get sore whether it's a "work out" or just working outside.

I didn't log my food yesterday. Wish I had. I know I didn't do too bad with food. Saturday was good. I feel like I got through another holiday doing WAY better than a year ago. That's a good feeling. My scale is dead. It needs a battery (I hope) so I don't have a weigh in today and I haven't weighed for a few days.

Today food has been good. I had a lunch meeting at lunch. I didn't get to pick the restaurant. I had looked up estimates for some choices. It was Thai food. I had some spicy chicken soup and it was great. I drank water and I was satisfied. Now to head home for the usual routine-dinner, homework, baths and bed. I feel like I'm finally getting back in the groove. Now if I could just make myself record my food every day, 7 days a week. That's my goal this week. It will be a challenge since we have plans to go out for dinner on Friday and Saturday we're going up to Oklahoma for the OU Spring Game. But, challenges are what life is made of, right? So I know I can do it.

How do you handle restaurants where you're not sure of the choices? Do you ever go to a lunch meeting and not eat? I thought about it, but it was just 3 of us and I was hungry.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Weathering the Storm

Well we survived the storms swirling around here yesterday. It was crazy!  As soon as one tornado was spotted, they'd see another. Luckily the bad stuff wasn't very near us. We had tornadoes to the south, west and east. We were lucky.  The sirens went off 3 times and I had patients in the hall. Of course my medical assistant and I were outside looking at the clouds while everyone else was taking cover. That's what we Okies do. How else do you know if the tornado is really coming? I've been through enough tornadoes and warnings and storms I know what to look for. I knew we weren't in any real danger where we were, thank goodness.

I got a massive migraine yesterday with all the storms. Barometric pressure change is one of my triggers. I can always tell when a storm is coming. It's better today, but I still have a lingering headache. I had to take some migraine medication and now I'm drowsy and nauseated. Add to that my lack of sleep last night because my dang dog decided she needed out at 3am. That plus my sore muscles and I'm not feeling too great today.

On the bright side, yesterday I did two taekwondo classes. Yeah me!  I went at noon to the adult class and then I had to wait on the kids for their class so I figured I might as well just workout again. I feel dumb just sitting on my butt doing nothing when I could be working out. And since my late afternoon patients all canceled due to the storms I REALLY had no excuse. I even had time to go home and change, pick up the kids and drive over to the gym. Sometimes when I'm busy in the office I can't make the evening class. It starts at 5:40, but I left the office around 3:30.  So yeah....I had to workout.  I can go to as many classes as I want for the same fee. No excuse at all.

It was great except the second class during crunches my abs were BURNING. After doing 40 situps and the other stuff the day before and then 90 crunches earlier in the day, the second set of 90 was burning! And the push ups....40 traveling push ups Monday, then 20 at noon, my chest and arms were so sore that for like the first time, I switched to girl push ups for the last 5 during my 20 at the evening class. Shame....Haha. Just kidding. Considering I haven't worked out for 2 weeks before, I feel pretty good about my performance.

However.......I am super super sore today. My arms are killing me to straighten. The biceps are so sore. But, I think that has more to do with the weight lifting on Monday than TKD. Anyway, all that led to a rest day for me today. I'd planned on going to the gym, even brought my bag, but by noon it was clear I just needed to rest. If I don't rest today, class tomorrow will SUCK and I can do 2 classes tomorrow possibly if the schedule allows.

Diet has been great although I was STARVED last night at dinner after that second TKD class and I ended up eating 300 extra calories, so 1500. But, considering I burn around 600 cals+ per class, I think I was OK. My big mistake was I don't think I drank enough. I drank my 100oz water, but with the extra exercise, I should have had more. I woke up so thirsty this morning and I've been thirsty all day. Food today has been fine. I'm well within my calorie limit. Scale was up a little today, I figure that's the extra workout and water?? I'm not worried about it.

So yeah, we made it through all the storms thank goodness!  Now it's a matter of continuing one day at a time and staying focused.

Monday, April 2, 2012

One Day at a Time

Over a week since I last posted! So sorry. It's been so hectic. I really meant to post before now.  The first thing I want to say is thank you for the wonderful support during all these difficult times. Knowing you are all out there helps me so much. It helps me through the stressful times, but also keeps me motivated to get back to where I was. I still read all your blogs and they help so much also.

Alrighty......where I'm at now....

I am recovering from the emotional side of recent events. I feel like I'm getting past it. Of course grief is a funny thing and catches you at the oddest times. But things are so much better. The office is better albeit busy, but the atmosphere is so much better.There will always be stress. We just have to do the best we can with it.

On the healthy living front, I am getting back in the swing. I lost a pound last week. I wish it was more, but I'm just plain a slow loser. I'm tracking and drinking all my water. Last week I made 3 TKD classes. It was hard getting back into it, but I refuse to quit. No matter what. I just love it too much. On top of the classes I worked out on the stationary bike and with weights 3 other days. I got up in the morning early to workout and I remembered how much I love doing that.

Of course it wasn't enough to motivate me to get out of bed early this morning. But, on the fair side, I knew I was meeting with my trainer today. He kicked my butt. I can't do much before meeting with him. I did 35min on the elliptical before our session for cardio. This is the first time I've trained with him since the end of January, before my surgery. I remembered today how much I love being pushed. I love the feeling of accomplishment after completing one of those really hard workouts.

I also realized I've definitely lost some strength. I can't do as many pushups as before. I only did 40 traveling push ups today(2 sets of 20) and they were hard. HARD. I'll be sore tomorrow. I did 40 situps. I did 48 step ups on the big step. Lots of biceps curls and chest presses and shoulder presses, butterflies and other stuff. I also did 60 leg raises on the Roman Chair. Speaking of the Roman chair...I think sounds like something kinky. They should change the name to "Evil Torture Hang Yourself Chair". I worked hard and I burned almost 800calories. Here's the nasty sweaty pics as proof.

Food has been great during the week and the weekends still pose a problem although I did better than the last few weeks. I have a tendency not to track and I think it's because I'm always so busy I have a tendency to not workout. When I don't workout, I'm less focused on my diet. Less focus=bad.

Like I said I'm down a pound. I'm still up from where I was and I am determined to get back under 200. Maybe that's why I'm not blogging? I know I'm frustrated with my weight. But I know there's more to this than the scale. My physical fitness is still 100 times better than it was. The surgery helped and my regular exercise has kept it that way. Even with the hard workout today I was not winded even once. Sure it was hard and I pushed myself, but it was so nice to be able to breathe!

I still can't seem to get it together to run and it's something I want to do. Not because I can't run, but because I can't seem to get it in the schedule. My treadmill is on the fritz. I'm trying to convince my husband I need a new one. I cannot run outside because I have the kids in the mornings by myself. I'll figure it out. I really think it's something I like and want to do.

My daughter (the youngest) is hopefully testing for a blue belt this weekend so that will mean some extra practice for all of us.  I generally don't count practice as a workout, but the more I move the better. Fitbit says I've got 8327steps so far today.

I'm really trying not to focus on where I am and where I was and where I want to be. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the big picture. Right now I'm focusing on one good day at a time. Tracking, eating right, drinking water and exercise. String together a bunch of good days and I know I'll get my goals met. Do you have that trouble, too?  Here's hoping today is a good day for you also.  I'm going to plan to be back tomorrow. Blogging regularly makes those good days pile up faster, right?

Progress to TouchDown and GOALLLL!!